


Sunshine at the End of the Tunnel

by LightningMcMiche



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 2020 without Corona, A Privé sweatshirt which might as well be a character, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Are Haechan and Donghyuck the same?, Fluff, Happy Ending, Jeno is in 127 and Dream, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan Is The Sun, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan is a Little Shit, Lots of Travelling, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT) Needs a Hug, Mark Lee (NCT) is Whipped, Mark isn't a part of NCT, Suicide Attempt but not really, he's also confused, university student!mark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:14:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 91,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27101773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LightningMcMiche/pseuds/LightningMcMiche
Summary: When Mark looks back at the boy, he finds the other staring at him with a sort of glazed admiration. Mark feels the way his own cheeks heat, and he’s quick to look back down, “What?”The boy clears his throat, and when Mark steals a glance at him, he doesn’t look even a little flustered or embarrassed at being caught, “For someone who I just caught impulsively diving in the ocean, those are some pretty wise words.”-Mark's just your everyday average university student: stuck in a course he hates, wishing to make his real passion his career, with parents who refuse to listen.No one told him that the boy he met on the beach was going to change all of that (or that he was going to make things a lot more complicated). Donghyuck, in all his heroic glory, should have come with a warning sign, not a Privé sweatshirt.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 215
Kudos: 321





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guyssss!
> 
> It's been a while (a whole year, I'm starting to think this is becoming a habit pls) and well NCT 2020 really hit me like a punch to the gut so here ya go, I tried something. I love Markhyuck, that's the tweet!!
> 
> I hope you like it ^o^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Impulsive suicide attempt
> 
> This chap addresses something I've heard and had to experience through a distant family friend who did this and actually ended up losing their life. People who attempt impulsive suicides have a very strong emotional state when they attempt what they do, and it is at this time that they need someone especially to stop it from happening because it's literally on a passing impulse that they feel the need to do it. It's the sort of impulsive thought that makes you think something like 'I should just quit my job' randomly but obviously much, much stronger. I've written this knowing exactly the depth of it, and despite how Mark reacts afterwards, nowhere is this meant to be taken lightly nor is it a subject meant to be brushed off.

_‘I’m so sick of this,’_ Mark thinks. _‘I’m so fucking sick of this.’_

He thinks of endless nights; he thinks of pouring over textbooks that held equations he didn’t understand; he thinks of assignments he has no motivation to do; he thinks of examinations that he might as well have failed. 

He thinks of a dead - of a killed - passion. 

Mark’s interest in science had started when he was eight. His brother, Jacob, had demanded a camping trip under the stars, and parents had taken Mark along with them on what would be his first overnight space observation trip. His brother had also been fascinated with space growing up, and Mark largely blamed his foundation years being spent reading astronomy books on the elder boy, who had gifted him them every Christmas. 

He had always been a friendly and likeable child, but he was fairly shy. He struggled to make friends easily, and whilst all of his classmates played at the park during recess, Mark often sat by himself under a tree to read. At the age of ten, Mark found himself writing silly science fiction stories about aliens and (even though the memories embarrassed him now, one of his earliest stories was still hung up on the fridge, in all its messy handwritten glory) his wallflower tendencies stuck to him like glue even as he got older. He had a grand total of one best friend since kindergarten, and that’s how it stayed for his entire childhood. 

Eventually his love for space expanded into an interest in physics as a whole, and pretty early on, he’d known that he’d wanted to become a scientist - a _physicist_ , he’d announced proudly, some six-seven years ago. 

Hell, he’d known so surely that by his sophomore year of high school, his parents were already planning it out with him. A degree in engineering physics, they’d compromised on, because it was close to what Mark had wanted to do (physics) but had better career prospects. 

And then his father had pushed for Mark to join his alma mater, all the way back in the motherland of South Korea. It had shocked Mark, but the boy couldn’t deny that he had always wanted to go back since that one time they’d visited when he was twelve. Jacob had never been quite as keen on travelling to South Korea as much as Mark had been, and so Jacob had pursued his medical degree right back at home in Canada. Mark agreed to apply in Korea too, if only because he wanted to go back and experience it. 

By his final year in high school, Mark had eased into the idea of engineering - and whilst he was struggling more than he liked to maintain his grades, whilst managing all of his co-curriculars from the environmental club to the mathletes to being an actual basketball athlete (for a shining CV, because you were worth _nothing_ without it). The only one he was truly enjoying at that point was the Creative Writing club, if only because it gave him a reprieve from all the frantic rush that was his final year in school. 

But it all came to fruition when he got accepted into Seoul National University. Almost more than half a year after his graduation, he was on a flight to start a new part of his life in Seoul, leaving behind his best friend and family. 

Which leads him to now - almost two years later and halfway through his degree, clutching a minor test paper in his hands with barely passing marks and feeling like shit. 

He doesn’t know where it all went wrong, when the subject he liked so much started getting harder and more burdensome on his shoulders, when he started to dread the very topics that brought joy to him, when his passion ran out of steam. 

Maybe it was last year, when at the end of his first year, Mark had exactly gotten the _minimum_ marks required to pass his math course (a stunning 30% and it had been enough to gut him), or maybe it had been that night before his electronics final exam and the nerves had been enough to make him panic so bad he barely could barely recall what he had studied as he was revising. Maybe it had been in the classroom, feeling disassociated with everything he was studying and hating it. He had been spending more and more time writing - poetry, short-stories, anything because it kept him relaxed over everything else - but he wouldn’t pay attention in class anymore. 

Or maybe it had been in his final year of high school, when applying for colleges had felt a little suffocating and he was beginning to lose interest in physics anyway, but he didn’t see a choice otherwise.

His grades had obviously taken a dip and this - this wasn’t him. It had never been him. He finds himself stuck in a battle between sinking under the weight of the pressure he puts himself under to outperform and do well, to try to reignite a spark of interest in the major he’s taken up, against this constant desire to quit everything. 

He wonders if this was what it meant to feel burnt out, wondering if all he wanted was an escape. And when he looks at his writing journals, he wonders if he fixated on physics far too soon.

* * *

He hits rock bottom a week before winter break starts. 

It’s a fairly major test - maybe twenty percent of their grade relies on this one - and he’s barely managed to scrape a passing mark when it had supposedly been an easy test. Which Mark had found inexplicably difficult, as he seemed to be everyday now. 

He’s maintained something of an average score for his other subjects, but the worst is the one he’s nearly failing. Even when his batch leaves the lecture hall and one of his batchmates invites him out for drinks because of everyone’s stellar performance, Mark still manages to hold a friendly smile as he gives in.

But that evening, he finds himself running away from the table when they all discuss their results and the finals in February, as well as future plans. He needs to escape, crawl into his bed and stay there for the rest of his life.

He’s being suffocated alive here, and he doesn’t know how to tell his parents when this had been his choice in the first place, when it was about a subject that everyone knew he loved. He wouldn’t have believed it himself, if someone would have told him this would happen.

He avoids his family in shame, claiming he can’t come home for Christmas on account of some workshop he’s attending and wanting peace and quiet of the library whilst most students had gone home. He’s lucky to be living in a flat off-campus, and no one is around to see or hear him cry himself to sleep every night. 

Christmas passes with the guilt eating him alive as his parents open their presents over a video-call, and then - and then Mark receives his brother’s present in the mail.

It’s a rectangular package, pretty thick, but he doesn’t even need to open it to know exactly what it is. When the paper is torn away, the customary science book - this year’s is on Quantum Mechanics - falls in his laps, and Mark sobs because all he can think about is how much he regrets. 

Two days before new year’s eve, Mark abandons his electrodynamics assignment on his desk (really, who cares about what Gauss’ theorem is and what the _fuck_ a line integral was), frustated and feeling like more and more like absolute crap for every moment longer he stayed in the apartment. 

And so he does the only thing he can think of. 

He grabs all of the cash he’s saved up from his part-time job at the library, and leaves. 

He’s going to Jeju - the one place in South Korea that he visited all those years ago and made him feel at home, even when home had always been Vancouver.

* * *

It’s close to two in the morning when he arrives at the beach. 

It’s deserted so late in the night, and he can barely see the horizon under the cloudy sky. The wind is sharp against his cheeks, and he burrows deeper into his coat as he stares at the waves rolling onto the beach. Jeju has a special sort of magic in the air, calm in the way that it soothes an ache deep in Mark’s chest, until it feels tamer. It heals something that had scarred deep within him, and he wonders if it's from the rush of having abandoned everything to make this trip, a sort of liveliness he hasn’t felt since he’d been on the flight to come to Korea in the first place. 

In the silence, it is easy to get lost in the mysticism, in the way the moon peeks from behind the dark clouds to shimmer across obsidian waters. The waves call to him, a siren song to his soul, and he is tempted, when he knows that when the sun rises the illusion will shatter, and he will have to return to his life, that his escape is temporary. (And he dreads going back, to a life he hates, to a life he feels trapped in and cannot escape.)

Oh, the temptation is so strong and he is weak, waiting for a reason to surrender, and he’s moving before he even realises, abandoning his coat amongst the dry sand on the shore. It’s only really when his feet dip into the freezing water, he recognises what he’s about to do. He’s lost his mind maybe, but he doesn’t spare another thought to it, when he sees how far the sea expands beyond his vision and offers him that escape he longs for. He walks further into the water, like he wishes to be accepted into its depths. 

The water tickles his feet, caresses along his ankles, and then pushes against his knees, and then pulls him in by the waist as the tide recedes. The sand presses deep below his toes and submits to the weight of his heels, so unlike the strength of the waters shoving him around. The wind nips harder at the skin on his arms but it’s distant in his mind. His clothes are soaked through, getting heavier, but he pushes forward until half of his chest has submerged. It’s freezing, nerves numbing, but there’s a rush in his veins, like there’s a goal to this - and there is, he knows. An answer in the depths of the sea. 

He can taste the sea salt in the air, and he loses balance in the movement of the tide, submerging under. For a moment, it’s like he’s floating and it sends a sharp thrill to be hovering in the water, the same way it sends a sharp fear prickle along his skin. He will die here tonight, he knows, and he wonders if he has thought about this enough, if this is the escape he truly wants - 

And this his feet touch the floor again, grounding him more firmly this time. His shirt is soaked through, hair dripping salt into his eyes and mouth, and he coughs, inhaling deeply. 

He continues walking reflexively, getting two steps further away from shore, and never turning around. He’s about to take another when an arm grabs him around the waist, just as a wave is about to knock Mark over again possibly, and yanks him backwards. 

Seawater floods Mark’s mouth as they both get shoved back towards the shore by the wave, making the person’s job easier in dragging Mark back. Mark never fights him, only stumbles, even when the boy - he realises - grips his arms tightly to the point they hurt, only to bring him back. 

Back on the beach, Mark collapses, and the boy falls down next to him, exhausted. There’s a moment of heavy breathing on both their parts, and then the boy snaps up, grabbing Mark by front of his shirt as he hovers over him.

“What the _fuck._ ” He says, like he can’t quite believe what’s just happened, like he’s raced against time and won, chest heaving a little - and then the concern washes in. Mark can’t quite see his face, hidden by the dark strands of the boy’s hair, and face blocking the moonlight in shadows. “Fuck, are you okay?”

Mark sinks backwards into the sand, eyes slipping shut, “Yes.”

More than okay even. A little numb, a little exhilarated, but definitely more than okay.

“Stay awake,” The boy pats his cheeks repeatedly, alarmed. “You can’t go to sleep, oh my god, I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m fine,” Mark lightly pushes the boy’s hands away. “I’m fine. Relax - ”

“Relax?” The boy echoes, incredulous. “Did you just tell me to - did you not just try to _drown?!”_

“Well - ” Mark starts, only to exhale tiredly without opening his eyes. “It’s a little complicated.”

"Oh my god, I just stopped you from drowning. Oh my god, I just saved your _life_ , what the hell," He sounds slightly hysterical, as thought the weight of his actions were highly occurring to him. "Oh my god, do you even _know_ what would have happened to you just now?!"

"Yes…?"

"Yes?" He repeats. "Then were you trying to drown?!"

"No?" Mark tries.

"Then why the heck would you walk deeper into the water?!" He practically screeches. “That’s not how you try not to drown!”

Mark feels defensive for altogether no reason, "I told you it was a little complicated!"

“A little complicated, my _ass_ ,” Mark hears the boy grumble, moving away from where Mark’s lying down. Mark peers one eye open to blear up at the boy, who has straightened up at this point, sitting back on his heels. When he sees Mark looking at him sneakily, he offers a grudging raise of his eyebrows, “Hi there.”

“Hi,” Mark sits up, clearing his throat when his voice comes out rougher than expected. The boy stares at him expectantly. “Thanks for saving me.”

“...Don’t worry about it,” The boy returns, softer now that he seems to have calmed, looking all kinds of hesitant. It’s with the same uncertainty he asks, “Do you - I dunno - want to maybe talk about it? Talking helps, right?”

Mark pulls his legs in, leaning his chin on top of his knees, and takes a moment to look at the boy, now that he can see him properly. He seems around Mark’s age, and for a random boy he’s seeing on the beach, he’s something of a vision. It’s not like Mark hasn’t seen beautiful people in his university (there are always the shockingly popular and attractive people who seem to have everything going for them, and Mark doesn’t even particularly have the same inclinations towards Korean beauty standards, so his idea of attractive people is altogether different), but this boy could be on magazine covers and Mark wouldn’t be surprised. 

It’s still dark, and the boy is dressed entirely in blacks as though to blend in with the shadows, but here on the beach, the black locks of his hair shimmer just as the sea does behind him, ruffling lightly in the sea breeze. Mark can already imagine the crystals of salt decorating them the next morning, glimmering when the sun will hit them. The boy’s skin is darker than Mark’s, that much he can tell, but that’s not all that difficult when Mark knows he’s paler than snow on some days and residents of Jeju have gloriously tanned skin almost year-round.

So it’s funny that the boy’s accent sounds different from what he remembers of the people of Jeju from his memories. If anything, he sounds quite like the people Mark interacts with on a daily basis, like he’s from Seoul. And there could be many reasons for that, from him going to university on the mainland like Mark, like him not being a local, to him simply visiting the island for the holidays like Mark - but there’s hardly any need for Mark to be analyzing him like this.

Dark eyes, inky in this lighting, are waiting for his answer. They watch him with something of a mixture of badly-hidden curiosity and flighty sense of nerves, like he’s not quite sure what to make of Mark and that he should be ready to run if Mark makes even the smallest of indications of making the wrong move.

“You don’t have to sit and listen,” Mark says instead, after the silence stretches between them endlessly. “I’m not going to jump back into the ocean after you leave, if that’s what you’re worried about. That was a rather impulsive and mindless decision on my part - but you don’t need to hear my sob story for it. You have nothing to gain out of it.”

The boy narrows his eyes, like slits that make something nervous churn in Mark’s own gut, but just when Mark thinks he’s about to say something sharp, he shrugs, settling into the sand comfortably, “I have nothing to lose out of it either.”

“Okay,” Mark answers easily, because who is he to argue with the boy? The other has gone out of his way to save Mark from drowning, gone out of his way to make sure Mark was okay, and now is going out of his way to hear Mark’s sob story. The boy seems like a force to be reckoned with - Mark is going to trust that if the other wanted to, he would know where to draw limitations for himself, would tell himself when it was time to get up, pat off the dust, and disappear back into the night. Still, he can’t stop the reluctant grin on his face when he says to the boy, “I can’t guarantee this will be half as interesting as anything else you could be doing right now though.”

“I promise I’ll keep my expectations low then,” The boy retorts then, and maybe it should hurt Mark, but it’s worded so teasingly for what is actually being said, that Mark can’t help the surprised chuckle that escapes him. He can’t tell if this boy is just trying to bring his spirits up, or if he’s just unapologetically like this all the time, given how sassy he’s been from the minute he saved Mark’s ass. “So?”

And now that Mark actually has to talk about what matters, he feels a little lost for words.

“I’m tired,” Mark says simply then, because he doesn’t think there are better words for summarizing it. “Burnt out.”

The other makes a sound of understanding, a hum that has just the smallest amount of an undercurrent of bitterness that makes Mark wonder if the other truly and actually understands what Mark means. 

“In general or…” He trails off, a question unspoken. 

“Uni, specifically,” Mark admits. “Life, in general. The former the reason for the latter, I suppose.”

“I see,” His face never changes, still watching Mark with a detached sort of interest, noncommittal. It doesn’t bother Mark. 

“I’m studying engineering physics - ” The boy makes something of a pained noise and Mark can wholeheartedly relate. “ - and until a few years ago, it was all I wanted to do.”

“And now you don’t?” The other guesses, and it should make shame run through Mark’s veins, but his face is clear of any kind of judgement. 

“I hate it,” Mark finally admits aloud. “I hate it so much. It’s gotten so hard, it barely makes sense, and only after working for fifty hours more than I should have to work for it. I never feel like I’m good enough for it anymore, I’ve lost interest in it, I dread attending classes everyday, I feel like I’m being suffocated constantly. You know, I spend all my time writing poetry and stories - and I never realised before now how much writing was what I really wanted to do because I blinded myself to it with illusions of physics. I’m just doing what I am to get a degree at this point. I...”

“Why still do it then?” The boy asks after Mark falls silent. “Why not transfer to creative writing if engineering is taking your life like this?”

“After all I committed to it?” Mark scoffs. “After everything I did was geared up for this? My parents did everything they could to help me get here. And what do I tell them when it has always been my choice to come here, my desire to study this? They never made my decisions for me. I was the one who chose this - ”

“But it doesn’t need to become your grave, you know?” The boy tells him gently, but there’s a seriousness in his eyes. “Does it matter more than your life? You were ready to throw it all away just now.”

"And what about the two years I've spent doing this?" Mark asks him, not aggressively, but in exhaustion because he's asked himself this to no avail for months now. "What about the money they spent paying for my education, my bills and giving me a place to stay here?"

The boy hums, "So what's another two years huh?"

The words are particularly taunting, like the boy knows Mark is just going to be suffering through them. Mark can't even fault him because even Mark knows that the boy is right.

"There's no escape," Mark shakes his head, the reality of the matter crashing back onto his shoulders like the burden he'd tried to toss into the sea not even moments ago. 

"Or, you could talk to your parents," The boy reminds him, voice lilting like he's suggesting a crazy idea. He looks out towards the sea, shifting so he's a little closer to Mark, grabbing two jackets that he notices have been abandoned near them. The boy throws one of them to Mark, and he's surprised to see it's his own that he'd shedded a while ago. "Put it on, you look like you're freezing, jesus."

Mark slips it on gratefully, registering the shivers that were tracing his body under his wet clothes. He's suddenly acutely aware of the sand sticking to his body and grimaces. He really hadn't thought this through. 

The boy pulls on his own coat, a hand running through his hair as he pushes it off his forehead in a smooth movement. Mark looks away, not wanting to be caught staring.

“So what now?” The boy presses. 

“Hell if I know,” Mark chokes out a chuckle as he runs his fingers along the sand, tracing out his name faintly in English. “I ran here when things became too much. I’ll have to go back of course.”

“Do you really believe your parents won’t...” He quietens, like he’s not quite sure how to end the question. 

“Understand me?” Mark finishes for him. “Believe me?”

The other shrugs. 

“They would,” Mark admits. “But I’m half way through the degree - they’ll probably think it’s better for me to stay and finish it, even if I’m unhappy. Even if I wanted to, I know that two years is a lot of time to already have invested in it...my father - well, knowing him, he’ll just want me to have a degree in hand, over nothing to show for my two years.”

The boy is silent at Mark’s words, like he’s considering them.

“It’s unfair,” He says finally. 

Mark smiles, bittersweet, because he agrees but at the same time, in a way, it’s his own fault he’s in this position - at the end of the day, he has no one to blame but himself. 

“There are days when it feels like I can’t take it anymore,” Mark tells him, and then scoffs, gesturing towards the ocean in a reminder, “I mean - _clearly_.”

The boy hums, waiting for him to continue.

“But…” Mark sighs, burrowing deeper into his jacket, peering far out towards the ocean, to the horizon that he can’t see, a little like his near future. “But - I have to tolerate it, don’t I? I’ve gotten through half way, and I can keep going. There’s sunlight at the end of the tunnel, and even if writing isn’t what I’m doing right now, it’ll be what I do in the future. I won’t let anything get in the way of that. I just have to tell myself that testing times are what build our worth. All of this pain, all of this struggle, will have been worth it someday.”

When Mark looks back at the boy, he finds the other staring at him with a sort of glazed admiration. Mark feels the way his own cheeks heat, and he’s quick to look back down, “What?”

The boy clears his throat, and when Mark steals a glance at him, he doesn’t look even a little flustered or embarrassed at being caught, “For someone who I just caught impulsively diving in the ocean, those are some pretty wise words.”

“I wasn’t diving - ” Mark complains, but the boy’s lips quirk sideways in a teasing manner, eyes glowly in the moonlight as he does so. The boy must be a little imp, Mark decides, and so Mark rolls his eyes good-naturedly. “Whatever.”

“For real though,” The other closes his eyes, leaning back on his palms. Mark wonders if he isn’t feeling the chill along his skin too. “Sunlight at the end of your tunnel? Sounds pretty damn good to me.”

“Me too,” Mark agrees quietly.

“Stay positive,” The boy continues, a soft smile appearing on his lips, closed eyes crinkling into two pretty eye smiles. At this angle, moonlight bathes his face in a silvery hue, displaying a smooth side profile. Not for the first time tonight, Mark thinks he’s gorgeous. “I have faith that you’ll be able to get through this. Nothing comes easily...but your pain and struggle _will_ be worth it one day. I _know_ it will be.”

There’s something warm that settles in Mark’s gut at the words, like the feeling of knowing there’s someone out there, even if it’s a stranger, that has faith in you. Wants to hear what you have to say, is willing to give his time to support Mark like this. 

“Speaking from experience?” Mark asks instead. The _thank you_ goes unsaid as he smiles gratefully at the other boy when he opens his eyes to look at Mark in a sort of determination that rises goosebumps along Mark’s skin. 

The boy’s lips quirk in a way that holds so many secrets, on the border of revealing something but playfully stopping himself, just enough to pique Mark’s curiosity. 

“Something like that,” He answers, and it’s vague, especially given how much Mark has shared with him - but he doesn’t owe Mark his honesty. Oh, but Mark wishes this beautiful stranger would tell him anyway. “There are times that I want to give up - at the pinnacle, and still, it gets too much. But even in the darkness - there’s sunshine at the end of the tunnel, isn’t there?”

Mark doesn’t know what he’s talking about, that much is obvious, but he doesn’t get a chance to ask anyway, because the boy changes the topic with the skill of a sleight of hand, “I’ll be stealing that now, I think. It’s very cute, as well as motivational. It fits me, I think.”

“Oh?” Mark raises an eyebrow. “Feel free. It’s not as if I have copyrights on it.”

“That would be very strange.”

“Wouldn’t it?”

“But you did invent it, didn’t you?”

“Huh, not sure. Well, as long as you give me due credit then, I suppose.”

The boy laughs, even though it isn’t that funny. After a moment, he asks, “Why creative writing, though?”

“Why not?” Mark grins. “I like it, and it makes me happy. Can’t that be enough of a reason?”

“Why not indeed,” The boy smiles softly, like he completely understands. Mark spends a second observing him, making the boy raise an eyebrow, “You have questions, don’t you?”

Mark grins. “Oh, was I not being obvious enough?”

“No, not nearly enough,” He returns sassily before it settles into a mock magnanimous gesture of his hands. “Ask me the right questions and I might answer.”

“What are you doing here?” Mark questions him right off the bat, not bothering with asking him who he is. Mark himself hasn’t revealed that information; who is he to demand that from him?

“Sitting here and talking to you,” The boy flutters his eyelashes, like he knows he’s being annoying on purpose - and Mark was right. This boy is an imp.

“Uh huh,” Mark voices, just going along with it, because what else can he do, really. “I had no clue.”

“Yup, and I just got into the ocean cuz it looked so warm and inviting,” The boy adds on. 

“Oh, same though,” Mark nods, mock seriously.

“Huh, you’re a _little_ funny,” The boy points out, not at _all_ offending Mark and his sense of humour. 

Mark rolls his eyes, “Thanks, you too.”

“Ay, I’m one of the funniest people you’ll ever have the pleasure of meeting,” The boy argues and Mark just deadpans, “Sure.”

“I am!” 

“Okay, I believe you,” Mark raises his arms in surrender. 

The boy scoffs, eyeing him suspiciously, but there’s something telling Mark this is all just an act, “Wow, I can’t believe this is happening to me right now. What happened to gratitude, huh? And now you doubt my sense of humour? I can’t believe a foreigner is saying this to me - ”

That catches Mark’s attention, head snapping up, “How’d you know that?”

“Was that supposed to be a secret?” The boy stares back flatly, sounding a little amused. “First of all, you were literally writing in English on the sand, and two, your Korean is terrible.”

“Hey,” Mark pouts at the jab, but he knows the boy is right. He might’ve been brought up speaking the English, and spent two years in Korea, but he’s still working on his Korean. “I’ve gotten better you know.”

“Where are you actually from?” The boy’s eyes twinkle. 

“Why should I tell you?” Mark grumbles, childish.

“Cute,” The boy comments, leaning forward like he’s about to pinch Mark’s cheeks before he restrains himself. Mark prays the darkness hides the pink in his cheeks. And then the boy reveals instantly with a grin, “I was born in Seoul, but brought up in Jeju for a large part of my life until I moved back to Seoul.”

“Oh, that’s cool,” Mark’s prediction had been right then. Or really, the truth was a mix of his guesses. Whatever, he was close. “I’m Canadian, born in Toronto and brought up in Vancouver. Until I came here, that is.”

“I can tell, Canada,” He winks, successfully flustering Mark for more than one reason. 

“That’s not fair, Jeju is a terrible nickname,” Mark argues. “I can’t call you that.”

“Aw, that’s too bad, huh?” The boy teases. “And what do you think about it all? Seoul?”

“Seoul is…” Mark pauses. “It’s great - free? I love it here, for the most part. Everyone is kind, or at least, everyone I know, anyhow.”

“Nice to know you have good friends, then.”

“Well yeah,” Mark shrugs. “When I got here, I was totally lost. Even though I was brought up by Korean parents, I was really out of touch with a bunch of cultural things, so it was kinda a shock.”

“I can imagine,” The boy shakes his head. “Did you grow up watching Korean movies? Listening to Kpop?”

“Of course I did,” Mark confirms. “But I mean - I never paid it a lot of attention. Movies, dramas, just what my mom watched. Kpop too, really.”

The boy looked a tad disappointed, “Even now that you’re in Korea?”

“Hey, I like kpop okay?” Mark defended. “I listen to it occasionally. I love EXO, for one.”

“Taste,” The boy approves. “What else?”

“Uh,” Mark hesitates, and the boy snorts. “Ateez?”

The boy hums, “What about NCT?”

“...I know Taeyong?” Mark offers with a sheepish rub to the back of his neck. The boy rolls his eyes like he’s used to hearing this, but grins nevertheless. “Sorry, are you a...what’s it called....an NCTzen?”

“Sure,” The boy’s lips quirk. 

“Sorry,” Mark grimaces. “My best friend back home _loves_ the band, and I like their music well enough that I bop to it in the car and my friend is always playing it back home, but I don’t like, stan them or anything.”

“You like their music though?” 

“Yup,” Mark agrees. “At least, whatever I’ve heard - which now that I think about it, is a _lot._ Dude, Limitless is the jam of the century and I will take no criticism.”

“It’s like their most hated song though,” The boy sniggers. 

“Tasteless people,” Mark raises his eyebrows challengingly. “You cannot convince me Limitless isn’t a national treasure, please.”

“Alright, alright,” The boy relents. “Gotta admit, I didn’t expect that.”

“So they're your favourite group or something?” Mark peers at him. The boy coughs, “Nah, that’s EXO. NCT’s got a long way to go before they can be my favourite _anything_. But...I like their music, yes.”

“You seem pretty passionate about it.”

“Eh, Michael Jackson’s is better.”

Mark stares at him. The boy stares back. 

“What?”

“Michael Jackson is a king,” The boy shrugs, unbothered. Mark just goes with it. 

“Seriously though,” Mark eyes him. “What _are_ you doing here? In the middle of the night?”

“Just taking a walk,” The boy caves. “It helps to clear my head, this late. And there’s no one around at this time, _usually_ , so that helps.”

“Sorry to have gotten in your way then,” Mark says, half genuine, half humorous. 

He waves it off, “It was terrifying, not going to lie, but...it’s - yeah, I mean, I did something different for the first time since I got here four weeks ago.”

“Winter break?” Mark guesses, and the boy smiles like that thought amuses him. 

“Nah,” The boy shakes his head, before he tilts it in consideration. “Well, actually, yes, but I twisted my leg during practice and so I was banished home for rest and healing.”

“Sounds good to me,” Mark snorts. 

“Don’t get me wrong, I missed everyone at home, but - yeah. I don’t like missing out on things.”

“You said you fell during practice?” Mark looks down at the boy’s legs, which seem to be in pretty good condition. “What happened?”

“I got a little too enthusiastic,” The boy answers sheepishly. “I should have been more careful, but I slipped and twisted my leg badly enough to be put on bedrest for a while.”

“Shit, are you okay now?” Mark winces. From back when he’d play basketball on the school’s team, Mark knows how bad an injury can put someone out of their game. 

“For the most part, don’t worry.”

“I just - yeah, you’re hurt and you had to save me,” Mark frowns. “I hope that didn’t aggravate the injury.”

“And if it did?”

“Well then, I owe you,” Mark says firmly. 

The boy laughs loudly, echoing across the empty beach. He really does fit in with the aesthetic. Mark’s sure he looks like a wet cat, whilst this boy here is looking like he’s fit to do a late-night photoshoot. Life is truly unfair sometimes. 

“Don’t worry about it, Canada,” He smirks. “Just stay alive.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Mark lays back down in the sand. His clothes are already ruined; in other words, what has he got to lose? “So you’re on a sports team, then?”

“Nah,” The boy snorts like the idea of him being on a sports team is ridiculous. “I’m a...dancer.”

And that’s oddly fitting, Mark thinks, but he doesn’t know why he thinks that.

“Huh,” Mark voices. “Makes sense.”

“Does it now?” It sounds like the other is mocking him, and it’s enough to ruffle Mark’s feathers in defense. 

“Shut up,” He pouts again. 

“You’re very interesting, Canada,” The boy says brightly, still bordering on teasing. “Very cute too.”

Mark suddenly wants to jump into the ocean again, face flooding scarlet. “Oh my god, shut up.” 

“Are you feeling better now?” The change in the boy’s tone is like a whiplash with how he goes from teasing to soft in less than a second. 

“Much,” Mark tells him, and he’s being honest. It’s the lightest he’s felt in months, and he’s well aware this is a conversation with a stranger - Mark barely knows anything about him, and he doesn’t know how much of this is a simple illusion. Still, he feels like his head is clearer than it has been in a while.

He still might not know what to do, how to proceed from here, but it feels better about where he stands at the moment. He’ll take it easy - one step at a time, and get through this tunnel of darkness too. He might even talk to his parents.

“I’m glad,” The boy exhales. “I’m not always the best at comforting people.”

“Just you sitting and listening to me means a lot,” Mark admits, flushing red immediately after. “I mean - uh - ”

“I get it, Canada,” The boy smiles gently. 

“Yeah,” Mark replies awkwardly before he sighs, straightening. “Seriously though. Thank you for being here. And for saving my life.”

“All in a day’s work,” He brushes it off. “How are you getting home now, looking like that?”

“I’ll take a shower in the changing rooms over there,” Mark points to where the beach ends, transforming back into the city. There’s a building, he knows, that lets people who visit the beach rent a locker amongst other things. “Wash off all of this, and wait until it dries.”

“Are you sure?” The boy looks uncertain about leaving Mark here like this, but they both know that suggesting anything else is completely out of the equation. They’re strangers, after all. “My home is nearby - ”

“You don’t have to worry,” Mark reassures him. “I’ll be fine. I’ll clean up and then get ready to go back to Seoul.”

The boy sighs, like he’s not all that happy with Mark’s plan, and then suddenly he’s pulling something out of a bag Mark hadn’t noticed was lying nearby. Something of the shape of a sweatshirt is passed in his direction. 

“Put this on after your shower at least,” The boy insists. “You can dust off the coat, it’s not that dirty, so you’ll at least have two warm layers to wear while your shirt and pants dry. I can’t help you with the rest.”

“I can’t take this,” Mark’s eyes widened, carefully handling the soft and warm bundle in his hands. “This is - this is yours!”

“Yes, that’s why I’m saying you can keep it,” The boy repeats. “I carry that as a spare for when I sweat too much during my walks - so it’s clean. Take it. You need it more than I do. I can just walk home like this and take a hot shower. Are you sure you don’t want to - ?”

“No,” Mark cuts him off. “I already appreciate you doing all this so...”

“If you’re sure,” The boy stands, dusting off his pants. To be fair, Mark can feel his shirt already having dried out for the most part, although his pants are a mess. The boy makes to walk away, before stopping in his movements. “I’m - I’m Donghyuck. And...for what it’s worth...I hope you stay happy, and end up doing what you love. Find that sunshine at the end of the tunnel.”

“Thank you, Donghyuck,” Mark’s heart warms, and is mildly blinded by the force of Donghyuck’s smile. “I hope that you get better quickly, and go back to doing what you love.”

He nods, about to turn around and walk away, when Mark calls out, “Oh and Donghyuck!”

Donghyuck pauses again and raises an eyebrow.

“My name’s Mark,” He tells him, a little shy, a little determined. Donghyuck’s eyes soften instantly, “It was a pleasure to meet you, Mark.”

“You too.”

“I should get going,” Donghyuck says after a beat, and it feels like neither of them really wants to move, wants to burst this bubble of familiarity they’ve found themselves in, but - there’s no real reason to stay either. It’s strange that they even want to. So Mark nods, giving him a farewell. “I’ll see you around, Canada.”

And it’s not true, because at the end of the day, they’re still strangers and hardly know a thing about each other (is that true though, in Mark’s case?) and they’ll never see each other again given how much of a coincidence this whole thing was, and so Donghyuck’s final words will _never_ be true - but a small traitorous part of Mark wishes they were anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okayyy so that happened...
> 
> Please leave a kudos and a comment letting me know what you think!
> 
> As a side note, I hope that if anyone is going through what Mark is, that they please talk to someone. Not knowing what you want to do in life is as okay as realising that what you are doing might not be what really want to do either. Please don't let it fester and talk to someone about it. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Lots of love,  
> Miche xx


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii!
> 
> Thank you to everyone that's been leaving love on this fic, it's become something of a baby to me. Hope you enjoy this next chapter just as much!

The talk with Donghyuck left Mark with an equal amount of confidence and fear, oddly enough. It was a given, seeing as how no one can exactly change in the blink of an eye, just as all of his doubts and worries would not wash away with a dip in the ocean and a chat with a stranger. Moreover, he knows he needs to actually sit and think about the psychological implications that jump in the ocean meant - but he's spent the entire return journey thinking about it, and he's come to the conclusion that it had been impulsive, a desperate attempt at an escape, and that he was lucky Donghyuck had stopped him when he did. He might not be happy with his life, but there were still things he wanted to achieve and do someday, like he'd told Donghyuck. 

He doesn't mention the incident to anyone else once he gets back. New Year’s passes with a few classmates dragging him to some party, and when the clock strikes twelve, he exchanges kisses on the cheek with his friend Mina. Classes resume a week after New Year’s Eve, and Mark still detests his classes, but there’s a knot sitting in his chest that tells him it’s time to admit to his parents that he’s done with this all. 

Clearly, he overestimated himself. 

Mark is nothing if not an escapist and avoidant behavior is entirely on-brand for him, so he finds himself pushing thoughts of the Discussion™ out of his mind as much as possible, delaying it further and further, until February has arrived along with the announcing of the year end examinations. But the thought of it creeps in the back of his mind despite his best efforts to evade it. He knows he has to have the conversation, even if it’s fruitless. Mark wants to end this academic year on a high anyway, so he resolves that he’s going to try his best to do well in his exams.

And then will come the talk with his parents: when he goes back to Canada for holidays. (It’s a discussion that needs to happen face-to-face anyhow.)

The night before one of his major exams, Mark nearly has a mental breakdown and his first instinct is to grab a particular article of clothing that has been hung neatly in his closet for over a month now: the black sweatshirt with the pretty cloud patterns he’d gotten from Donghyuck to keep.

Mark has...never actually used it again. 

After he returned to Seoul, he’d taken the liberty to wash it, when he noticed the inside tag. The sweatshirt was a genuine clothing from the Privé Alliance brand, which had been shocking enough, and with a quick search he had discovered that the sweatshirt cost more than Mark’s whole life. 

Donghyuck was a fool for having just given it to him like that, especially considering its price. He had to be rich to afford it and since he had claimed he wore it after jogging, but even then it was a little astonishing that the boy had just _given_ it to Mark, no matter who strange the circumstance. 

So wearing something that expensive, for free, made Mark feel weird, and a little bit like a thief.

But that evening, in the middle of a breakdown, the sweatshirt brings up a memory that Mark can’t help but look back fondly on. Before he knows it, he’s calming down, relaxing in the softness of the material as he slips it down his shoulders and torso. 

Maybe Mark is clinging a little too much to the thought of Donghyuck, of a boy he will never see again and his pretty smile, to the confidence with which he’d believed in Mark - but for now, at least, Mark will find comfort in it. 

* * *

Mark barely registers the days of February that pass by him, caught up in finals week, and Valentine’s day is just a big blur. He knows Mina has finally agreed to go on a date with some girl (after having broken up with her asshole of an ex-boyfriend over three months ago). Unfortunately, according to Mina, the date had been something of a misadventure despite the girl being a sweetheart. 

Mark and Serim, on the other hand, are too busy to even think about Valentine’s, both stuck with two engineering tests left. Mark (their token gay) doesn’t care, but Serim (their token straight) cries at his missed opportunity to ask his crush out. Mina had been fortunate to have finished two days ago, being that out of their trio, she was the only communication major. 

The end of year exams are excruciating, but pass quickly enough in the form of small mercies. He does, indeed, do better than expected - not nearly close to as well as he used to do, but he’s satisfied with what he has right now, even if it is average.

 _'Small steps along the tunnel,'_ he tells himself. _'_ _And I’ll get closer to the sunshine.'_

All the while, Mark’s been something of a terrible friend. He hasn’t ever been the type to spill his guts to anyone; no, he’s always been rather private, whether it be with friends or family. But he’s planning on quitting university, it might be the last time he sees them, and he hasn’t thought to mention this to them. He _knows_ they’ve picked up on the fact that he’s miserable, as if his constant grumbling, exhaustion, exasperation at his course and life, and general, grouchy cat-like behaviour hasn’t been enough to give away how he’s really feeling. 

Apparently, it seems that whilst Mark may not say every word that’s locked away in his mind, reading him turns out to be pretty simple if someone knows what to look for. 

He packs everything necessary - it’s not a huge issue, he can leave everything here and it wouldn’t be an issue. This flat is owned by his parents after all - anyone can come back and get whatever’s been kept behind. Besides, he hasn’t even dropped the bomb yet; for all they know, he’s coming back here at the end of March for the next academic year.

The morning of his flight, he bids his two closest friends a ‘bye for now’ before he leaves, because he will miss them and that’s a fact. They both are the only reason the last two years hadn’t been complete hell for him. 

Landing in Canada feels a little strange after he’d gotten used to South Korea, but nothing’s changed really. He hasn’t been home since he left for his second year, and it’s not any different since. Except maybe the sign on the board directing travelers towards the mall. 

Canada is beautiful all year round. Vancouver, particularly, has Mark’s favourite kind of weather. It’s never _too_ frigid, never too burning. A goldilocks frame of mind, really. This late in February, winter is still skulking its way into spring, and it paints periwinkle tones across the sky, offset by golden rays glimmering past them. 

His parents are waiting for him at the airport, excited grins on their faces as they take in his appearance. 

“Minhyung-ah!” His mother instantly pulls him into a hug, kissing his forehead, and his father claps him on the back. “Welcome back!”

“Thanks,” He grins genuinely, glad to be back. But his brother is obviously missing, and Mark asks, “Where’s Jake hyung?”

“Jinhyung’s back at home,” His father informs. Then his parents exchange a pointed look Mark doesn’t trust. He’s seen this look before; they’re clearly hiding something from him. “He’s got a surprise.”

Mark quirks an eyebrow up, “What’s the occasion?”

“You’ll see,” His mother claps her hands together, but the grin that spreads across her lips reveals her excitement. If he’s really honest, he gets his transparency from his mother. 

“Okay,” He answers, equal parts intrigued and suspicious. “Whatever you say.” 

The drive home isn’t awkward and Mark figures he’ll wait a day or two before he sits them down to have the Discussion™. 

“Kevin will be excited to see you,” His mom says as they’re getting closer to their home. “He called the other day, asking when your flight was, so expect him over later today.”

“Cool,” Mark laughs. It’s been a while since he’s seen his best friend, both of them having been too busy to video call. Kevin is a year older, doing an art degree in Vancouver itself, so it’s hard to find a time that suits them both. They’d been friends since they’d been in diapers, however, since their moms had been friends and that was that. “It’s been a minute.”

Whilst Mark’s dad parks the car, Mark and his mom take his luggage up the driveway and to the entrance. Before Mark can ring the doorbell, the door slams open and Mark is squashed into the most bulldozer-like hug he’s experienced in the twenty years of his short life. 

“Hyung, you’re kinda killing me here,” Mark manages to choke out, snickering at the way his brother immediately drops him with a ‘whoops’. 

“How have you been, champ?” His brother tosses one arm over his shoulders, a few inches taller than Mark. 

“I’m good,” Mark eyes him. “What’s with you though?”

“I've got a surprise,” His brother, honest to god, lights up. It’s a little disconcerting, given that the last time Mark had seen him, in his final year of medical school. “I can’t wait to tell you!”

“Then tell me - ?” Mark begins to say, only for his arm to be tugged, and then he’s flying behind his brother to the living room. 

The door to the living room is pulled open, and in the center of the room, stands Samantha Park, more commonly known as Sammy or Sangmi to Mark and his family, Jinhyung’s girlfriend for eternity (or something closer to ten years, Mark doesn’t quite recall).

Mark blinks at this brother, “Hyung...you know I know Sangmi noona, don’t you? How is this a surprise?”

Jinhyung just shakes his head, going to stand next to her and wrapping his arms around her, tugging her close to him, “No, Mark, Sammy and I...we’re getting married.”

For a moment, it’s silent, and Mark’s still processing whether he actually heard those words or if he imagined them.

“Mark?” Sangmi tries and it registers that this is real.

“Wait, what?!” Mark exclaims in a delayed but genuine reaction, but it’s just the excitement talking really. “Wait, seriously?”

They both nod, and Mark feels his parents come to stand behind him, but that hardly matters. His _brother_ is getting married. His brother is getting _married._

“Oh my god!” He exclaims again, but he’s super happy for them, so he runs over, pulling them into a hug. 

Honestly, it was a long time coming. Mark had always known his brother was head over heels for his best friend for years. Still, he couldn’t say it wasn’t a little surprising that it was so soon. Sure, Jinhyung had moved out years ago, when medical school had started for him, but his brother was only four years older than him. He’d be turning twenty-five this year...but Mark supposed that if you knew, then you just knew. 

He was genuinely happy for them. 

He pulls away from them, glaring at both of them, “Why didn’t anyone tell me, what the heck!”

“And miss seeing your reaction?” Sangmi pinches his cheek. “You’re such a cutie pie.”

“Noona,” Mark whines, but this is what their relationship has always been like. 

“Well, he took that well,” His father pops up from behind him somewhere, and Mark snorts at the implication, “What, did you think I was gonna throw a fit?”

“Well, no,” His father admits. “You did used to have a crush on Sangmi - ”

“First of all, I was like _five_ ,” Mark complains and is interrupted by Sangmi going ‘aww’ whilst his family breaks out in snickers. “- and it lasted like two days, it wasn’t even a crush - guys, I’m literally gay, this conversation is so dumb. If anything, hyung doesn’t deserve noona.”

“Mark,” His brother clears his throat amongst the laughter. “I was wondering...would you be my best man?”

“Wait, are you serious right now?” Mark freezes, a chaotic swirl of emotions washing over him, from happiness, to feeling honoured, to feeling ready to puke because of nerves, oh there are his fingers numbing, great - “I mean, don’t you think I could mess it up or - ”

“Mark, there’s no one else I’d trust with this,” His brother grips his shoulder gently, and over his shoulder, he can see Sangmi grinning, as well as his mother not so discreetly wiping away a tear. “You’re my brother. Of course it’s gotta be you.”

Mark swallows, tells himself it’s gonna be fine. He can do this. He won’t mess this up, no sir. 

“Of course,” Mark slams his brother into another hug. “Of course, hyung, I’ll do it for you.”

* * *

It later sinks in that as the festive atmosphere increases, Mark’s window for the Discussion™ is getting narrower. The wedding’s been planned for May, which only leaves them with two months to plan. Luckily, his brother had been smart enough to ask Sangmi to marry him at New Year’s, so they’ve already got quite a big chunk hashed out. But with such bright smiles on everyone’s face, Mark’s finding it harder and harder to maintain one on his own, for purely personal reasons. He’s obviously distracted, and it only takes a few days for Kevin to figure it out. 

“What’s up with you Mark?” He asks him casually from where he’s sat at Mark’s desk and drawing something. “You’ve been all spacy.”

It doesn’t require much probing on Kevin’s part for Mark to spill the truth. Kevin’s been the only exception to his don’t-tell-others-things rules, and it goes both ways. It’d be like a betrayal if he lied now. He doesn’t tell Kevin about his impulsive trip to Jeju, not wanting the other to think he’s suicidal - because Mark likes to think that one time was an isolated event and that he’s really not. He’s not suicidal, no, he’s just suffocating in between four walls.

By the end of Mark’s spiel, Kevin has a deep-set frown, like he can’t quite believe what he’s hearing but at the same time expects it. Mark doesn’t quite know what to do with that.

Kevin gets up from his seat, sitting down next to Mark on the bed and then pulls him into a tight hug. For the first time in a long time, Mark feels like relieved, the tension flooding out of his muscles as he allows himself to cry, so tired of trying to be strong. A few minutes pass like this in silence, sniffles echoing in the room and Kevin rubbing his back in comfort. It's only when Mark has stopped crying that Kevin pulls away from the hug. He grabs a glass of water, settling back down next to Mark.

“I want to say it’s going to be easy for you to just give it up, Mark,” Kevin says eventually. “But knowing your parents, they’ll worry about the lost time and money, right?”

Mark burrows his head in his arms. “God, I know. It’s why I didn’t say anything.”

“But I think you should tell them anyway,” Kevin presses, realistic as always. “If you plan on changing streams after this degree - then you need to tell them Mark. Hell, you should ideally tell them you want to drop this course anyway. There’s no point in wasting another two years in this if it’s going to amount to nothing.”

“Kevin,” Mark swallows, admits the one thing he doesn’t want to, something he hadn’t even told Donghyuck because honestly, Mark disagreed with it personally and couldn’t explain it. “You _know_ my parents don’t think there’s any point to studying creative writing. Doesn’t pay the bills, not really. That’s why they wanted me to do engineering too, so I could get a job easily. It was just convenient that my wishes back then lined up with theirs.”

“You think my art degree is gonna pay my bills?” Kevin argues. “Fuck, I hope it will, especially _if_ I do animation later, but as it stands it’s not likely to. But if you can’t do what you really love, you’re gonna be miserable for the rest of your life.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Mark falls backwards on his bed, hands on face. “How can I convince them of that though?”

“You need to talk to them, Mark,” Kevin insists, pressing his lips together. “Preferably as soon as possible. You’re miserable enough as is.”

_'Small steps along the tunnel? Would it make a difference if I just broke the walls? Would I get closer to the sun, sooner?'_

* * *

One week after returning home from university, Mark finally sits his parents down for the long overdue Discussion™. His brother isn’t home and Mark takes advantage of this when he drags both of his parents to the living room’s sofa. He sits across them on the armchair, nervous and fidgety, feeling like a stone has been wedged in his throat. 

“Mark,” His father is the one to break the silence, worried lines etched across his expression. “Is...everything okay?”

Mark takes a deep breath, looking between them and for one last moment, wonders if he’s making the right decision. Lots of things are bound to be impacted by this, but...he feels restless, knowing this has to be done. He’s avoided it plenty enough. 

There’s an openness in their expression that convinces him, remembers how it had been back when he had to muster up the courage to tell them he liked boys. He could trust them then, so he could trust them now. So he shakes his head in answer, “No. No, it’s not.”

“What’s wrong?” His mother immediately asks, leaning forward to hold his hand. Mark swallows, lightly pulling it away, and drops the bomb.

“I can’t do this anymore,” He says, and instantly, with just those words, it feels like weight lifting off his chest. He’d been sinking, further and further, like a heavy load had been chained to his feet determined to drag him down - and now it feels like the chains have been broken, and he can finally start trying to rise back to the surface. “Engineering - it’s killing me. I’ve been underperforming, I’ve lost interest, I don’t feel good enough, I freeze in the exams, I can’t figure out what I need to do when the papers land in front of me, and more than anything - more than anything, I want to write. I want to study creative writing. I can’t do this anymore, it’s _suffocating_ me.”

He gets it out all out in one breath, and he knows he’s dropped the information on them with the force of a nuclear bomb, but he knows if he hadn’t said it all, he wouldn’t have been able to get it all out.

He forces his gaze to stay locked on theirs, and for a moment, they both remain silent, like they can’t quite understand just what he’s said. 

“What?” His mother mutters, ashen and faint, looking a tad ghostlike. In contrast to her, his father’s face has darkened, a sombre expression decorating his features, and Mark’s heart drops straight to his feet, discomfort churning in his gut.

“Minhyung,” His father’s eyebrows furrow, frown deepening. “What are you saying?”

“I - ” Mark hesitates before locking his jaw firmly. “I want to quit.”

“For creative writing?” His father’s eyebrows raise like he can’t even fathom why Mark would want to do that. 

“Yes!” Mark cries, stopping himself from folding his arms across his chest defensively. Escalating this into a fight would not help him. “I want to be an author, dad.”

“You wanted to be a physicist just yesterday,” His mother reminds him, and he can’t read her expression at all, blank. 

“I thought I did,” Mark admits. “But the past two years have been miserable for me. You know just how badly I was doing!”

“Your performance improved at the end of this semester though, Mark,” She argues. “You can do it, you’re just scared.”

“It’s not just about that though,” Mark disagrees. “It’s that I don’t want to study physics anymore. I’m not cut out for it - not for a profession anyway! Physics might have been easy to manage at the high school level, but university has - ”

“What are you talking about Mark?” His father shakes his head, disappointment clear on his face. “All of those medals and trophies for science - do you think this is a joke? Earning a degree? What about the time you’ve already spent on this, the money that’s gone into keeping you there and your education? This is what _you_ had wanted. You’ve already made it through half of the degree - why are you trying to quit it all of a sudden? Where has creative writing even come from?”

“I’ve been writing since I was a kid,” Mark scoffs. “You know this! Remember my poetry from high school? All those stories I wrote as a kid as a hobby - ?”

“Exactly Mark!” His father cuts in, not shouting, but stern. “A hobby. You know writing can’t become a serious job - authors all around the world take years before they can release a bestseller, and even then, you’re only going to earn even to sustain a good life if the bestseller remains a hit for a long time.”

“Dad, there’s so much more I can do with a creative writing degree - ”

“Like what, Mark?” His mother asks, and she doesn’t seem even nearly half as agitated as his father. 

“I don’t know - I could work for a publishing company - I don’t know, I’ll figure something out!” Mark throws his hands up. “All I know is I’m not going to work in science anymore.”

“You need to get a stable job, Lee Minhyung,” His father states, leaving no room for argument. His father is usually so understanding, someone Mark can easily talk to and trust to help him, but when it comes to discussing Mark’s _career_ \- “And you can get that with a degree in engineering - not creative writing.”

 _“Dad_ \- _”_

“No, Mark,” His father narrows his eyes. “Don’t ruin your own life like this. You think I didn’t struggle when I was doing my engineering degree and feel like quitting? University is hard and that’s a fact. I’m sure something will come along and build your interests again.”

“I’ll run away,” Mark says impulsively, and his mother gasps.

His father’s eyes harden to steel, “And then what will you do? If ruining your life is what you want to do, then you should know that I won’t help you on that path. You can take responsibility for yourself.”

The words stab him like a sharp blade to the gut, and Mark has never liked confrontation, never liked arguing, so he falls silent, crumbling under the intensity of the words, suddenly feeling like those chains had wrapped once more around his ankle, sinking him under. 

* * *

They don’t bring it up again. The remaining period of Mark’s break has an undercurrent of tension lingering in the air, masked only by the overwhelming excitement due to Jinhyung’s pending marriage preparations. 

His father acts like the conversation never happened, all the while, his mother is all tense, awkward pauses. Really, Mark’s inability to communicate like a healthy functioning human being at times has never been more obviously inherited from them. His father is a kind, understanding man at all times, except when it came to Mark’s career plans apparently. It was clear that he wouldn’t stand for Mark throwing away all of his current education plans. 

It’s not as if his parents had brought him up in a very strict household, but there were certain things that Mark and his brother hadn’t ever questioned. That only served to make it all the more frustrating, because for the first time in his twenty years of existence, Mark’s eyes had been opened to this kind of outright refusal from them, since neither he nor his brother had ever really seen a reason to riot. (Both of them had skipped the rebellious teen phase for the most part - other than Mark’s brief stint to get his hair permed and dyed a light pink, which had been an overall terrible plan, but in his defense, he was fourteen - and now that was coming back to bite Mark in the ass spectacularly). 

Mid-March couldn’t arrive more slowly, and by the time his return date arrived, Mark was only too glad to be out of the house. He’d been enrolled into his third year wordlessly, and although he feels himself dying on the inside from all the struggle he’s already predicting for himself, he doesn’t have much of a choice. 

Over the last few weeks, he seriously did consider just running away as a worst case scenario - until he quickly realised that there was no way he’d be able to afford anything even if he took up part-time jobs anywhere. Moreover, it would be a long while before he’d be able to save up enough to afford getting a degree in creative writing. He didn’t want to rely on his parents after this, even if they gave him money. Kevin’s house was far from an option since he lived in a dorm room (which was a terrible long term plan, even Kevin would be okay with him crashing there for a day or two - the dorm had warden anyway, so that was a no go). He couldn’t even tell Jinhyung; with everything going on in his own life and the impending marriage, he hardly needed Mark’s baggage weighing him down. 

The only way he saw anything for the near future was to continue in this godforsaken degree and push through it. 

Overall, it just feels like the Discussion™ had been a waste of time and effort, considering he just ended up in the exact same situation he was in before the break. 

He tries to tell himself he’s not half as miserable as he thinks he is as classes start, but he’s long accepted the miserable way the subjects make him feel. He tries to stay positive despite it, despite lacking any sentiment of interest in what he’s studying - and for a while, at least, he can get away with it with the excuse of ticking off weeks in his calendar, until that too makes him feel pathetic. 

He hates this, and the weight on his chest just gets heavier and heavier, until he finds himself crying in the shower almost every morning before going to class, losing sleep and gaining dark circles for it in exchange. 

Meanwhile, every other day, his brother sends him wedding updates, which only serves to remind him that he’s got a best man speech to write and recite, so he can’t even run away like he’s considering at this point, damn the consequences. His brother is grinning so brightly in every one of the pictures, some of them even with Sangmi, that Mark feels guilty for even considering missing the big day. 

Mina and Serim, bless their hearts, seem to pick up on his mood. They take to invading his flat about a month after he gets back, and the three of them get emotional over the beers Serim brings with him. (It’s always a little funny to see Serim crying about his girlfriend and how she’s like the stars in the night sky, and Mina agrees that girls are beautiful and cries with him. Mark’s the fool who loves boys, so he can’t quite relate, but he supposes he understands the sentiment.) Unfortunately, Mark’s a terrible lightweight and he’s also terribly clingy drunk, so third beer in, he’s sat in the middle of his two best friends in Korea, arms locked with both of them and sobbing as he reveals everything he’s been hiding from them. 

Serim has more of an insight to it all, even without Mark ever having told him anything, because they share too many classes for him to not have noticed. He sees Mark’s frown every time he does well in a test and Mark does average.

And now, Serim pulls him into a hug first, understanding exactly how hard Mark is finding this course, because even though he struggles too, it’s clear that Mark’s heart has long stopped being in it. Mina is the last to join the cuddle, and then all three of them are crying, alcohol worn off and just sad. 

After that, things get just a little bit easier. Serim offers to tutor him, which Mark hesitantly agrees to. (Mark’s never found it easy to ask or accept help, with a chronic and critical tendency to work himself to the point of exhaustion, altogether a self-destructive combination.) He tries not to let it make him feel useless, and eventually it gets better. Serim is kind, never judges him even though Mark feels like he should because the course material isn’t that hard, it’s just that Mark’s brain has shut down and refuses to compute any of it. Still, with efforts on both their ends, classes start to get a tad easier for Mark. It finally feels like he has some breathing room. 

Simultaneously, he finds that either one of them is in his flat at any moment they can find, not wanting him to wallow in any kind of nihilistic thoughts. Mina in particular, is always making sure Mark isn’t living like a hobo, sending him to shower if it’s being lazy, making sure he’s eating more than just takeout. After the fifth time she glares at him for not eating a proper meal, he reminds her that he’s a failure in the kitchen too, so she resorts to bring over some of whatever meals she and her roommate make back in their dorm. 

It feels oddly domestic between the three of them, but in a different sibling-sort of way, one he hasn’t actually ever even felt with his own brother, and it’s another reason for his mood to lift. He worries he’s being a burden on both of them, but they’re both quick to whack that thought right out of his head when they come over uninvited one Friday evening without him realising and are watching a movie with popcorn on his couch when he wakes up from a nap after classes. Serim only throws a hand up in greeting, and Mina beckons him over to the couch to catch him up on what he’s missed, shoving all worry for studying later (courtesy of amused permission from his tutor). It cements in his brain that he’s got something of a family here now, and it’s all he needs to get him through this stupid degree. 

Midway through April, he gets a call from his mother. This isn’t unusual, but ever since he’s come back, phone calls have been less frequent and more strained unless it’s about the wedding.

What makes this call unusual though, is his mother’s voice. She sounds like she’s been crying, which is enough to make his hackles rise, but when he asks, she insists it’s only because she’s feeling sentimental that her elder son is getting married. 

“How are you feeling, Minhyung?” She asks after the silence drags on, punctuated by the distance between them. 

“Does it matter?” He questions her, tight-lipped because he trusted them once and doesn’t feel like he can anymore. But he can hear her swallow at that and feels mean for it. He hates giving into his petty side, but sometimes he can’t help it. Still, he soothes over the wound he makes. “I’m fine, mom. Better than I expected to be.”

“I’m sorry,” She says, the words followed by a sob. “I’m so, so sorry.”

Mark’s stomach drops, “Mom - ”

“You’re not happy there, are you?” She asks, even though she knows. His silence is enough of an answer anyway - really, how could he hide anything from his mother? He’s more surprised she’s even brought it up, after her silence on the matter. “You - do you truly want to quit it all and come back here?”

“I wish I could,” He sighs. He tries not to get too carried away by the hope that blooms in his gut, because it may all very well end badly. “I love Seoul, I’d love to stay in Seoul...but I want to write, so badly. You know I do...hell, you’re the reason I joined the creative writing club in high school, Mom, you know this. You pushed me to work on those skills because you knew I liked it, knew I was good at it.”

“...I don’t know what to tell you,” The words are heavy with a sort of regret that makes Mark’s shoulder tighten, accompanied by shaky inhales. “I wish I could do something for you, Minhyung. What can I do for you?”

“Convince dad,” Mark pleads in a moment of weakness. “You know I’ll keep trying at this, but it’s killing me.”

“I’m sorry, Mark,” She repeats. “I’m so sorry.”

There’s nothing more to be said on the matter, and his mother just says that she hopes he returns home soon. He can only stay silent until she cuts the call with a tortured sounding bye, and then sink to his knees and cry.

April comes close to its end like this, and the day of the wedding, set for the seventeenth, just gets closer and closer. Mark’s flight is booked for a week just before the wedding, because he couldn’t afford to miss more than a week’s lectures (just the thought of it makes his stomach churn, but Serim has promised to take a set of notes for him too), but also because they need to stitch his suit and he has to attend all the formalities, from the rehearsal dinner to everything else because he’s the best man. 

Oh, and he still has to write his damn script.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! 
> 
> Leave a kudos and a comment and lemme know what you guys think, it makes me happy >.<
> 
> Come and follow/message me on my twitter @CelestialMiche
> 
> Love,  
> Miche xxx


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii~!
> 
> Here's the third chapter! Thank you to everyone leaving so much love for this story. I'm trying to stick to weekly uploads plus or minus one day here and there, but life just gets in the way sometimes. To those of you waiting, thank you for your patience! I hope the wait is worth it, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised!
> 
> So without further ado~

Mark manages to write the entire script on the ten hour flight. 

It is the single most difficult thing he has ever penned down, written with his blood, sweat and tears, the one thing he has procrastinated on the worst. It shouldn’t be so difficult, but he can’t seem to find the right words. Maybe it's the deadline that pushed him to get it done, maybe it’s the thought that he won’t have enough time in the coming week to work at it, but by the time he lands back in Vancouver, it’s done and he’s as satisfied as he can be with it.

This time to pick him up, it’s his to-be-sister-in-law, Sangmi, waiting for him at the gate. He tries not to let it sting that neither of his parents turned up, but it turns out both of them, along with his brother, are busy with some wedding preparations so Sangmi (the only jobless one at the moment) had volunteered to come get him. 

Turns out though, she has her own ulterior motives, because as soon as she takes him off to drop off his bags at home, she drags him off to where her wedding dress is being made. She sets about getting him fitted for his suit, a gorgeous dark grey suit, ignoring the fact that Mark really just wants to sleep, because they don’t really have time to delay. 

After that though, he’s mercifully taken back home and he knocks out before any other members of his family arrives. 

The days go by scarily quickly. Mark has no time to spare to think about anything else, much less his personal problems. In fact, it’s like he and his parents have something of a temporary truce, bringing up zilch about what happened during his last visit. Everyone is rushing around, finishing last minute preparations. There’s still so much work left and the thought of having to do this at his own wedding someday terrifies him, but at the same time, he can see just how excited his brother is, and Mark can’t deny he would like that someday with someone too. 

All this wedding talk really is making him sentimental.

Mark gets input on certain decorations, but his first three days are actually spent on planning his brother’s bachelor’s party. He and Kevin are pretty much the youngest people at the party, seeing how the rest of them are his brother’s best friends from either high school or university. It’s easiest then, to just plan a night-out at a club, so that everyone had fun. He makes sure it’s at his brother’s favourite club. 

Three nights before his wedding, his brother gets hammered and Mark has everything on tape because he was not about to let all of the possible embarrassing memories go. In fact, when one of his brother’s friends joke that Jinhyung should go flirt with some girl at the bar whilst he’s still a bachelor, in his drunken stupor, Jinhyung rants about why he’s grateful to have Sangmi and doesn’t care for anyone else and that he would never cheat on her. It’s equal parts endearing and disgusting, the amount of affection that bleeds in his voice, and Mark is for sure going to find a way to smuggle it into the wedding tapes. 

The morning after the bachelor’s party sees Mark receiving his tux as well as being put incharge of the wedding playlist by Sangmi. She claims she trusts him with the music far more than his brother, which is wholly justified considering Mark is the musician between them (in other words, Mark can hold a tune plus play the guitar _and_ piano, whilst his brother can decidedly _not._ The musical gene that was in both his parents’ blood pretty much skipped right over his brother).

So whilst Mark is adding great songs like Justin Bieber’s _Intentions_ and Christina Perri’s _A Thousand Years_ to the playlist, his brother is still hungover in bed. There’s two days left to the wedding and Sangmi is getting progressively frantic - thank god for her maid of honour - and his hyung is nowhere to be seen until lunch. 

Mark gets a break later that evening, while all work that is left is to be done tomorrow, before the rehearsal, and he takes that time to practice his speech. Kevin monitors him, and when he’s finally done, applauds him on it, claiming that Jinhyung will like it a lot. 

“Dude, I also got something to ask you,” Kevin says with a grin Mark doesn’t trust whatsoever. “But! I’m not going to tell you until after the wedding.”

“Dude, just tell me,” Mark groans, hating the anticipation. “You know I’m leaving on the twentieth, right?”

“I know, that’s why it’s perfect!” Kevin says in excitement, but for what, Mark has no clue. “I can’t wait, to be honest. I wanted to tell you last time you came round, but it works better this way.”

“Just _tell_ me,” Mark tries to convince him, but Kevin levels him a look that equates to _shut up, Mark, I’m not spilling a word,_ so Mark just raises his hands in surrender and backs away. The thought lingers in the back of his mind, but soon enough, he’s swept right back up in wedding duties. 

* * *

“Hyung,” Mark stares blankly at him. “You can’t possibly be serious right now.”

“Mark,” The look in his brother’s eyes is wild, like he’s just a centimeter away from crossing the line to crazy. “What if it’s too soon? What if she doesn’t want to get married to me and just feels pressured?”

“I’m sure she wouldn’t have agreed then,” Mark deadpans, before he sighs when his brother’s grip doesn’t loosen off his shoulders one bit. It actually hurts a little. “Jake hyung, think about this. This is Sangmi noona we’re talking about. She’d never do something that she didn’t want to do - so you can know for sure she wants to marry you. Hell, she punched and broke your nose back in middle school when you told her she shouldn’t wear that white dress cause it made her look a little fat, only because you were a petty and jealous idiot, remember? She was all like _fuck you, I’ll wear what I want, you’re not my date anyway._ Remember?”

“Oh god, maybe I’m not the one for her,” That’s what his brother took away from that? Mark resisted the urge to punch him himself. 

Yesterday’s rehearsal dinner had gone so well, what the hell was wrong with his brother today? Of course, Mark was well aware of pre-marriage jitters and cold feet, but he was being ridiculous.

So instead, he just grins at his panicking brother because honestly, Mark doesn’t know how to handle...emotion. “Hyung. Noona’s going to be pissed if you don’t show up at the altar, you know?”

“Oh god,” His brother repeats, apparently hyperventilating. Mark inhales and exhales once, before grabbing his brother by the arms and setting him on the chair. “Listen up hyung. Do you love her?”

“Of course!” His brother nods immediately, even though his hands are shaking. 

“And do you want to spend the rest of your life with her?”

“Yes,” His brother says firmly, already a little calmer now. 

“Listen to your heart and ask it if you really think it’s too soon to be doing this?” Mark tries, because he’s quickly running out of ideas to get his brother to calm down. 

His brother breathes deeply, and then nods, “I want to do this.”

“Well thank god for that,” Mark grins. “Do you trust Sangmi noona?”

“With my life,” His brother smiles, and there’s something a little shy, a little sheepish, but so, incredibly honest, that Mark’s throat gets choked up for a moment. 

“Then why should you worry at all?” Mark tilts his head, smiling softly. He stands up from where he was kneeling next to his brother’s chair, and offers him a hand. “Come on, they’re waiting for you. Let’s go get you married.”

The ceremony is something that looks like it would fit in heaven, a pathway of garden roses and lilacs decorating the way. Sangmi looks gorgeous, in a billowing white satin-lace wedding gown, a bouquet of red roses in hand as she makes her way down the aisle. There are tears in her eyes, and she almost stumbles up the steps, but Jinhyung’s hand finds her elbow to steady her before she even tilts, in a silent but promising gesture to always take care of her. 

Their vows are equally beautiful, and Mark, who has grown up with them, distinctly wishes he had someone for him like they have each other. They talk about being each other’s first loves and for a brighter tomorrow, for knowing deep down that it always had been each other. Jinhyung cries before she does, but she follows immediately after with sobs entwined with laughter, wiping his tears away as she continues her vows. It’s such a gorgeous ceremony, one Mark gets to witness from right next to his brother at the altar, and Mark’s heart _aches,_ for them, for someone, even though he’s never wanted anything like this to an intensity of this sort before.

God, he’s _so_ happy for them. 

Amongst the crowd, he spots both of his parents wiping away their own tears, family and friends from Korea and from Vancouver sitting and witnessing this moment in his brother’s life. Everyone is crying, but even then Mark doesn’t, simply because his heart feels fit to burst in his chest from the happiness he’s feeling, accompanied by the smile that has pulled across his lips. _'_ _Holy matrimony, indeed_ _,'_ he thinks. 

After the ceremony ends and everyone has moved to the dining hall for the reception, the bride and groom have their first dance due as a married couple. Sangmi had come up to him especially, saying that she had wanted to have their first dance to Ludovico Einaudi’s _Nuvole Bianche_ , and when he’d asked why, she had only given him a mysterious smile, never quite revealing why. He’d left it alone, assuming that there was some special reason for it. 

And Mark, who managed not to cry at the wedding, even while being the closest to witness the vows, cries during their first dance. Jinhyung holds her close as the piano sounds out in a tune both melancholic and hopeful and picking at distant memories, and he spins her around, captivating the gazes of everyone here to witness them. They never look away from one another, and it tugs at Mark’s heartstrings to see his brother so happy, like he’s never been this happy before, and he’s wiping away tears before he realises. 

Even long after the first dance is over, the music rings out in his mind, and he is so distracted and caught up in the emotions overwhelming him, he doesn’t realise when it is his turn to have a dance with the maid of honour. She is Sangmi noona’s best friend from university, so she is older than Mark, and it’s not the first few words they are saying to each other, but they have fun as she spins him around in a fast paced song and then he spins her. 

Everyone follows onto the central dance floor later, enjoying and relaxing with champagne in glasses until dinner is called. Mark immediately takes a seat at his table with his parents and Sangmi noona’s parents, nerves shivering down his spine. Yesterday, at the rehearsal dinner Mark had refused to say his speech, mostly to keep the suspense, and he regrets not taking that opportunity now. 

He’s a ball of nerves, until when everyone is finally well into their meals, waiting on their main courses after the appetizers, that Mark stands up, clinking his fork against the side of his champagne glass a bit too hard. Luckily it doesn’t break and he puts it down, clearing his throat when his brother grins up at him, almost snickering at Mark’s clumsiness. He’s got a mic in his hands, as well as his cue card. 

“Good afternoon everyone,” He starts, shoves down the nerves. “You might know me, I’m Mark Lee, the groom’s little brother and the best man. I’m here to congratulate my brother for his marriage, because I was almost sure that at some point in the last ten years of dating Sangmi noona, he was gonna blow it and then she’d kill him.”

He hears a few laughs, including Sangmi who wolf-whistles for no reason other than the fact that she’s just _that_ person. 

“Well anyway, that didn’t happen, so I’m glad that we all get to be here today to witness their bond develop into something even better than before. My brother’s always been head over heels for her, no matter how much he likes to pretend that’s not why he became friends with her. Noona was the only one who recognised the anime character he had dressed up as for Halloween all those years ago, god he was such a geek back then, but noona had said it was cool and that’s _all_ he could talk about when he came back from the Halloween party his middle school had thrown. ‘Sangmi from the other class guessed who I was!’ He told me, so proudly back then. So I suppose you guys have the power of anime to thank for this marriage.”

He saw Jinhyung turn scarlet, even as Sangmi laughed at him. He doesn’t really know how everyone else is taking his speech. His gaze is focused and narrowed on the married couple, because at the end of the day, the message is for them.

“From there, they just began to hang out more and more. Hyung fell for her, hook, line, sinker, everything even whilst they were friends,” Mark shakes his head fondly at the memories. “It was so nauseating, watching them flirt like amateurs from the sidelines. Back then, you could have asked him what everyone was wearing and he’d not know, but he’d know exactly what she was wearing that day. And then as the icing on the cake, he’d have the audacity to call it paying attention to his best friend. Hyung was super lame.”

“Hey!” He hears Jinhyung complain, but Mark only smirks at him with a shrug, “Don’t even deny it, you totally were, hyung! But anyway, the first time I saw him really broken up over it - and I mean quite literally, because noona actually broke his nose - was when she agreed to go to junior prom with some other guy and he dissed her dress. It was so damn sad, and the angst was through the roof that day. I actually felt really bad for him, but he deserved that punch because noona actually looked great and he was just jealous. Though that night, he was in tears and I think that night was the first time he really admitted he liked you - if not that he loved you, noona.”

He looks right at his sister-in-law, (and god that feels weird to think but great at the same time) and continues, “For nearly a decade now, my brother has loved you. It had been obvious to me, to my parents, to all of our friends, to everyone in the world except for the two of you. I don’t think there was anyone that doubted that we would be here today, to see your story lead you here. I can’t even begin to explain just how happy I am for the both of you. I see the way you look at my brother, and the way my brother looks at you, and I hope that one day, I’ll find someone like that for me too. And I know, I know this message as the best man is supposed to be for my brother, but I have something a little more important to address.”

He takes a breath and then says, “Sangmi noona, my brother, no matter how tough he acts, is just a softie, really. Please take good care of him, and love him for the rest of his life. Beat him up when he deserves it, but keep him happy, always and forever. I’m trusting you with him.” 

Sangmi’s smile is wobbly and she tears up again as she nods at Mark, head leaning on Jinhyung’s shoulder. 

“And you, hyung,” Mark grins as he catches Jinhyung’s suspiciously reddened eyes. “You better take care of Sangmi noona, she’s the best you’ll ever have. Take care of her, hold her hands when she’s upset and don’t forget to tell her you love her.”

He looks between them as he finally ends his speech, “That’s all. I wish you both a very happy married life together. I’m so proud of where you both have come.” 

* * *

“So,” Kevin tells him from the side, where both he and Mark are standing at a window, “I guess since the major part of the wedding is over, I can reveal what I wanted to a while back.”

“About time,” Mark pretends to groan, but they both know he’s faking it. 

Kevin’s practically shaking in excitement, and it only serves to make Mark more curious. “I got us tickets to NCT 127’s only Vancouver concert in two days!”

Mark stares. Blinks.

“You did _what?”_

Had Mark heard him correctly? A NCT 127 concert? Here in Vancouver?

“I know you’re not a huge fan,” Kevin hurries, hands raised like he’s going to physically stop Mark from interrupting if he needs to. “But hear me out! Of all the kpop groups I make you listen to, I know NCT is your favourite - ”

“I can barely tell which band is which - ” 

“ - and I just really didn’t want to go alone, okay?” Kevin folds, admitting it honestly. “You go to these things with friends, and if not you then who else?”

Mark considers that. All together, it’s honestly not a bad idea. Mark does like NCT’s music well enough and it would be a great way to spend the day (especially away from the house). Not to mention, his best friend is a major NCTzen, so this would be like a dream come true to him if Mark agreed to tag along. Plus, he also remembered that the boy from the beach, Donghyuck, had claimed to be an NCTzen too, so perhaps it was time that Mark actually put some effort into listening to a kpop band other than EXO. 

(He thinks of all the fans that would have died to have his ticket, and well, now he feels oddly like it is his responsibility to attend the concert.)

“Do you...not want to?” Kevin frowns, disappointed. 

Mark’s quick to reassure him, “No! I was just wondering when you booked the tickets.”

“Oh,” Kevin blinks. “Back in January when the Neo City tour was declared.”

“What?!” Mark gasps. “Dude, that was months ago! You didn’t even know if I would have said yes - much less if I was even going to be here in May! We didn’t tell you about hyung’s wedding until after I came here last time!”

“I figured if you weren’t around at the time of the concert I’d just ask your brother or someone else to tag along,” Kevin shrugs, unbothered. “But since you _are_ …well?”

“Of course I’ll go,” Mark nods, good-natured. “Duh. It could be fun.”

“Obviously it’s going to be fun,” Kevin rolled his eyes, unnecessarily sassy. “It’s NCT. I guarantee you’re gonna walk out of that concert hall knowing the words and the members’ names - that is, if I don’t get you to memorize them already.”

“Okay, sure, sure,” Mark laughs, giving in easily. Kevin’s excitement is contagious. “How about you just tell me the names tomorrow, since we both know I won’t remember their faces anyway. You can point them out on stage.”

“Fine,” Kevin relents, eyeing him. “But I’m picking your outfit tomorrow.”

“Whatever you want,” Mark just raises his hands in surrender, before he bites the inside of his cheek. “Um, but dude, how much do I have to pay you for the ticket?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Kevin waves him off, and seeing that Mark opens his mouth to protest immediately, cuts him off before Mark can even start, “Consider it my birthday present to you since you won’t be here at that time. You could even consider it as your present to me if I manage to convert you into becoming a NCTzen, you kpop virgin.”

“What the fuck, Kev,” Mark snorts in exasperation. “I’m an EXO-L, remember?”

“Dude, if you weren’t one, we wouldn’t even be friends right now,” Kevin sends him a flat look, like he can’t quite believe Mark just said that, and then smirks. “It’s your only redeeming quality.”

And honestly, after that, how could Mark not hit him?

* * *

“Remind me how many people are in NCT again?” Mark asks for the fifth time. They’re in the cab on the way to the stadium where the concert is being held, and even though they left two hours earlier, it’s still a whole mess. Luckily, they’re about ten minutes away, so they should be arriving soon enough (or at least, Mark prays so). 

“Twenty,” Kevin emphasizes. “And there’s three permanent sub units, as well as one rotational unit.”

“Right,” Mark nods, remembering the word vomit of facts Kevin had spilled yesterday whilst Mark had been busy digging in his wardrobe. If he was honest, he’d only been listening halfway, distracted by the task at hand, but there was no stopping the power of a fanboy, Mark had quickly learned. “The three permanent subunits are 127, who we’re watching today, Dream, which is the underaged unit…?”

Kevin nods, waiting expectantly, and Mark continues, proud of remembering, “And WayV? The Chinese subunit, right?”

“Yup,” Kevin claps. “Got it in one.”

“I did listen to you yesterday, you know?” Mark teases. “Just a little, but I did!”

“Asshole,” Kevin shoves his shoulder lightly, but the boy is practically vibrating in his seat in excitement as the stadium comes in view in the distance. Both of them are wearing a little bit of neon green, which Kevin had insisted upon, claiming something about the band and fandom colours. Mark had just silently resigned to his fate of wearing a few of Kevin’s glow-in-the-dark neon bracelets because he would never be caught dead in highlighter coloured clothing and so didn’t own any. Kevin on the other hand, was wearing this obnoxiously neon green headband, as well as sweatbands on his wrists (which honestly, made it look like he was ready to go for a run, but who was Mark to question his dedication?). 

“And U is the rotational unit?” Mark confirms, staring out of the window. There’s a traffic jam, with the amount of people trying to get to the concert hall. “The one where any members under the NCT brand can be put in depending on the song?”

“Yes,” Kevin hums, impressed. “Nerd.”

“Hey,” Mark whines. “It’s like I can’t win with you! Did you want me to listen to you or not?”

“I’m not complaining,” Kevin snickers at his pout. 

“Well I am,” Mark makes a face at him. “I still can’t believe you insisted on me wearing this sweatshirt when the concert hall is going to be boiling with the number of people in there!”

The sweatshirt in question was indeed the infamous sweatshirt that belonged to Donghyuck. Mark absolutely had no hand in it travelling to Canada with him - that had been Serim’s fault, when he decided to help Mark pack, and unknowingly tossed into Mark’s luggage without Mark noticing - and then Kevin had spotted it on his bed when Mark emptied the bag on his bed yesterday in an attempt to find his black jeans at the bottom of the bag. 

“First of all,” Kevin shakes his head. “I can’t believe you own that and don’t wear it. It’s a waste of money otherwise. Secondly, you look good in it, so suffering a little in it is okay! More importantly, one of the 127 members has a sweatshirt exactly like that, so it’ll be cool if you wear it!”

“It’s creepy that you know that,” Mark informs him, deadpanning.

“No, it’s not,” Kevin rolls his eyes. “Haechan wears it in a lot of V Lives, please.”

Mark has no clue who Haechan is other than vaguely recalling that he’s the maknae (?) of 127 (?), since he hasn’t seen any pictures of the group. Mark had been the one to tell Kevin to just point people out on stage after finding out there’s twenty people in the group, horrified by the mere idea of memorizing. He more than realises he’s about to go into this fairly blind, but in a way, he doesn’t want to invest too much into this if it’s not his thing. His primary goal for the concert is just to have some fun, if he’s honest.

“Whatever you say,” Mark sighs finally, leaning against the back of the seat and plucking at a random thread on the sweatshirt.

When Kevin had asked him how he had acquired it, Mark hadn’t wanted to spill the truth about the sweatshirt, even though they usually shared everything. There was something about the memory of Donghyuck that Mark wanted to keep to himself, perhaps a form of self-preservation. So he’d lied, claiming that it’d been a Christmas gift from Mina and Serim combined, which was far more believable than trying to say that he’d gone shopping and decided to buy an expensive ass sweatshirt. Nobody would believe that story, considering Mark’s history of not buying anything unnecessarily expensive, even if he could afford it - which he couldn’t in this case, but that was a different story altogether. 

“Do you remember the 127 members?” Kevin spares him a side glance. 

“Let’s see,” Mark bites the inside of his cheek thoughtfully. “There’s Taeyong, the leader, then Taeil, the eldest? And uh, Johnny the American, Yuta the Japanese guy, and - oh, Haechan the maknae…? And...” 

“Well at least you got those right,” Kevin chuckles. “Let’s see, there’s also Jaehyun, Jungwoo and Doyoung, who are vocalists, and Jeno, another rapper. There’s Winwin too, a Chinese member but he’s inactive in the subunit, since he promotes with WayV more at this point.”

“Right,” Mark nods quickly, trying to store the names in his memory before sighing again. “That’s a lot of people.”

“You get used to it,” Kevin says like he’s experienced the same thing. “Besides, you’re lucky enough to be able to put faces to names, live version!”

“Yeah, I guess,” Mark shrugs, giving a grudging grin. “To be honest, I’m just in it for a fun evening.”

Kevin’s eyebrows raise humorously, “You’re acting like this is a one night stand - ”

“Fuck off,” Mark shoves him, amused. 

They arrive at the stadium within another five minutes. The place is already swarming with fans, but Mark doubts this is the full brunt of the crowd. Luckily enough, they manage to get into the stadium and to their seats: in one of the elevated wings, nowhere too close to the stage or the pit, but good enough to have a clear view of the artists when they would be up on stage. Frankly, this is almost perfect. 

From then on, it is just a matter of waiting, if he's honest. There is a sort of anticipation rushing through Mark’s veins. It is odd, since he barely knows anything about these idols, but he likes their music well enough by now that he’d be able to jam to their live performances, and hell, maybe he will walk out of here as a fan. 

All around him, he can see that people are holding up signs and chattering excitedly about the upcoming performances. The stadium, frankly, feels like it has shot up in temperature by several degrees, and Mark is already beginning to regret wearing a sweatshirt. A few other people around him compliment him on it however, and he feels a little less conscious for wearing it.

The lights begin to dim maybe half an hour after they sit down in their seats, signaling that the concert is due to begin shortly, and Mark’s legs are bouncing in a mild burst of nerves. Kevin is even more of a mess, gripping Mark’s forearm in an almost painful hold. 

All of a sudden, all of the lights go out, and the crowd screams, lightsticks shaped like neon cubes raised above their heads. 

“It’s starting, it’s starting!” Kevin squeezes his arm to death, and Mark shouts back, “Yeah, I can tell!”

The screen lights up, dramatic lights fluttering across it, with code flashing across it. Snippets of members’ faces, highlighting the curves of their eyes and nose, appear and disappear just as quickly, bathed in a multitude of colours. 

“Are kpop concert openers always this dramatic?” Mark asks, but it’s more of a statement really, because he’s seen all of EXO’s super dramatic VCRs, with that crazy ass aliens from the EXO planet concept they have going on. 

Kevin isn’t even paying attention to him, and well, Mark can’t exactly blame him. 

The screen lifts, and NCT 127 appears in all their glory, standing in trios in a boxed contraption. An automated voice begins calling names just as the opening music of _Cherry Bomb_ begins playing, “Taeil!”

Mark can’t exactly see faces of the members all that clearly, with the stage lighting and the neon glow from lightsticks, as well as the distance to the stage, but a man appears from an opening in the stage, strutting away to stand in his position in the formation. Mark recalls him to be the eldest member, and it’s only now that he realises he has no way of recognizing anybody unless Kevin points them out to him as the concert continues. The last time he’d actually watched an NCT music video was over a year ago, and even then, he hadn’t been paying close attention.

“Haechan!” Another young man appears from the opening, making his way across the stage to his own position. “Doyoung!”

The one called Doyoung is quickly followed by Johnny and Jungwoo. After Jungwoo, there’s Jeno, Yuta, Jaehyun, and finally (the only one whose face Mark can actually recognize) Taeyong.

Mark has always liked _Cherry Bomb,_ with its intense beat and he finds himself vibing and bopping to it as the song progresses, and he’s more than a little surprised when he realises the band is singing in English. Their movements are sharp and coordinated, and he’s not all shocked - Kevin is constantly going on about their great dancing skills. 

He’s instantly able to recognize Taeyong, even if he can’t see him well, because of his rapping and dancing, but he’s also pleasantly surprised by how much the other rapper is good at dancing too. Mark leans closer to Kevin, never taking his eyes off the dark hair boy dancing in the center as he raps, “Who’s he?”

“Oh, that’s Jeno!” Kevin informs him. “Second youngest, but he and Haechan are technically the same age since they were born months apart.”

“Okay!” 

About two thirds into the song, a guy with seemingly fluffy silver hair takes front and center of the dance formation during the dance break, and his movements are so fluid, Mark is astonished. He hadn’t noticed him all this while, presumably towards the back most of the song.

“That’s Haechan!” Kevin yells over the noise, noticing Mark’s face. “The maknae remember?”

“Yeah, I remember!” But before Mark can take another look at the silver haired boy, he disappears to the back of the formation, the center taken up by someone else. 

The song continues like this, Mark in awe of the dancing abilities of each and everyone of the members. Their voices live sound even better than on the tracks, which is more than astonishing, and whilst Mark isn’t certain how he feels about the English version of _Cherry Bomb_ compared to the original, it’s still a whole bop. 

Another song starts immediately after, distantly familiar to Mark’s ears, but he has no clue what it’s called (“Come Back!” Kevin helpfully supplies), and whilst he’s dancing in his spot, he finds his eyes travelling again and again to the silver haired boy, because even when he can’t quite see properly (not on stage, not even in his close-up shots on the VCR because he’s wearing a stupid cap and his face is hardly seen, like what kind of tease shot is that - ), his voice is actually the one sending goosebumps down his skin. There’s something different about it, something soothing despite the heavy electronic beats it accompanies, and he’s quickly able to discern it from the others even though it’s barely been two songs. 

(He’s also an incredibly fluid dancer, and he files it away in the back of his mind to search him up later. He has a strong feeling that Haechan is on his way to becoming his NCT bias, although it’s not like he’d gone into this with any expectations. Hell, he hadn’t even thought he’d be leaving with a potential bias, but he can’t exactly say he’s surprised.)

_Come Back_ ends, and is followed up by Mark’s favourite NCT 127 song, _Limitless_ , the true bop of the century. The members disappear off stage for the first half of it, leaving the crowd to watch the animation on the screens, until suddenly, Jeno jumps through the entrance on stage, rapping his part. Mark is honestly baffled by his skills - seeing as how Mark’s learned that both he and Haechan are a year younger than Mark himself, and he thinks about where they are in life and where he is, and frankly, it makes him feel a smidge pathetic.

He’s just as talented, and he’s quickly joined by the other members as their parts arrive. Mark is stuck between simply closing his eyes and dancing along to enjoy the song, and standing and cheering as he watches them perform. Taeyong’s growls (?) and Taeil and Doyoung’s vocals in the song always get him, and really, he finds himself thankful to Kevin for bringing him here. 

_Chain,_ a song Mark is hearing for the first time, comes up next, and Mark watches the members fall into some sort of travelling formation in awe. As the song goes on, Kevin leans towards him, “Dude, you should hear the original Japanese version of this song - it’s totally your kind of thing.”

Well based on what he’s hearing right now, it definitely is. He files that as another thing he has to do when he searches up the members later when he gets home. He can always pack a few hours later…

_Chain_ peaks with Taeil’s high note that makes Mark breathless because _goddamn,_ followed by Haechan leading the dance break - and yes, Mark is definitely checking the music video out for research purposes later, because those are some smooth ass moves. 

When the song finally ends (and ends Mark’s whole career and life with it, oxygen who?), it brings a reprieve for the band. Standing on the center stage, they all reach down to grab water bottles, audible heavy breathing over the mics as they take a break from the dancing to finally talk to the crowd. 

“Hey guys!” Taeyong yells, echoing across the stadium to a roar in response. They all do the official greeting on Taeyong’s count, and then Taeyong continues, “It’s great to see you all out here tonight! Shall we introduce ourselves, one by one?”

He gets a chorus of adorable ‘okays’ from the rest of the group, and they start with Doyoung at the end of the line. The man raises an arm in the air, and the official cameras filming the show, project his face onto the big screen. Like this, it’s easy for Mark to see his face, and he’s thankful that finally he can put faces to names. 

“Hello my name is Doyoung!” He has black hair, as well as a pair of endearing bunny teeth. It’s the first thing he notices about him. “Okay! Did you come to see me?”

The crowd yells in response, and Mark figures he must be a pretty popular member. 

“Thank you! Let’s have fun tonight!” He says and then waves, passing over the turn to the member next to him, a tall blonde who simply raises a hand and gives a tiny wave. 

“Hi!” He drags out, all excited smiles. “I’m Jungwoo! So guys, we’re finally in Vancouver!” The crowd cheers loudly for him, and he admits shyly, struggling but pulling through with the English words, “I was nervous throughout the opening part. But after doing all of this, I feel so much better. I was so stressed, but let’s make memories that will last!”

_'He’s adorable,'_ Mark decides. 

“Hi I’m Taeil!” The next member shouts in greeting, both arms waving. For someone who’s the oldest, he hardly seems like it, short and grinning so widely. “We’ve made it to Vancouver! You guys have been waiting to - waiting for - yeah!” He drags out at the end, the English sentence an aborted mission. Another member, Johnny, Mark suspects from the American accent in the voice, just gives him the gentle comfort and support he needs to continue his ment. “I’ve been waiting to meet you all too. We’ve prepared a lot of stages, so please look forward to it!”

It’s incredible how the band is putting in the effort of speaking English, even if it’s rehearsed, when they could just have a translator for the show. He appreciates their efforts, and even though he hardly knows them, his heart warms at it. 

“Vancouver!” The next person, a redhead, just yells into their mic, and whilst Mark jumps, the rest of the crowd just yells back. “I’m Yuta! And I have been waiting for this day to come!” He says it dramatically, a pause between each word. “Thank you guys for filling out this huge space. So let’s make tonight an unforgettable night!”

“Vancouver!” Taeyong throws a peace sign up in the air as a greeting. Mark doesn’t need to even look at the screen to recognize him. “I’m glad to meet you, glad to be here. Hi, I’m Taeyong! It’s our first time here, thank you for having us! I’m so happy right now. Let’s have a great night!”

“Hi guys! I’m Jaehyun!” The really handsome guy on his right says and then spreads his arms. “Vancouver, scream!”

The crowd screams. 

“Let’s have fun tonight!” He sounds vaguely American too, although Kevin hadn’t mentioned Jaehyun being American to him. Mark’s curious now. “Thank you!”

“Hey guys I’m Jenoooooo!” The raven haired rapper shouts. He grins, eyes curving into tiny smiles too. “It’s amazing to be in Vancouver for the first time! I can’t wait to spend time with everyone here and have fun! Let’s have a great evening!”

And then the turn is passed to Haechan, the second last member in the line. For a second Mark is watching his figure on stage as he raises his arms, and then he looks at the screen and his brain stops working all together. 

Because on screen, under that fluffy nest of silver hair, is a face Mark recognizes - not from posters or music videos - but one from his memories of Jeju. 

Mark has to be tripping, because it doesn’t even take him half of a second to recall Donghyuck’s face from the beach. Under all that silver hair and killer eyeliner, Haechan looks identical to him.

“What’s up Vancouver?!” And Mark feels the goosebumps run down his skin again, because he hadn’t realised when the boy had been singing, voice higher and somewhat airy, but his speaking voice (deeper than expected, given his singing voice) also matches what he remembers of Donghyuck’s and - what the fuck is going on?

“I’m Haechan!” He smiles prettily, and it’s exactly the way it was on the beach, tan skin bathed in the moonlight. 

Only - this is _Haechan_ _,_ a famous kpop idol based in Seoul, on tour in North America. Who Mark had met was _Donghyuck,_ a rich boy from Jeju, albeit living in Seoul, who had been injured but saved Mark from drowning anyway. 

There was no way they were the same person, was there? Mark couldn’t have possibly met a kpop idol. What were the fucking odds of all of that?

“Are you guys ready to have fun tonight? Okay, let’s get it!”

Nope, there was _absolutely_ no way. _Obviously,_ Mark was seeing things. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes that happened. Poor Mark, he never expected this, he's gonna need some time to process all that lmao 
> 
> I've got a twitter, feel free to hit me up on there too @CelestialMiche, I'd love to discuss things about this fic, about NCT, anything in general too!
> 
> Lemme know what you think in the comments, leave a kudos, it makes me happy! Until next time~
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Miche xx


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, 
> 
> It's been a hot minute since I updated this. Life's to blame, exam season crawled up on me and I lost all motivation to write and update. I've finally finished this chapter - but it's completely unedited, and I almost hate it because I have no clue if it's any good. So if you hate, I'll apologize in advance T_T I really just wanted to get it out asap because I know there are a few people who have been waiting for the update. Thank you for all your patience! 
> 
> So without further ado,  
> Miche xx

The rest of the concert feels like a fever dream. Mark hardly registers the songs echoing across the stadium, eyes fixated on the single figure up on stage with silver-dyed hair, trying to discern any form of difference that would tell him that Donghyuck and Haechan weren’t the same person. In a moment of weakness, Mark even tries to google it, only to find he has no service - and besides, what would he even look up if he did?

 _'The truth about NCT 127’s Haechan,'_ He thinks rather dramatically, but he thinks he has a right to, when his life is playing out like one of those Korean dramas his mother loves to watch in her spare time. 

It’s something like an out of body experience every time there’s a ment section in the concert and Haechan opens his mouth and sounds exactly like Donghyuck, teases another member like Donghyuck had teased Mark back on the beach. But they aren’t the same person, don’t have the same backstory, don’t even have the same _name._ So why does it feel so much like looking at the same person?

It’s towards the end of the concert, during the final ment before the encore performances (and Mark only knows that there’s encore performances because Kevin had raved about seeing them perform Superhuman during the encore), that Haechan clears his throat whilst Johnny (whose introduction in the beginning Mark hadn’t even heard, so lost in thought) is wrapping up his comment, “Haechan, is there anything you want to add?”

Mark had completely zoned out on the conversation, but tunes in when he hears Haechan’s name mentioned.

“Yes!” Haechan claps his hands excitedly, but speaking in slow, deliberate English words. “Like Johnny hyung said - it is really amazing to be here tonight. When I was younger, I never thought that one day I would be travelling to Canada, as a singer in a kpop group like this. I don’t think any of us did.” He laughs, a little in amusement and a little in awe of his own memories, “It _is_ pretty incredible. I am blessed to have this stage and to get to share it with all of you. I _really_ never thought that my passion for singing would bring me here one day... so I just wanted to tell you all that never stop pushing for your own passions - just keep trying, nothing can stop you from - uh, succeeding! In fact, there’s something that someone told me earlier that I think is awesome and uh, hold quite dearly and would like to share with you: there’s sunlight at the end of every tunnel, and someday it’ll all be worth it. So hwaiting!”

The words hit are nothing short of the impact of a bullet train and Mark, for a moment, stops breathing. He feels like he’s underwater again, sound around him muffled, a single point amongst a sea of bodies. 

_‘There’s sunlight at the end of every tunnel, and someday it’ll all be worth it,’_ He had said. Someone had told him that.

And how is Mark supposed to feel now? The evidence lies bare in front of him - in the form of Haechan’s message. He doesn’t know whether the other boy had ever thought that the words would reach Mark, ever thought that Mark would be here to witness this. Mark doesn’t even know why he’s mentioned this, during the only concert scheduled in Vancouver, and for a brief second, he wonders if that night had really impacted him as much as it had Mark - if he thinks about Mark the way Mark thinks far too much about him, when the truth of the matter was that they’d known each other for something short of an hour at most. 

No, Mark doesn’t have an answer to any of these questions - and he knows he never will (and perhaps, that is what will drive him insane).

Now the only thing he does know is that Haechan, the famous kpop idol with the angelic voice, the sinful smirk and smooth words, is somehow also Donghyuck, the mischievous boy with the soft smile, who had saved Mark’s life.

* * *

“So, what did you think?” Kevin asks him as they follow the crowd out of the stadium. The boy is practically vibrating from post-concert excitement, looking about two seconds away from giving him the play-by-play of everything even though Mark was very much there to witness it.

Mark’s knees are still weak and, he thinks vaguely, he feels very similar to all those shots from _Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood_ where they comically animate souls leaving the characters’ bodies from shock or surprise.

“It was amazing,” Mark says blankly, and at Kevin’s disbelieving look, he plasters an attempt at a genuine grin on his face, “It was! I just - I loved...um, Chain, yeah! And Superhuman!”

“Yeah right,” Kevin scoffs, before nudging him with a knowing look, “Admit it, I caught you staring at Haechan multiple times.”

 _‘Definitely not for the reason you’re thinking,’_ Mark thinks pointedly, before amending, _‘Well, maybe that reason too, but that wasn’t the only one.’_

“So Haechan’s your bias, huh?” Kevin shakes his head in amusement when Mark doesn’t reply, just looks away in embarrassment. “Gotta say, I’m a little surprised.”

“Really?” Mark’s eyes snap to him. “Why?”

“I dunno - for some reason I thought you’d be into like...one of the rappers,” Kevin shrugs. “Haechan though...I guess I can see it. Mischievous, sarcastic, would give you shit...yeah, I can see you falling for someone like that.”

 _‘He’s also a_ _sweetheart,'_ Mark thinks a little petulantly, offended for the boy, before mentally berating himself for the thought. 

“Hey,” Mark says quietly in realization then. “Wait, is Haechan his real name…?”

“Oh, no,” Kevin laughs. “It’s his stage name. His name’s actually Lee Donghyuck.”

And finally, _finally,_ a sense of familiarity settles over him. It feels like he’s getting somewhere. He’d been wrong then - or rather, he’d been trying to convince himself that he’d been wrong. Donghyuck and Haechan were one and the same - or perhaps, it was more accurate to say that they were two shades of the same person. 

The pieces start falling in place in Mark’s brain. 

“It looks like there’s some magic to your sweatshirt, Mark,” Kevin says then and Mark, who’d been distracted by his own thoughts, nearly misses it. “You wore Haechan’s magic sweatshirt, and he ended up becoming your bias.”

He doesn’t even know the half of it - and Mark is all of a sudden feeling faint with the dawning that this isn’t just some random sweatshirt. It’s _the_ sweatshirt, the one that Kevin claimed Donghyuck wore all the time, has stopped wearing recently. 

Why? Because _Mark_ has it. 

Suddenly, it feels like his skin is on fire. Not only is the thought that he’s wearing something that belongs to Haechan overwhelming enough, but if anyone around him was to find out that this sweatshirt was actually Donghyuck’s, they’d be on him like a pack of wolves. 

“ - Mark, are you even listening?” Kevin calls him, a hand on his shoulder shaking him out of his stupor. “Dude, what’s going on? Your face is all red.”

“Ah,” Mark struggles to get out, the word strangled. “It’s really crowded here, don’t you think?”

Kevin sends him a weird look, “What are you talking about? We were just in a concert hall. It’s _way_ better out here.”

“My claustrophobia is acting up?” Mark tries, eyes flitting around the crowded hallway. 

Kevin stares, even more baffled, “Mark, you’re not claustrophobic.”

“Let’s just get out of here,” Mark hurries, resisting the urge to scream. “I think I’m just overheated right now. It’s too hot.”

“Okay, okay,” Kevin gives in, concern flitting across his face at the urgency in Mark’s voice. He takes Mark’s shoulders under his arm, pulling him through the crowd. “Come on.”

It takes a while, politely trying to push through the crowd, but luckily it seems that most people around them are also on a post-concert high, so there isn’t much resistance. Within the next fifteen minutes, Kevin manages to help him out of the venue. Since they’d arrived here by taxi, they knew that getting a taxi back from near the venue would never work - their only plan of action was to walk for a while, until they were close enough to either an uncrowded bus stop or far enough from the venue that they could call for a cab. 

It’s as they’re walking that Kevin brings it up, “Are you sure you had fun, Mark? You seem...I don’t know. There’s something weird about you right now.”

“I had fun,” Mark tells him honestly. “Really. It’s just…”

“Just?” 

“Okay, you have to promise you won’t tell this to anyone,” Mark sighs, Kevin’s gaze far too heavy on him. “I haven’t even told anyone - you’ll be the first.”

“You know I won’t,” Kevin reassures him.

“I think - ” Mark starts off, before he cuts himself off, correcting with a light shake of his head. “No, I know, more like - I’ve met Haechan before.”

Kevin doesn’t even pause when he folds his arms across his chest with a teasing scoff, “Really now?”

“Yes,” Mark insists, teeth grinding lightly. “Last year, two days before New Years, I kinda ran away to Jeju - ”

“You did _what?”_

“ - because I needed a break and my dorm got suffocating,” Mark doesn’t meet his eyes. “And I got to the beach at about two in the morning?”

Kevin doesn’t say a word, and Mark sighs, kicking at a pebble on the sidewalk as they pass some toy store, “And I kinda...ended up walking into the water. It was impulsive...but I tried to drown without really thinking about whether that was really what I wanted.”

Kevin stops walking, “Mark, what the actual _fuck_ \- ”

“I know,” Mark squeezes his eyes shut as he comes to a halt next to him. “I know, okay? It was stupid. I shouldn’t have done it, and I don’t think I really wanted to either. I just wanted an escape at the time and it seemed like a good idea. Everything had gotten so much and I was close to failing, I guess.”

“ _Dude…_ ” Kevin breathes out, sounding equal parts stressed, disbelieving and more importantly worried. 

“I don’t want to actually die,” Mark opens his eyes, taking Kevin’s hands in his to reassure him, squeezing them once and then letting go. “Seriously. It was just impulsive - ”

“But what if it happens again - ?” Kevin’s eyebrows raise, jaw clenched in lightly concealed frustration. “What do we do then? Dude, you were in Jeju, where none of us, not me, your family, anybody could reach you! Why - what would we have done if you’d gone through with it? If something had actually happened?”

Mark’s spent countless nights thinking about this, of course. Of having left the face of this earth with no traces left behind, lured in by the hypnotic motions of the waves and the quiet promise of a permanent peace. And yet, deep in his gut, Mark’s come to the realization that he regrets having stepped into the ocean that night. He doesn’t want to die, not when he hopes to finish this damn degree and do what he really wants, because he thinks that would have been a bigger regret, if he could still regret after dying. 

“I don’t know,” Mark says. “But I can promise you that it won’t happen again, okay? It won’t.”

Kevin stares at him for a few seconds, eyes unreadable under the city lights, a darkened sky overhead painted in evening spring colours. 

“Fine,” Kevin relents, shoulders dropping. “Fine, I’ll trust you. But Mark, you can’t do this - ”

“I won’t,” Mark promises, firm. 

“Okay,” Kevin shakes his head lightly, a frown still playing at his lips. “Okay, so what happened?”

“Before I could actually even drown, someone stopped me?” Mark recalls. “They literally dragged me back to shore. They called me out for it, helped me out and talked to me.”

“Thank fuck for them,” Kevin scoffs. 

“Yeah, well, this gorgeously tanned boy told me he was a dancer but had a leg injury so he was at home for a while to recover, he asked me about NCT, and introduced himself as Donghyuck,” Mark shakes his head, even as he hears Kevin gasp. He was such a fool. He can’t even believe how stupid he must have sounded to Donghyuck. “And guess who I saw on stage today that looks exactly like him?”

“Holy fuck, you met Haechan,” Kevin voices for him, sounding a little distant, eyes wide in shock. And then, with much more awareness, like the fact finally registered, he says almost three times louder, “Holy _shit,_ Mark, you met _Haechan?!”_

“If I’m not wrong,” Mark confirms. 

“Wait so then, that sweatshirt - ” Kevin points at it in a mixture of both horror and fascination. “Is - you’re the reason why no one has seen it on him all year?!”

“Shush!” Mark flusters, hands flapping around. “Not so loud, maybe?”

“Who cares?!” Kevin says. “You fucking met Haechan and he liked you enough to give up one of his favourite sweatshirts?! Mark, how could you not tell me before?!”

“Bitch, I didn’t know myself!” Mark complains. “You think I didn’t have a mental breakdown back in the concert hall?”

“No wonder you became a statue at one point, you looked so overwhelmed,” Kevin snickers. 

“Wait,” Mark pauses. “So - hold on, didn’t you say 127 had been on tour since the start of the year?”

“Yeah, but Haechan missed the start of it,” Kevin explains. “The first few concerts in Seoul and Japan didn’t have him since he was still recovering from injury back then. But it wasn’t long before he came back? Like, late January, I think.”

Well, that made so much sense. 

“No wonder he became your bias,” Kevin grins, bumping shoulders with him. “So, you think he’s _gorgeous?_ ”

“Do you disagree?” Mark challenges, willing that the blush doesn’t make it to his face.

“Hey, it’s a _fact_ that Haechan is gorgeous,” Kevin raises his arms in surrender. “I’m just teasing.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, but _how_ exactly was I supposed to know my Jeju boy - ” When Kevin sends him a raised eyebrow, Mark hastily amends, “Uh, the boy I met in Jeju was supposed to be some famous kpop idol? I’d hardly seen pictures of NCT before.”

“I know,” Kevin pacifies, throwing an arm over Mark’s shoulders. “So what are you gonna do now?”

“What do you mean, what now?” Mark stares incredulously. “What the hell am I supposed to do?”

“I mean,” Kevin peers at him, biting the inside of his cheek in a moment of conflicted thoughts. “Don’t you think it’s a little like destiny? You met him in Jeju, of all places - ” 

“Because he was injured,” Mark reminds.

“ - instead of Seoul, where you two could have potentially met and definitely had higher chances of meeting instead - ”

“It’s not that easy to meet kpop idols, but okay.”

“ - and then I drag you to an NCT concert, on their _first_ world tour, mind you, a few months later?” Kevin eyes him. “It all just feels so...what’s the word?”

“The word you’re looking for is ‘coincidence’,” Mark deadpans. “Nothing more.”

“Are you seriously telling me you’re not going to try to meet him again?” Kevin pulls away from him, arms folded across his chest in disbelief. 

“And do _what?_ ” Mark’s jaw drops. “And why would I do that anyway?! That’s like... stalkerish!”

Kevin narrows his eyes pointedly, “Dude, you gotta at least see him once!”

“Kevin Moon, have you lost your mind?” Mark stares at him, baffled. 

“Maybe you have,” Kevin scoffs, looking an inch away from grabbing Mark by the shoulders and shaking him back and forth. “Mark, I don’t know, maybe I’m reaching, but you met this incredible guy by pure chance and then months later, he reappears, albeit in a different scenario. Wouldn’t you at least take this as a sign to get to know him? If life is giving you a second chance?”

“Kevin, this is cute and all,” Mark shakes his head. “But it might sound strange to you, but I’m not looking to be friends with Donghyuck - or Haechan, whatever. Hell, I’m not looking for anything. And it’s not even half as easy as you’re thinking it is. I’m literally flying back home tomorrow, and isn’t he due to go to other countries too for a while for the tour?”

Kevin’s shoulders sink, knowing Mark is telling the truth. 

Mark sighs, adding, “Besides, what am I even supposed to say to him if I was to meet him? Thanks for saving me again, oh and by the way, thanks for mentioning you’re a part of NCT?”

He shudders, thinking of the disaster it would be. Even just the thought of it is absurd. 

Frankly, he wonders why he’s even giving any thought to it. Today had been a huge coincidence - but it most definitely was _not_ the _sign_ that Kevin was making it out to be. The universe has better things to do, after all.

* * *

NCT is a band and he has equal right to listen to their music as much as the next person.

...Or at least, that’s what he tells himself when he pulls up NCT 127’s _Regular-Irregular_ album on YouTube. 

(It’s definitely not because he’s thinking about Donghyuck - Haechan, it’s _Haechan_. Is it? He doesn’t even know anymore - and it's not like he wants to hear his voice as he’s packing, phone connected to the speaker in his room. No, it’s because he went to their concert and loved their music and is _curious_ now. Nothing else.)

It’s only when Mark goes to put in the Sweatshirt™ (yes, it deserves a trademark now), freshly washed, back into the suitcase, does he realise how silly he’s being. 

Why should it matter if he looks up NCT? 

Donghyuck (whether or not he’s also Haechan) supported him when he needed it. It’s only fair that he shows support to him, now that he’s been _enlightened._ It’s not like Mark is gonna meet him ever again (and now it almost feels wrong to hope that he’ll meet him again, if he’s honest), since seeing the same kpop idol in your life more than once is like... impossible. It’s already been two times, Mark’s tested the universe enough. It’s just not going to happen.

So _really,_ what’s the harm if Mark supports him like this? It’s not like Donghyuck is ever going to know.

(And he really _does_ like the music the more he listens to it, so it’s not even like he has to force himself!)

So in a fit of rebellion, Mark finishes packing up the little he’d unpacked and then settles in bed with his laptop even though he should be going to bed soon since he has an early flight. The first thing he does is go to Wikipedia, because even if it’s generally useless for any academic research purposes, it’s surprisingly a good summary for stalking people’s lives. 

From there, Mark learns that NCT is EXO’s boy-group successor in SM, their SM Rookies trainee project and then their debut with NCT U followed by 127 and Dream units. There’s an unnecessarily complicated colour-coordinated timeline too, which he struggles to read. He also finds out that Haechan does not have his own Wikipedia page but most members don’t so he shuts up because it’s not like he can start the pages himself. 

His next pit stop is on Kprofiles.com because that’s where he goes to find brief member descriptions and information (if he’s honest, he’s only seen EXO’s before, Kevin always calls him a heathen). He’s intimidated from the mere scrolling length of the page, until his eyes catch on the fandom colour being ‘Pearl Neo Champagne’ and wonders where the hell that combination of words came from for that name. 

_'Someone had to be high on some champagne when they came up with that,'_ He thinks drily. 

He scrolls down the page, recognizing names and faces, others leaving him confused. He doesn’t even get down half the list before he decides that it’s not helpful at all, and he’s pulling up YouTube again.

He’s quick to find a bunch of ‘unhelpful guides’ to NCT and their infinite (read: three) subunits. It’s something very close to falling down a rabbit hole, caught up in the fanfare and the likeability of each and every one of the members of this band as he stumbles from guides into funny moments into memes. NCT Dream, in particular, he finds himself _quickly_ growing fond of. Maybe it’s because he’s close to them all in age, or maybe it’s because seeing videos of them from when they were literal children to the age they are today makes him feel far more attached to them than expected. He doesn’t think he fell so in love with EXO this quickly either. 

Still, despite all of that, it’s Haechan who weighs in his mind, sharp eyes and teasing smiles, wrapped prettily with well-timed aegyo. From the research he does, Mark easily finds out that the boy’s history matches up with the one Donghyuck had told him (Seoul-born, growing up in Jeju). He joined SM as a trainee years ago, until he finally debuted with 127 and then Dream back in 2016. It’s both like seeing Donghyuck from that night at the beach, the familiarity with what he remembers almost painful, but at the same time like seeing a different person altogether. He remembers both the seriousness on Donghyuck’s face from when he kept his lips sealed about his own problems, but the gentle teasing to make Mark smile. He wonders which version of him is real, or if they’re all just half-true facets of the same character. 

It’s close to three in the morning before he forces himself to close all his tabs and goes to bed. It’s far too late and his flight is at nine tomorrow, which means he has to get to the airport by seven at least - his only consolation is that he’ll get to sleep on the flight back. 

The next morning, after a painfully quiet and forced breakfast, Mark’s parents get ready to drive him to the airport. There’s been the undercurrent of tension they’d all been avoiding since after the wedding, now having nothing to distract them with. His brother is long gone on his honeymoon out of the country with his wife. His father hasn’t brought up the discussion from Mark’s last visit whilst his mother keeps glancing between the two of them but words never leave her mouth. Mark sure as hell isn’t going to say something, because at this point, he’s lost faith in anything happening any time soon to convince them. 

Thankfully, Kevin arrives in time to tag along to the airport to drop Mark off (and successfully surprises Mark, because he hadn’t expected it after Kevin’s rather dramatic goodbye last night). Kevin’s the only reason that the thirty eight minute drive to the airport doesn’t feel entirely suffocating, conveniently distracting him from the looming presence of his parents.

“You look like you barely slept last night,” Kevin eyes from the seat next to him, referring to the dark circles he knows are visible. “Jesus, Mark, what time did you sleep last night?”

“Not that late,” Mark tries to avoid, gaze pointedly out of the window.

There’s a pause where Mark thinks his best friend has dropped the topic, but then Kevin leans over to whisper all too knowingly, “You were up all night looking up NCT, weren’t you? Did some research on _Haechan_ \- ”

“No!” Mark’s cheeks burn, having a feeling akin to embarrassment at being caught, which is entirely ridiculous. But Kevin has got this teasing smirk on his face paired with that shitty twinkle in his eyes, “You did!”

“Of _course_ I did,” Mark screeches under his breath. “Are you seriously telling me you expected me not to after that bomb dropped?”

“Believe me I did, I know you, Mark Lee,” Kevin returns smugly. “But I’m more interested in how much time you invested in your research. Know all of NCT now? Or just Haechan - ?”

“I’ll have you know I dedicated time to the whole band, Donghyuck just happens to be a part of it,” Mark folds his arms across his chest like a petulant child. Kevin, he decides, is annoying. 

“Right and your interest in the band, which _finally_ by the way, has nothing to do with the fact that you met Haechan?” He says, looking far too amused for Mark’s tastes.

“Shut up,” Mark rolls his eyes but he’s not actually that bothered by Kevin’s nosiness, if he’s honest. “Okay, fine, it’s Donghyuck’s fault. I was curious, but turns out you were right. NCT’s great. I stayed up till like three watching stupid guides and funny moments.”

“Mark, you have no clue how happy I am. I’ve been waiting for so long to make you a NCTzen,” Kevin grins genuinely. “Who knew all I needed to do was show you a picture of Haechan?”

“Fuck off,” Mark mutters under his breath, knowing his parents are sitting right in front of them, and shoves him lightly, embarrassed because well - Kevin’s right. 

“Okay, but seriously,” Kevin straightens with a laugh. “I can’t wait to stream a comeback together or - oh! Let’s get you a stan twitter - ”

“No,” Mark voices, a little horrified. “Kevin Moon, I’m not doing that. I’m more than happy to live in my little YouTube bubble. I’m not getting a stan twitter, oh my god, that’s - god, no offense, but from what I’ve heard, from _you_ let me add, there’s way too much negativity on there, and - it’ll - I’ll probably be better off away from it. With everything - well, you know.”

Kevin’s shoulders sink a little at the reminder, “Mark...”

“Seriously,” Mark flashes a small smile. “I’ll support them on YouTube, trust me.”

“If you insist,” And this is what Mark appreciates about his best friend. He knows Kevin thinks otherwise but he never pushes too far, respecting Mark’s boundaries. 

Instead, for the rest of the car ride, Kevin only takes Mark’s phone to create a playlist of NCT videos for him to watch when he feels lonely back in Korea. Kevin passes him one end of his earphones and Mark doesn’t even realise when he falls asleep, Dream’s _Beautiful Time_ playing in his ears. 

The next time Mark opens his eyes, they are at the airport. At the security check, where he has to leave everyone behind, Kevin squeezes him in his arms, murmuring for him to take care and text him in case of anything. His mother is next, hesitating before hugging him equally tightly. 

“Take care of yourself, please,” She whispers in his ear and when she pulls away, she looks like she has more to say but in the end nothing else leaves her. 

His father simply pats him on the back, offering him a smile, “Let us know when you land.”

He manages a weak smile for as long as they are looking, then spares a more genuine one towards Kevin, who only sighs.

When he walks through the gate, he’s more relieved than he would like to admit and wonders, for one long moment, why feelings have to be so damn complicated. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's that. Like I said, I wrote this in a little bit of a rush, with even more haste to get it out here. I just hope you liked it, and hope you leave a kudos or a comment because it'll make me feel better about this mess. Hit me up on Twitter if you like @CelestialMiche 
> 
> Frankly, I have no clue when I'll get the next chapter out. It could be a while, because I have no idea when I'll get the time to write. Hopefully soon, but I can't guarantee at all. Hope you stick around until next time :) 
> 
> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Miche xx


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Hello.
> 
> I know I said the next chapter might be a while, but guess who decided to abandon living life like a healthy functioning human and wrote this instead? I really wanted this to be out in time for Christmas, like a gift to all the readers who waited for me to release the previous chapter that I took forever to write >.< but yeah anyway, it's a little rushed, a little messy, but if that doesn't feel a little like Christmas (even though the chapter itself doesn't have anything to do with the holiday), I don't know what does. I hope you guys like it!
> 
> Lots of love,  
> Miche xxx

Mark’s been back about two weeks when Serim shows up at his apartment at exactly eight in the morning on a Saturday Mark was supposed to be sleeping in on. 

“Mark,” Serim says immediately after he opens the door. “I need your help.”

Mark takes one look behind the boy to find suitcases and a massive box, almost like he’d moved his entire apartment right onto Mark’s doorstep. 

“What the fuck?” Mark voices, confused and still half asleep, automatically stepping out of the way to let Serim in. “What’s going on? Did you get kicked out?”

“No, I’m kicking myself out. I absolutely cannot keep living in my old apartment anymore,” Serim runs a stressed hand through his hair, pushing his three suitcases in. Mark walks out, uncaring that he’s still in his pajamas, to grab the lone big box on the floor. “My neighbour, you remember the one I told you about? He played rock music at three in the fucking morning in his bedroom. I _can’t_ sleep more nights on my couch Mark, not when I can still hear the damn noise all the way from _my_ bedroom.”

“Dude, did the building owner not help you out when you complained?” Mark questions, trailing behind the other boy into his own apartment and shutting the door behind him with his baby pink flip-flop covered foot.

Serim is a sweetheart; he’s the type to adjust before forcing anyone else to, which is exactly why this has probably even gone on this long. He’s been frustrated by his neighbour who seems to live his life during the night, uncaring of how it bothers Serim because they share a common bedroom wall, going as far as to tell him rudely to wear earmuffs if it bothers him so much about a week ago. Serim had filed an official complaint after that, but clearly it hadn’t worked out, if he was here right now. 

“That asshole is the building owner’s son, fucking nepotism,” Serim grinds his teeth, looking two seconds away from popping a vein in his forehead, and it’s so unlike him, that Mark finds himself rushing to put the box down and lead Serim to the kitchen, abandoning the suitcases back in the entry passageway.

“I don’t know what that word means,” Mark informs him, trying to figure out how his stove works (he can at least make the boy some tea), because his korean might be good but some words are still difficult - wait, does he even have tea in the house…?

“It’s like - ” Serim’s eyebrows furrow, struggling a bit. “Favouring people who are related to you or are your friends for things like jobs and opportunities, I guess?”

A metaphorical light bulb goes off in Mark’s brain in understanding and he lets out a hum. He keeps searching for tea, letting out an inaudible sigh of relief when he finds a box of tea bags. 

Making tea from scratch was probably too high of a goal anyway. Hot water though? That he can manage. 

He grabs two mugs, filling them with water as Serim slumps in the chair at the table. “I know I’m not really giving you a choice with the way I stormed in here, but please let me stay here for a couple of days while I figure out where else I can go?” 

Mark slips the filled mugs into the microwave, setting the timer for a minute, and then turns around to lean back against the counter as he gives Serim his full attention. The other boy’s eyes have deep dark circles under them, almost dark enough to rival Mark’s own, and he looks more physically exhausted than Mark’s ever seen him, including exam seasons from the last two years. It’s only then that it really dawns on Mark that it’s actually eight in the morning and Serim’s moved here with what looks like nearly all of his stuff - clearly the boy hadn’t slept all night.

“Of course, Serim,” Mark tells him gently. “You know you’re always welcome here.”

“Really?” The boy looks so grateful, eyes wide and hopeful, Mark almost wants to go beat up the guy who was bothering him, even though Kevin likes to joke that Mark is the most peaceful person he knows. 

“I have a spare room, you know that,” Mark shrugs, reaching for the mugs when the microwave goes off. He reaches for one, hissing when his finger gets scalded by the hot ceramic, and then carefully pulls them out of the microwave. He puts one tea bag in each mug and then returns to the table, pushing one towards Serim. “That room should be perfect for you - actually why not just move in with me?”

Mark’s an idiot. He can’t believe he’s never thought of this before. 

...Maybe he should wake up early on Saturday mornings more often if it gives him good ideas like this.

“What?” Serim blinks in surprise as he blows some of the steam away from his mug.

“No, I mean,” Mark rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “You’ve crashed plenty of times in that room when you’ve stayed over after tutoring sessions during exam weeks, and it’s not like anyone’s using that room. Besides, your stuff’s here already! It’ll be convenient for the both of us too.”

Serim’s eyebrows furrow, “Mark, this is your home, I can’t ask - ”

“Don’t be silly,” Mark waves off, scrunching his nose and moving his mug away from his face when the steam from his tea fogs up his glasses. “It gets lonely here anyway and it would be nice to have a roommate. All the amenities you want are around this building and I promise I’ll be a good roommate too.”

“But the rent - ”

“I’ll talk to my parents and settle something,” Mark reassures. “We could split the total expenses half and half at the end of the month, or something of that sort. And if it doesn’t work out, or any other reason really, I’ll help you with apartment hunting too.”

“Are you sure?” Serim bites his lip, but his voice is hopeful, like he doesn’t want to believe him because it sounds too good to be true. 

“Dude, I’m just beating myself up for not having asked sooner,” Mark makes a face. “Could have saved you all this trouble if I’d realised.”

“Mark Lee, you are an angel,” Serim lets out a relieved laugh, but for the first time this morning he looks free and relaxed. His voice is watery when he says, “God, I don’t know what I would do without you. You’re the best.”

“It’s nothing,” Mark chuckles. “Now what you’re going to do is get some much needed sleep.”

Mark and Serim move all the suitcases and boxes to the spare room, and then Mark leaves him to get some rest. Mark settles on the couch, watching some drama rerun he doesn’t pay attention to and mostly dozes through. He only jerks awake at about eleven, when his neck is stiff from the terrible angle he fell asleep in and almost ends up breaking his back when he tumbles to the ground, effectively waking Serim up and rushing to ask Mark what happened.

They spend the rest of the day cleaning Mark’s - now Serim’s - spare room. Other than the clean bed, it’s somewhat _dusty_ from the infrequency of its usage but otherwise fairly well-maintained. The room was supposed to have been Mark’s, back when the house was bought years ago. But since the house was never used until now, Mark elected to claim the master bedroom instead (especially since it had a larger bed). As a result, the smaller bedroom originally meant for Mark had pretty much been abandoned in its once-pristine condition.

Back when he moved in at the start of his first year, he wasn’t sure why his parents had bothered to put in the single bed in the other bedroom. Now, he was grateful that at least Serim had a bed to sleep on. 

The boy is quick to make the space homely, filling the empty wardrobe, decorating his desk with his pen stand and post-its. Dark red bed covers quickly occupy the surface, and by nightfall, Serim’s unpacked most of his things, aside from that big box in the living room. He falls onto the bed with understandable relief and shuts his eyes, “Thank god that’s over. I’ll get to the box tomorrow morning.”

“So,” Mark takes one look around the room before his lips twitch. “You don’t mind if I play Justin Bieber at three in the morning, do you?”

The pillow that flies towards him, aimed straight at his face, is answer enough.

* * *

“You guys are such assholes,” Mina complains as she settles on the couch next to Mark, chopsticks digging into her bowl of noodles. “Why the hell wasn’t I invited to live with you? I won’t even take up that much space, I’ll fit anywhere!”

“Which room do you want? Where do you want to sleep? I can offer you the bathroom tub, the floor of the walk-in closet, the kitchen fridge and the living room couch,” Mark entertains humorously. Mina just sticks her tongue out at him. “I thought you liked living with your roommate in the dorms?”

“Of course I do, Hyeyeon is a cutie pie,” She scoffs.

Serim and Mark exchange a bemused glance, and Serim asks her, “Then what’s the problem?”

“It’s the _principle_ of the matter,” She grumbles. “What am I, chopped liver?”

Mark squishes her in a hug promptly, even though he’s not the type to hug people, “Don’t be cute.”

“But I was born that way?”

He shoves her off the couch for that, ignoring her indignant screeching. When she climbs back onto the couch, she presses the heel of her foot hard into his calf and glares, “Mark Lee, you’re lucky I like you enough not to throw these noodles at you.”

Mark just grins. He knows she’s just playing around, because she likes complaining and being dramatic when she’s in a particular mood after a bad class, but she’s actually really calm and easygoing otherwise. 

“I have a date tomorrow night,” Mina reveals softly when Serim joins them at the coffee table, sitting at the single armchair next to the sofa. 

“Oh?” Serim raises an eyebrow curiously. “Who is it? Do we know them?”

“No,” Mina actually looks _shy,_ good lord, as she talks about it and that’s enough to make Mark sit up in interest. Mina tends to be an unexpectedly shy person, but usually she’s fairly confident when announcing her dates to the boys. _This_ behavior (the small smile, the twinkle in her eyes, the blooming blush on her cheeks) deviates from the norm and Mark wants to know why.

“What’s with you?” Mark asks her, eyeing her suspiciously. “Who is this person?”

“No one, I - ” She coughs a little at the intense gazes the boys fix on her, and she mumbles. “Um, so you know how our department had a guest lecture today, right?”

They both nod, so she continues, “So I wasn’t expecting some of the alumni to arrive with the guest lecturer, and well - I bumped into one of them and got to talking. She was super nice and knowledgeable and I was really surprised when she asked me out for dinner as a date?”

“Damn, an alumni,” Serim lets out a low whistle. “Look at you.”

“How much older is she?” Mark asks curiously. 

“Three years?” Mina’s blush expands. “Sejeong unnie’s really sweet though. Everyone in our department loves her, they still talk about her final project.”

“You really like her, huh?” Serim states, a far too knowing grin curling on his lip, which can’t mean anything good for Mina. “You - ”

Whatever he’s about to say is interrupted by the sound of Mark’s phone ringing, the instrumental of this ingenious reversed version of the _Seventh Sense_ he found on YouTube echoing through the room. Mark scrambles off the couch to the kitchen, grabbing his phone that’s lying on the counter, ignoring the way that Serim and Mina send him an odd look when he nearly trips over a couch cushion that had fallen along with Mina earlier. 

“MARK LEE DID YOU SEE DREAM’S DNYL TEASER?!” Kevin’s voice attacks him the second he answers. 

Mark is almost terrified to answer. “Uh, no?”

The momentary silence is almost deafening, especially when all he can hear is Kevin’s breathing. Mark catches Serim’s eyes and shrugs in confusion. Finally, Kevin’s flat voice orders, “Go watch it, you heathen.”

The phone call ends suddenly and Mark is left to stare down at his screen, baffled. 

“Everything okay?” Mina’s voice filters over. 

“...Just Kevin being overdramatic,” But he’s also scared Kevin might get on the next plane to question him at this rate, so he returns to his spot on the couch, simultaneously pulling up YouTube and huh - the video’s already up in his recommendations. 

He’s curious because this is labelled as an ‘SM Station’ and also features a foreign artist. As he plays it, the featuring artist’s voice clear through the speakers, both Serim and Mina lean over to see what’s happening.

“Since when do _you_ listen to NCT?” Mina sounds genuinely surprised. 

“Since I met Haechan,” He answers distractedly, focusing on how great all of the boys look. The teaser is set in a high school, talking about some club named DNYL, and everything’s great, he loves the concept - until he spots Renjun crying, which of course, is enough to raise protective instincts even though he knows this is just a teaser - but one thing he can’t help but notice is that Donghyuck is not in this teaser. The startling amount of disappointment that washes over him upon that realisation almost makes him miss the very catchy tune at the end of the video. Once it finishes, he quickly sends a bunch of key-smashes and exclamation marks to Kevin followed by the question _‘But where’s Donghyuck? :(‘_

Figuring he’ll watch (study) it again later, he locks his phone, placing it back on the table. It’s only then that he realises that there’s a silence that has fallen amongst the three of them. 

He looks up to see the two of them staring at him blatantly, clearly waiting for an explanation. Idly, in the back of his mind, he thinks that their faces right now would be the personification of Kevin’s occasional keyboard smashes followed by question marks.

“Excuse me?” Serim says when the silence extends for longer. 

Mark sinks further into his chair, pinned by Mina’s raised eyebrow, and quickly explains what had happened when he went back to Vancouver for his brother’s wedding. When he finishes, he’s rewarded with a smack of the other couch cushion, courtesy of Mina. “Why is this the first time we’re hearing this?!” 

“In my defense, it still hasn’t sunk in for me either, okay?” Mark grumbles. 

In fact, the last two weeks have been spent just catching up on the stuff he’s missed in class - which was an awful lot and only Serim’s tutoring managed to pull him out of that trench - and then watching far too many NCT videos to comfort himself (and yes, he’ll be the first to admit he’s become obsessed). He sees Haechan on screen and still can’t believe that he _met_ him as Donghyuck. 

And god, watching all those NCT videos is not helping whatsoever. 

The more he watches them and the more he sees _Haechan,_ he learns about Donghyuck - not just as the gorgeous boy who saved his life and cheered him up, but also as something of a boy made of sunshine, more mischievous than Mark had originally thought, silver-tongued and unexpectedly flirty. And frankly, so _incredibly_ talented. 

(Mark would be willing to bet that Donghyuck has more talent in the tip of his pinky finger than many have in their entire body.)

Maybe meeting Donghyuck definitely had to do with his thoughts always leading back to the boy. But in the privacy of his own mind Mark also knows that even if they hadn’t met, Haechan would have always been the one to have captured his attention in NCT regardless. 

He _wants_ to say it’s a small celebrity crush. But he’s had to stop himself from writing a _poem_ about the boy.

It’s a dangerous game he’s playing: admiring a boy who’s real persona he’s seen a mere glimmer of, and then crushing on the image he portrays. Somewhere along the line, Mark’s begun blurring the lines of the venn diagram separating the two and really… Mark’s setting himself up for heartbreak of the worst kind, because this is exactly the kind of crush, the kind of infatuation you have to stomp on and dig your heel into right from the moment you realise it exists, before it latches on and he gets attached. Especially because he’s letting himself get carried away in emotions that are not reciprocated and even more misplaced.

But it’s so hard to stop watching and listening to music to search for the lilt of that voice. How can he, when every time he sleeps he sees a boy with silver hair and shimmering eyeliner, glowing under the faint heat of a spotlight in front of a sea of strangers, echo words Mark had said to him on a random beach in the early hours of a desolate morning? Like they meant something to him as much as they had to Mark?

“Mark?” Serim’s voice snaps him out of his thoughts, concern flitting across his expression. “You okay? You spaced out pretty bad there.”

“Yeah, I - ” Mark clears his throat. “Just tired, I think.”

“Have you been sleeping well?” Mina asks, hesitant. Mark’s quick to send her a small, reassuring smile, “Better than before, don’t worry.”

“Well, you have me around now too,” Serim reaches across the coffee table to squeeze his shoulder.

“And you could have had me around as well, but I wasn’t given an invitation to live with you,” Mina jokes. 

“Mina, let that go already!” 

* * *

Mina returns the next night after her date, red cheeks and a little tipsy on red wine, having asked to be dropped off at Mark’s place. It’s not late exactly, just shy of ten, but Mark knows Mina would have ended the night far earlier if it had gone south. The fact that she’s here speaks volumes already. 

Sejeong, a pretty woman just a tad taller than Mina herself, walks her to Mark’s door, helping her balance. It’s disgustingly adorable to see Mina giggling under the older girl’s arm and Sejeong offers Mark a sheepish apologetic grin, but there’s no mistaking the fondness in her eyes as she passes Mina over to him. 

Mina snuggles into his shoulder as Sejeong offers him a handshake in greeting, politeness and kindness radiating off her. Mark likes her instantly. She’s already a thousand times better than all the assholes Mina had dated over the last year and a half, and clearly nicer than some of the other girls Mina’s been on a few dates. Some of them hadn’t been comfortable with Mina being best friends with two guys, but Sejeong hasn’t even blinked at the fact, clearly unbothered. 

Yes, she’s definitely left a good first impression on him. It might be too early for Mark to be declaring this, of course, but there’s _something_ hopeful blooming in Mark’s stomach for Mina and her dating prospects. 

She wishes him a good night and then walks away after Mina chimes her own ‘goodnight!’, and then Mark is left to deal with the mess that is his best friend. He helps her slip off her heels and then leads her to his own bedroom, sitting her down on the bed. “I’m going to get you some clothes to change into, okay? Go wash up in the bathroom.”

So Mark quickly grabs a loose shirt and sweatpants for Mina, as the girl disappears into his bathroom with a happy little bounce. She’s always been something of a cheerful drunk, unless the entire reason why she drank was upsetting (which only resulted in a drunken flood of tears), and he watches with barely hidden amusement as he hears her drunken singing from the bathroom. 

When she returns her face is bare of makeup, but the alcohol is also slowly wearing off because now she looks far more exhausted than earlier. He points at the clothes so she knows what to grab and then picks up the extra pillow on the bed along with the spare quilt he'd gotten from the closet. He leaves the room to give her privacy, heading to the couch where he drops off the pillow and blanket. That'll be his bed tonight.

At that moment Serim returns home, having gone out to buy some groceries and spots Mina’s heels near the shoe rack. “Mina’s home?”

Mark hums, pointing towards the room, “Just came from her date. I met Sejeong - she seems great.”

“High praise,” Serim notes, seemingly in high spirits. “You usually don’t like her dates.”

“As if you do,” Mark snorts, knowing all too well Serim’s tendencies to use underhanded commentary (he’s too nice to really call people out) when he doesn’t like them or they don’t treat Mina the way they should.

“She deserves the best,” Serim shrugs easily, a sentiment Mark wholly agrees with. Although all three of them are born in the same year, Serim is older by a few months, whilst Mina’s the youngest - although age, especially when the difference is by a few months, has nothing to with protective instinct, because Mark remembers only too perfectly how Mina had stood up and cheerly offered to go punch Serim’s girlfriend in the face after he had come home crying a few months ago because of some miscommunication.

Serim disappears into the kitchen and Mark taps on his bedroom door, “Mina? You done?”

He hears a light hum and carefully, he pushes the door and heads inside. Mina’s sitting on the bed, folding the ends of the sweatpants up so she doesn’t trip over them later. Even the sweatshirt swallows her entire frame and Mark resists the urge to laugh. 

“Mark,” She grins, cheeks still a little red, eyes squinting happily. Mark helps her maneuver until she’s under the covers, “Did you have fun?” 

“Sejeong is so nice,” She sighs dreamily - clearly, the wine is still in her system, then. “And pretty, and sweet, and she’s smart, I could listen to her talk all day. Mark, she’s so pretty I want to cry.”

A soft, breathless laugh escapes him at that and Mark runs a hand over her hair, tucking her in as she sighs again. “I’m very happy for you.”

She closes her eyes, lulled by the comfort of the bed and Mark’s hand running over her hair, “I think she might...be...the one...”

Well that’s surprising to hear, but at the same, not so much. Mark’s gut had said something similar not even moments ago, even if he does still think it might be too soon. But he takes one look at Mina’s tiny smile as she sleeps and hopes, from the bottom of his heart, that things do work out for her. 

* * *

June arrives with a sledgehammer aimed straight at the back of Mark’s head. Although the term ends in mid-July, right after the finals week, the professors of the engineering department have decided to conduct the lab examinations in late June. This means for increased hours in the three different labs - because each different course has a different lab room, with a set of ten experiments _each_ \- to practice all the experiments in preparation for the ones that will turn up in his final lab exams.

Mark much prefers the experiments, mostly because it’s structured and it comes naturally to him. It’s easy to understand what’s going on when he can physically manipulate the results. 

But he _is_ worried about how the increased lab time is cutting into studying for his finals. 

At least Serim is by his side through it all; they leave together early in the morning, head to the labs once their classes end and then return home by dinner time, exhausted enough that they get take-out practically every day. 

It feels like a migraine is living rent-free in his skull at this point, and in a similar fashion, Serim is more coffee than human with the amount he inhales throughout the day. Mark crashes whenever he gets the chance, between studying at owl-hours in the morning and zombie-attendances of classes. 

Thankfully, even Kevin is holding back with the NCT excitement, knowing Mark just doesn’t have the time even if he wants to hear more. Occasionally though, when Mark has the space to breathe, Kevin sends him a funny video or two, which Mark appreciates. A few days ago, on the sixth when _Don’t Need Your Love_ came out, Mark had even set a whole two hours aside to listen and then rant about it with Kevin, who’d also informed him that it was Donghyuck’s 19th - 20th, in Korean standards - birthday.

But since then he’d been so busy, he couldn’t even remember the _date,_ much less relax enough to listen to music - NCT or otherwise. Hell, he can’t even quite remember the last time he spoke to his family (not that he’s been trying very hard anyway, if he’s honest).

Mina’s the only reason Serim and Mark are pretty much alive. She has no lab exams like them. So she’s been dropping by randomly, giving them space when they need it but also demanding they shower and freshen up when they stay in bed reading their notes for far too long and live like hermits. She’s kind enough to start bringing food from her parents’ home on the excuse that she has too much over at the dorm when she finds out they’ve been eating take-out for the past week. 

It all pays off, however, when Mark leaves every single lab exam satisfied with his performance and the result, having conquered the stupid helium-neon laser and the even more irritating Helmholtz coil. Not having anymore lab classes or having to look at the lab manual leaves him with an astounding amount of relief. 

Mark allows himself exactly one day of a break after the lab exams, which he fully takes advantage of by building a pillow fort on the couch with Serim and the two of them - well, Serim (who has long figured out how to use Mark’s kitchen far better than Mark himself) makes them popcorn. They watch movies all day, all through the night, and then wake up past noon right there on the living room floor and Mark can’t even feel bad about the pain in his back. 

It’s the best Mark’s felt in _weeks,_ refreshed and feeling like he could summon the will to tackle the upcoming exams. 

There’s still two weeks of classes left before the finals start on the fifteenth of July of course, but they’ve already received the exam schedule. Mark is just waiting for the thirtieth, which is exactly when his last exam will be over. In other words, he just needs to get through this one month. 

In as good spirits he can muster, he gets to work again. Serim and him pull a few late nights, sitting in the living room around the coffee table and going over notes. It’s an easy way to review and clarify things in the syllabus. Mark adds these study sessions to the list of reasons why sharing a flat with Serim was a genius idea. He’s motivated, positive and for the first time since joining this course, he doesn’t feel like dying right before the exams.

And then a week away from his first exam, he gets a text from Kevin: 

_I’M SORRY I KNOW YOU’RE BUSY AND STUDYING BUT_

Mark doesn’t understand what’s going on but Kevin’s quick to send a follow-up. 

_NCT DREAM JUST ANNOUNCED A COMEBACK_

Mark doesn’t even hesitate. 

_SDSDISD SHUT UP NO_

_WHEN_

_Oh hi_

_Ngl didn’t expect a response dat quick_

_Shoulda known Dream would summon u_

Mark waits about two seconds. 

_OH BUT LIKE MID-END JULY SOMETIME?_

_DATES AREN’T OFFISH YET_

_'Well shit,'_ Mark concludes.

_I HAVE EXAMS NOOOOO_

_Don’t worry I’ll keep u updated!!!_

_YOU BETTER I WANNA CRY_

_FUCK MY LIFE_

_I CAN’T AFFORD DISTRACTIONS RN THO_

_NOOO MY FIRST CB_

_AND IT’S DREAM_

_I HATE MY LIFE_

_Markkkk_

_TT-TT_

_Lemme go cry brb_

Well if Mark didn’t hate his life before, he definitely hates it now.

* * *

Mark religiously stays away from Instagram and Twitter because he knows the second he opens it, he’s going to be roped into hours of catching up on the details and conspiracies of the comeback. Still, as the days to his first exam drag nearer and more information is released, Kevin texts him updates like Mark had requested (if only to keep himself sane). 

He goes as far as deleting Instagram the afternoon after his first exam though (and far away from doing Twitter searches on Google Chrome - he still doesn't have an account because he's firm in his decision about that despite Kevin's whining), because Kevin sends him screenshots of the first teaser picture (just a black and white picture with skulls, titled ‘We Boom’) and that was enough temptation for him to nearly end up opening the damn app. 

It feels very much like his life has been reduced to two things: NCT and his stupid exams. To cope with not paying attention to the teasers, he immerses himself in revision of subjects he hates, resulting in him just suffering and dying for two reasons. 

Serim takes one amused look at him and asks why he’s being so dramatic about everything. Mark, with his dark circles and a three kg textbook in hand, stares back at him and answers flatly, “I’m gay, you wouldn’t get it.”

(It is, however, easier to focus on studying when Mark is still struggling to get sums right, understand a handful of concepts, feeling like a failure, and breaks down into tears when it all gets a little too much. Only Serim and Mina, who’s begun camping out in his living room with her own sleeping bag - she may as well have moved in at this point, which Mark thinks was her plan all along because she has her own set of overnight clothes in Serim’s spare drawer in his room now - are able to console him, armed with hot chocolate and hugs.)

Two days later, Mark receives a picture from Kevin of the whole group, dressed like the young rich people they are but don’t usually dress so fancily as, and does cry a little on the inside, cursing at physics in consolation. They all look so good (when, exactly, did Jisung start looking like _that?_ Good lord.) and it’s almost difficult to believe this is real.

It just gets worse with the individual teasers because they are some of the most attractive people on Earth, and Mark cannot simultaneously handle being gay and also deal with the pressure of finals right now. Donghyuck’s teaser is the final to make it to him, as though Kevin was saving the best for last ( _his_ words, not Mark’s), unintentionally though since that’s how SM dropped the teasers. His hair is this gorgeous shade of brown, dressed in a suit and - and this time, the only way to cope is to shut off his phone. Permanently until exam season is over. 

Serim can be his alarm clock for all he cares. Mark _cannot_ deal with this. He refuses to. (He also writes a few poems in his little notebook, but no one needs to know about that.)

He’s serious about his dedication too, because the next time he turns his phone back on, it’s immediately after his finals have ended and he’s become a temporary free bird. The first semester of his third year is officially over, and even though exams sucked and he’s not sure how well he’s done, it’s _over_ and that’s something to celebrate at least. He doesn’t even want to think about the next half of the year.

Kevin, after Mark had rather dramatically turned his phone off, had called the apartment two days later to demand answers. Thankfully, he’d been more than understanding, informing him cheerily that he would continue to spam Mark so he’d have all the updates when he turned his phone back. 

And lo and behold, he does.

The moment the phone loads, his notifications go crazy, a few texts from his family and Mina but an influx of over a hundred messages from Kevin alone. There’s pictures attached, about thirty percent of the texts are just keysmash and alien language, as well as commentary on the music video which dropped five days ago.

“Kevin Moon, you lil shit,” Mark snorts as he scrolls rapidly through it all, combusting when he sees more individual shots - what the fuck and why the fuck are they all so damn good looking? This is a personal insult - and proceeds to send one single message in reply: _SDJISDJSDSISJDSJK_

He’s about to open the music video on YouTube, because priorities, when his phone rings with a call. 

“Kevin?” Mark answers the phone, unable to keep the surprise out of his voice. He glances at the screen of his phone to check again - and yeah, it’s close to five pm here, so it must be around one in the morning back in Vancouver. “What are you doing awake right now?”

“Business negotiations,” Kevin’s quick to reply, and Mark lets out a baffled, “Huh? Business negotiations? What - ?”

“Forget that for now,” Kevin cuts in but then doesn’t speak. Mark waits in confused silence for a second, but before Mark can get in a word edgewise, Kevin continues, “Say, Mark?”

“...What?” Mark asks hesitantly, because there’s something strange and odd about his voice, something Mark doesn’t trust _at all_ \- 

“How would you feel about going to an NCT Dream fansign?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap~!
> 
> I'm sure lots of you might have questions, so feel free to leave them down in the comments or hit me up in my DMs on twitter (@CelestialMiche) and I'll try to get back to you...
> 
> I really did write this pretty much overnight, so completely honestly this time, I don't know when I'll get time to write the next chapter. Hopefully, I'll be able to pull another day out of my schedule to squeeze some writing time in, but I can't guarantee anything. Please leave me a kudos and a comment, it really encourages me to keep writing.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed my Christmas present to you (even though it's a little earlier - I don't have time on the day sidfsdif)! Have a merry Christmas and a great New Year everyone! Stay warm, safe and healthy!
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Miche xxx


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!
> 
> Yes, I'm back already and I have no regrets! I stayed up all night to churn this out because I was too excited not to write this chapter so here you go! I hope you like it because I put a lot of effort into it and it's the longest chapter yet, I think. Let me know what you think in the comments and leave a kudos~
> 
> Miche xx

Mark chokes on air.

“Mark?” Kevin’s concerned voice calls, as if he didn’t just ask the most ridiculous question ever two seconds ago. “You okay?”

The sheer audacity to ask that when he very well knows Mark is _not._ What kind of joke is this anyway? Kevin really needs to work on his humour.

Mark clears his throat, cringing when he ends up sounding like a dying whale. He’s hyper aware of the strange looks people are sending him in the university hallway, but he pretends to ignore them, choosing to focus on Kevin.

“Yeah,” He lets out a strained chuckle. “Great joke. Now what did you actually call me for - ”

“It’s not a joke though?” Kevin interrupts, confused. “I’m being serious!”

“Kevin, this isn’t funny,” Mark says sternly, eyes flitting across the hallway as he hurries out of the building. 

“Hey dumbass,” The boy on the phone sounds mildly amused. “NCT Dream have announced a fansign in Goyang on the tenth of August, and one of my many Twitter friends runs a popular fansite. Those guys tend to _mass_ order albums to guarantee a chance into the fansigns, and she ended up getting two tickets to it, god bless her soul and luck. Since she and I are close and she knows how much I wanted to go to one, she offered it to me - but there’s no way I can come to Seoul since I have so many submissions and...a bunch of other things, so I asked if I could give the seat to a friend. If you haven’t caught on yet, that friend is _you._ ”

“You did _what?!_ _”_ Mark exclaims, high-pitched and loud, apologizing profusely when someone nearby jumps at the volume of his voice. Quieter, he demands into the phone, “Kevin, what the fuck?!”

“You in or out, bitch?” Kevin drawls, feigning boredom at Mark’s antics, but Mark’s known him far too long to know he’s excited and scheming on the inside. 

“Wait, you can’t just dump this on me?” Mark protests. “I’m nowhere near mentally prepared enough for this!”

“You have _ten_ days.”

“I’m going to _die.”_

“Shut up you disaster, it’ll be fine. Excellent, even.”

“I don’t even know your friend,” Mark suggests weakly, as if it’s a valid reason for him to back out. He doesn’t think it’s even registered in his brain that he’s going (he’s _going?!)_ yet.

“She’s not a killer, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Kevin clicks his tongue. “She’s nice, a little rough around the edges, but you’ll be in good hands.”

“I - ” Mark swallows. This just doesn’t sound real, almost like a fever dream. 

An NCT Dream fansign? What kind of life is he living? Obviously, he knows all of this is only possible because of Kevin’s meddling but… He’d long accepted that he wouldn’t be seeing anymore kpop idols in his life - much less NCT again, and now a ticket to see Dream has just fallen into his hands like a blessing? 

And he’ll be getting a chance to see Donghyuck - well, Haechan again, to talk to him again. _Face to face_ this time.

Is he even prepared for that? What would he even _say?_ Does he really want to do this?

“You’re overthinking this Mark,” Kevin’s reassuring voice washes over the phone then, soft and knowing. “You have a chance to see some idols you love. Haechan will be there, sure, and you might just get to say something to him in gratitude, maybe. Don’t hold yourself back because you’re unsure or scared.”

“I - what if I make a complete fool of myself?” Mark bites on his lip, whispering into the phone.

“That’s a given, you’re Mark Lee,” Kevin doesn't even hesitate to say and Mark can’t help but wince. “But. You’re also a great person, and you deserve a lot more than you give yourself credit for. You’ll be fine, for the most part. I can guarantee it.”

“...Thanks, Kev,” Mark sighs, feeling a little bit better about it all.

“Besides, you’ve already made yourself a huge fool in front of Haechan, so it can’t quite get any worse, I think.”

“Fuck you,” Mark complains lightheartedly. Then with a pause, he asks quietly, “Are you sure it’s okay for me to accept this?”

He knows exactly how much Kevin loves NCT himself. For him to be giving up this chance is ridiculous, knowing how much it would mean to the boy. It doesn’t entirely sit right for Mark to be thieving this chance off him, even if it’s Kevin offering. 

“Think of it as my birthday gift to you.”

“I thought the concert ticket was my birthday present,” Mark argues, remembering all too well. 

Kevin sighs like he expected this, “Look, Mark, honestly, this ticket was a gift to me, I’m not even paying for it. I lose nothing by giving it to you.”

“You’re losing a chance to go see them though,” Mark reminds. “Don’t _you_ wanna take this chance?”

“I’m betting on meeting them through you someday, given your luck, so consider it my investment,” Kevin laughs. “No, but like I said, I honestly can’t go. I actually have submissions - which sucks - but I also can’t afford the flight tickets because my parents definitely aren’t about to fund them. It’s better if you go instead.”

“If you insist,” Mark runs a hand through his hair, biting his lip. He takes a deep breath, “Okay, alright. I’ll go.”

“That’s great!” Kevin cheers. “I’ll have my friend text you.”

* * *

Jang Yeeun is possibly the sweetest and most terrifying person Mark has met in his entire life. 

They’d agreed to meet at the train station, all Kevin had given him was a name and location and that he’d see a girl carrying a DSLR, and now he curses Kevin’s ass for not warning him a little more.

He finds Yeeun leaning against the wall, foot hiked up behind her. Her eyes are rimmed in thick black eyeliner and eyeshadow that sparkles. She’s a year older than him (just like Kevin), wears the most dramatic biker boots, paired with fishnets under jeans shorts and a thin off-shoulder pink sweater top. She’s got her DSLR hung around her neck as well as a backpack with other equipment resting near her foot. She’s chewing on neon pink bubblegum, her jaw set in a resting bitch face.

She takes one look at him - in ripped jeans, a bomber jacket and white converse - and blows a bubble of gum, seemingly unimpressed. Short black hair bobs skims just above her shoulders as she straightens in front of him. She’s shorter than him by a few inches, but she looks like she could kill him with a blunt chopstick if she wanted to. Mark’s not quite sure how to process any of it aside from getting the distinct impression that he should be terrified.

“Mark Lee?” She asks, still chewing. “Nice to meet you.”

And then a wide, pretty smile appears on her face, a warm disposition washing over her and the fear subsides, a little. 

“Hello,” Mark bows shyly, still a little cautious. “It’s nice to meet you too, thank you for letting me tag along.”

“It was all Kevin’s idea,” She waves off and grabs the bag at her feet, entirely friendly as she directs him into the station. “I hear you’re a Haechan stan?”

“Ah, uh, yes,” Mark confirms. “But I like all of them!”

She nods in understanding, “Me too, although I’m a Jeno stan. Kevin might have mentioned, but I run a Jeno fansite.”

“Have you been a fansite for a long time?” He asks, curious. She keeps chewing, head tilted, neon pink nails rapping lightly against the side of her DSLR, “I’ve followed NCT since their SM Rookies days, I suppose. Although I opened my fansite sometime around when Dream became a subunit.”

“I see,” Mark hums. “You must have seen them a lot of the years then.”

“Of course,” She shrugs, like it’s no big deal. “Well enough times that the Dreamies recognize me as one of Jeno’s numerous fansites.”

“Do you go to all the events?” Mark questions, surprised. Yeeun shrugs again, “I mean, I try to. It’s not always possible, and of course, I don’t get tickets all the time, much less more than one. And I guess if I wasn’t rich I wouldn’t be able to buy so many albums either. My father enables my photography passion though and this is one of the many ways I get to do human photography and earn money too, so he doesn’t argue with me.”

“That’s pretty cool,” Mark voices, although he’s thinking about what it would be like to have a parent supporting their child’s passion so freely and tries not to feel too bitter. 

“So do you have a favourite song off this album?” Yeeun asks him excitedly as they take a seat in the train. It’s almost an hour long journey to get there, and Mark knows there’ll be some waiting even after getting there, but he has so many questions to ask too. 

“Hands down, _Stronger_ _,”_ Mark answers. 

“Really?” Yeeun eyes him like he’s something interesting. “I thought you’d be more of the _Best Friend_ type.”

He feels somewhat judged but he manages to say, “That’s a good song too…”

“I’m just kidding,” She grins, all teeth, and once again he thinks, _she’s scary._ _“Stronger_ isn’t my favourite song, but it’s second or third.”

The rest of the journey to the Starfield COEX Mall in Goyang passes similarly. Yeeun, as it turns out, is the epitome of a kind stranger, but she still manages to keep Mark on his toes because he’s awkward and terrible with social interaction. Her initial scary impression is washed away almost immediately when she goes to show him something on Twitter and clumsily reveals her phone’s lock screen instead: a cute art of a baby panda. She’s got a fondness for cute things, and after Mark gives her his first _real_ smile of the day, she can’t stop pulling on his cheeks, having grown comfortable with him. Although it’s a little strange, he’s more relieved than anything else.

He’s not going to deny, he’s been extremely nervous. 

The days leading up to the tenth had been brimming with anxious energy. He’d been restless and on his birthday, after a long call with his parents and Kevin, Mark had been dragged out of the house by Serim and Mina, intending to get smashed at some bar. (This plan ultimately failed because Mina got drunk, and then Serim also accidentally got drunk when Mark went to the toilet, even though Serim had promised not to drink. In the end, Mark was left to babysit on his birthday. His only consolation prize was that he got embarrassing blackmail material of both of his best friends having a drunk rap battle praising their respective girlfriends in the form of a video. The next morning, they collectively agreed that the three of them shared one brain cell, drunk or not.) 

Speaking of his birthday, Mark had also gifted himself the _We_ version of the _We Boom_ EP, excitedly tearing into the packaging when he received it three days before the fan sign. He’d been lucky to get Chenle’s photocard along with his cute note at the back, as well as Renjun’s circle card and then finally the scratch Boom card revealing Jaemin dramatically reading a book. Mark had been overjoyed even if Donghyuck hadn’t shown up in his merch, because the photobook is also incredible. 

The photobook is now in his bag (tucked away next to the soft folds of the Sweatshirt™), ready for when he’ll be getting it signed on the podium when he finally meets the Dreamies. 

“Stay close, it’s going to be wild inside,” Yeeun warns him. And Mark can immediately tell this is the truth as they begin making their way inside the mall. The atrium has been set up with a massive stage and board with NCT Dream’s name and album across it. There’s rows and rows of chairs for people to sit according to seat numbers right below the stage area too, roped off to separate the general crowd of fans from the ones lucky enough to go up to the podium. 

Yeeun and Mark have to push their way through the crowd until they get to the roped off area, showing the passes which allow them into the seating area after a long line and a body plus bag check. There’s _so_ many fans surrounding the area right now, even inside the seat area, and with how noisy it is, Mark’s eardrums feel like there are tiny people stomping on the inside. 

Their designated seats are somewhere in the middle of the group and Mark feels a little like an animal in a zoo cage. There are cameras flashing even though the idols aren’t even here yet, adjusting focus, lighting and preparing for when they are, all pointed towards the stage. He can’t quite relax in his chair, back stiff and gut churning. He’s not even sure if it’s from excitement or something unpleasant. The cameras aren’t even on _him_ in particular, yet he feels uncomfortable in this sea of strangers, feeling like he couldn’t escape even if he tried. 

Completely trapped. Caged. Do the idols feel the same way?

_'Doesn’t it terrify them?'_

It’s different from a concert, where they’re untouchable with a scripted, practiced performance of two and a half hours, even if it is under the glare of a thousand cameras and even more eyes watching their every minute move, every twitch of their expressions. No, this is a fansign, and here, he’ll see the idols as they are (even with the cameras on them), with close to no script (even if they have rules), and then maybe ironically enough, with the most freedom they can have. But there’s _so much_ that can go wrong like this: one wrong step, one wrong word, one wrong move, to make everything go crashing, to make all the glamour disappear. 

For a moment, under the glare of the lights and flashes, he wonders how anyone can ever get used to it, being under the spotlight like this, blinded and always under scrutiny and inspection. Does one just get more comfortable in their own skin, until the cold heat of the camera’s flash begins to feel like home - or is it that the masks that they put on to shield themselves from it becomes part of them, stitched and stretched into their skin until what used to be disappears, replaced and forgotten?

He doesn’t think he could ever do it. Not in this lifetime. 

(But maybe in another life, where he’ll sell his soul to music, where he’ll stand on the stage and flourish under the heat of the spotlight, comfortable with bending to the whims of a company who has helped him establish his identity in the flow of words in a string of notes. Is that what it’s like, what it means to them?)

The thoughts weigh heavily in his mind, as heavy as the pressure of the presence of the crowd around him, as the sound of the cameras around him. It’s an overwhelming feeling, this sort of breathlessness and nervousness. It threatens to burst within him, swallow him entirely, figure shaking even in his seat, and makes him want to hide. He reaches into the bag on his lap, feeling the smooth, familiar surface of the sweatshirt to find some comfort in all the white noise. The cotton is soft and feels like a lifeline, like the hand Donghyuck had given him when he had pulled him out of the ocean.

He’s spent hours leading up to this picturing what he’s going to say when he stands in front of Donghyuck - well, Haechan. What does he say? Would the boy recognize him? How does he explain what he’s doing here?

Mark has never been very good at verbalizing, but words flow from his fingertips in poetry and prose far easier than sound ever will. He has written draft after draft, version after version, in preparation of a conversation that will last far less than even a minute, possibly, and he wonders how he’ll ever be able to wrap the many things he wants to say in that. The time he has will never be enough for the words that threaten to burst at the seams, like a growing mammoth of an avalanche in his chest. 

Would Donghyuck be able to withstand everything he has to say?

And what would he do, if he is nothing but a distant and meaningless star in Donghyuck’s starry sky? Present and lustrous and individual, but finally and eventually, nothing different from the many others he shares the sky with?

 _'Is this a bad idea?'_ He had asked himself in the quiet of the night, the desk light his only source of brightness. _'_ _Is there a point?'_

“Hey, you okay?” Yeeun cuts through his thoughts, a sharp blade to the haze of his thoughts. “It can get pretty heated, make sure you drink water at all times so you stay hydrated.”

He nods wordlessly, taking the bottle she presses into his palms. He drinks, barely, but the cool liquid is enough to clear his mind as he waits, picking at the thread in the rip in his jeans at the knee. 

(Ripped jeans are a fashion statement he doesn’t quite understand, but Serim and Mina had assured him that he looks good in the black pair they find at the bottom of his closet. They’d pushed a white graphic t-shirt and a black bomber jacket into his hands to accompany them soon after. He’d drawn the line when Mina tried to pull out a box of hair dye. He quite likes his black hair, thank you very much.) 

“Noona, when do you think they’ll get here?” Mark asks her. 

“Well the event is scheduled to start in twenty minutes,” She says slowly. “But I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re a little late. The traffic usually gets hectic when idols are trying to reach a fansign event. The only reason we were lucky is because we took the train and walked over to the mall.”

In front of them, two girls are excitedly exchanging photocards, speaking inaudibly but excitedly enough that Mark can guess the topic at hand. In fact, that’s pretty much a common image throughout the crowd gathered, if he’s honest. He’s not surprised to see that the crowd is dominated by girls - of all ages ranging between what seems to be fifteen to twenty five - but he’s happy to see he isn’t the only boy there. It’s not a huge population, but he’s glad fanboys are being represented. 

Within the next fifteen minutes, the seats are quickly filled, chattering loud and anticipation rising. Beyond the barrier, more fansites (who weren’t lucky enough to get tickets) have surrounded the area. 

For a very singular moment then, the atrium falls silent. It hangs far more heavily and far longer in Mark’s mind than it actually is, making it all the more shocking when it practically erupts back into sound, screams and shouts and exclamations filling the empty space. Yells of the members’ names make his ear drums pop, shutters going off.

And then, he finally sees NCT Dream in the flesh, crowd parting, led by their bodyguards. They’re all dressed in these gorgeous form-fitting white suits, lapels with thin link silver decoration and small jeweled brooches. It’s so much more fancy than Mark had been expecting and he finds himself speechless as he watches them climb up the steps to the stage and line up in front of the fans.

“They’re even prettier up close,” Yeeun tells him from experience, with hardly masked amusement and a smile only too knowing. 

Mark’s eyes run across the group and it’s a fact that they are some of the most attractive people to grace this Earth, but he can’t stop his gaze from returning back to Donghyuck, like the south pole of a magnet attracted to the north. It’s natural as breathing and he finds himself breathless, lungs empty and air choked in his windpipe, as Donghyuck glimmers under the white light of the stage set-up, melanin golden and hair styled into a natural fall, all long legs and thin waist. He’s so, _so_ unfairly pretty. If Mark had thought Donghyuck was pretty in moonlight, he’s gorgeous in daylight even more so.

It’s a shock to his system almost, to see him like this, a mere fifteen feet away, when the last time he’d seen him, anywhere close to this distance, was back on the beach when he had been soaked to the bone and his dark hair had been plastered against his forehead.

“One, two, three!” Jeno calls, and the group introduces together, “To the World, this is NCT! Hello, we’re NCT Dream!”

Jeno’s the first to speak, “It’s a pleasure to meet all of you! Hello, I’m Jeno!”

“I’m Jaemin!” The boy next to Jeno, smiling widely, waves. On Jeno’s other side is Renjun, who throws a brief peace sign, “I’m Renjun!”

Haechan is the next to introduce himself, smile glittering, “Hi guys, I’m Haechan!”

“I’m the maknae, Jisung!” The youngest waves shyly, followed by a boisterous laugh from the orange haired boy at the end of the line, “Hello, I’m Chenle!”

Jeno quickly gets through the greetings, introductions to the fansign, explaining how they’ll proceed with the fanmeet first, and then moving onto a ‘surprise’ (the Boom performance, Yeeun tells him) before the meet ends. He thanks everyone for coming and to please patiently wait their turn as he gives the crowd his heart-stealing eye smile. The group head to their seats, Chenle sitting on the left end where the fans will start, then Jisung, Haechan, Renjun, finally round the end with Jeno and Jaemin. 

“Each person gets about a minute with each member,” Yeeun tells him with a small smile, pulling away from her DSLR, “You excited? It’s your first fansign, isn’t it?”

“My first and last,” He jokes, a weak attempt at a pun but nods. “Very excited. Very nervous. I might just throw up.”

“Please don’t,” She manages to say in a mix of concern and deadpan. She’s still snapping away at pictures. 

Mark turns back to the table set up. There’s a while before he’ll be going up there. He’s in the fourth row out of about ten with at least ten people in each row. A fansign for a hundred lucky people - just how many albums exactly had Yeeun bought?!

He tries to calculate how long he’s going to have to wait. Ten people in each row was about fifteen minutes in total give or take. Which meant there was about a forty-five minute wait before he would go up there, probably, hopefully less if they started moving the next row before the first one ended. 

It’s easy to pass the time though, watching the members interact with their fans with genuine smiles and laughter, charming in just their dispositions. Occasionally, their eyes brush over the crowd sitting in front of the stage, never fixing on anyone, and he’s glad they aren’t paying attention to anyone in particular since it gives Mark the anonymity he wants until he has to be up there. 

He watches Haechan play around with the members on his either side, sometimes teasing Jisung to pull quiet, amused laughs and pink cheeks, sometimes teasing Renjun to pull equally teasing threats to his life and barking laughter. Mark’s been in the fandom long enough to be more than aware of the shipping - and he knows so well about the shipping between Haechan and Renjun, the two best friends who wouldn’t let each other live if their own lives depended on it. It’s so easy to also see why they would be shipped together, with how easily they fall into their dynamic. 

(And despite it, Mark’s eyes never stray too far, never stray too long, away from Donghyuck.)

“Mark, come on, they just called our row,” Yeeun taps his shoulder, effectively braking him out of his trance. “You ready?”

“Absolutely not,” He exhales. God, his hands and legs, everything feels numb and shaky. 

He’s the sixth person in his row, right after Yeeun, and he watches as the first person goes immediately after the last one in the previous row. The jitters travel from the tips of his fingers up his arms and his grip on the photobook in his hands is almost painful for his own fingers. 

_'Breathe,'_ He tells himself. _'Breathe.'_

These are slower minutes, as he approaches the steps, so close yet so far away. Yeeun sends him reassuring smiles one after the other, and then the two of them are stepping up to the podium. 

Heart thundering, he watches and waits as the line shuffles. Finally, it’s Yeeun’s turn, and she steps up to greet Chenle first. He immediately recognizes her, smiling up at her with a quick, “Noona! How have you been?”

He tunes out the conversation, focusing more on how the boy carefully draws out his autograph on her own set of photobooks - there's a stack of three - and he keeps his attention focused on her. 

The minute ends quicker than Mark expected, and the usher moves her forward to Jisung, whilst Mark himself comes to stand in front of Chenle, hands shaking as he offers him the photobook with a shy smile, “Hello.”

“Hi!” Chenle greets cheerily. Chenle’s smile in pictures holds no candle to how bright it shines in real life. For a moment, Mark finds himself taken aback, just by the happiness it radiates. “Nice to meet you, what’s your name? Are you older than me?”

“Hi, I’m Mark?” He asks more than says, and Chenle lips quirk upwards. “I’m two years older than you…”

“Hyung,” He settles with, in the completely self-satisfied way Mark knows Chenle is. Mark has an incredibly soft spot for the Chinese boy, the closest to rivalling Donghyuck’s place as Mark’s bias. “You have a foreign name, are you not from Korea? Did you come all the way out here just to meet us?”

“I’m Canadian,” He says softly, and there’s a flash in Chenle’s eyes he doesn’t understand before the boy claps cheerily. “But no, I study here, in university. I’m on break right now.”

“Oh that’s cool, I want to visit Canada someday! Haechan and Jeno hyung have gone there on tour before,” He flips to his own page in the photobook, quickly setting about putting his sign on the page. “Hyung, do you have a favourite song on our album?”

“My first choice has been _Stronger_ since I heard it the first time,” Mark grins easier this time, feeling himself falling into conversation with Chenle friendliness making it simpler. “It’s such a good song, and Chenle, I really have to say I love your voice in all of the songs so much. And honestly, I wanted to tell you how much I admire you - coming to a foreign country and learning the language and you’re doing so well! I think it’s amazing because I know how hard it is myself. It’s something to be proud of.”

“Really hyung?” His eyes glimmer as he chuckles lightly. “Thank you so much!”

“You’re such a cutie pie too,” Mark compliments freely because this is the only chance he’s going to get anyway. “Whenever I watch NCT Daily, I want to squish you.”

“You watch NCT Daily?” Chenle laughs. _“ChenJi’s This and That?_ Isn’t it the best?”

“Of course,” Mark confirms proudly. “I love that series. You two are so funny.” 

“I’m glad you love it,” Chenle preens, clearly liking being praised (as he always should be), and honestly, Mark is just _so_ endeared by him, fondness flooding through his system. The boy passes him his book back to him, and then asks, “Is there anything you want to ask me?”

“Which is your favourite NCT 127 song?” Mark asks curiously. The boy makes a thoughtful expression, “I love all, but right now, _Simon Says!”_

“Ooh,” Mark voices, but before he can continue, his minute is up. Sighing softly, he offers a last smile, “It was nice meeting you, Chenle! Please take care of yourself!”

“You too, hyung!” He grins once, eyes curving happily. What a cutie pie.

He knows the second he steps towards Jisung, he’s going to be next in line to Haechan. But he forces that thought down, focusing on the boy across him first and trying not to think about how if he tilts his head by fifteen degrees, he’ll see Donghyuck again. 

Jisung looks up from the table, cheeks rising as he gives a tiny, almost borderline awkward wave, “Oh, hello!”

“Hi Jisung!” Mark passes him the photobook this time when he gestures for the book. “I’m Mark.”

“Oh, Mark hyung…?” He says, then looks up to confirm, to which Mark nods in reassurance. “How are you?”

“I’m very good,” He gives a grin. “Congratulations on your first win a few days ago! I really loved _Boom_. It’s such a good song and you’re such an incredible dancer.”

Jisung blushes a hint darker, a shy laugh leaving his lips, under Mark’s praises, but the pride in his voice doesn’t escape Mark’s attention when he says, “Thank you, hyung.” 

“Jisung-ah,” Mark says gently, feeling oddly nurturing upon seeing how young the boy actually looks, so close up. He’s never had a younger brother, but something about NCT Dream awakens his desire to take care of a younger sibling. “I hope you eat enough food and get enough sleep. You’re still growing so it’s important you take good care of yourself too. As much as we all love your efforts, I hope you look after your health too.”

The boy melts, squinting up with a grin, “I will, hyung! Please don’t worry about me too much.”

“Is there anyone you want to do a dance collab with in Dream?” Mark asks curiously. “Or even the other subunits?”

“I think it could be fun to do a dance collab with Jaemin or Jeno hyungs,” Jisung’s eyes widen as he thinks about it. “Or even, Taeyong hyung and Ten hyung!”

“I hope you do!” Mark gives a small encouraging laugh. Jisung finishes writing whatever he wants to and passes the photo booklet back to him. He sees the usher gesture to keep moving then, his heart thunders, “Oh, time to go. Good luck and take care, Jisung-ah!”

“Thank you and you too, hyung!” He waves awkwardly again, but gives a cute smile. 

Yeeun shuffles forward, and taking a deep breath, he takes her place. He’s got this, he’s prepared for this, he _knows_ what to do. He can do this.

He places the booklet down on the table, and then raises his gaze on the golden-skinned boy across from him. Donghyuck looks up at that moment, and Mark sees the exact second his gaze sharpens in recognition, making Mark feel as if his skin is on fire. His mind blanks out, sound fading out. Up close and in good lighting, Mark can see all of his features, the slope of his nose, the curl of his lips, the scattering of precious moles. He’s _too_ pretty.

“Donghyuck,” Mark spares a grudging, slightly amused grin, trying to mask the tremor in his own voice. “Or maybe I should say Haechan?”

“Mark,” Donghyuck is speechless, blinking rapidly, and the way Mark’s name slips through his lips only raises goosebumps along his skin. He _remembers_. He doesn’t know why that makes him want to cry and cheer at the same time. “What are you - how - you - ?”

“I happened to attend the 127 concert in Vancouver because of a friend,” Mark reveals softly, watching as Donghyuck reaches for his booklet instinctively. The boy only looks down to find a picture of himself before he fixes his unreadable gaze back on Mark. “I heard...what you said in your ment. About sunshine at the end of the tunnel.”

“And now you’re here,” Donghyuck smirks all of a sudden, eyes piercing as he leans in closer. All other thoughts leave Mark’s mind, focused on the distance between them. “How have you been, Canada? Since New Year’s?”

“Good, I just finished half of my third year,” Mark swallows, nervous under the younger boy’s focused attention. “But I’m still writing. I’m not giving that up, not for a second.”

“I’m glad,” He straightens, a pretty smile lighting his expression, and there’s a certain amount of pride laced in it that makes Mark’s cheeks heat. “Did you end up talking to your parents about it?”

“Yeah, it didn’t make a difference, but - hold on.” Mark starts, only to realise Donghyuck’s just been asking about him. Mark has questions too, damn it. “Wait, I - ”

“Have some questions to ask me, Canada?” He asks mischievously. “Ask away.”

Funny, how all of the questions have seemed to escape his mind.

“...How’s your leg?” Mark asks helplessly. Donghyuck’s smile softens, “All better. You don’t need to worry. I hope you haven’t been ocean-diving since though.”

“No,” Mark’s quick to whisper, then more strongly. “No, not since. You - uh, helped. More than you probably realise.”

“Happy to hear it,” Donghyuck tilts his head, eyes squinting into pretty crescents. God, he’s so, so pretty, Mark wants to die a little. 

“I just - ” Mark stammers, then clears his throat before declaring, a little shyly, a little proudly, “I’m an NCTzen now.” 

“All because of me?” Donghyuck asks cheekily, successfully flustering Mark. “Oh, Canada. I’m honoured.”

“No?” Mark says and Donghyuck raises an eyebrow. 

“I mean, yes? It’s both? It’s just your concert was incredible and I was surprised to see you there and then of course I was curious so I listened to the other subunits’ music too and I just really liked it.” Donghyuck looks progressively more and more amused as he rambles, so he just completes a little lamely, “And...yeah.”

 _'Great job Mark,'_ He thinks. _'You’re a whole fool. So much for your preparation.'_

“I’ll take it as a compliment,” Donghyuck smirks again, smoothly sliding the shut photobook back to him. Mark’s hands land on it, still shaky. His eyes then flash up to the usher, who’s telling people to move along, and god, he’s barely had any time, hasn't said everything he wanted to say, time slipping through his fingers without him realizing, and he really doesn’t want to move but - he has to say this at least. If he never gets another chance, this in the very least, the other boy has to know.

“You’re incredible,” He blurts, cheeks reddening when Donghyuck’s eyes widen in surprise. “You’re such a great dancer and singer, Donghyuck. I mean...Haechan, makes sense.”

“Thank you, Mark,” Donghyuck flushes _(pretty, pretty, pretty)._

“Take care of yourself,” Mark says finally, having no choice but to move. “And again...thanks for everything. Later - I mean, bye?”

He’s about to step away when Donghyuck gives him one last knowing smile, eyes twinkling, “I hope I see you again, Canada.”

 _'God, save me.'_ Mark thinks, red cheeked and wanting to give up on life, coming to stand in front of Renjun, eyes flashing to Donghyuck’s face one last time. Donghyuck has turned to the girl next in line already and Mark clears his thoughts, focusing on Renjun again.

“Hi, I’m Mark,” Mark says after a beat, tad embarrassed and shy. “It’s nice to meet you, Renjun.”

“Mark? Did Haechan just call you _Canada?”_ He asks in interest. 

Mark rubs the back of his head, a bit awkward, “Ah, yes. I’m Canadian. So...”

“Interesting.” Renjun’s lips quirk as he glances at Donghyuck for a second. Then he looks back at Mark, taking the photobook and flipping slowly until it lands on his page, “I hope you weren’t offended.”

“Oh, no, it’s - nothing, really,” Mark waves off, not really knowing what else to say without having to explain it. “I don’t really mind.”

“That’s good,” He hums noncommittally. His firm gaze settles back on Mark, kindness radiating off him. He seems genuinely interested, peering at Mark closely when he continues, “So tell me about yourself, Mark. You’re Canadian, and…?”

“I go to university here, Seoul National Uni for Engineering,” He reveals, fingers fidgeting. He’s so tempted to look over at Donghyuck, but doesn’t. There’s something about Renjun, unassuming at first glance but intimidating upon further inspection. Renjun, too, is incredibly good looking, the dark brown hair styled into a mullet, but it’s not his looks that make him intimidating - if anything, his appearance makes him rather innocent. 

No, it’s not in the way he holds himself, a little hunched at the shoulders and eyes wide in curiosity, but rather the way his eyebrow raises just a hint and his head tilts to rest on his palm in almost bored, detached curiosity. He feels a little like he’s at a job interview, hot under the collar from nerves and fingers sweating even though they never usually do. 

He swallows and adds, “I’m almost a year older than you - or well, I’m born in August of 99’. And I love your music. I play a few instruments too. But I’m a writer - or I’m trying to be anyway.”

“Very cute,” Renjun states, lips curling in a way that actually makes Mark feel like he just missed something. “Which song do you like on our EP, hyung? The title track?”

“My favourite? _Stronger,”_ He replies, hesitant. Renjun’s eyebrows shoot up, grin widening like a cat catching a canary in it’s jaws, “Oh, that’s Haechannie’s favourite song on this EP too!”

He leans a little forward, deceptively innocent as he asks, “Is Haechannie your favourite member too, hyung?”

Mark chokes on air. 

He was right, to be a little suspicious. Renjun is not half as innocent as he makes himself out to be, and with the borderline sly expression, Donghyuck has to have mentioned Mark to Renjun before - not just once in passing, but multiple times. That’s the only reasonable explanation for this line of questioning. And, duh, of course Donghyuck has told him; even with all the shipping videos, Mark doesn’t know if there’s anything actually there and he would never assume anyone’s sexualities, but there’s no denying the two of them are at least best friends. So he supposes it’s natural that he knows. 

But he doesn’t know why the idea of Renjun knowing about him makes him want to hide immediately. As of today, Mark is as scared of Renjun as much as he’s fond of the boy.

“It’s Chenle, actually,” Mark clears his throat, trying not to look half as flustered as he feels. 

“Chenle? Aw, here I was hoping it would be me, but Chenle will probably be happy to hear that,” Renjun pouts, but there’s a sharpness in his eyes, appraising Mark like a wolf. Mark indeed feels very much like he’s being preyed on, and hurries to assure him, “I think you’re very cool too, Renjun. You have a wonderful voice. I keep replaying Beautiful Time just to hear it.”

“Really now?” He grins shark-like, but after a moment where Mark doesn’t say anything, expression sincere, it softens into something far more humble and less dangerous, “Thank you, hyung.” 

He passes the photobook back at that moment. Mark hadn’t even noticed when he had signed it.

“It’s true!” Mark changes the topic, “Oh, and, uh - congrats on your first win for Boom, by the way!”

“Thank you, but it’s all thanks to our Czennies,” Renjun bows his head once quickly, grateful and sweet. 

The usher appears once again, and as much as Mark likes Renjun, he can’t deny he’s a little relieved to move forward in line, if only to escape Renjun’s eyes. 

“It was nice to meet you, Mark hyung!” Renjun squints his eyes as he waves. He sends Mark his most genuine and honest smile yet. 

Mark can’t help the smile that climbs on his face in response, “You too, Renjun. Please take care of yourself!”

There’s only two members of Dream left and Jeno is the next one to greet him. He’s handsome from the get-go, a jawline sharp enough to cut open glass and skin like snow. His cute eye smile never leaves his face, and it’s such a startling contrast with his otherwise strong features. 

When Mark introduces himself and tells him that he was lucky enough to see him in concert a few months ago, explaining how much he admires Jeno and his rap skills, the boy gets incredibly shy. Mark is sure he hears it from many people, a lot of the time, but he can’t help but tell him it again. 

“Is it very tiring to work in two units?” Mark asks him whilst he signs Mark’s photobook. “Like travelling so much between events, _countries_ even sometimes?” 

“I enjoy what I do a lot, it’s lots of fun,” Jeno tells him, calm as ocean waves on a good day. It’s easy to see why he’s the leader of this unit of energetic young men. Mark’s seen plenty of compilations of Jeno acting silly too, of course, but through conversation with him, it’s clear he has a firm head on his shoulders. His gentle yet reliable persona easily transcends to his duties as the leader. “And Haechan is with me all the time, so in that sense, it’s always easier. Honestly, we all work together, play together, and at the end of the day, we all trust each other so even when we’re tired, it’s easier because they’re all there.”

“That’s really sweet, Jeno,” Mark wants to pinch his cheeks a little, but refrains. He’s not a crazy person. “I think you’re a really good leader.”

Jeno gives a tiny grudging grin, like he’s sharing the world’s biggest open secret, “They never listen to me. It’s only because I’m the strongest and Jaemin lets me get away with it most days because he pities me.”

A laugh escapes Mark. He knows the rest in Dream like to frequently joke how Jeno is boring, hell the boy even owns it like a badge, but Mark disagrees. In another life, Mark can imagine being friends with another version of Jeno, still a strong reliable presence in the whirlwind of chaos that is life.

He’s incredibly easy to talk to (maybe especially after his frayed nerves from talking to Donghyuck and Renjun) and Mark doesn’t even notice when the time passes. With a final wave, Mark moves to stand across Jaemin, who watches with a careful eye when Yeeun tells him quickly that she’ll wait for him at their seats. 

Jaemin is, by far, the one that intrigues Mark the most. He’s easily the noisiest when he tries, but the quietest when he doesn’t. Sometimes, in the videos Mark watches, he’s the one to capture all the attention, one amusing antic after another, and then in some, he recedes to the background, letting the others shine whilst he chills comfortably. Mark understands the intense need for being alone as well as the exhaustion that comes with being an introvert, when social interaction has tested the limits of his boundaries, and he thinks Jaemin is a very good example of an introvert who is excellent at balancing the two. 

He often sees Jaemin default into the caretaker role, nagging and appreciating the others, more patient than the boy probably gets credit for, and he hopes that Jaemin remembers to take care of himself too. It’s a little worrying, knowing about his past injuries, knowing that he doesn’t have the healthiest eating habits sometimes (that coffee order is not meant for human intake), and the generally shitty sleep schedule that comes with this job. 

“Are you here with Yeeun noona?” He asks curiously after Mark introduces himself, a beautiful smile growing on his face. “Are you her brother? I didn’t know noona had a brother. She’s never mentioned in all these years!”

“Oh, no,” Mark gives a startled laugh. “I mean, I came here with her, but no, I’m not her brother.”

“Oh, noona finally got a boyfriend,” He raises a teasing eyebrow. Mark turns red instantly.

“I - uh, no! There’s a misunderstanding? I like guys?” Jaemin’s smile grows more amused and Mark realised just exactly what he blurted, “Uh, I mean - I’m not dating her -”

“I understand,” He says gently, soothing. The smile never disappears, eyes light, “I’m sorry for assuming.”

Mark wants to _die._ This is exactly why Mark didn’t want to come here. He’s going to die and then kill Kevin because this is all his fault. 

“It’s okay,” Mark manages to get out, thoroughly done with himself. “It was an honest mistake.”

“It’s nice to see you here, though,” Jaemin doesn’t bring up what he said again because Mark’s clearly embarrassed. Mark can only be grateful. Jaemin is one of the sweetest people on the planet, good god. “It’s always great to meet a fanboy!”

“I’m super glad I got a chance to come too,” Mark agrees. “Also, I just wanted to say that I loved your rap in _Boom,_ it’s so good?! And you looked great in the music video!”

“Oh, thank you, thank you,” He says demurely. “That’s very kind of you.”

“It’s nothing really,” Mark says quietly. “You work very hard, Jaemin. You deserve the praise.”

“Ah, you’re going to make me blush, hyung,” Jaemin grins, completely at ease leaning his chin on his knuckles as he leans forward. Mark’s face only reddens more, if by instinct. Jaemin has a very angelic smile and is not afraid to flirt if he so much wants to. What a terrifying and powerful combination. “You’re very sweet.”

“I - ” Mark coughs awkwardly, unable to meet his eyes. “I - uh - no?”

Jaemin lets out a tiny laugh, sounding entertained. Mark pouts unintentionally, “I’m glad my awkwardness makes you laugh, Jaemin.”

“I can’t help it, you’re cute,” Jaemin repeats, and yes, Mark is well aware this is fanservice, but he doesn’t think he can’t take much more of this. 

_“You’re_ cute,” Mark says then, challenge and fire in his eyes for absolutely no reason. 

“See, you are sweet!” Jaemin says smoothly, eyes crinkling, and Mark thinks there’s no point in arguing anymore. He won’t win. “What do you do as a career?”

“I’m a uni student,” Mark tells him. “Engineering, but I also write.”

“Oh, I see,” Jaemin nods. “It’s good to have a passion.”

He doesn’t bother correcting him, because it’s not exactly something he needs to get into, if he’s honest. Not here, anyhow. 

“Speaking of which,” Mark claps his hands together in excitement. “I really wanted to tell you that I love the photos you take. You’re such a good photographer, Jaemin!” 

“Oh, thank you!” Jaemin seems genuinely surprised that Mark mentioned it. “I’ve been practicing and I bought a new camera recently. Hopefully I’ll be able to learn more about photography techniques. I also want to learn editing and other things so I can get even better.”

“I know you will, I’ll look forward to it!” Mark cheers him on. “I’m pretty bad at taking pictures.”

“I’m sure you aren’t that bad,” Jaemin is quick to reassure, even though he’s never seen Mark’s disastrous attempts at photo-taking. “You just need confidence and practice!”

“I’ll try,” Mark laughs and then sees the usher telling him to wrap up and move. Holding back his disappointed sigh, realising that this was really over, he meets Jaemin’s gaze again. The boy is still smiling softly at him, passing him the photobook back, “It was wonderful to meet you, Mark.”

“You too, Jaemin,” Mark says genuinely. “Thank you and please take care of yourself!”

“Of course,” The angelic smile never disappears, pearly teeth practically glinting under the lighting. “I hear it’s pretty hot outside, so please make sure you drink lots of water and travel home safely later.”

With a final nod and smile, Mark moves away from the table and heads down the steps, sparing a single glance back to look at Donghyuck - and ends up meeting his eyes, surprise flooding him when he realises Donghyuck was already looking back at him. The boy gives him a small smile and waves in goodbye, eyes glittering prettily and then his attention is swept up again by the girl who arrives in front of him. 

Swallowing, Mark returns to his seat in the rows across the stage, heart heavy. He sinks into his seat, nearly tripping over his bag. Yeeun is quick to catch onto his mood, “Disappointed it’s over?”

“Is it that obvious?” Mark sulks. 

“You look like a sad baby lion,” She snorts. “A very cute, ruffled sad baby lion.”

“Exactly what I was going for,” Mark sighs, can’t even summon the energy to be mad. “It’s over already.”

“Well don’t be sad,” She says and she’s already chewing on a new piece of bubblegum. “We still have the Boom performance left. And if it’ll help you cheer up, look at the pages they signed in the photobook. They usually leave some comments there if you’ve taped a question on a post-it or something.”

Raising an eyebrow, Mark flicks open the book. He hasn’t put any questions inside, so he’s not expecting comments, but he does want to admire their signatures (and their pictures too). 

The first picture he finds is one of Jisung and there is a comment left there, short and sweet and warming his heart, _‘Hope to see you again, hyung!! ^.^ - Ji’._

The next he finds is from Jeno, a cute little invitation in neat handwriting, _‘Come see a Dream Show next time hyung! I’ll be waiting!_ ’

Jaemin’s comment is the next one he finds, right next to a gorgeous picture of him. He’s drawn a cute face, followed by squished Korean lettering, _‘You’re a cutie pie!!! - JM <3’ _

Mark can’t help the soft chuckle that leaves him at that, shaking his head softly. He flips further into the book, finding Chenle’s picture with the comment next. ‘ _Take me sight-seeing with you someday in Canada, hyung~!!’_

 _'Chenle’s the real cutie pie,'_ Mark thinks, always finding himself endeared by the younger boy’s antics, tracing over the clearly practiced handwriting. 

It takes another minute until he finds Renjun’s next by chance, and he automatically smiles, seeing it, _‘Sorry if I scared you T_T I can see why Haechannie likes you though!!’_

And if that isn’t the most stressful sentence he’s read, ever. 

_'"Haechannie likes me?" What does that even mean?!'_ He feels like tearing his hair out. He cannot spend the rest of his life not knowing what that means - although it does confirm to him that one, Donghyuck talked about him to Renjun, and two, that Renjun recognized him, probably from the moment he overheard Donghyuck call him Canada - and Renjun might have just wanted him to agonize over it for the rest of his life, because why else would he do this?

He hunts for Donghyuck’s page finally, finding it after another minute, and then stares. Because only then does he remember the Sweatshirt™ tucked away inside the bag by his foot, having only pulled the photobook out in his earlier nerves. He had meant to give it back (although it wouldn’t have been possible here anyway, he quickly realises). Now, Donghyuck’s comment is a blatant reminder of what he forgot.

_‘I miss my sweatshirt, Canada - it better be in pristine condition when you give it back to me OwO’._

And of course, the most glaring thing on the page, also in black permanent marker, is a set of ten numbers after it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me a kudos if you liked this! I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts too, here or on twitter, pls come DM me, I'd love to make friends! I post updates on how my writing is going or when I'll be updating the fic on my twitter, so feel free to follow me on there if you're curious!
> 
> As always, I'll try to pull some time out to write the next chapter, but until then, who knows when it'll be - ten days, maybe a month *shrugs*
> 
> Anyway, Happy New Year everyone! <3
> 
> Miche xx
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/CelestialMiche)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!
> 
> Here's chapter 7! I wrote this basically overnight, 5000 words in one sitting, and then the remaining this morning. I put a lot of love into it, so I hope you like it <3 Thank you to everyone who has given this story love and left a comment, you guys really make my day! 
> 
> Miche xx

“You mean,” Mina says flatly. “It’s been a day and you still haven’t used his number?”

“I’m not sure I should…?” He trails off when Serim and Mina both fix him with a blatantly disbelieving stare.

“Mark,” Serim deadpans. “So what else could Haechan have given you his number for then? He obviously wants to talk to you?”

“You guys really think so?” Mark stares at the closed signed photobook in his lap, hands fiddling with the cover. 

“You know it too,” Mina rolls his eyes, bumping shoulders with him. “The sweater is clearly an excuse.”

“Or it could be the actual reason,” Mark argues. 

“Regardless,” Serim cuts in just as Mina opens her mouth. “Even if that’s the reason, you should text him. Especially for that reason, if anything.”

“I’m nervous,” Mark admits, falling back on the couch, hands on his face. “It’s not easy, okay? I’m really fucking nervous.”

“I would be too, if I were you,” Mina snorts. Mark glares at her between his fingers, “Not helping.”

“Well you aren’t taking our help, bitch,” She huffs. “Actually, you know what? What are you so nervous about anyway? You’ve literally talked to him twice before? It’s not like this is unfamiliar territory!”

“But I haven’t ever texted him before!”

“Mark!” Mina clicks her tongue, eyebrow twitching in a badly suppressed urge to hit him. “He’s not the Queen, please just message him, it’s not that hard!”

“And you’re probably making him think he made a mistake giving you his number the longer you drag this out,” Serim adds in, only making Mark whimper pathetically.

“What if I mess this up?” Mark sits up suddenly, eyes wide in realization. “I’ve already messed this up, haven’t I? Because I waited this long? What do I do now?”

“Mark Lee, I am going to kill you,” Mina groans. “Give me your phone. If you don’t have the balls to do it, then I’ll do it for you. Even Serim wasn’t this bad with Sihyeon!”

“Shut up,” Mark whines (because that’s downright offensive - Serim is pathetic on the daily about Sihyeon) but he dutifully pulls his phone from between the couch cushion and arm. 

With practiced movements, he pulls the photobook open to the page where Donghyuck has scribbled his number. He’s spent hours agonizing over the digits, to the point he almost has it memorized, but he still stares at it when he finds it. Donghyuck’s dark eyes in the picture almost feel challenging.

 _‘Message me, Canada,’_ He can practically hear it, completely with the curl of his grin and the mischievous twinkle in his eye. _‘I dare you.’_

“Just text him already, oh my god!” Mina threatens to reach for his phone and he leans away from her immediately, eyes narrowed warily. 

“Okay, okay, already,” Mark coughs. With shaky fingers, he creates Donghyuck’s phone contact, and then looks for him on the KakaoTalk app. He’s quick to find the boy’s user, and swallowing he types in, ‘Hi!’ before immediately backspacing all of it. 

_‘Too enthusiastic,’_ He thinks, swallowing. 

‘Hi?’ He tries next but deletes that too, before he finally settles on, ‘Hey, it’s Mark from the fansign yesterday.’

He hits send and then squeals embarrassingly, immediately throwing his phone behind him and losing it somewhere between the couch cushions. 

“There, I did it,” Mark covers his face with his hands again, a strange sort of adrenaline rushing through him. He’s embarrassed, somewhat, but he’s anticipating Donghyuck’s response. 

“Well done, I’m proud of you,” Mina pats him on his thigh once, and then she’s suddenly getting to her feet, dusting herself off dramatically, “Well my work here is done, I have to get going. Don’t forget you’re meeting me and Sejeong for lunch day after! tomorrow”

“What - Mina! You got me into this, you can’t just leave?! What do I do now?!” Mark stumbles to his feet.

“Serim can help you,” Mina pats him on the shoulder as she grabs her purse. “Besides he hasn’t replied yet, has he? I have some work now. You boys have fun. I’m sure you’ll figure it out, Markie.”

“I got him,” Serim tells her fondly, like he’s not here and witnessing this. “You don’t need to worry.”

“Are you guys my parents?” Mark complains. He goes ignored. 

“Bye!” She gives a tiny wave and then she’s out the door. “Keep me updated!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Mark relents, waving back. When he turns around, Serim’s giving him an amused grin, “I’ll be in my room if you need me.”

“You guys are traitors,” Mark shakes his head, good-natured, and he lets Serim squeeze his shoulder as he walks back into the living room. He hears Serim’s door shut, as he’s falling back onto the couch, lying across it. 

Unable to help himself, he hunts for his phone again, and then settles back down with his head against the arm. When he unlocks it, it’s right back onto the chat with Donghyuck, who has clearly received but not read the message. Of course, Donghyuck must be busy.

Mark sighs, exiting the chat, and then puts his phone on the coffee table. He shuts his eyes as tries to get comfortable again. 

* * *

“Still no reply?” Serim pops his head into the kitchen, where Mark is struggling with the rice cooker, and grimaces. “Here, give that to me, I don’t know how you’ve managed to survive without a roommate these two years.”

“Takeout, instant meals, and sheer willpower,” Mark grumbles, sticking out his tongue at the rice cooker and then passes it to Serim. He walks to the fridge, getting out some of this morning’s leftover curry. “And no, Donghyuck still hasn’t replied.”

“It’s been four hours,” Serim frowns. “I’m sure he’s busy, give him some time.”

“It’s all I can give,” Mark sighs. “He’s an idol, so I’m not even surprised. I don’t know if I did the right thing, texting him, to be honest.”

“Don’t start questioning yourself now, Mark,” Serim scolds gently. “He asked you to, remember? I’m sure he’ll text back soon.”

“I hope so,” Mark bites his lip, uncertain, putting the curry in the microwave. He reaches for his phone on the counter as he waits, finds a message from his mother asking him how his day was. He sends back a simple response and then replies to Jinhyung’s silly gif. Just when he’s about to turn to open the microwave and stop the incessant beeping now that it’s done heating, his phone vibrates with a notification alert. A message from Donghyuck.

_Canada?_

Before Mark can even respond, he sends a follow up.

_About time, I’ve been waiting!!_

“Mark turn the microwave off, please,” Serim tells him distractedly. Mark swallows, facing the other boy, “Serim, he just texted me!”

Serim spins around instantly, eyes crinkled in pleasant surprise, “Then answer him! What are you doing?”

“Wait, immediately?” Mark fumbles. “Like, should I wait - a few minutes? I don’t want to look too eager?”

“Then wait a few minutes,” Serim sends him a bemused stare. “And please turn off the microwave while you’re at it.”

“Right,” Mark rushes to silence the microwave before going back to stare at the notifications on his lockscreen. “...Do you think it’s been long enough?”

“Sure, it’s been, like, thirty seconds,” And now Serim’s just making fun of him. Mark groans audibly. “Mark, if you wanna text him, just text him.”

“I’ll text him after dinner,” Mark decides, because Donghyuck made him wait four hours so the boy can definitely wait half an hour, declaring in English. “I ain’t no weak bitch.”

“I don’t know what that means, but okay,” Serim laughs, passing him the plates. “Set the table.”

The next ten minutes pass in waiting for the rice cooker to finish and cool down a little, arranging their plates on the larger-than-necessary table along with their cutlery. Mark can’t help the tiny glances at his phone, but he’s made a decision and he’ll stick to it. 

Over dinner, Serim mentions how he’s going back home for the rest of break and that he’ll leave after the results are out tomorrow. Mark isn’t surprised; Serim usually disappears for most holidays. Serim’s dad has lung cancer, and so the boy tries as much as possible to visit him when he can, to spend time with him. Serim doesn’t like to talk about it much and Mark rarely brings it up, knowing it upsets Serim to think about it, even if his dad has been doing really well for months. 

“Sihyeon’s coming home with me this time,” Serim admits quietly, a little shy as the excitement makes the tip of his ears blush. He’s not really meeting Mark’s eyes, but Mark doesn’t miss the smile on his face as he fiddles with his spoon.

“I’m really happy for you, Serim,” Mark tells him honestly. “You’ve been together for what? Over a year? I’m glad. She makes you really happy.”

“I want her to meet my dad,” He leans forward on the table. “And my mom too, of course, but my dad. Whilst he’s - you know.”

“Yeah, I do,” Mark says softly. Mark remembers Serim taking him to meet his father back in their first year. They were acquaintances bordering on friends back then, freshly having finished their first semester when Serim had gotten a call from his mother about his father being rushed to the hospital. Mark still hasn’t seen him break down as badly as he did that day, unaware that his father’s condition had even been worsening. Serim had been in no condition to travel alone and Mark had taken it upon himself to go with him to the hospital, knowing the slightly older boy needed him at his side. Mark stayed with him overnight at the hospital, holding his hand and getting him all the coffee he needed, helping Serim’s mother whilst they waited outside the operation room. The next day, Mark had been introduced to Serim’s dad, a weak man with a homely smile exactly like Serim’s, and Mark had walked out of that hospital with a lifelong friend. “I’m sure he’ll be happy to meet her.”

“I hope so too,” Serim offers him a warm smile, getting up from the table, and starting to clear up. 

“I’ll do the dishes,” Mark states, carrying the plates over to the sink. It’s usually how they end up distributing the work, Serim cooking and Mark cleaning. It doesn’t take much time; Serim clears up the table within minutes, and Mark is done with the little washing he needs to do. 

Once Serim disappears back into his bedroom (not without sparing Mark a knowing glance), Mark grabs his phone and rushes into his own bedroom, throwing himself onto the bed. He’s quick to open the message, tapping on the notification.

_Canada?_

_About time, I’ve been waiting!!_

_‘How do I reply?’_ He worries, biting the inside of his cheek. _‘Breathe, Mark. You’ve talked to him before, remember? Even when you didn’t know who he was, even after you did know. You can do this.’_

Hesitantly, he types out.

_Yeah haha_

_Sorry it took me a while_

Should he give an excuse? Mark doesn’t even know, but it sure feels he should. But before he can even come up with one, Donghyuck is online and has read his message. He resists the urge to throw his phone for the second time, panic welling for a split second. 

_Be honest, were u nervous?_

“Don’t fucking send him keysmash,” Mark warns himself as his fingers almost do the exact opposite. 

_Nooooooo_

_You seem nervous though?_ 👀

Really, the sheer audacity Donghyuck has to be calling him out like this. 

_Donghyuck......_

_Of course I’m nervous_

_I’m texting you, aren’t I?_

_It’s just me, Canada_

_Don’t overreact_

_DON’T OVERREACT???_

_I’M -_

💀💀💀

_So I hear Chenle’s your favourite?_

_I - ???_

_I’m offended_

_(* ￣︿￣)_

_I thought I was your fav_

_Injun told me ^^_

_Omg_

_I thought you became a czennie because of me_

💔💔💔

_Ur so silly T-T_

_Ofc it’s not you_

_IM HEARTBROKEN_

_I CANT BELIEVE YOU BETRAYED ME LIKE THIS_

_ME!!_

_YOUR SAVIOUR!!!!_

😂😂😂

_Meh_

_Its fine you’re not my fav either_

This conversation is flowing easier than he thought it would (small mercies), even if his heart is thundering in his chest far more than it needs to. But he's a little confused now, sitting up to lean against the headrest.

_???_

_favourite what??_

_Czennie_

_o(≧口≦)o_

A laugh escapes Mark’s lips, legs folding up into his body as he leans his chin on his knees. Donghyuck is...cute. But it’s not like Mark didn’t already know that.

💔💔💔

_Gimme back my sweatshirt traitor_

_I miss it_

😭😭😭

_And how_

_exactly_

_Am I supposed to do that?_

_I’ll come collect it obv_

Mark blinks rapidly at the message, unsure if he’s read it right. _‘I’ll come collect it?’_ There’s no way that means what he thinks it means, right?

_You can’t come meet me_

_Because you know_

_~ Secrecy ~ and all that_

_So i’ll have to do the work ig_

_You could send someone to pick it up?_

_I wanna come see you though Canada_

_Text me your address_

_I’ll come get it_

_Im -_

_We can hang out or something too_

_If you want_

_‘What the fuck?’_ Mark lies back down on his bed, face half in his pillows as he nearly screams in surprise. _‘What the FUCK?’_

Nevermind. This conversation is far from easy.

Donghyuck has _way_ too much confidence. 

_...Did you just_

_Invite yourself to hang out at my house??? T-T_

_ALSO WHAT IF I WAS A STALKER FAN_

_THINK OF YOUR SAFETY_

_Okay but are you?_

_No??? Obv??? T-T_

_So eh it’s fineeee_

_*sighs*_

_Anyway we don’t have to hang_

_Not if you don’t want to_

_I could just come, pick it up and leave_

_But like_

_How rude????_

_(╬▔皿▔)╯_

_Considering I let you keep my sweater for eight months_

_Okay okay_

_Yes_

_Sure? I’d love to have you over???_

_You don’t sound very sure_

_THIS IS A LOT TO PROCESS OKAY_

_Give me a break_ 😭😭😭

_Anyway_

_I'm sure_

_Sounds good Canada_

_Why…_

_Do you wanna hang out anyway_

_You don’t wanna hang out with me?_

_I’ll have you know I’m a delight to be around_

_(≧∇≦)ﾉ_

_I know you are T-T_

_How sweet of you_

_But exactly_

_So?_

_Nothing I was just asking_

_Why you would wanna hang_

_With me ig_

_Maybe I wanna get to know you?_

_Want to be friends?_

_I’ve already saved your life_

_AND I KNOW YOUR TRAGIC BACKSTORY_

_What else do you need to be friends?_

_A certificate of achievement????_

_‘This day just keeps getting weirder and weirder,’_ Mark curls into a ball under his blanket. He had never thought a kpop idol, much less Donghyuck of all people, would want to be friends with him.

_You want to be friends?????_

_Yes????_

_Why else would I bother????_

_I see_

_Okay Donghyuck_

_I’ll send you my address_

_When are you coming over?_

_Oh idk_

_I’ll have to check my schedule_ 😉

_Probably not this month??_

_...you made plans to hangout with me next month?_

_WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS_

_I SAID IDK_

_Oof I gtg Canada_

_I’ll text you later!!_

And then he’s offline in a second. Donghyuck, every time Mark meets him or talks to him, leaves him feeling like he’s just experienced a force of nature.

Mark slams his face in his pillow and screams.

* * *

Whatever excitement that had settled in his bones from the previous day’s conversation with Donghyuck dims the next day. Mark’s results, whilst not pathetic, are average at best. Better than the last semester, so at least it’s an uphill ladder. 

Serim can do little more than offer him a squeeze to his shoulders, tell him he’s doing well and that he’s proud of him, but it can’t fight the frustration he feels at himself. 

Not even the ‘Good morning Canada~’ message he receives at around ten can bring back the lightness he’d felt - at least, not immediately.

_Good morning Canada~_

_I have a few minutes to chat ^^_

_You busy?_

_Hey Donghyuck_

_Morning_

_Did you just wake up?_

_Nah I’ve been awake since five_

_Also_

_Hmm no good before the morning_

_Is something wrong?_

It catches him a little off-guard, that Donghyuck picked up on such a minor detail. Still, it’s not something he wants to worry Donghyuck with, even if he would understand. 

_Ah dw bout it really :)_

_It’s nothing_

_Anyway, why were u awake?_

_Morning practice but forget about that_

_That smiley is ominous_

_There’s something clearly bothering you_

_Spill, come on_

_You really don’t have to worry_

_Well I’m gonna worry regardless now_

_If you really dont wanna say, that’s fine too_

_But I really don’t mind_

_You sure?_

_Of course, you know I don’t_

_I just_

_Got my results back today ig_

_Wasnt the best, but better than last semester_

_So ig I shouldn’t complain_

_Sorry I brought down your mood_

_Mark_

_Fr you don’t have to worry about my mood_

_Are you okay?_

_It’s alright to be disappointed, you know?_

_Just don’t let it eat at you_

_Idk I expected it but_

_It still hurts_

_I shouldn’t let it get to me_

_It’s stupid tbh_

_Its not stupid_

_But_

_It’ll all be okay_

_You did better, you’ll do even better next time_

_Have faith in yourself_

_Little steps along the tunnel_

_Until you get to the sunshine, remember?_

_You told me that_

_So it’s gonna be okay_

_I believe in you_

It feels like the air in his lungs has whooshed right out, leaving him breathless at the reminder. He doesn’t know how Donghyuck always manages it, but just reading the words lifts a weight from his shoulders, enveloping him in a gentle warmth until there are trails of goosebumps along his skin in gratitude. It’s incredibly sweet that Donghyuck is taking his time to make Mark feel better, when he could probably be spending it relaxing - or literally anything else. 

But here he is, echoing words Mark had said to him. 

(One day, maybe he’ll even gain the courage to ask Donghyuck why he remembers what some stupid boy had said to him on a beach in the middle of the night so well.)

_Yeah_

_Yeah I did_

_Shit Donghyuck, now I’m crying_

_Thanks though_

_I needed to hear that_

_And_

_Thank you for believing in me_

_Don’t cry Canada_

_You can’t see sunshine through your tears_

_I have to go now_

_But are you gonna be okay?_

_I’ll be fine_

_Thank you, though_

_You don’t have to thank me_

_We’re friends_

_I’ll text soon_

_You better be smiling later!_

_We are, and I will haha_

_Have a good day, Hyuck!!_

_You too Canada!!_

It’s not surprising, if he really thinks about it - Donghyuck had been able to make him feel so much better even back on the beach half a year ago. So, it’s only natural, that he’d still manage it. 

What he has to do now, however, is talk to his parents about the results. He’s not quite looking forward to it but it’s unavoidable. As it is, his mother’s message about his results is flashing in his notifications.

He’s quick to call them, waiting for his mother to pick up and picking at the corners of his cuticles. It’s a terrible anxious habit, the torn skin around it proof, but it’s a habit he can’t seem to stop nonetheless. 

“Mark?” His mother answers upon the fourth ring. “Your result is out?”

“Hi mom,” He greets pointedly. “Yes, my result is out.”

“So?” She asks and he quickly lets her know about his subjects and individual scores, wilting when she just hums as an answer. 

“It’s better than the last semester,” Mark tries, rushing to reassure. “And I’ll work harder next time - ”

“Mark, I’m proud of you,” She cuts in gently. “I know, honey, you’ve been trying. I’m proud of you for doing better.”

Mark’s eyes burn hot, like that one time he had scraped his knee on the tarmac outside his home and his mother had put a bandaid over the cuts, like that one time he had gotten lost at the supermarket and his mother hugged him by the soaps aisle when she found him a minute later, like one time he tried to decorate Christmas cookies and failed miserably, only for his mother to magical fix it and kiss his forehead. He leans against the kitchen counter, head against a cupboard, words and feelings he’ll never let spill lumped in his throat. Gratitude laced with frustration, relief with bitter regret. It all rises and buoys there - but none of it leaves his mouth.

Instead, he swallows the lump down, until it sinks into his skin and settles deep, taking a small breath, whispering, “Thanks mom.” 

“You’ll do even better next time,” She continues then. “I know it’s hard, but I’m glad you’re taking science more seriously again and trying harder. I’m really proud of you.”

A hollowness settles in his bones, cold and barren. He takes a deep breath, words on his tongue that will never leave his lips. 

“Will you be coming home?” She asks after a beat. “At least for a week?”

“No, no, I won’t,” He says quietly still, trying to soften the blow. What he’ll say now will be a lie, but it’ll do. “I - I need to prepare for the next semester. Study in advance since I’m - you know, trying to think about a career in physics. Research and find a field I’m interested in, I guess…”

“Okay,” She answers eventually, but she sounds relieved. “Okay, then we’ll see you at Christmas, Mark.”

“Yeah,” Mark stares out of the window, listless. Sunlight’s glimmering like a crystalized stream, the sweet tang of watermelon lingers on his tongue, cool in its aftertaste. He kind of wants to write about how the summer breeze is making the leaves of the morning glories dance as they hang from the upstairs’ apartment’s windowsill, about how it smells like an effervescent dream, hazy and a sanguine illusion. He shuts his eyes. “Yeah, okay.” 

* * *

Sejeong smiles at Mark across the table, still as pretty as the night Mark first met her. He hasn’t seen her since, Mina careful not to bring her back to his apartment out of embarrassment. 

It had surprised Mark when Mina asked if he could take a lunch out of his busy - empty - schedule to officially meet the older girl, which was the first sign that things were going well between them. Serim had promised to meet her next time, since he was leaving the day of the result. 

Now, here they are, having lunch in this quaint little bistro near their university, Sejeong and Mina sitting next to each other and leaving Mark to occupy the large seat in front of them. And yes, Sejeong is definitely pretty in the way that he's caught Mina double-taking at. Eyes like curving moons, wide glittery smile, a bright and polite disposition. And with Mina at her side, strong eyebrows, cute cheeks and dimples, the two of them look good together, a little doll-like almost. Mark kinda feels underdressed and like he's meeting the in-laws.

“It’s nice to meet you officially, Mark,” Sejeong says once they’ve ordered. “Mina’s told me a lot of good things.”

“Mina’s been pretty hush about you actually,” He pouts, sending Mina a side-eye. Mina just rolls her eyes fondly. “But based on what she has said, I’ve come to the conclusion that she’s in good hands. She really likes you.”

Sejeong gives a startled laugh, briefly glancing Mina’s way. A small blush adorns both their faces when their eyes meet, but there’s such fondness, it makes Mark ache for a relationship of his own. To have someone to look at him like that, to hold someone’s hand, and to place tiny kisses along their hairline. 

“I am curious though,” Sejeong says kindly. “How did you guys meet? I know you and Serim are in a different course from Mina.”

“You wanna tell the story or should I?” Mark laughs, prompting Mina.

Mina sinks in her seat, embarrassed, “God, that was the worst day of my life.”

“You got to know me and Serim, it was hardly the worst day,” Mark argues, and she just raises a teasing eyebrow, “Exactly my point.”

“You love us,” Mark scoffs. “And just for that sass, I’ll be the one to tell the story.”

Mina just makes a face at him, Sejeong laughing loudly at her girlfriend as she holds her hand under the table and out of sight from people.

It annoys Mark more than he’d ever like to admit, but homosexuality is still frowned upon in South Korea. Although Mark’s out of the closet, it can feel like he’s being forced back into it, to the point where he hasn't told anyone other than his close friends here he's gay (not that he wants to, in particular, but the point is that it's the difference between _having_ the choice and not). It's restricting and he hates it. It’s one of the only drawbacks to living here, and the only reason he’s not actively fighting it personally is because he’s not dating anyone and hasn’t for years, much less since he got here. This in turn makes him feel like he's being complacent, which he detests, and he wishes this wasn't a problem that existed in the first place - but he has no idea how to overcome it, not right now anyway.

But for someone like Mina, who goes on dates regularly, he knows the girl tries to pick and choose places that are LGBTQ+ friendly. It’s better than going to a place where they’ll have to be discreet about it, as much as it’s upsetting. But sometimes, like now, it’s unavoidable to go to general public places. 

And so the girls hold hands under the table, where no one can see them.

“So this was about a month into our second semester?” Mark recalls. “Serim and I were heading to the library because we had a paper that we needed to write, and Mina came running out of the library like a horse on steroids - ”

“Horse on steroids - the _fuck,_ Mark - ?!” 

“ - and it was because she had fallen asleep in the library, to the point she had drooled and gotten print stuck to her face, and was going to be late to a graded quiz in her next class almost ten minutes away,” Mark snorts. “And then there was a spectacular crash between her and Serim, who dropped his laptop - and it broke, by the way, completely _mangled_ \- and Mina dropped all of her books. It was a disaster I narrowly avoided and to this day, thank God for getting me through.”

“You broke Serim’s computer?” Sejeong stares at her in shock before turning back to him. “What happened then?”

“So they exchanged numbers,” Mark continues, nodding like he couldn’t quite believe it himself. “Serim didn’t even get mad, because he’s like an actual angel, and she promised to pay him for a new one. Our friendship just sorta grew from there. We all got a best friend out of it.”

“Your friendship came at the cost of a laptop,” Mina says tiredly. “Not worth it. Zero on ten, would not recommend.”

“It was your fault,” Mark shrugs, used to her antics. Sejeong shakes her head, lips twitching, “Wow.”

“Anyway,” Mark waves away, “She’s stuck around. Until then it had just been me and Serim - ”

“ - and Serim’s sucky bitchass girlfriend,” Mina interrupts with a drawl. “Well, ex, now.”

Mark snorts at the memory, “Yeah, Serim had this girlfriend back in first year he started dating during the second semester, mostly because he was set up on a blind date by some other guys and he couldn’t get out of it without looking like an asshole. But he actually ended up falling for her, until she cheated on him towards the end of our first year.”

“Damn that sucks,” Sejeong frowns. Mina clicks her tongue, “She was a bitch, for real. I was two seconds away from punching the shit out of her, but Serim didn’t want me to.” 

“Why is it always punching with you?” Mark asks, half wary, half amused. “Even a few months ago when Serim and Sihyeon weren’t communicating properly because of those rumors, you offered to punch her! And you were the one that introduced the two of them!”

“Wait, Sihyeon is your batchmate right?” Sejeong raises an eyebrow at Mina. “You’ve mentioned her to me before, I think?”

It’s good to know that Sejeong pays attention to Mina when she’s talking. Mina doesn’t always share a lot about herself, even though she can pendulum between being talkative and shy, so it’s important that she has someone that cares enough to listen.

“Yeah, I have,” Mina confirms before she turns to Mark. “And I offered the first time because his ex is a bitch who made him cry. As for Sihyeon, he cried that day too, so of course I offered to punch Sihyeon, even if she’s my friend. If anyone makes either of you cry, I’ll beat them up. No exceptions.”

“Mina, I didn’t know you cared so much,” Mark teases, but he reaches across the table to offer her a hand to squeeze. Mina rolls her eyes again, but she squeezes his hand quickly before letting go, like the admission had embarrassed her. “We’d do the same, obviously.”

“I’m glad to see you guys have each other,” Sejeong gives a twinkling sort of laugh. Mark really likes her for Mina, so much more than all the other girls and guys from before. “And for what it’s worth, Mark, I won’t hurt her.”

“I’m sure you won’t, noona,” Mark answers easily. “Please, tell me a bit about yourself! I want to know who’s captured Mina’s heart so strongly!”

“You’re so cringy, Mark Lee,” Mina grimaces and Mark just sends her a mildly embarrassed look because yeah, he regretted saying it the second it left his mouth. 

“Well, right now, I work in the marketing department for a foreign publishing house that works in partnership with a korean publishing house for translation and redistribution of books from foreign authors,” Sejeong reveals as the food arrives at the table. “Basically, we handle all the marketing and other things like that for Korean releases of those books.” 

“That sounds really interesting,” Mark blinks in surprise. “Honestly, I figured that a mass communication degree can get you into loads of different things, but I’m really surprised. I know Mina’s interests are in something totally different.”

“Yeah, Mina wants to go into a more journalism related field,” Sejeong nods. “But yes, there’s a pretty wide scope of things you can get into. I personally love my job.”

“Happy to hear it,” Mark grins.

“Actually,” Sejeong straightens and then her head tilts inquistively. “I think Mina’s mentioned you’re a writer? And a poet?”

“Yes?” Mark replies hesitantly, uncertain where this is going. 

“Well, our publishing house is dropping an anthology soon, next month or the month after, probably,” She taps her chin lightly in thought. “I don’t have all the necessary information, since the marketing team hasn’t been given the explicit details yet. But I think they’re accepting poetry as far as I recall? If you’re interested in maybe sending something in to add to the anthology, I can find out the details and forward them to Mina, who can send them to you? Or you could give me your number and I’ll send the info to you. You can take a call after if you’re interested?”

Mina stares at him wide-eyed across the table, like she hadn’t been aware her girlfriend was going to be making him an offer of this sort either. Mark himself feels a little like this is a dream. It can’t be this easy, can it?

“Wait, really?” Mark coughs out. 

“Seriously!” Sejeong returns earnestly. “Of course, I can’t guarantee anything, whether they’re still accepting entries, or if they’ll select yours either, but I think it’s totally worth a shot, if you want to do it.”

“You should do it, Mark,” Mina says firmly, a warm smile on her face. Mina has more faith in Mark than he does on a good day, so of course she’s going to be right as his side when he gets an opportunity like this. 

God, he almost can’t believe it. This could count as his first step to actually do something he wants to in the future. This is _not_ the moment to hesitate. 

“Okay,” He clenches his hands into fists under the table. He’s not going to panic or back out of our nerves or fear, not when something like hope is blooming in his chest. “Okay, thank you so much for this opportunity, oh my god. I’ll give you my number, I’d love to hear more about it if you can find out.”

* * *

The first movement of Beethoven’s _Moonlight Sonata_ surrounds him, dulcet melancholic piano notes bouncing off his bedroom walls. He lets it wash over him, subdued. Classical music helps him think. It helps him write. Awakens a different part of his brain, inspired, and pushes out all other thoughts.

Or at least, it’s supposed to. It usually does, but...

Now, with his curtains drawn and the room bathed in the light of only his screen and desk lamp, Mark peers at a blank document as he thinks about the theme Sejeong sent him in the details. Inspired by the title of Shakespeare’s play, the theme is ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’.

A quick glance at the screen tells him it’s close to three in the morning and he leans his head back against the chair, pulling his glasses off his face to rub at his eyes. This would have been easier if he had a poem on the topic already, but he doesn’t. 

He grabs his phone, tempted to message Kevin, but knows he’s meeting up with some friend of his from university today, so he aimlessly scrolls on Instagram instead. The last time he posted was well before the exams started, a random dinner he’d had with Mina and Serim. The one before that was a picture of him and Kevin after the NCT 127 concert, next to a few pictures of himself at Jinhyung’s wedding. 

His notification bar pops up on his screen, Donghyuck’s name flashing at the top. 

_You’re awake???_ 😱

_I was gonna text but I thought you’d be asleep_

_And then I saw you were online a min ago_

_Haha yeah_

_Trying to write a poem_ 😅

_For the anthology I told you about, remember?_

_Duh I remember_

_ㄟ(≧◇≦)ㄏ_

_Like I said_

_So proud of you???_

Mark smiles, biting his lip as he shakes his head. They’ve been talking a lot more over the last week, to the point that it doesn’t even surprise him anymore when he receives random messages at random hours of the day, talking about his work and what not. In a similar fashion, Mark’s been sharing tidbits of his own life, including texting Donghyuck when something earth-shattering happens such as news about the anthology. 

When he mentioned this to Donghyuck before, the boy had sent him a series of key-smashed messages, as well as multiple dramatic gifs and emojis before he announced that he was proud of Mark. It had been both embarrassing and adorable, a seemingly common trend. He’s gotten so used to these new text habits dangerously quickly, and well, he’s a little afraid it’ll all disappear but he wants to live in the moment while he can.

_As you’ve said so many times T-T_

_So how’s that going for u?_ 👀

🤡💀

😂😂😂

_It’s not funny T-T_

_I’m struggling_

_This is theme is sdfasdf_

_I’m sure you’ll think of something Mark_

_You’re big brain energy when you try_

_When I try -_

_Yeah_

_*cat_with_glasses_working_on_laptop.gif*_

_Literally u ^_

💀

_Kicking me when im down_

_I see how it is T-T_

_Markkkk_

_The theme is like a summer dream or something right?_

_Write about me, I’m an inspiration_ 🤩😎

_I -_

Mark coughs, cheeks blazing. Donghyuck as his midsummer night’s dream? Does he have no filter?

Getting less flustered around Donghyuck’s impact is not a skill Mark has acquired, especially now that he’s moved on from watching the boy on stage and screen (and seeing in his dreams - purely innocent ones, to clarify in case of any misunderstanding, not that Mark could even handle anything more than that), to actually talking to him. May God give him the strength to deal with this man. 

_You got this!_ 😏

_Hwaiting!!!_

_Oh gtg pd-nim is calling_

_Byeeee_

_Bye Hyuck_

_Pls try to get some rest soon_

_You worked till early hours last night too T-T_

_*exhausted_kermit_meme.jpeg*_

Mark locks his phone, running a hand over his still-heated face and yawns. Blinking at the screen once again, he straightens in his chair. _Moonlight Sonata_ is still playing in the background on loop and he cracks his knuckles. 

After all, he can’t make any progress until he tries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 👀  
>    
> [Come say hi on Twitter](https://twitter.com/CelestialMiche)
> 
> Anyway, I spent the last five days outlining the whole story, which has come round to an astonishingly longer total than I expected ^^ so we're in for a long haul. Hope you guys stick around and bare with me~ As always, dunno when the next chapter will be out, follow my twitter for updates, or if you just wanna say hi because I would love to chat! 
> 
> Please leave a comment and kudos if you liked the chapter, it makes me happy <3
> 
> Miche xx


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello >.<
> 
> Here's eight. I have no other words than thanks for all the love and comments. Y'all really make my day <3 <3 <3 Leave me more of those kudos and comments to make me happy!!
> 
> This chapter is basically all fluff so there. 
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Miche xx

It takes Mark five days to finish it.

He’s embarrassed to admit it, but he did end up taking Donghyuck’s advice. Although not exactly about the boy, the poem ends up being about Mark’s feelings around their chance meeting on the beach and about Mark’s chance discovery of the boy at the concert. All of it still feels somewhat like a fever dream to him (which is exactly why he called it that), and although it’s not quite  _ midsummer, _ it became his inspiration for the theme.

The task is harder than expected, mostly because he has to write the poem in Korean. Writing in Korean isn’t unfamiliar territory - he’s written plenty of short poems in Korean and some short stories too, for that matter of fact - but it’s easier to write in English when his thoughts and vocabulary flow better in that language. 

Unfortunately, for him, the editor had specified Korean, so Korean it is.

He’s extremely uncertain about what he’s working on, however. Uncertain enough that he bypasses all of Donghyuck’s questions around the topic with lame excuses (and maybe also because he’s just a little embarrassed to reveal its contents). It’s not until he sends pictures to Kevin, Serim and Mina that gets the constructive criticism he needs to edit the poem, that he feels more confident in what he’s written. 

Then, and only then, does he think it’s time to share it with Donghyuck (and only because the boy has shown more interest in it than anticipated).

_ Okay _

_ Okay it’s done! _

Donghyuck replies much faster than he expected, appearing online in a flash.

_ Finally _

_ ( •̀ ω •́ )✧ _

_ I got tired of pretending I couldn’t tell  _

_ Tell what? _

_ That you were avoiding the topic _

🙃🙃🙃

_ That’s embarrassing _

_ I’m sorry :( _

_ You’re so bad at being discreet Mark Lee _ 😂

_ Anyway T-T _

_ Imma send you screenshots here okay? _

_ I’m excited!! _

_ (/≧▽≦)/ _

_ Lets go!! _

_ *Blissful Fever Dream Pic 1.jpeg*  _

_ *Blissful Fever Dream Pic 2.jpeg* _

_ *Blissful Fever Dream Pic 3.jpeg* _

_ *Blissful Fever Dream Pic 4.jpeg* _

_ I’m sorry its so long  _ 😭😭😭

_ I had a 30 line limit and I was like let’s take advantage of this _

_ sdfsdfad i know I’m spamming you rn while you’re reading _

_ but _

_ Let me know what you think? _

_ It’s kinda embarrassing _ _   
_ _ I’m sure you’ll figure out what it’s about when you read it _

_ Don’t judge me too much okay this was your idea _

  
  


It’s only then that it really sets in that he actually wrote a poem about...them, and that he just shared it with Donghyuck. The other boy had only joked about Mark writing about him, maybe Mark wasn’t supposed to take him so seriously? 

Was this somehow going to make Donghyuck uncomfortable? Was this weird? It would be weird if someone randomly wrote a poem about him, so why wouldn’t it be weird for Donghyuck?

_ ‘Oh no,’ _ Mark thinks as regret wraps tight fingers around his trachea. He mumbles, fingers flying across the keyboard. “Fuck.”

_ Actually maybe i shouldn’t have taken you so seriously _

_ It was a joke _

_ Oh my god im sorry _

_ I’ll try writing something else? _

_ Does it make you uncomfortable? _

_ It probably does _

_ Im so sorry _

  
  


Mark’s spiralling in a matter of seconds. He knows he needs to calm down - but seriously, what was he thinking? And even if he wrote it, why on earth did he show it to Donghyuck? God, is he an idiot? 

Fan fiction writers don’t show their work to the artists - not that this is fan fiction - 

_ ‘Wait, does this count as fan fiction?’  _ He panics.  _ ‘It’s not though - ’ _

What’s worse is that Donghyuck is reading the poem, has seen the messages too, based on the tiny 1 disappearing from the messages. So maybe he is disgusted by it? 

“Great fucking job, Mark,” He curses at himself, barely restraining himself from slamming his head on the kitchen table. “Now watch as he blocks you right out of his life and files a restraining order - ”

_ Mark Lee _

Mark holds his breath, biting his bottom lip in worry. He can hear his heartbeat all the way up against his eardrums.

_ You’re an idiot _

_ It’s a beautiful poem :( _

Mark exhales, relief flooding his veins as he slumps on the table, head pressed against the cold surface. 

_ Do you really mean everything you wrote? _

_ I mean _

The question is a little terrifying to answer. Mark waits for the follow up, picking at his cuticles as he tries to figure out what to reply or what Donghyuck might send next.

But Donghyuck takes a while to text his next message. Trying to swallow his nerves, Mark answers.

_ Donghyuck _

_ Yes, ofc I meant it. _

_ ‘Oxygen in lungs for sea salt in stomach, _

_ A place in my heart for a place in yours, _

_ You - a saviour from the songs of old, _

_ Blazing with the lustre of a fallen star, _

_ And me, _

_ With midsummer madness running through my veins.’ _

_ THIS _

_ This is gorgeous - and this is just a part of it _

_ It’s all gorgeous _

_ But that might just be my favourite part _

Mark watches in muted awe as praises continue to appear on his screen. Something warm kindles in his chest, soothing as it travels through his body in a gentle caress. 

Donghyuck likes it. He actually  _ likes _ it. 

It’s almost too good to be true.

_ Really? :( _

_ You’re not lying to make me feel better? _

_ Nooooo  _

_ Mark, it’s so good _

_ I’m more than a little blown away if I’m honest _

_ And that doesn’t even happen often _

_ So of course I’m not offended _

_ Is that why you hid this from me? _

_ You didn’t need to _

_ I feel the same way, tbh _

_ It does feel a like a fever dream that all of that happened _

_ The way we met and then ig you coming to our concert and all that _

_ Like a fantasy  _

_ That’s what Chenle called it when i told him _

_ So _

_ I’m honoured if anything _

_ You’re incredible, Canada _

Fantasy is the appropriate word for it, probably. It doesn’t feel real, to be sitting here and texting Donghyuck. Mark doesn’t believe in fate or destiny; he likes to think whatever decisions he makes determine his path in life. But the way Donghyuck had appeared in his life makes him wonder just a little bit if there really is such a thing. 

_ God Donghyuck _

_ I’M the one that’s honoured _

_ You think my writing is incredible? Pls T-T _

_ Well yeah, you’re an incredible writer too  _

Mark pauses, a little shocked, a little surprised, a little flustered.

_ What _

_ But you said -  _

😳😊

_ Thank you, you’re so nice Donghyuck :( _

_ You’re _

_ Incredible too, yk that right? _

_ Ik  _ 😉

_ But thank you  _

Mark doesn’t quite know how to respond to that but it turns out that he doesn’t need to, since Donghyuck changes the topic at hand immediately. 

_ Mark _

_ I don’t have a schedule on the evening of the 4th _

_ Does that work for you? _

_ Sept 4th? _

_ Wait work for what _

_ For me to come get my sweatshirt _

_ And hang out, if u want too! _

_ ‘In four days? That soon? Seriously?’ _ There’s no way Mark’s mentally prepared enough for that… but at the same time, he wants to meet Donghyuck. He’ll just have to try and fail at preparing again. 

_ Oof lemme check my nonexistent calendar  _ 😏

😂😂😂

_ AnyWAYS _

_ Yes I’m free!! _

_ Cool, I’ll come over after my scheduled stuff ends~ _

_ I’ll have to give up my personal training time _

_ But exceptions can be made!! _

_ Wait r u sure then? _

_ Can you really? _

_ Dw so much Canada _

_ I got this under control _

_ I’ll see you in a few days ^^ _

Mark casts a glance around his living room. Donghyuck? Here?

Sounds like the biggest load of bullshit he’s ever heard - and yet, apparently, is going to be true. Life probably couldn’t get wilder than this.

* * *

Mark sends the completed version of the poem to the editor by the end of the month. He doesn’t know when he’ll hear back from them but he’s satisfied with his submission. He’s even got a good feeling about it, a proud sort of emotion he’s learned to tell himself is okay to feel. He can only hope he’s not overestimating his own writing. 

Meanwhile, the day that Donghyuck is coming over approaches at lightspeed. Anticipation makes his gut swirl, excitement clashing with the distinct urge to throw up welling under his skin. He’s well aware he’s putting far too much thought into this, but there’s something about the idea that Donghyuck voluntarily wants to be his friend, wants to hang out with him, that makes him a little giddy. 

It’s quite the dangerous game he’s playing now, if he’s honest. Mark knows that Donghyuck hadn’t left his mind after the Jeju incident. It had only gotten worse when Mark found out who he was. But now, whatever feelings had begun to set in (the admiration-bordering-on-‘crush’) for the boy needed to be carefully wrapped, put into a box and stashed far away into the back of his wardrobe if he wanted to be friends with Donghyuck. 

Knowing the boy now as a real person, he needs to respect the other boy’s boundaries too. He can’t get carried away in a fantasy. Friendship is where the line is drawn, not that Mark is looking for anything more than that anyway. He’s not even sure he likes Donghyuck like that. He knows he sounds whipped when he talks about him, thinks the boy is beautiful and all those other things that have Mina and Serim staring at him teasingly. 

But realistically Mark doesn’t know Donghyuck personally beyond their conversations well enough to develop a genuine liking. Back on the beach, even when Mark talked to him, Donghyuck had hardly revealed things about himself. (Maybe that was the reason Donghyuck had stayed in his mind for so long; the mysterious yet kind charm had been alluring.) 

Ultimately, Mark thinks that it would be ridiculous to be actually falling for him. Because it’s like being in love with an idea and Donghyuck deserves better than that too. Mark would much rather become good friends with him than let some fan-like affection get in the way of what could be a great friendship. 

(There’s also the fact, perhaps the most important point of all, that Mark doesn’t even know if Donghyuck likes guys and he’s not going to assume. It’s one thing to  _ hope, _ another to...well.)

That being said, it’s difficult to separate idol Haechan from Jeju boy Donghyuck. It’s a little ironic maybe, because less than four months ago, NCT and the name Haechan barely meant anything. Now his knees tremble at the idea of the boy walking through his doorway when half a year ago, Mark had held a whole conversation in which he blatantly said he had no clue who Donghyuck was.

It...can’t really get worse than that. Or so he’s going to pray.

He also has absolutely no idea what he’s going to do to entertain Donghyuck. Mark’s a terrible conversationalist - sometimes he’s too enthusiastic and doesn’t shut up, sometimes he has no clue what to say and makes it awkward - and he’s afraid he might bore the younger boy. He’s managed to keep up with him on text messages, but one-on-one in real life is a whole different situation. 

On the morning of the day Donghyuck is going to visit him, Mark wakes up late. This is expected, because he’d been unable to sleep all night until his body gave up on him and crashed, but he still gets frustrated with himself since it leaves him very little time to prepare. He makes some ramen for lunch, checks his mail for any response from the publishing house (zilch) and then takes a long shower. By the time he gets out of the bathroom, he has a message from Donghyuck that says he’ll come over by five. 

Mark gets the Sweatshirt™ out of his closet, washed, pressed and ironed, and folds it as he keeps it on the bed. It’ll be the last time Mark has it. He runs a fond hand over it, tracing the cloud patterns with a gentle finger. He’s hardly ever worn it, but he’ll miss it regardless. 

He’s left with about an hour before Donghyuck will be here and he maximises it by cleaning up the living room. Since Serim hasn’t come back yet, the living room has mostly gone unlived in unless Mark has taken some time out to watch a movie or Mina has dropped by to see if he was still alive. He prefers sitting in his room to work and watch movies on Netflix, so really, he only leaves the room to eat. 

He wipes down most surfaces, picks up some laundry by the side of the couch (how the fuck did that even get there?) and straightens the pillows. Once he’s done, he stands in the doorway to analyze the room, fingers wiggling like it’ll remind him if there is anything he’s missing or forgetting. With a satisfied huff, he concludes that he’s done, and then goes to his room to grab his guitar.

When he’s feeling anxious, playing his guitar always manages to distract him until the worries soothe away into a quiet corner of his mind. He settles onto the couch, guitar in lap. He’s quick to fall into a rhythm, course fingers strumming along smooth metal strings, notes plucked gently to the beat of songs he loves. He mumbles lyrics alongside, never all that confident in his voice, a low rough timbre that he doesn’t focus on when his concentration is on the movement of his fingers. 

His father had taught him to play the guitar years ago, when he was something close to eleven or twelve. Mark, barely four feet and slightly wonky-toothed, had been handed a beautiful rosewood guitar nearly half his size. He could barely hold the thing, fingers barely stretching across the fretboard, but he never let it go. He remembers playing until his fingers burned from holding down the strings, cuticles torn from wrong playing technique, elbow aching from where it perched over the side of the instrument, indentations along his torso. It hurt to play it once upon a time, but now the scars he has from it are a part of him. 

It’s not too far off from how he feels about writing, if he’s honest. He still cringes from the first few poems he’s written, documents on his laptop that require passwords to unlock because he doesn’t want anyone to ever see them. Despite that, he’s kept them because he’s sentimental and it reminds him that he’s come a long way from then. Writing, just like his guitar, has taken time and patience. 

He’s scrolling on his phone for chords to a particular song when the doorbell rings. The sound makes him flinch, phone fumbling out of his hands and hitting the floor in a clatter. He winces, reaching over the guitar in his lap to pick it up. Placing his phone on the coffee table and the guitar on the couch, he wipes his sweaty hands on his sweatpants and makes his way to the door. 

He takes a peek out of the peephole, legs going numb when he sees Donghyuck on the other side, dressed in all black, mask on and the black hood of his sweatshirt pulled up. The boy is on his phone, so Mark can’t quite see his face. 

Mark takes a second to lean back against the door and just inhale.  _ ‘There’s a door separating us. Be cool, Mark Lee. Act natural. It’s just Donghyuck. Open the fucking door and say hi like a normal person.’ _

Straightening, because he’s made his guest wait long enough, he turns to face the door again and quickly unlocks it. Pushing it open, he finds himself face to face with Donghyuck. 

The boy himself is blinking in surprise, which is ridiculous because he’s the one who came to find Mark, but then his eyes crinkle in a half-crescent smile, “Hey, Canada.”

“Donghyuck, hi,” Mark breaths out. Mark can finally see all of him: from the dark black jeans, to the clearly designer Balenciaga sweatshirt and - is that the faint glittery sheen of eyeshadow on his eyelids? 

“I got us coffees?” The younger boy holds up a takeaway holder with two drinks in them, sounding hesitant and unsure. “I know you said you don’t like coffees much, but you mentioned you liked lattes so I…hope this is okay...?”

“No, don’t worry about it, thank you,” Mark immediately reaches out to take the coffees from his hands, warmed from the gesture. “You didn’t have to.”

“I was going to get some coffee for me on the way,” He shrugs nonchalantly. “It wasn’t a big deal.” 

Mark wants to argue because it kinda is a big deal, since they’re only borderline friends. Despite that fact, Donghyuck is clearly trying; it’s sweet that he even remembers a minor detail Mark might have mentioned over a week ago. 

Nevertheless, it’s obvious Donghyuck doesn’t want Mark to make a big deal out of it, so in the end all Mark can do is repeat shyly, “Well, thanks anyway.”

There’s a moment of silence in which Mark presses his lips together to stop the smile that threatens to climb onto his face as Donghyuck, looking away, rocks back and forth on his heels for a second.

“Can I come in?” Donghyuck clears his throat then, eyes flashing somewhere behind Mark into the apartment. Mark fumbles with the door he is leaning on, flustered and red-cheeked in realization, “Oh, uh, yeah - yes, come in.”

_ ‘Yeah, real smooth, dumbass,’ _ He mocks himself. 

Donghyuck walks in with such ease, it’s almost a little too hard to believe this is Mark’s apartment and not his. Somehow, it’s not surprising. When he walks past Mark through the doorway to allow Mark to shut it after him, Mark catches the fresh scent of something citrusy, but Donghyuck is gone too quickly for Mark to really register it. 

“Through there,” Mark points him down the hallway, before awkwardly coughing, “I mean, unless you wanna freshen up first, or something?”

“If you don’t mind,” Donghyuck says and just as Mark is about to tell him where to go, he takes his mask off to reveal a sharp jawline, a button nose and full cheeks. Donghyuck licks dry lips instinctively, an action that has Mark’s cheeks flushing further red when he notices, especially when he looks back up and finds Donghyuck’s eyes already on him. 

“That door,” Mark manages to say with a disappointingly vague gesture towards the bathroom, practically scurrying past him when Donghyuck’s lips curl into a smirk. He collapses on the couch next to his guitar once the coffees are on the table, when he hears the bathroom door open and shut, the muffled sound of water running making it through the heavy wood. 

God, how embarrassing. What is he doing? Donghyuck caught him staring. Oh god.

_ ‘But he’s hot,’ _ His brain whines. 

_ ‘Stop thinking about it!’  _ He shouts back at it and then sits up, patting his own cheeks. They’re hot to the touch, no shocker.  _ ‘Host. Be a good host.’ _

He gets to his feet again, exhaling rapid short breaths and then heads into the kitchen. Faintly, he hears the bathroom door open and close again, before a careful voice calls out, “Mark?”

“In the kitchen!” He calls out over his shoulder, back to the entryway as he hunts for a packet of chips out of his cupboard. A few seconds later, after some rummaging, he finds the ones he wants. Distractedly, he turns around saying, “Feel free to take a seat in - ”

Donghyuck is standing in the entrance to the kitchen, face dry but the tips of his hair shining faintly with water, a hand gripping his elbow as he leans against the wall to observe Mark. 

“...Hey,” Mark greets a little awkwardly, when Donghyuck offers him a smile. He holds out the chips, “You like these?”

“I’m on a weird diet, so no chips of any kind for me,” He scrunches his nose. “But I won’t stop you if you want. We can just share next time when I’m off my diet.”

He says it so easily, Mark’s taken aback. But when Donghyuck blinks at him, waiting for a response, he’s quick to move forward and makes a decision.

“Nevermind then,” Mark turns back around, opening the cupboard to put it away. 

Donghyuck objects immediately, “Mark, no, really, don’t let me be the reason you don’t - ”

“It’s really no big deal,” Mark echoes softly, as he shuts the cupboard and fixes the younger boy with a small knowing smile.

“If you insist,” Donghyuck says finally. “Now please drink your latte I worked so hard to get before it goes completely cold.”

“Lead the way,” Mark motions behind Donghyuck, towards the space right out of the kitchen, that leads to the dining area connecting to the living room. 

Donghyuck settles on the single armchair once they reach, eyeing Mark’s guitar, “I didn’t know you played.”

“Ah, yeah, I do,” Mark rubs the back of his head, gently passing it over when Donghyuck holds his hands out with a curious glint in his eyes. “Almost a decade now, actually.”

“Wow,” Donghyuck blinks. “I’ve always wanted to learn. Jeno plays the guitar sometimes and he offered to teach me, but I never have the time. Neither of us do, if I’m honest.”

“That’s too bad,” Mark sighs, watching the way Donghyuck runs his fingers over the strings. “Here, pass it over, want me to play something for you?”

“Gonna serenade me, Canada?” Donghyuck’s eyes flit up to his, lips twitching in an amused grin.

Mark’s skin under the collar feels hot all of a sudden, but he forces his cheeks to not turn red again. He’s embarrassed himself enough for one day. “No, I was just offering to play. You should sing, since you’re the one with the good voice - also, wait, why do you keep calling me by my name or Canada? You know I’m older than you now!”

“You want me to call you  _ hyung?” _ He says it with a curl in his lips, teasing, and it sends a small tingle down his spine. It’s weird to hear it on Donghyuck’s tongue, and the way he’s saying it has devilish intentions, if the mischief on the boy’s face is anything to go by. Donghyuck clicks his tongue, licking his lips again and then pouts, eyes wide as he tilts his head in mock innocence. “Mark hyung?”

Mark hates him a little bit and he definitely hates the way his stomach swoops. He almost wishes he hadn’t asked in the first place, not when Donghyuck uses his charms like a weapon.

_ ‘Cute as well as hot,’ _ His brain kindly reminds him, which just about makes him want to die all over again.

“You’re so damn rude,” Mark complains, gesturing for Donghyuck to pass the guitar over. “Why are you so comfortable teasing me, we’ve had like  _ two _ conversations.”

“With a few dozen text conversations!” Donghyuck laughs brightly even as he hands it over. “And we both know you prefer it when I don’t call you hyung, Mark.”

“You’ll do whatever you want anyway,” Mark just sighs grudgingly, tired and not wanting to get into his complicated and contradictory emotions over Donghyuck calling him hyung. He still gives Donghyuck a small smile to reassure him that he’s not insulted. 

“You’re absolutely correct,” Donghyuck folds his hands together, grinning prettily. “So what are you playing?”

He begins strumming the tune to Justin Bieber’s  _ Love Yourself, _ Donghyuck’s eyebrows furrowing when he recognises the tune but can’t quite place it, so Mark quietly sings along. Donghyuck falls silent and Mark can’t quite meet his eyes, feeling the weight of Donghyuck’s gaze on him. 

By the time he’s halfway through the song, Donghyuck joins in suddenly. His higher, smoother voice, leaving goosebumps down Mark’s arms, prompts Mark to look at him. He can’t help the smile that appears when he sees Donghyuck squinting at his phone screen, trying to recall the words to sing along. 

His vowels are rounded out, not as clean as Mark’s fluent English, but there’s something endearing about the way he abandons that to sing happily with Mark. 

“You’re so good!” Donghyuck tosses his phone onto the seat behind him, leaning forward when the song ends, excitement in his expression. “I didn’t know you were a belieber.”

“I like his music a lot,” Mark shrugs, warm from the compliment.

“You have a pretty good voice too, Canada,” Donghyuck peers at him in interest.

“Oh, please,” Mark snorts, “Did you even hear yourself?”

“I’m a singer, that’s different,” Donghyuck argues immediately. “It would be pathetic if I didn’t sound good at least, after all that training. But you’re not bad - 

“That’s still pretty bad.”

“ - not bad, at all. You could probably get into SM if you audition.”

Mark sputters, waving him off, “Please, now you’re just teasing me again.”

“I dunno,” Donghyuck eyes him up and down, making Mark feel like he’s a piece of meat. “Idol Mark Lee sounds like a pretty good idea to me. Wanna try to audition?”

“You’re getting carried away,” Mark groans. “Stop it, oh my god.”

“I’m just saying,” Donghyuck chuckles. “You could train a few years and then maybe debut in NCT with us!”

“That’s it, leave now,” Mark falls face first into a couch cushion. “You’re bullying me.”

“Play something else,” Donghyuck says, and when Mark turns his head in the pillow to look at him, there’s a gentle twinkle in his eyes. “How about some NCT? What about Michael Jackson?”

* * *

Much later (after nearly an hour of singing and playing the guitar and drained coffees at their sides), Mark’s in the middle of telling Donghyuck about how Kevin managed to get him into the fansign when his phone rings on the table. It’s his mother and they both fall silent. Mark bites the inside of his cheek, before sighing and reaching for it, eyes flitting to Donghyuck apologetically as he answers. Donghyuck waves him off, leaning back in the arm chair again. 

“Mom,” He says in English the second the call connects. “I’m busy right now, I have a guest over. I’ll talk to you tomorrow morning. It’s late there anyway.”

He hears his mother sigh over the phone before she hums out her agreement, “Okay, I’ll call in the morning. Good night honey.”

“Night, mom, take care,” He replies, voice quiet and then ends the call. When he turns back to Donghyuck, the boy is eyeing him like he’s a complicated puzzle. 

“Your mom, huh?” He asks, no judgement in his voice. Mark nods, running a hand through his hair as he puts his phone back on the table. “I wouldn’t have minded if you wanted to talk.”

“It’s… not really an issue,” Mark answers half-heartedly. “I’ll call her tomorrow.”

Donghyuck nods simply and then raises an eyebrow, “What did you parents say about the poem?”

“I haven’t told them yet,” Mark pulls his legs up onto the couch, feeling like a little kid pinned by Donghyuck’s critical stare. “I mean, nothing’s even confirmed yet, and they don’t approve of me writing professionally so…”

“Okay,” Donghyuck says eventually, voice light. He doesn’t press and Mark’s grateful for that, exhaling imperceptibly. It’s not like Donghyuck doesn’t know about a lot of the shit he gets from his family because of everything he said back on the beach, but everything that’s happened since is more or less an open secret that drains Mark the moment he talks about it. He doesn’t want to spoil the evening by talking about it. “Oh, do you want to watch a movie, Canada? I haven’t had time to watch a movie in a while, now that I think about it.”

“Sure,” Mark agrees easily, latching onto the change of topic like a lifeline. “Let me go grab my laptop and we can plug it up to the tv.” 

He heads into the bedroom, stashing his guitar on the bed and grabbing the laptop off the table. He’s searching for the necessary HDMI cord when he hears Donghyuck call out to him from the living room, “Mark, have you got popcorn?”

“In the kitchen, same cupboard as earlier!” Mark shouts back and then pauses to wonder why the hell he’s so comfortable with Donghyuck roaming around his kitchen unsupervised. By the time he leaves the bedroom with his laptop and the Sweatshirt™, Donghyuck is in his kitchen, reading the instructions on the back of the packet, cupboard door still open. 

“I thought you were on a diet?”

“Popcorn is fine,” Donghyuck dismisses without looking away from the instruction, leaving Mark to spare a thought for what kind of diet he’s following. 

“Here, I’ll do it,” Mark says sheepishly after a beat, taking the pack from the boy who doesn’t fight him, but sends him an amused shake of his head. 

Mark’s an idiot, of course. He’s not really paying attention to what he’s doing because he places the pack in the microwave the wrong way around. He also forgets to take the popcorn bag out of the thin plastic layer that protects it in the packaging, throwing it into the microwave haphazardly enough that Donghyuck (who’s watching him) panics right before he shuts the microwave door. 

“Canada, what are you doing?!” He flails, and this is the first time Mark’s seen him break out of that easy flowing charismatic persona. He hip-checks Mark out of the way all too easily, taking the pack back out of the microwave and holds it in front of Mark’s face, “You have to - you forgot to take the bag out! And you can’t just throw it in there!”

Mark clears his throat, embarrassed as it dawns on him, and he reaches for the packet, “There’s...kinda a reason why Serim doesn’t let me cook.”

“Clearly,” Donghyuck snorts. “I’ve lost all faith in your kitchen ability. Thank god I brought the coffee, you could have caused an explosion - ”

“Hey, I’m not  _ that _ bad! Now you’re just being dramatic - ”

“ - just let me do this, okay?” Donghyuck chuckles under his breath, waving him away, “Go set up Netflix or something. I’ll handle this.”

And with that Donghyuck basically kicks him out of his own kitchen, once again making Mark ask when and how they became this comfortable with each other in the span of one hour from just singing. 

Still, he sets about doing the task he has confidence in, humming under his breath. He falls silent when he hears the microwave start up, Donghyuck’s voice singing gently as he’s forced to wait. Donghyuck’s voice is, undoubtedly, Mark’s favourite in the group, and it feels like a blessing to be privy to this moment, in the quiet of his four walls. He’s lucky, almost too much. 

Donghyuck arrives armed with a big bowl of popcorn by the time Mark’s settled back onto the couch, and unlike before, he settles onto the couch next to Mark instead of the armchair. No words are exchanged as he places the popcorn bowl between them but closer to himself than Mark, which already warns Mark about what kind of sharing is going to happen. 

Donghyuck spots the sweatshirt then, giving a tiny noise of exclamation when he spots it, and swoops right for it. “My sweatshirt!”

“Yeah, thanks for lending it to me, I’ve washed it for you,” Mark smiles at him. Donghyuck hugs it close to him, like it’s a precious item, “You’re welcome. But thank you for taking care of it too.”

“It was important to me,” Mark admits quietly, shying away to look at the tv screen when Donghyuck’s eyes soften. The younger boy folds the sweatshirt neatly, putting it down on the armchair.

Mark’s all too aware of Donghyuck’s proximity when he sits back down again, separated by a large bowl. He tells himself to shut up and focus, attention redirected to the Netflix homepage. 

“So what do you want to watch?” Mark asks the boy. 

“Do you mind a rom-com?” Donghyuck raises an eyebrow, unabashed about his preferences of movies. 

Mark winces internally, not much of a sucker for those kinds of movies in general, but shrugs in agreement. He pushes the laptop in his direction, “Okay sure. You pick, I wouldn’t know.” 

“Not a big fan, huh?” Donghyuck says distractedly as he scrolls through Mark’s ‘My List’. “There’s so many action and thriller movies here.”

“Yeah,” Mark grins sheepishly. “But it’s fine. I haven’t watched a rom-com in a while. I can’t even remember the last time I watched one. My sister-in-law, Sangmi, is horrified every time I tell her I don’t remember the  _ High School Musical _ movie series.”

It’s Donghyuck’s turn to stare at him in horror, “You haven’t watched High School Musical?”

“Years ago, like when it came out?” Mark defends. “I  _ have _ watched it, okay? I just don’t remember it!”

“Jaehyun hyung would be personally offended by that if he heard you,” He grumbles. “I’m tempted to be offended.”

“Is it really that big of a deal?” Mark makes the mistake of asking.

Donghyuck stares at him in blatant disbelief and then immediately closes the Netflix tab. Then he signs into his Disney+ account with a scrunched determined nose, “We’re watching HSM 1 now, I don’t care. I haven’t watched it in a while and I’m going to educate you.”

Mark snickers, about to grab a piece of popcorn from the bowl when a sharp smack lands on the back of his hand. Donghyuck spares him a disgruntled look as he pulls the movie up, “Wait for the movie to start, Canada!”

Mark pouts but pulls his hand back, eyes narrowing at him, “You’re so mean.”

Donghyuck spares him an unimpressed glance, putting the laptop back on the table, having pressed play. 

Mark is quick to get intrigued by the movie, from the moment the cliché tropes begin to make their way into the plotline. He doesn’t recall any of it from the time he watched it when he was probably ten or something. Hell, he’s invested enough to ignore the way Donghyuck reveals himself to be a popcorn thief; the boy basically stakes claim over the popcorn bowl, and despite Donghyuck eating each piece individually, the popcorn is gone even before Troy and Gabriella finish singing their impromptu duet at the New Year’s party. 

It’s easy to see why everyone loves this movie. He relates to Gabriella when she’s reading at a party, sighs when ‘destiny’ makes Gabriella transfer to Troy’s class, awes when Gabriella and Troy duet in front of the piano, snorts when Coach Bolton asks why his basketball players are sitting in a tree, gasps when Troy chooses the basketball team over Gabriella, cheers when the scholastic team’s science experiment goes wild.

High school isn’t half as nice as it’s depicted in the movies - this  _ is _ Disney, after all _ \-  _ but it’s not really a problem. The cast and story are incredibly easy to fall in love with. Troy is extremely attractive for what’s supposed to be a seventeen year old; he wants to squish Gabriella into a hug; loves Sharpay and all her dramatics; thinks Ryan is the best character in the movie; finds himself liking Chad’s character more than expected despite being a jock; and Taylor is...well, he hasn’t quite decided yet but he understands her motivations. 

Donghyuck, meanwhile, knows all the words to the songs (“Jaehyun hyung watches this movie enough for me to have learned them!”) and sings them loudly as though he’s in the movie, but it adds to the whole movie experience. At one point (during the final song) he’s so excited, he throws the pillow on his lap onto the armchair, standing and dancing along, tugging Mark so he sings and dances too. Mark’s mostly flailing, but he would look like he’s flailing even if he knew the dance, compared to Donghyuck. It’s a little too endearing.

When the credits roll up on the screen, Donghyuck turns to him with a smug look, “Was that not one of the best rom-coms you’ve ever watched?”

“I haven’t watched many, so that’s not much of an achievement, but I get what you’re trying to say, so yes,” Mark rambles, clapping his hands together when Donghyuck’s eyebrows twitch. “Listen, I loved that, that was so good? Cliché as all hell, but if you’re going to do something cliché, it should be done like that! And the songs were so good?!  _ Get Your Head in the Game _ was iconic,  _ Breaking Free _ was iconic,  _ Stick to the Status Quo _ iconic - like all of it was great!”

“Damn right,” Donghyuck dusts off his hands like he’s just proved a point. Which he kind of has. “There’s still two movies left in the series, but we can do those next time. We can’t just leave it here.”

“Yes, of course!” Mark agrees immediately, then more subdued, “Sure, I’d love to. When you’re free next.”

Donghyuck gets to his feet, marching to the kitchen with the popcorn bowl. Mark trails after him, watching as he washes his hands at the sink. 

“Do you have to get going now?” Mark asks hesitantly. He’s unsure if he should ask the boy to stay and have dinner, since it’s almost close to eight.

“Yup,” Donghyuck pouts, wiping his hands on the hand towel. “I promised I’d meet the hyungs for dinner and it’s almost eight now, so I should leave.”

“Sorry I kept you so late,” Mark bites his lip.

Donghyuck waves him off, “I had fun, Canada. Besides, it was my idea.”

“Well, I’m glad,” Mark picks at his nails, giving an awkward laugh. “I had a lot of fun too.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Donghyuck smiles so brightly, Mark’s sorta blinded. “Okay, I’m gonna go wash my face and then I’ll be leaving.”

Mark nods, “Call me when you’re done. I’ll walk you out.”

Whilst Donghyuck freshens up in the bathroom, Mark quickly turns off the tv, signs out of Disney+ when he realizes Donghyuck forgot to, and returns them to the bedroom. He’s just shut the door to his room when Donghyuck exits the bathroom. For a moment, they both just stare at each other, awkward and sure of what to do or say.

And then Donghyuck clears his throat, “So I guess I’ll get going, then?”

“Uh, yeah, I mean, sure,” Mark mumbles. Donghyuck just gives a small chuckle, slipping into his shoes, a hand running over his back jeans pocket to check for his phone and wallet. 

“Alright, Canada,” Donghyuck winks as he opens the door behind him. “I’ll drop by some other time. We have at least two more movies to get through.”

“Text me when you get back so I know you’re safe,” Mark says worriedly, a habit instilled into him by his mother. His friends often call him paranoid, but indulge him nonetheless.

“I will, mom,” Donghyuck smirks on cue. Then, more genuinely, “I’ll let you know when I’m free again, although I’m not sure it’ll be any time soon. It was honestly fun hanging out with you, hyung.”

The word sends that tingle down his spine again, Mark’s brain emptying and leaving him to fumble, “You too, Donghyuck-ah.”

Donghyuck’s mask slips back on, but it’s not quick enough for Mark to not catch the soft smile on his lips. 

“See you,” He says finally and then walks away, briefly glancing back to wave at Mark. 

Once he disappears round the corner, Mark allows the door to shut, automatically locking. Mark leans against the door to take another deep breath, unable to believe all of that had happened in the span of the last three hours. 

He zombie-walks to the living room again, sinking onto the couch and face-planting into a pillow. He really does think he could get along with Donghyuck well. The boy, although mischievous and doesn’t hesitate to tease Mark, is also so much fun to be around, energetic and exuberant and all those other good words in the dictionary that fit his sunny disposition. They could become good friends, really good friends, if they tried. Mark wants to be. And clearly, Donghyuck trusts him enough and has given him this chance. 

He feels hopeful. And he knows he’s incredibly lucky, so he’s not going to let this slip out of his hands. 

He stretches, only then realising the state of disarray the living room is in, and figures he should clean up. He picks up the popcorn crumbs off the carpet, straightens the alignment of the coffee table with the couch, closes the curtains. 

It’s only when he rearranges the pillows that he notices Donghyuck forgot the Sweatshirt™.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anddddd that's a wrap. They've finally met and hung out, hallelujah! Leave me a kudos and comment letting me know what you think~ 
> 
> Or hmu on [Twitter!](https://twitter.com/CelestialMiche)
> 
> Until next time,  
> Miche xx


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi~
> 
> So I wrote this in two days, I know I updated like yesterday but then this happened so yeahhhh. 
> 
> There's a whole bunch of angst, and as a trigger warning, please know that there is a scene where Mark has a breakdown and mentions wanting to die, even if it's half-hearted and circumstantial. 
> 
> Also pls note I don't think I'll ever stick to a writing schedule, much less guarantee updates every two days so this is more like a miracle >.<
> 
> I haven't replied to the comments on the previous chap yet, but I'll get to them as soon as this is up. Thank you to everyone who left them and all those kudos. We've crossed the 200 mark now, which makes me super happy!!
> 
> Okayyy you can go ahead and read now!
> 
> Lots of Love,   
> Miche xxx

On the morning of the tenth, Mark gets an email from the publishing house’s editor. There’s a lot of information in it, but the words that stand out the most in it are the most important ones, ‘Your poem has been selected for publishing. Incredible writing, we loved it!’ 

His eyes are hazy as he tries to read the rest of the email - something about royalties versus a flat fee, printing and publishing dates - reeling from the news. He feels tears drip down his cheek, disbelief and such incredible happiness all encapsulated into a single point in his chest, it gets hard to breathe. 

He’s getting _published_ \- his first poem to actually get published by an actual publishing house. His first substantial achievement in the field he wants to work in. 

He can’t even believe it. He  _ did _ it. 

The first person he texts is Sejeong. She’s the entire reason he even got this opportunity and he feels like he owes her the first thanks. She sends a series of congratulatory messages and then Mark is texting the news on the group chat he shares with Serim and Mina. 

The two of them bomb his phone at the news, the chat space flooded with ‘CONGRATS MARK’ messages as well as ‘I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT’, and funnily enough, ‘DON’T FORGET US WHEN YOU’RE FAMOUS’.

The next person he texts is Donghyuck, since he’s half the inspiration for the poem and it’s only fair, especially when the boy has shown so much enthusiasm for Mark’s writing. But Donghyuck doesn’t read it or reply, possibly busy, so Mark exits the chat to text Kevin.

Kevin’s response is a little crazy: ‘MARKSFDSF ARE U FR IM - IM SO PROUD OF YOU DSFJD??? MY CHILD, YOU’VE GROWN UP SO FAST SND UR GETTING PUBLISHED WHAT A POWER MOVE I CANT WAIT FOR WHEN U PUBLISH A BOOK, MARK LEE OUTSOLD!!!!’

Kevin proceeds to call him, literally skipping class to prioritize Mark. It’s the loudest Mark’s ever heard him and that includes the time Kevin complained endlessly constantly about the poor guy who threw up on him during the rollercoaster ride he sat on when they visited the amusement park back in Canada. (Mark, thankfully, had been spared, since he didn’t go on the ride; Mark and his aversion to heights saved his outfit that day.) That day had been a tragedy and a nightmare all in one for Kevin. 

After Kevin’s done cheering (read: screaming his ears off) him on, Mark asks him what he’s been up to recently. Mark hasn’t had the chance to talk to the boy in a week, with Kevin far too busy. 

“Same old, same old,” Kevin replies. “My final year’s just started, so there isn’t too much of a workload, thankfully. Last week was just busy with settling back into things.”

Mark hums in understanding and then grimaces when Kevin pulls out the one question Mark doesn’t know how to answer, “So, you tell your parents yet?”

Mark’s throat dries, biting the inside of his cheek, “I mean. Not yet. I guess I will now though.”

“You guess?” Kevin asks pointedly, like he knows exactly what’s going through Mark’s mind. It wouldn’t surprise Mark if he did know; Kevin’s developed a strange Mark radar after years of growing up with him. 

“Well they’re not exactly down for any of this, Kev,” Mark bites out in mild irritation, before sighing apologetically. “Sorry, it’s just a lil’ frustrating.”

“You don’t have to apologize, I know what you mean,” Kevin smooths over. “You know how my parents are about art. They let me do it, but just barely. And that’s only because I told them that I would fuck right out of their lives if they forced me to do shit I didn’t want to.”

“...You know I can’t do that right?” Mark gives a grudging laugh. “My brother will literally come hunt me down even if my dad willingly threw me out.”

“Mr. Lee wouldn’t willingly throw you out either, chill the fuck out,” Mark could picture Kevin rolling his eyes. “And Jake hyung probably would hunt you down, he’s always been pretty protective of you, I’m not surprised.” There’s a small noise of realization and then Kevin’s asking, “Oh, did you tell him yet?”

“Ah, no, maybe I should tell hyung first,” Mark says thoughtfully. “I haven’t spoken to him in a while.”

“I hope you do,” Kevin says firmly. “You know he’ll be happy for you. That’s all he’s ever wanted.”

“Maybe,” Mark taps the surface of his study table. “I guess. But he’s never around long enough, you know that. I know he loves me, but...you know how it is.”

“...Yeah, I do,” Kevin admits with a sigh, sounding reluctant. “It’s not like he never wants to hear your problems - ”

“But he just never has the time,” Mark completes. 

It’s not something that bothers him anymore. It used to, back when he was younger and wondered why his older brother barely spent time with him anymore when the time they did spend together was great. The truth was that he had never been an explicit priority for Jinhyung, who had high school and then a girlfriend, then medical school and now a marriage, whilst Mark had more and more responsibilities too as he grew older. Time and work made them drift apart naturally, and the distance only grew between them. He loves Jinhyung, knows that Jinhyung loves him back - hell that’s why he was the best man at the wedding, even if it had come as a bit of a surprise, and it’s a fact that they would very much die for each other if necessary - but Mark’s long stopped being able to  _ talk _ to Jinhyung as much as he did when they were much younger. 

“I can’t blame him. I don’t try very hard either, if I’m honest. We’re good when we do meet and catch up anyway, so I can’t ask for much more.”

“You used to,” Kevin says quietly, because he remembers Mark crying that one night in freshman year of high school when he was still growing into his awkward limbs and his braces hurt a little bit and his hyung had gone for university and never looked back for a second to ask if Mark was doing okay. “Try harder, I mean. Up until high school even.”

“People change, Kev,” Mark admits frankly. Because Jinhyung had come back at Christmas that same year and then held his hand when he got his braces removed, had sent him a ‘well done, Champ!’ message five days after Mark got the results of his first high school exam back because the older boy had only heard the news from their mother then. “And it doesn’t bother me anymore. Things with hyung are fine the way they are.”

Some days, he still misses the times when he hung out with his brother and had fun, but he’s accepted the situation for what it is. He knows he’s luckier than a lot of other people, who have older siblings that hate them or couldn’t care less about their existence. 

“If you say so,” Kevin relents. “Talk to your parents too, Mark. Maybe this will make them understand. I hope it does.”

“I will,” Mark agrees and with a few final words, they end the call. 

As promised, he does talk to Jinhyung next. He’s getting ready to go somewhere, setting up his phone on the nightstand so Mark can watch him finish getting ready as he speaks. 

“What’s up, Champ?” He greets as runs a comb in his hair. 

“I’m getting a poem published in an anthology,” Mark drops unapologetically, watching in barely restrained mischief as his brother flails, spinning on his heels to turn to the camera.

“You’re what?!”

“Getting a poem published in an anthology,” He repeats word-by-word like he’s talking to a child.

“That’s so fucking awesome, Mark! I’m so proud of you!” His brother enthuses, genuine happiness overtaking his expression, and this is the exact reason why Mark could never hate his brother growing up. He’s always loved Mark, never  _ intentionally _ neglected him, so Mark just has to console himself. “Have you told mom and dad yet? They’re gonna be so proud too.”

“You think?” Mark tilts his head quizzically, unsure. 

“I know they aren’t sold on the entire writer shtick, but if anyone can do it, it’s you, Champ,” His brother shrugs like it’s a fact of life. He wonders how much Jinhyung really knows about his conflict with his parents, if they’ve talked to him in detail. He would wonder why Jinhyung never bothered asking him, but it would be pointless and Mark doesn’t need to be worthlessly disappointed again. “So they’ll get on board at some point. And this is just a plus point in that favour, isn’t it?”

“I guess so,” Mark pouts, but he’s already feeling better about talking to his parents about the whole thing. 

“I can’t believe this is the first time you’re mentioning this, though,” His brother places his hands on his hips, mock offended. “Why did you tell me you were thinking about this?”

“Ah, it all just kinda happened and I wanted to be sure about it before I told anyone else, it wasn’t anything personal, hyung,” Mark says awkwardly. Besides, it’s not like Jinhyung had particularly called up to ask Mark what he was up to, so Mark thinks he has the right to some secrets. “Anyway, how’s Sangmi noona doing?”

“She’s good, married life is great,” Jinhyung grins cheekily. “I one hundred percent recommend it, you should get a boyfriend, Mark.”

“I should get a boyfriend to get married to?” Mark lets out a snort, “I have no time between writing and dying in class, hyung. When should I find a boyfriend to date anyway?”

“You’re cute, I’m sure you’ll find someone easily, who wouldn’t want to date you?” His brother encourages before he glances at the clock in panic, “Oh shit, I’m gonna be late. I should get going now.”

Mark can’t help the way his expression falls, but he hides it before Jinhyung can notice. Not that Jinhyung would even notice, probably. He hates the two seconds in which he wishes his brother would stick around once in a while and ask about him. “Yeah, okay, hyung, sure. Go ahead. I should go call Mom and Dad too.”

“I’ll call you soon,” His brother says. Mark doesn’t really believe him but it’s whatever, “Sure thing hyung. Bye.”

“Bye, Champ!” He cuts the call, leaving Mark with the only option of calling his parents. He surrenders. Donghyuck has still not read his message, won’t anytime soon, and he might as well get this over with.

It takes barely more than four rings for his mother to pick up. “Mark! Honey, how are you?”

“I’m doing good mom,” He starts, hesitant. “Actually, I have some good news.”

“Oh?” His mother’s curious tone bleeds over the phone. “What is it?”

“I’m getting published,” He mumbles in hushed excitement. At the surprised silence, he rambles an explanation, “I mean, I sent a poem out to a popular publishing company who was looking for entries for their themed anthology, and I received their reply email this morning. They’ve selected it so it’s going to be published sometime soon this month, I guess? I still need to read the email, but I’m really happy, mom, I didn’t think it would get picked!”

“Honey, I’m happy for you,” His mother interjects before he can continue. “Oh, I’m so proud. Well done, I would love to read what you’ve written. Why didn’t you mention this sooner?”

“I was nervous and I didn’t think I’d get picked,” He answers, hushed. “I didn’t want to get any hopes up.”

“Hold on, let me tell your father,” She says, then pauses, “Oh, or would you like to tell him?”

“No, please pass it on,” Mark says immediately. 

He hears her relay the news over the phone line, listening quietly as she speaks somewhere off call. He wonders what expression his father is making right now, whether he’s happy to hear the news. 

His mother comes back a moment later, “I’m giving the phone to him, okay? Your father wants to congratulate you.”

“Mark,” His father’s gruff voice arrives next. “Congratulations, I’m proud of you, son. Well done. Send it over, alright? We’d both like to read it. What was it about?”

“Oh,” Mark panics, mind blanking. He hasn’t told his parents about the whole Jeju thing for obvious reasons, so he has to bullshit his way through this now. “Ah, the theme was ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’ so I created this out of a dream I had back in August? And then made it a little more dramatic.”

“I see,” His father gives a small amused sound. “I’m glad to see you pursuing your writing passion in another way, Mark. I told you that you could manage the two things simultaneously. If you keep doing this, you could manage a career and write books like you want as a hobby.”

Mark bites down any kind of rude response he could give, instead answering politely, “Yeah, I’m trying to multitask right now as much as I can.”

“Good,” His father completes. “I’ll give the phone back to your mother, alright?”

His mother gets the phone again and the two mostly talk about what she’s been up to since they last called. It’s nothing of particular significance but it manages to take his mind off what his father had been saying. 

His mom begins to ask about his new semester but he makes an excuse of needing to finish some work and gets out of the call, sighing in relief when it’s over. Talking to his parents has gotten progressively more and more mentally draining and his avoidant behavior traits are beginning to take control. 

Mark thumbs over Donghyuck’s chat again, but there’s still no updates. It can’t be helped but Mark still sighs in disappointment. 

* * *

Mark gets his reply hours later, close to two in the morning, and the only reason he’s awake when he sees it is because he’s watching a Netflix show.

_ Markkkkkkkk _

_ (≧∀≦)ゞ _

_ I’m here _

_ Sorry I took so long :( _

_ What’s up? What’s the news? _

_ Donghyuck!!!! _

_ It’s okayyy dw bout it! _

_ My poem got selected!!!! _

_ HYUNG _

_ OMG _

_ OMG _

_ OMG _

_ YOUR POEM _

_ I KNEW IT _

_ GOOD JOB YOU DESERVED IT _

_ IM SO PROUD _

_ IT WAS  _

_ ✨ Excellent ✨ _

_ o(≧∀≦)o _

A bubble of laughter escapes Mark’s mouth at the influx of messages Donghyuck types out in his excitement. It’s adorably infectious.

_ Thank you :)) _

_ It’s partly because of you, u kno? _

_ Then you’re welcome Canada  _ 😉

_ Sdfsdfsdf _

_ So when is it getting published?? _

_ Sometime this month _

_ I still have to read the email completely _

_ But prolly by the end of the month? _

_ Imma buy a copy of the book  _ 😏

_ sdfjdfd no need to buy one _

_ i’ll gift u a copy pls _

_ How sweet Mark  _ 😏

_ Stop smirking sodjfasdf _

_ Anywayy why are you awake? _

_ What were u up 2 _

_ Just work stuff _

_ We have tour dates coming up _

_ Neo City Origin for 127 _

_ And Dream Show for Dream _

_ So there’s a lot of practices _

_ And photoshoots _

_ Just been running around here and there _

_ And trying not to look like a fool _

_ So the usual really _

It does concern Mark a little every time Donghyuck goes to sleep in these random hours in the day, walking up even earlier than Mark the next. Mark can only hope he’s taking good care of himself.

_ Donghyuck-ah,,, _

_ Tc of urself pls, don’t tire yourself out _

_ And I’m sure you didn’t look like a fool _

_ I will _

_ And ofc i didn’t Mark  _ 😏

_ I’ve had years of practice at this now lmao _

_ *sigh* _

_ U should sleep now _

_ U barely get enough as is _

_ We can talk later when u have time _

_ Wait _

_ Y r u up anyway  _ 🤨

_ I’m smelling a hypocrite _

_ I’m not actually doing anything of great importance tho? _

_ Just watching a netflix show _

_ Ooh which one  _ 👀

_ Go to sleep _

_ Stop acting like u don’t know ik u’ll look it up the sec I tell u _

_ And then u’ll spend all night watching it _

_ I’ve learned from three days ago _

_ Not making that mistake ever again _

😤😤😤

_ (╯▔皿▔)╯ _

_ Y u gotta ruin my fun _

😑😑😑

_ Fineeeeee _

_ U should sleep soon too Mark!! _

_ Hmm _

_ Night Donghyuck~ _

_ But - _

_ All my favourite conversations _

_ Always made in the AM _

Mark’s eyes widen as he recognizes the One Direction reference, amusement flooding at Donghyuck’s antics. 

_ Nice try _

_ Quoting 1D won’t work on me rn  _ 💔

_ Try again next time smh _

_ Fine  _

_ Next time... _

_ I’ll find a cuter 1D song to trick u into listening to me _

_ （︶^︶） _

_ sdfjsdf _

_ Sleeepppp omg _

_ Ok ok _

_ I’m going _

_ Night Markkkkkkkkk!! _

_ Sleep well~ _

* * *

Chuseok flies by at the blink of an eye. Mark spends it alone and he’s more relieved than he’d like to admit when Serim arrives back on the fifteenth. He’d gotten more used to having a roommate over the last semester, and even though he appreciated the alone time he got in the last few weeks, he’s thankful for the company in an empty house. Besides, it’s not hard to miss Serim’s cheerful presence. 

As it is, he’s smiling widely when he returns and excitedly narrates the story of his parents taking a liking to Sihyeon. He’s clearly overjoyed by how his break has gone by, informing Mark about how his father’s health has just been a steady upward curve. Mark’s more than happy for him, knowing the other boy deserves good things and good things only. 

Mina joins them for dinner that night, the three of them catching up after a long while. Mina mentions how she dropped by her parents’ home for a few days on request of her mother, which is why she’d been MIA for the past ten days. Serim tells them that he quit his old job since it needed way too much travel time during the week and didn’t pay enough considering the travel expenses. He was going to start job hunting this week, hopefully get a vacancy at a coffee shop around their neighbourhood. 

Uni starts up the next day. Mark’s got a total of six courses this semester weighing on his head and he has eight AM classes every day of the week. Most days, he’s destined to come home close to five, lectures spaced out throughout the day with annoying one and two hour gaps. He can already predict he’s going to be spending those hours in the library, slaving away at some thick book on  _ Advanced Statistical Mechanics, _ or whatever other bullshit he has to study now. At least, as usual, Serim will be with him the entire time. 

His only consolation is that he gets to choose one elective course from outside the Science and Engineering Department, and Mark hops at the chance to take up that one English language course from the Mass Media and Communications department. It’s not quite literature, and it has to be some form of cheating that he’s taking the course when he’s fluent in the language, but it’s easy credits that will boost his end result if he can do it well. 

Still, Mark feels the nerves that always appear during first day lectures. Still in the hall with some thirty other kids (the major isn’t chosen by a lot of people which is why it’s worse; he can’t even hide out in the crowd if he tried), he tries to stay attentive in case he’s called upon and discreet so he isn’t. His heart thunders, throat closing, when the professors’ eyes skim over him in worry that they’ll call him to answer. He stares at the equations on the presentation, handwritten on the whiteboard, and can’t seem to comprehend it. Laplace transformations and Legendre equations...he’s forgotten it all, a blank state of mind that no one else seems to share, and it’s terrifying.  _ ‘X tends to zero, y tends to infinity, and how do you convert from cylindrical coordinates to spherical again? ’ _

If the last day of any term supplies him with a little relief, with a little more confidence than last time, first days shoot his nerves to hell, tearing all that he builds up through little pep talks in the mirror in the form of ten words in a question from his professors. It’s embarrassing, being unable to answer something he should be, feeling like the odd one out in the group when a long time ago, he used to take pride in his studies and science, where he knew what he was doing. He’s fallen so far from the pedestal he used to reside on and first days never fail to brand that realization into his skin. It always leaves him curled up and crying in his bed later at night because that’s the only way he’ll be able to escape the vacuum forming in his chest, anxiety and panic swelling under his skin but never enough to render him truly numb. 

He’s only too glad when his morning classes are done, one of the first out of the room. After lunch, Mark and Serim settle in the library, studying what was introduced this morning. Serim’s quietly taking notes on his laptop across him. Mark, on the other hand, has been reading the same passage for the last ten minutes, unfocused as he thinks about his earlier class. He hates that he can’t push it out of his memories, eating at his mind and rotting his thoughts. He wants to hide, he wants to run away, and this isn’t an unfamiliar feeling but it always makes him ache inside. 

It’s a long break period, still an hour and half to go until his next class. He dreads it, even though he knows it’s not a class he needs to worry about. The professor taking that lecture hardly ever calls on students for answers. But that’s never stopped him from overthinking and freaking out.

His phone buzzes against the surface of the table, gaining him a flat, judgmental eyebrow from someone sitting at the opposite end. He just bows his head apologetically at them once, even though he thinks the other person has a stick shoved up their ass, and then finds Serim’s eyes on him questioning. He checks his notifications, mood lightening when he finds messages from Donghyuck. 

_ How’s your day going?? _

_ Uni started today, didn’t it? _

He contemplates lying straight through his teeth, but he already had texted Donghyuck last night about his nerves for today’s classes. The boy is clearly checking up on him, so Mark settles with something not too obviously revealing of how much he wants to throw himself into the sun at the nearest possible moment of convenience.

_ Haha can this semester end already?  _ 😁💀

_ Shit _

Donghyuck’s response surprises him, expecting him to approach it a little more humorously since Mark tried to not make it a big deal. 

_ That bad?? _

_ :(((( _

_ But I expected as much _

_ It’s whatever, dw bout it _

_ Mark… _

He can practically hear Donghyuck sighing through the screen and he slumps in his seat. The last thing he needs to be doing is bringing Donghyuck down with his mood too. 

_ I don’t get why ur doing this to urself _

_ I mean _

_ i KNOW why _

_ But i wish u didn’t have to _

_ It makes me so sad and angry for u _

_ I wish you’d just complain to me if ur sad or tired or overwhelmed _

_ I could tell how anxious you were last night when u texted _

_ Even if u tried to hide it _

_ I’ve TOLD u ur shit at being discreet _

_ And _

_ I never want u to feel like that _

_ U kno ur better than this _

_ Than whatever is making u feel like that _

_ Ur meant for different things Mark Lee _

_ And that’s OKAY _

_ Remember what u told me _

_ Sunshine and tunnels okay? _

_ So please just smile _

_ You’ll get through this _

_ Ik u will _

_ And I’ll be right here with u _

_ I’ll fight all of the bad feelings bringing you down hyung _

Oh god, why is he tearing up right now? He feels his hands shaking, overwhelmed, and he really is going to cry. He has to get out of here before everyone sees him. 

“I’ll be right back,” He mumbles to Serim, who gives him a concerned look, but he waves his phone, “Something came up, I’ll be back.”

Serim’s eyebrows stay furrowed but he nods. He can feel the boy’s eyes on his back as he marches out of the library area and down the hall to where the washrooms are.

_ Can I call you? _

He waits nervously for a second, unsure if he’s doing the right thing. They’ve never called before, never needed to. But he really just wants to hear Donghyuck’s voice right now, even on the verge of tears, and maybe tell him how much his words mean to him. 

Rather than replying however, Mark’s phone vibrates in his hands with an incoming call from the younger boy on his screen. Looking around for a second to make sure no one else is in here, he answers, “Hello?”

“Mark,” Donghyuck’s warm voice washes over the line, caring and worried, and that’s all it takes for his heart to squeeze. “Are you okay?”

“Donghyuck,” He chokes out - and there they are, those stupid tears rolling down his cheeks as he hides from his own reflection in the mirror. “I - ”

“It’s okay,” The boy consoles gently. The tone his voice has taken on is cottonlike, blanketing Mark in a sense of comfort, until all Mark can hear is his voice in his ear. “You can cry, it’s okay.”

“I’m sorry,” Mark manages, wipes at his cheeks desperately, but the flood of tears won’t stop, cavity in his chest widening. “I didn’t wanna cry.”

“What happened?” Donghyuck presses lightly, quiet. Mark can hear his soft breaths over the sound of his own sharp inhales. “Talk to me, please?”

“It’s stupid,” Mark crumbles, an arm wrapping around his own waist in a move of self-protection. “It’s so  _ stupid. _ I hate this. I  _ hate _ feeling like this.”

“It’s  _ not _ stupid, Mark.”

“I never feel good enough,” Mark hiccups, regret swallowing him. “What am I even doing here? I know I would have left this a long time ago if I could, but I’m scared. I have no other choice, but staying here makes me want to die. It’s so hard sitting there in class, unable to understand anything because I can’t remember shit, because I’m more paranoid a teacher will call on me. It’s pathetic, Donghyuck.  _ I’m _ pathetic.”

“You’re not,” Donghyuck interrupts firmly. “Don’t ever say that. Mark, you’re anything but pathetic, okay?”

“That’s not - ”

“Listen to me, Mark,” Donghyuck never lets him finish, voice pleading. “You’re one of the strongest people I know for sticking around and pushing yourself into getting through something you don’t want to. I don’t think there’s a lot of people who would be able to do what you are. So what if you can’t answer a question and don’t understand what’s happening in class? It doesn’t make you pathetic, Mark. The fact that you sit there and try, even though you shouldn’t have to care about any of this anymore, is what makes you so brave.”

Mark feels himself shake, knees trembling and grip tight on his phone as his breath leaves him stuttered, “Donghyuck, I - ”

“You’re brave and you’re going to be more than okay, Mark,” Donghyuck’s words feel like an embrace, warm and protective, enough that Mark can feel himself calm down, head clearing as the tears come to a stop. There’s so much certainty and conviction in his words that Mark might just be inclined to believe him. “Everything is going to be okay. You’ve got your friends right at your side to help you through this, and you’ve got  _ me _ too.”

Mark shudders, a long exhale escaping him. He leans against the counter, his head against the wall, and listens to Donghyuck continue speaking.

“You told me this back on the beach, remember?” Donghyuck pauses for a moment, and Mark thinks he might be smiling. “Told me that you’d get through all this, like finding sunshine at the end of the tunnel. So keep your word Mark Lee, or I’ll be really upset. Because I’m going to be right here along the way, fighting all of these bad thoughts you keep having. I’ll be your saviour, like always.”

A startled laugh escapes him before he can even think and Donghyuck latches onto the sound, precious and like honey in his ears, “Exactly like that hyung. I want you to laugh and be happy. You look better with a smile on your face. No more crying.”

“No more crying,” He echoes hoarsely, straightening and staring at his reflection in the mirror. He wipes a hand across his eyes and cheeks, skin wet but rapidly cooling. He looks like a mess, eyes red-rimmed and flushes oddly, but there’s a small smile on his face. “No more crying.”

“Good,” Donghyuck sighs, sounding satisfied. “That’s what I like to hear.”

“I’m sorry,” Mark scrunches his nose up. He hears Donghyuck about to argue, so he continues before the boy can get a word in edgewise, “For like, all of this. God, I didn’t think I’d just…break down like that. I know you were probably busy or something.”

“It’s fine, Canada,” He can picture Donghyuck rolling his eyes. “I was on a break. I do have to go soon though.”

“Well, I’m sorry I took up your break with all this,” Mark frowns. “You could have spent it doing something better.”

“Better than talking to you?” Donghyuck retorts back instantly with a playful scoff, effectively rendering Mark speechless for a moment. “Hmm, you’re right, maybe.”

Mark makes a face in the mirror, knowing he’s being teased by still feeling like his feathers have been ruffled, “Well then.”

“But how could I when you were upset?” Donghyuck asks him, a mere whisper in his ear like silk, a weapon against Mark’s sanity. “I had to make you feel better, didn’t I? What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?” 

Mark counts to three in his mind, praying for endless patience to deal with this boy, and then hums, “Thank god for you then, Hyuck.”

Donghyuck cackles loud enough for Mark to have to move the phone away from his ear, “Earned a nickname, have I?”

“It’s only fair since you call me Canada all the damn time,” Mark complains fondly. 

“Okay, hyung,” He responds demurely, but Mark just knows there’s probably a playful grin on his face. “Whatever you say.”

“How’s your day been going?” Mark asks him as he washes his face, drying it with some tissues from the dispenser. He wants to move on from the topic now, and knows that Donghyuck can tell too, because he allows him to shift the focus onto him.

“Tiring,” Donghyuck groans. “Been practicing all morning. I’ve been in the practice room since eight. I’m outside the practice room right now though, I don’t know where everyone else has gone. But I think Taeyong hyung might be in the practice room actually...”

“Did you eat?” Mark fusses in concern. “Please tell me you had breakfast, or at least lunch.”

“Yes, yes, I did, the hyungs took us all out to this place near the company building,” Donghyuck clicks his tongue. “We haven’t eaten at a restaurant in a while. People are usually following us.”

“Speaking of,” Mark remembers. “What about that day you came over? How were you able to sneak away without anyone seeing you?”

“I’m a master at sneaking out, Canada,” Donghyuck answers smugly. “The others could stand to learn a thing or two from me. Paps and stalker fans hardly ever catch me. Why do you think there’s hardly any scandals about me? It’s ‘cause I’m a pro.”

“Right,” Mark rolls his eyes, but he’s mostly bemused. “I’m glad it’s all come in handy then.”

“Of course, I trained all those times just to come see you,” Donghyuck is quick to quip and Mark is, naturally, not expecting this either, a light flush decorating his cheek at Donghyuck’s regularly scheduled teasing, “Shut up, you’re such a menace, Hyuck.”

“Thank you,” The boy laughs over the phone line. “But really, you’re so much fun to tease, hyung. You make it so easy.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Mark shakes his head, tempted to be irritated at himself but he’s always been kind of gullible so he just gives up. 

“Oh,” Donghyuck makes a disappointed sound. “Mark, looks like I have to go now.”

“Okay,” Mark purses his lips. “Don’t let me keep you. Go work.”

“I’ll text you later when I get a chance, okay?” Donghyuck says quickly. “And don’t hesitate to text me if you wanna say something too.”

“Yes, sir,” Mark says and immediately regrets it when Donghyuck hums in piqued interest, “What was that? What did you say?”

“I said go away already,” Mark clears his throat, scarlet-cheeked. 

“Later Canada,” Donghyuck snorts once and the phone call ends. 

He stares at himself in the mirror for another brief moment, marveling quietly. Donghyuck really was something close to a miracle for him. He’d managed to flip Mark’s entire mood on its axis, leaving him feeling tons lighter than he had been earlier. He’s still not looking forward to that class, but it doesn’t quite feel like the end of the world anymore. He feels like he could take it on, something he has to drag himself through dirt to make himself feel on days like this. 

He knows deep down it’s not the healthiest thing to rely on Donghyuck like this, especially when Donghyuck could disappear from his life with one wrong move. But he also knows that as long as he works on building his own confidence as he does, he can allow himself to bask in Donghyuck’s reassurances too. It’s okay to take some help, if he wants to get better himself.

And with that in mind, he shoots Donghyuck a quick final text. 

_ Thanks for talking to me Hyuck _ 💕

_ It means a lot to me _

_ I feel a lot better now >o< _

Mark doesn’t think Donghyuck will see it anytime soon, much less answer, but the boy sends his response immediately. 

_ Anytime hyung  _ 💕

Unfortunately, the days after that Donghyuck gets entirely swept up into idol work. Mark hardly hears from him, maybe once every three days. Mark’s worried he’s being worked down to his bones but in the few moments he gets, Donghyuck reassures him that he’s alright and it’s nothing he’s not used to. Mark can’t argue with him since Donghyuck would know his limits better than anyone else. He can only encourage him from the sidelines. 

In the meanwhile, Serim gets a job at the local coffeehouse, running straight to work after uni ends for the day. He has fairly long shifts, from five-thirty to ten, and by the time he crawls his ass back home, his feet hurt from standing at the counter too long and running around. But the pay is much better than the previous place he worked at and there’s practically no travel expense, so he can’t complain. 

Mark, on the other hand, is overjoyed because now he can use Serim’s staff discount on the few occasions he drops by. Mark (who’d never bothered checking out the place in the last two and a half years) discovered the café has a killer watermelon smoothie and variety of chocolate pastries recently, after his first visit to Serim’s workplace.

The ambiance is also nice, as he discovers after he sets about doing some uni work at a corner table. It’s peaceful, funky jazz playing over the speakers, and pastels and browns decorate the room. Mark might not be a huge fan of the drink but he is an addict for the smell, and catches himself finding comfort in his small corner. He’s even been writing a lot more, having managed to write three whole poems since he’s started sitting here.

It’s another one of those evenings, when he’s walked over with Serim to the coffeeshop and occupied his usual corner, that he comes across an interesting sight. 

Through the windows, he spots a woman speed-walking past the café, binders in hand. There’s nothing particularly remarkable about her but she has this massive neon pink feather boa around her neck. He has no idea why she has it - frankly, Mark didn’t think anyone other than movie stars on red carpets wore those, so it might be a prop - or what the context of her running is, but the way she has it on her shoulders is extremely precarious. And as if on cue, it goes flying in the wind. Mark watches in muted shock as it flies into the face of a man reading a newspaper on one of the outer tables. The man sputters and Mark can tell the woman is cursing even if he can’t hear it as she turns around to try to catch it. When the woman sees it in the man’s face, her face resembles very much like that shocked cat meme Donghyuck had sent him five days ago when Mark told him that Canada was a stupid nickname. 

She bows multiple times, clearly apologizing, but the poor man still has no idea what’s going on, entirely baffled after being hit in the face with a bunch of feathers. Seeing a chance to escape at his lack of conversation or response, she grabs the boa and starts running again. Or maybe she’s late and has to go. Who knows?

Whatever it is, Mark feels oddly inspired to write a story.

He thinks it’s going to be a short romance story, maybe some five thousand words, but when he sets about doing a character sketch and playing with plot ideas, he suddenly finds himself with a potential novel. His first potential, full-length novel. 

He spends all evening working at it, excitement barely contained and head full of ideas. Inspiration has taken the wheel and is turning the cogs of his brain. It must be a pretty alarming sight, because after a while Serim comes over to ask if he’s alright, eyes wide. “You’re literally bouncing in your seat man, are you sure you’re okay? You don’t have a sugar rush?”

“Oh, you have no idea,” Mark had said to him then, smile devious and possibly looking possessed at that point. This is why he restrains writing to his bedroom. “I’m about to kick my writer’s block’s ass.”

* * *

“In other words,” His professor explains. “You’re all going to have to send in applications for an internship between this semester and the next. You have time to decide and give us your list of five choices until mid November, after which the application process will start. Ideally, you should be looking for places you’d like to work at, but that’s not your primary concern. Find a research area you like, and then see if there’s any internship options within the country available for that research field. You can always approach any of us if you would like any assistance.”

The students in their major had been invited by their head of department for an important meeting, the contents of which were unknown. But now, it felt like a bomb had been dropped on his head. 

_ ‘Research field? Top five choices of internship locations? INTERNSHIPS?!’ _ Mark droops in his seat.  _ ‘God, I’m so fucked.’ _

He doesn’t even know the first thing he wants to do. He can only imagine how much time he’s going to have to spend thinking about this. There’s less than a week of September left, which leaves him with a month and a half. 

“Do you have any idea what you want to do?” Mark asks Serim, who shrugs, lips pressed into a thin line. 

“Not yet, but I’m sure we’ll figure it out,” Serim throws an arm over Mark’s shoulders. The two of them are almost the same height, Mark winning by maybe an inch at most. “Don’t worry, Mark. I can already see the worry in your forehead wrinkles.”

Mark just groans. Why does this course need to make his life harder than it needs to be?

At least Serim’s right about one thing. 

“I’m going to be a wrinkled old man by the time I’m done with this stupid degree.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah anyway that happened T_T Sorry I keep making Markie cry, it's not intentional but it is and yeah -   
> Mark...needs to talk to Jinhyung, but his brother is also a blind idiot. Also, Hyuckie best boy <3
> 
> Please leave me a comment and a kudos if you like this chapter, I'll love you forever, k thanks <3
> 
> Come talk to me on [Twitter!](https://twitter.com/CelestialMiche)
> 
> Love,  
> Miche~!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,
> 
> I'm forewarning you rn, I wrote a lil over half of this between 11 to 2:30 AM just now, so it is a mess^TM of 9000 words. If you spot any errors, pls ignore them, I'll come back tomorrow morning and fix them when I reread it in horror. I just really wanted to get this chapter out here because I won't have time to later this weekend.  
> I really hope you like this chapter, it means the world to me because it's the only thing that's gotten me through this week and especially today. It's longer than my usual chapter length for this fic, and there's also just a lot going on. I'm sorry but there was just no way I was splitting it - in fact, it was meant to be even longer, but I eventually decided to push the scene to the next chapter...  
> I want to give a shoutout to my sister, because she's by my side beta-ing this whole damn thing every time I ask her. You're a superstar.  
> Also a special shoutout to @diamondacequeen because the phone call with Hyuck in the previous chapter drew some inspiration from something she said to me the other day. I love you both <3  
> Finally, thank you to everyone whose been loving this fic and leaving me such precious comments, everyone on twitter whose been encouraging me in my DMs and on my ridiculous tweets about this fic. All of this is because you're all there to support me.  
> Okay, I'm getting sappy at 3 AM so I'm not gonna keep you any longer!
> 
> One last note: there is sort of crossdressing (to be safer, just assume it is even though it borderlines being and not being) since they are getting in Halloween costumes in this chapter, so if you're not comfortable with that, you don't need to read the end bit. 
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Miche xxx
> 
> PS, there's an artist I've mentioned in the chap, links to her account in the end notes!

Since Mark signed the contract (he’s going to be earning _royalties_ , it’s unbelievable) for the book days ago, he finds out that the official release date is for the tenth of October when the first batch of freshly minted books will be out for sale. 

He can’t believe it. It really does feel like he’s in some dream, and the fact that the publishing company hasn’t shared the details of the anthology design adds to the feeling of it all being an illusion. But there’s excitement building in him as October starts and the date approaches faster and faster. 

Despite all of this happening in the background, university is the one constant in his life. First day nerves eventually settle down as he gets used to the routine again, adapting and resigning to his fate. He keeps his head down when he can, sits somewhere in the middle of the crowd, and Serim is next to him through it all. 

Sometimes though, he doesn’t know what to think when it comes to Serim. He’s one of the best friends anyone could ask for. Mark is only more than grateful for the boy’s presence in his life.

But at the same time, the part of Mark that is prideful, the part of him that still eats him alive due to his own failures and inabilities in this field, remind him that Serim does so much better than him. In the quietest parts of his mind, when he’s alone and failing at a sum in kinetics, it’s easy to wish Mark was in Serim’s place. It’s not hard to compare himself to the other when it feels like a vast ocean separates them. 

They should be in the same boat, the two of them, but it feels like Serim got a speedboat, whilst Mark was left with a wooden lifeboat and two broken oars.

But despite all that, he can never hold it against Serim, can never resent him. The boy is a natural at this, in the same way that words come to Mark naturally, and he’s done more than necessary to help Mark. 

In a clear frame of mind, Mark knows all too well he’s not made for this career path, especially not like Serim. In that way, it’s easier to silence the festering thoughts. 

“Dude, you okay?” Serim bumps his shoulder with Mark’s gently, knocking him out of his thoughts. “You spaced pretty bad there.”

“Yeah, you completely missed everything I said for the last minute,” Mina raises an eyebrow at him from Serim’s other side. 

“Sorry,” Mark scratches the back of his head sheepishly. “I was just thinking about the anthology.”

Serim and Mina just exchange a knowing yet fond look that radiates parental energy, so Mark clears his throat pointedly, “So, Mina, what were you saying?”

“I was saying,” Mina clearly excited about something enough that she doesn’t even get irritated at having to repeat herself. Usually, that would garner him at least a pair of rolled eyes. “One of the girls from my department is throwing a huge house party for Halloween this year. Usually it’s the seniors throwing the party so it’s kinda exclusive to our department, but this year the person hosting it can’t for a reason I don’t care about. Point is, my classmates are throwing their own version of it, but bigger.”

“So we’re not going to see you on Halloween this year then, huh?” Mark concludes in amusement. 

“Oh no, it gets worse,” Serim nudges him, mock horrified. 

“Shut up,” Mina hits him lightly on the arm, before she grins, all shark-like. “All three of us are going. And since it’s a costume party, duh, I’ll be the one to decide what we’re going as, as a group - yes, I’m looking at you Serim, no couples costumes with your girlfriend or I’ll fucking kill you - and no, Mark, you can’t back out because you already nodded your agreement earlier.”

Mark’s mouth snaps shut, refusal dying on his tongue until the end of her sentence registers in his mind, “Wait, what the fuck, I didn’t even know what I was agreeing to!”

“Mark, do you want me to cry?” Mina blinks at him rapidly, shockingly looking like she’s about to burst into tears. “Tell me, is that what it is? Do you hate me? Do you wanna see me cry - ”

“This is blatant emotional blackmail,” Mark cuts in flatly, but there’s already a victorious smile on her face and he caves easily for his friends anyway. So with a groan, he throws his hands up, “Sure, alright, what the hell.”

“Yes!” Mina hugs him in delight and Mark laughs, used to her bone-crushing hugs. “Mark Lee, you’re a gold star.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m already doing this, you don’t need to butter me up,” Mark teases, hearing Serim snort. “What’s the plan?”

“I haven’t decided yet,” Mina says thoughtfully, returning to Serim’s other side. “But we can go shopping as soon as I do. We’re going to be the best dressed, I can promise you that.”

“As long as it’s something not ridiculous,” Mark agrees. He turns to Serim with narrowed eyes, “You better not bail on us, man.”

“Sihyeon will probably ask me,” Serim winces, biting the inside of his cheek. “But I’ll talk to her. Hopefully, she’ll understand.”

“I can punch her - ”

“No punching,” Serim interrupts with an easy smile that speaks volumes to how much he’s used to getting the offer. “Please.”

“Sure,” She pouts. “But she won’t get in the way of my group costume. I’ll talk to her too. In fact, I’m pretty sure I heard her talking to her friends about a group costume, so we might just luck out.”

“Sounds good,” Serim shrugs. 

Mina has to get going after that, her class starting in a few minutes, and then it’s just him and Serim walking to the library. 

“I trust Mina,’ Serim says suddenly. “So why am I a little afraid of what she’s going to turn up with?”

“You’re right to be afraid,” Mark sighs in agreement. “I don’t trust her.”

Serim spares him a grudging grin, “We’re just lucky she let us go as what we wanted for the last two years.”

“I know right?” Mark shakes his head with a small laugh. Mina’s like a tiny firecracker when she wants to be. “But it’s nice to see her this excited at least.”

“Her ex ruined her last Halloween, I’m not surprised she’s enthusiastic about this one,” Serim pulls his bag high on her shoulder, a thoughtful expression on his face. “In that case, we should probably make this one twice as good, huh?”

Mark hides a grin. This was classic Serim, always doing the most he could to keep people around him happy. 

“Absolutely,” Mark answers. “If it’ll make her make her happy…”

“I wish she didn’t meet so many douchebags,” Serim grimaces as they enter the library. “At least she has Sejeong.”

“Sejeong is great,” Mark confirms, ever the spokesman for Mina’s new girlfriend. He’s really taken a liking to the older girl for Mina (and not just because she’s the reason he’s getting something published). 

The two of them settle at a table and pull out their laptops in sync. It’s been a week or so since their professors dropped the news of the internships and both of them have made close to no progress.

The minute his browser opens up, there’s twenty tabs flashing in front of his face. He holds back his groan, feeling his blood pressure spike. There’s absolutely nothing that’s interested him yet, and it’s gnawing at his brain. 

Serim offers him an equally drained look from over his laptop screen, “Dude, I know. I can’t narrow down a choice.”

“I always thought you knew what you wanted to do,” Mark leans his cheek against his hand. “I’m a little surprised, if I’m honest.”

“I like physics,” Serim says slowly. “But I don’t have a favorite field, if I’m honest. I wish I did, this would all be so much easier.”

“You don’t say,” Mark returns, grouchy. He slips his glasses back on, blinking rapidly behind them before he focuses on the screen again. 

_‘Let’s see,’_ He hovers his mouse over each individual tab. _‘_ _Atomic physics, optical physics, molecular physics, astrophysics, condensed matter physics, experimental particle physics - ’_

He blinks at the screen again and concludes, _‘I’m so fucked.’_

He tries to go back to the open tabs, tries to read a little about atomic physics, but in the end, he somehow manages to get sidetracked and opens his google document where he’s plotting out his novel. He knows he should focus; it’ll be a disaster if he can’t find out what he needs to do and delaying will only make it harder, but...he hates it. Plain and simple.

Cue the next two hours wasted in being productive in something he wasn’t supposed to be doing. At least he’s written out the plot for the next five chapters. When they emerge from the library, Serim’s hair is a mess from the number of times the boy has run his hands through it and Mark’s soul has left Earth.

The guilt of it doesn’t leave his throat though, and Mark makes up for it by staying up that night, making sure to sit at his desk and work so he doesn’t accidentally fall asleep from boredom. His google docs are closed and he puts his phone on focus mode so he doesn’t get distracted for other reasons. 

And then it’s back to staring at the same twenty tabs from this morning. 

He scrolls religiously through the information on multiple sites, reading about the kinds of research done in anything that even mildly catches his eyes. Optical physics is a fairly interesting field, and he’s extremely grateful for his glasses - if only he didn’t hate Snell’s Law and the refractive index so much. He doesn’t even want to think about mechanics of any kind as a potential field, all those Hamiltonians and Lagrange’s equations coming to mind. He remembers the disaster of being asked about the principle of least action all too well. 

It’s close to three in the morning by the time he’s done cruising through the atomic and optical physics pages on google. If he’s honest, the only reason it’s not a problem that it’s so late is because it’s a Friday night. 

He puts his laptop on sleep mode (he knows this is a bad habit - if you go too long without turning the power off, it ruins the battery - but he doesn’t care right now) and throws himself onto the bed. He doesn’t even have the energy to go wash his face, burying it in his pillows. 

But he should. He also has to brush his teeth.

So he drags himself back up, phone on left behind on the bed, and silently makes his way out of the room. Serim is clearly asleep, since there’s no light spilling from under the door. Mark tries to be quiet down the hallways out of courtesy to him. He fails, of course, because he took off his glasses in the bedroom like a fool and now he’s walking in the dark like a blind man. He’s just lucky Serim is a heavy sleeper and doesn’t hear him nearly bang into the bedroom door. 

_‘Getting it together,’_ Mark thinks drily as he stares at his semi-blurry reflection in the mirror. _‘Was never an option.’_

He brushes his teeth, head tipping slightly as his eyes droop, and he thinks he actually dozes off for a second washing the brush. Washing his face rejuvenates him enough to bring him back to his room and settle in bed without much struggle. 

He reaches for his phone, a chronic and terrible habit since he can never let it go for at least ten minutes. He sets his alarm for around nine so he can have some breakfast and quickly checks his messages. For a second, he hovers over Donghyuck’s contact. 

The last they spoke was on the thirtieth, and it’s the fourth of October now. The boy’s been so busy, Mark doesn’t want to disturb him. He wonders if he should just send a text to check up on him.

_Mark Lee omg_

_You’re awake rn?_

He blinks in mild surprise, wondering if the messages are a mere figment of his imagination, when another message appears. 

_It’s been a minute_

_Omg_

_Donghyuck what_

_Yes im clearly awake_

_y r U awake?_

_R u STILL working rn?_

_Do you ever take a break?_

_Have you even been getting enough sleep???_

Mark regrets sending so many texts at once immediately. It’s probably overwhelming even for Donghyuck, but there’s nothing he can do now.

_Slow down!!!_

_One qt at a time Canada omg_

_I didn’t kno u were so concerned_

_I would have checked in more often_

_It’s been four days Hyuck T-T_

_But I wasn’t super concerned_

_I mean ik u were busy so…_

_For someone claiming they weren’t_

_Those qts earlier have a lot of concern_

😏

_That’s y I said VERY asshole T-T_

_Don’t make fun of me :(_

_U kno what Im going to sleep_

_Talk to u in 4 days_

_Noooo hyung come back im sorry_

_(/≧▽≦)/_

_I’m sorry, not teasing_

_...fine_ 🤔

_How have you been?_

_Pretty good tbh_

_A month to go for the concert dates_

_So practices are as normal_

_We have a few other schedules too_

_Wbu?_

_What have u been up to?_

_Omg what happened to your poem!!!_

_Now who’s asking too many qts dsfsdf_

_I’m good just tiredddddd_

_U kno that internship stuff I told u, right?_

_Uh huh_

_Yeah well_

💀💀💀

_It’s a WIP and not the good kind_

_WIP?_

_(⊙_⊙)？_

_Like Whiplash?_

_NCT 127?_

_But doesnt that have a H??_

Mark blinks in confusion at the misunderstanding, but he can’t even blame the poor boy. He’s not expecting Donghyuck to understand all the slang terms from a foreign language.

_NO sdfasdfasdf_

_Work In Progress_

_It’s like when you’re in the middle of doing something_

_（⊙ｏ⊙）_

_~ Shock ~_

Mark’s eyes widen, caught off guard by the new emoji he’s sent across. It’s the cutest little face, and that combined with the follow up message makes Mark want to go _aww_.

_That’s such a cute face wtf_

_AnyWAY_

_The anthology is being released on the 10th ^^_

_OMG_

_Mark that’s SIX DAYS_

_OMG_

_IK dsfsdffdds_

_I’ll get u a copy too, okay??_

_I’ll give it to u when we meet again_

_Afsdf who knows when that’ll happen again tho sksks_

_Im sorry T-T_

_Im so busy idk when that’ll happen_

_I want to come over again but sdfads_

_It’s fine Hyuck, I understand!!!_

_Don’t worry about it fr_

_I just appreciate u being here through all this_

_Ofc!!!_

_I’m ur no.4 hypeman!!!_

_No.4 Im -_

_I can’t compete with Kevin, Serim and Mina_

_But I’ll try_

_Just for u Canada T-T_

_Just tc of urself and ur already doing me a favor lmao_

_How are the others btw?_

_I’m sure they’re all tired too :(_

_Renjun’s being a lil bitch again_ 😁

_FDSFSDF WHY WOULD U SAY THAT_

_He wont stop asking me about u even tho??_

_We haven’t??? Talked??? In forever???_

_Like text him urself if u care that much PLS_

He pauses in shock. Renjun asks about him? Why does he ask about Mark? Oh god, how much has Donghyuck been talking about him? He’s getting fanmeet flashbacks.

_Im -_

_Firstly: MEAN_

_Secondly: its been FOUR days Hyuck, wdym forever plss T-T_

_Third: U talk to them about me????_

_Mom come pick me up im scared -_

_Shush no one asked u_

_IM - ?????_

_ANd Jaemin keeps giving me these side-eyes_

_Until I was just like_

_‘U wanna fight?’_

_(╬▔皿▔)╯_

_Hyuck u have noodle arms pls don’t fight Jaemin_

_TRAITOR_

_I PLAY DIRTY NANA WOULD DIE_

🤔🤨

_Would he tho_

_HE WOULD_

_But anyway_

_He was just like_

😇🥰😘 

_So I forgave him_

_¯\\_(ツ)_/¯_

_Asdofjaisdjf_

_Jeno’s got his back anyway_

_And I’m smart enough to not fight them both at once_

_Thank god smh_

_...Ur lack of faith in me is astounding_

_It’s not a lack of faith in u_

_It’s a distinct lack of faith in ur strength!!!_

_SDASDSD CANADA_

_Y r u so mean omg_

_I’m strong!!!_

_IK_

_BUT NOT MORE THAN JENO AND JAEMIN SORRY_

_...Yeah fair_

🙃

_How is Jeno anyway?_

_The two of u are particularly busy I bet :(_

_Yeah_

_But it’s great that we have each other at least!_

_Hmm Jeno said something similar at the fanmeet_

_He said he liked that he had u with him_

_Really?????????_

_（⊙ｏ⊙）_

_HE’S NEVER SAID THAT TO MY FACE_

_Can’t blame him_

_I feel like you’d hold it over his head_

_What is this, slander Hyuck night???_

_o(≧口≦)o_

_LMAOOO_

_Anyway_

_Sdfsdfjsf_

_What bout the babies?_

_They’re good too ^^_

_I don’t really see Chenle outside prac tho :(_

_Since he doesn’t live in the dorm_

_And Jeno and I share with 127_

_At least with Jisung, we can meet him when we drop by_

_Dream’s dorm I mean_

_Oh right!! I almost forgot_

_It’s sweet tho, that all of u guys have been friends for so long_

_It’s one of the reasons I fell in love with Dream so quickly tbh_

_U all just work great together_

_I mean like with idol grps_

_u can never be too sure whats happening behind cameras_

_But I watch ur videos and I think_

_Yeah this is just a grp of friends who were lucky enough to also work together_

_Mark_

_It’s 3 AM_

_Why are u getting emotional rn sfdfsd_

_All I said was that I can’t meet Chenle pls_

_I Hate You_

_I hope u kno that_

_Sdfsdf I think it’s sweet that u think that hyung_

_U’ll realise that I just barely manage to tolerate them on a daily basis_

  
  


_'Sure, Hyuck,'_ Mark holds back a disbelieving snort. _‘Who are you trying to fool?’_

  
  


_Pls u kno u love them_

_Sure_

_That’s why I tolerate them on a daily basis_

_Im -_

_Okay then_

_Mark, u should get some rest_

_It’s been half an hour_

_I’ve been keeping u up too long_

_Nooo it’s okay, I don’t mind really!!_

_It’s been a while since we’ve talked_

_And idk when we’ll be able to again so_

_It’s fine :)_

_But actually_

_If ur tired, it’s fine_

_We can go to sleep_

_I don’t wanna keep you up either_

_I am a lil tired_

_And I have to get up in three hours_

_Hyuck :(_

_3 hrs?_

_You shoulda just gone to sleep_

_Y did u bother texting me_

_Istg_

_Go rn_

_Fr_

_Alright Mark T-T_

_I just wanted to check in with u_

_I’ll text u hopefully tomorrow morning_

_I might get some time before my schedules start!!_

_If you have some spare time in the morning_

_Then don’t waste it talking to me_

_I would rather u spend a few extra mins in bed_

_And get some more sleep :(_

  
  


For a minute Donghyuck doesn’t reply and Mark thinks he might have gone to sleep. Just as he’s about to text him good night and put his phone away, a few notifications pop up. 

  
  


_You’re sweet_

_But...I just want u to know that_

_Talking to u isn’t a waste of time_

_I always feel better talking to u_

_A little less tired too_

_And besides, that’s my choice to make_

_So if I choose u over sleep_

_Are you going to stop me from talking to you?_

  
  


Mark blinks down at his phone, perplexed and wonders for a second if Donghyuck is aware of how that sounds. He probably doesn’t, which is exactly why Mark shouldn’t read too much into it. 

Swallowing, he types out a response.

  
  


_I could just choose not to reply, u kno?_

_And I could just do something else instead of sleep_

_Okay fair point_

_So no, ig I won’t stop u_

_Can’t tbh_

_But I would prefer it if u choose sleep over talking to a friend_

_Ur health first, pls_

_Hmm dw sm_

_I’m good at balancing_ 😉

_But I will say good night now_

_I’m bout to crash_

_Alright Hyuck_

_Gn~_

_Good night Mark!_

Mark plugs his phone on the charger and falls back on his pillow, eyes shutting as a strange feeling overtakes him. He doesn’t get Donghyuck sometimes. He’s so nice, cares so freaking much Mark can’t believe it, but he’s also such a tease. He’s hot and then cold, and Mark can’t ever tell if his teasing is just friendly bantering or if it could possibly mean anything more. It doesn’t help that Donghyuck has never indicated to him whether he likes guys or girls, much less it being possible that he likes Mark, of all people. It feels scarily enough like Mark is reading everything through rose-tinted glasses, which is ridiculous because he doesn’t and shouldn’t feel that way about the boy. 

Sighing loudly, he turns off the lights, pulling the covers over his shoulders and sleeping. He doesn’t want to think about it. It’s a worry for another day. 

* * *

When Mark drops by home in between classes on the eighth, he finds a package at his doorstep. He’s not expecting a delivery, but it’s definitely addressed to him, so he heads inside, trailing over to the dining table and grabs a scissor from the kitchen. He stabs into the box and when it opens, he’s floored. 

He can tell at first glance what it is: the anthology.

Immediately, he reaches into the box and pulls out the gorgeous book, glossy and smooth to the touch. ‘Lucid Dreaming’ is printed in cursive across the dark cover, summer night imagery surrounding it and hand drawn flowers border the page. It’s so incredibly pretty, Mark has to stop and squeeze his eyes shut in disbelief, taking in the fact that this is real. He’s overwhelmed, a ball of emotions that feel like tears settling in the base of his throat and making it difficult to swallow.

 _‘This much happiness should be enough to kill a person,’_ He thinks as he flips the cover open, a finger trailing down the title page. He turns to the index page and his heart stops. 

His name isn’t at the top of the list, but he is listed in the first ten authors. He doesn’t waste a second, flipping to that page. The whole book is printed on glossy paper, and as he flips through it, he spots lots of pictures of authors as well as beautiful art drawn across the pages. When he gets to his page (page 22!) he can only stare at it, mesmerized. 

The entire spread is similar to the front cover, blacks and midnight blues, but instead of garden floors, the art across the bottom of the page is of a beach lit in moonlight. His photo (a picture taken of him by Kevin back in Canada, where he’s smiling at the camera) is printed on the left, as well as his five line bio. On the right, is his poem, spanning to the next page, both two sides covered.

His eyes trail over it, eyes watering, and then he can’t help but sob in joy, heart clenching as he leans his forehead at the table. It feels so unreal even though it’s right here in his hands, and - 

His phone rings, and when he blinks at the screen, he makes out through blurry eyes that it’s Serim. He quickly answers it.

“Mark?” Serim rushes before Mark can open his mouth, “Dude, have you left yet? If you haven't, could you grab my quantum textbook from my room?”

“Yeah,” Mark coughs out, wiping at his eyes and quickly sharing the news. “Dude, Serim, the anthology came in!”

“What?!” Serim’s shouts into his ear, excited and surprised. “Seriously? Didn’t you say the release was on the tenth?”

Mark reaches into the box with a watery chuckle as he finds a note. “A present for everyone who participated, apparently.”

He’s actually placed a pre-order for a few people: namely, Kevin, his parents, his brother, Mina, Serim and Donghyuck - in other words, all of the people he’s close to. The people who are abroad get theirs directly shipped to them, but the ones he’s ordered here will probably end up on the doorstep too. And as it turns out, he’s going to be getting an extra copy since he’d ordered one for himself too. 

“Damn,” Serim whistles slowly. “Congrats, Mark. I’m _so_ proud of you man. You deserve it. More than anything. Do you like it? I know you were nervous about who it was going to turn out.”

“So fucking happy,” Mark rubs away a stray tear, brimming with barely contained glee. “And thanks Serim.”

“Are you coming to class then?” Serim asks, but he knows the answer before Mark even answers. 

“No,” Mark laughs freely, god he’s so happy. “No, no fucking way. I’m gonna call everyone up and let them know.”

“You do that,” Serim chuckles. “I’ll be home soon then to come get my book. See you soon.”

Mark hums in confirmation, ending the call. He turns back to the book and takes a picture of the cover, as well as his pages. Then turning back to his phone, he opens his contact list. There’s a lot of people to give the news, and for once, he’s actually looking forward to this. 

_‘Better get to work then!’_

* * *

Getting published in a book lights a fire within Mark. He wants to be published again someday and he feels all the more motivated to work towards it, now that he’s had a taste of it. The novel that he has begun writing starts to take precedence in his mind, every spare thought invested in it, excited to write a new story. 

The actual arrival of the books on the tenth is a little less glamorous, if only because the unboxing has already been done, but it still draws a shaky breath when he sees the entire set. He writes special, customized ‘thanks for supporting me’ messages on the inside cover of the copies he’s giving to his friends (Kevin’s will have to be written once he gets back to Canada). 

Mina and Serim are in the house when he receives the box, and they practically snatch their copies out of his hands once he’s done writing the messages. Mina spends the next ten minutes crying, happier than even he was, as she reads the poem out. It’s both the sweetest and strangest thing someone has done for him, and he envelopes her in a hug for the effort. Serim proceeds to make his favorite dinner and the three of them crash on the couch to watch one of Mark’s favorite movies of all time (The Corpse Bride, by the way) as they eat. It’s a Thursday night, but none of them particularly care - in fact, it’s probably the only reason they didn’t go out for drinks or something.

It’s after the movie ends that Mina reveals what she’s thought about for Halloween. Mark and Serim have been tiptoeing around the topic since she declared she would decide costumes. Since then, Serim has progressively been trying to be more positive versus his distress, whilst Mark surrendered his soul to the heavens in his worry. Mina taking this long could only mean she was plotting something very dramatic, which only spelt trouble for the two of them.

“Okay, I already have an idea,” Mina clears her throat. “But in the spirit of being fair, I’ll give you guys an option.”

Mark and Serim exchange a wary look, causing Mina to click her tongue, “Okay, guys, red or blue?”

“Blue,” Mark says easily, just as Serim calls, “Red, of course.”

“Well then,” Mina grins like a cat who caught a canary, and Mark does not trust her one tiny bit. “It’s exactly the way I wanted it.”

“...What is?” Mark dares to ask. Oh, he has a bad feeling about this - 

“We,” She pauses, unnecessarily dramatic. “Are going as the Powerpuff Girls!”

Mark thinks he can hear birds chirping, it’s so silent. 

Then Serim gives a fake laugh, “Haha, great joke - that was a joke, right?”

“I was not joking,” She huffs, hands on hips. “I’m serious! Serim, you’ll be Blossom, I’ll be Buttercup, and Mark’s Bubbles!”

“You’re kidding me,” Mark deadpans, the reality of the situation dawning on him. He knew he was right not to trust Mina’s ass with anything. “You can’t be serious!”

“Oh, I am dead serious, Mark Lee,” She eyes him. “You will make a _fantastic_ Bubbles, we’ll even dye you blonde.”

“No, we will not!” He gasps, horrified. 

“Yes, we will!” Mina cheers. “Besides, if you can’t tell, I’m a little in love with the idea of a Bubbles!Mark.”

“Stop talking like you’re a Tumblr girl,” Mark grumbles.

“But I am one!”

“Do I get a say in this at all?” Serim raises a hand to interrupt. “Because I’m assuming you’re dyeing my hair orange too then.”

“Yes, yes I will,” She grins. “So? What do you think? We’ll go shopping this weekend.”

“Are you going to make us wear a skirt?” Serim raises an eyebrow. “Like I have nothing against guys wearing skirts, but I don’t want to.”

“Nah, I won’t force you to wear one if you don’t want to, although it would be more authentic if you did,” Mina pouts. “Would you consider wearing one?”

“No,” Both Mark and Serim deadpan at the same time. 

“Fine,” Mina sighs. “Actually, I wasn’t thinking of dressing up the same way as they do on the show. I saw this amazing art on Instagram and was inspired. We could dress up similar to their modern...older interpretation of the Powerpuff girls.”

Mark raises a curious eyebrow, “Can you show us, maybe?”

Mina quickly pulls out her phone and sends him a photo. It’s the art that she was talking about, a collage of Bubbles in various outfits and poses, and he’s pleasantly surprised by how great the art actually is. He never imagined the Powerpuff girls to be drawn with more human elements like this, but it’s incredibly well done.

He trails his eyes over what he thinks Mina wants him to dress up like, assuming it to be the outfit on the middle Bubbles: the high waisted peg leg pants, the sleeveless-shoulderless crop top, and the star-patterned baby blue bomber jacket. This version of Bubbles also has long blonde hair, but he can’t deny the entire outfit looks more comfortable than a bodysuit Mina could have chosen to stuff him in. 

It probably speaks volumes about how much Mark’s willing to do for Mina if he is actually thinking about doing this. But he can tell it’ll _really_ make her happy if they agree, so he finds any doubts about this immediately dying on his tongue.

“It’s adorable,” He admits sheepishly and Mina’s smile turns blinding. “I don’t mind the pants or the jacket, but how the hell do you expect me to wear the crop top?”

“We’ll figure something out Mark Lee, just say yes,” She reassures. “And we’ll dye your hair and also put you in a wig.”

“Then why bother dyeing - ”

“For authenticity!” She cuts in with a peace sign. “Serim-ah? What do you think?”

Serim’s expression does this weird thing, eyebrows furrowing as a strange smile tugs at the corner of his lips. He looks a hint confused, before he shakes his head. Mark holds his breath, thinking the boy is about to reject, when he does the very opposite.

“I think I like it, actually,” Serim laughs. “It’s surprisingly more formal than expected, but I think I don’t really mind. The puff sleeves and waist bow are cute.”

It’s a little surprising how quickly he caved too but he sees Serim’s smile widen when Mina squeals happily, and he suddenly understands. They both care a lot about her, enough to go along with her whims and fancies happily (with a bit of customary complaining).

Mark leans over to take a peek at Serim’s photo and agrees at the boy’s assessment of his possible outfit. Oddly enough, he can actually imagine Serim dressing like that and managing to pull off the look. 

“I guess that’s a yes from both of us then,” Mark shakes his head in mild disbelief. He never thought there would be a day where he would dress us as Bubbles from the Powerpuff Girls, but it’s happening apparently. 

And to think last year he dressed up as _Harry Potter_.

“Are you sure?” Mina hesitates then, biting her lip. She glances between the two of them. “Like, really, if you don’t want to...we could go as, like, the Power Rangers or something. We don’t have to if you guys really don’t want to.”

“Nah, this’ll be fun,” Serim tells her genuinely, bumping shoulders with her. Mark just snorts with a grin, “You know we wouldn’t agree to it if we weren’t okay with it. Let’s do this.”

“So when do you want to go shopping?” Serim peers at her. 

Her grin turns positively wicked, “Oh, don’t even worry about that. Just leave it all to me.”

Somehow, Mark does not trust her one bit.

* * *

Mina disappears off the face of the Earth on Saturday, sending them one ominous message about going costume shopping. She’d asked for their measurements, which was the last they heard from her. 

In the meanwhile, Mark continues with his hunt for research fields. He’s cut down on lots of major fields, whilst shortlisting more specific ones over the last few days. Serim’s lucky enough to have come across the one he likes, although he’s still got no clue about where to apply. They’ve got plenty of days in hand still, but as the days pass, it feels like a noose getting tighter. He should be researching more right now too, as indecisive as he is. In fact, he even has it open right in front of him on his laptop screen. 

But it’s really hard to focus when Donghyuck messages him every two seconds and Mark finds Donghyuck hell of a lot more interesting than he does physics.

_So I told Renjun to just leave it alone_

_Since he lost Jisung’s socks_

_And Jisung has too many anyway_

_But then Jaemin threw a pair of socks in my face_

_ヾ(≧へ≦)〃_

_Donghyuck-ah_

_Are you complaining to me?_

_Yes obviously_

🤣🤣🤣

_what exactly am I supposed to do about it_

_I can’t scold Jaemin_

_And u kinda deserve it_

_Ur the one that hid the socks in the first place_ 😭😭😭

_I didn’t expect u to betray me like this Canada_

_What happened to best friends_

_bRoS_

_‘Bros,’_ Mark thinks drily, unsure why he even finds himself so offended by it when he calls Serim and Kevin that all the time. God, he doesn’t have the energy for this right now. 

_Lmaooo sure Hyuck_

Donghyuck doesn’t message back for a minute, Mark focusing on his screen again. But when he does, it’s enough for Mark to feel guilty.

_Mark...r u busy rn?_

_Like I can try to talk later_

_If ur busy that is_

_Cuz Im getting the feeling u r_

_And I don’t wanna disturb whatever ur doing_

The guilt really does creep in then. It’s been three days since they talked on the phone for like five minutes (when Mark informed him about the book arriving), and over a week since they messaged on the morning of the fourth. Now that the boy finally has time, it feels like a dick move to be focusing on something else when he could bare to spare ten minutes to talk.

_Noooo it’s okay_

_Mark, i’m serious_

_I understand if u r_

_Sorry_

_Yeah, I was in the middle of something_

_But I’m free now!!_

_Mark :(_

_If you’re really not free_

_We can just talk some other time_

_What, like in another ten days??_

_Pls T-T_

_Hyuck, it’s fine, I can talk a couple mins out of my work_

_I was just studying_

_It’s really, really fine_

_If u say so_

_(✿◡‿◡)_

_Hey btw_

_R u guys doing anything for Halloween this yr?_

_Ik that SMT always has that huge Halloween party_

_And u guys have those annual halloween vids too_

_Ahhh_

_Nooo_

_Like the party is happening_

_But we all have schedules T-T_

_So NCT won’t be there_

_We were all so excited but !!!_

_Then our schedules said_

_NOOOOOO_

_Omg no Hyuck that’s so SAD_

_Fuck SM_

_SADJSDJSDF_

_I mean ur absolutely correct_

_BUT WHY WOULD U SAY THAT SJDISJSDDF_

_Deserved_ 😐🙄

_They won’t let u celebrate Halloween_

_I’m so sad_

_What were u gonna go as???_

_Us Dreamies were planning a grp costume_

_We were gonna do Alice in Wonderland T-T_

_Renjun as Alice, Jaemin as White Rabbit_

_Jisung as the March Hare, Jeno as the Mad Hatter_

_Chenle as Cheshire, and then the best_

_Me as the Red Queen_ 🤩

“Are you fucking serious, SM?” Mark groans in disappointment. It would’ve been such a great opportunity for them all to dress up. And their group costume sounded like a great idea too.

_BITCH_

_F_ _UCK SM_

_Mark SSKSKSKS_

_THIS IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA THO???_

_Jaemin as WR? Perfection_

_Jisung as March Hare?? ADORABLE_

_Jeno as Mad Hatter??? EXCELLENT, SUPERIOR TASTE_

_Chenle as Cheshire is the exact kind of chaotic energy I like to see_

_Also why is it so funny that_

_Alice Vs RQ = Renjun Vs you_

_Because we hate each other_ 😁

_Sdfjasdif_

_IM SO BITTER NOW THO_

_The video would have been so good_

_You would have looked great T-T_

_AND BY YOU I MEAN ALL OF U_

_DONT GET ANY IDEAS_

_Chill out Canada_

_If u want, I can still dress up if u wanna see it so bad_

😏😏😏

Mark almost chokes on his own spit when he reads the message, face flaming even though Donghyuck probably didn’t - actually, you know, he has no idea where that came from.

_Omg I just said not to get any ideas im -_

_What are u being such a sleaze for_

_Maybe i just wanna see Chenle T-T_

_Why do u keep picking him as your bias_

_I’m so OFFENDED_

_I SHOULD BE THE FAVORITE TF_

It’s not exactly the first time Donghyuck has mentioned this, but he’s never outright stated his offence at not being Mark’s bias. He doesn’t bother telling Donghyuck that he’s actually the bias (although, Chenle is what they call his ‘bias wrecker’). He’s actually finding himself amused by this turn of events.

_R u jealous rn???_

_NO_

_BUT IM THE FRIEND_

_TF T-T_

_WHAT_

_IT DOESNT WORK LIKE THAT_

_THE BIAS PICKS U, NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND_

_WELL IM PICKING U_

_THERE_

_SO????_

_WHERES MY FAVORITISM????_

_o(≧口≦)o_

Mark’s brain stops working entirely. Is Donghyuck really unaware of what’s going on? Why is he so insistent? 

Mark has long figured out that Donghyuck is the type of person who demands attention, especially of those around him. He’s kind of a brat, but in the most loveable way possible - he’s seen him act like this in videos too, naturally gaining his hyungs favor with just his endearingly annoying disposition - so is this supposed to just be an extension of that?

These mixed signals are going to end his life, because he can feel the way his own cheeks flood at the implications that shouldn’t be (and aren’t) there in the first place. 

_Hyuck omg T-T_

_WELL????_

_UR SO EMBARRASSING_

_HOW THE FUCK CAN U SAY ALL THAT WITHOUT CRINGING IM -_

_(╬▔皿▔)╯_

_FINE_

_Okay fine T-T_

_Ur the favorite_

_R u happy now omg_

_I DONT WANT UR PITY BIAS_

_SAY IT LIKE U MEAN IT TF_

_FINE UR THE BIAS OMG_

_TF IS GOING ON HYUCK_

_Y R U LIKE THIS FR_

_Good._

_（︶^︶）_

_Good, ofc I should be the bias Hyung_

_I gave u my sweatshirt_

_U mean u forgot to take it back T-T_

_I GAVE u my sweatshirt Canada_

Mark blinks at the screen in shock, wondering if he’s reading right. The emphasis on it makes his breath stutter, thoughts running wild in his mind.

_Wait to keep?_

_ON THE BEACH CANADA_

_NOT TO KEEP_

_I LOVE THAT SWEATSHIRT_

_NICE TRY STEALING IT_

Mark deflates, not even sure why he’s somewhat disappointed. His brain needs to stop reading so much into things, he’s really setting himself up. 

_IM NOT STEALING IT_

_BIAS RIGHTS REVOKED_

_WHAT_

_I HATE U_

_THE FEELING'S MUTUAL_

_CANADA_

_TAKE THAT BACK RN_

_OR ELSE_

_WHAT_

_WHAT R U GONNA DO_

_WE’RE NEVER WATCHING HSM TOGETHER AGAIN_

_TF_

_HYUCK_

_NO_

_FINE_

_Maybe I don’t hate u_

_And I’m the bias?_

_Yes. Yes u r._

_Good_

_Cuz I was sick of hearing Chenle say that he was ur bias_

_SDSJDAS_

_y does Chenle know this information_

_Everyone in NCT knows about u_

_It’s so ANNOYING_

_Have u been talking about me???_

_Omg_

_Ofc_

_Ur the only connection I have to a normal life_

_I don’t have friends who aren’t idols dude_

_Other than you_

_All of NCT knows me_

_I thought it was just Dream_

_I think I need to sit down_

_I just told u I don’t have friends other than u (and my members)_

_And u talk about NCT knowing about u???_

_UR SUCH AN NCTZEN_

_OFC I AM WTH_

_Also that’s so cute Hyuck_

_U talk about me to them sadfadf_

_I talk about u to my friends too ^^_

_Speaking of!!!_

_Are u doing anything for Halloween?_

_Wait don’t change the topic, what have u told them_

_Im Scared_

_All good things I hope?_

_Im ur only friend I don’t wanna ruin my rep/impression_

🤐🤐🤐

_BITCH -_

_*BIG SIGH*_

_Fine_

_I can’t believe ur just gonna leave me in suspense like that._

_¯\\_(ツ)_/¯_

_ANYWAY_

_Yes, my friends and I are doing a grp costume_

_Ooh what is it???_

🤐🤐🤐

_IK EXACTLY WHAT UR DOING_

_U CANT PULL MY OWN MOVE ON ME LIKE THAT_

_R U REALLY_

_JUST GONNA LEAVE ME HANGING LIKE THIS???_

_¯\\_(ツ)_/¯_

_Wahh_

_THis must be what karma feels like smh_

Mark finds himself snickering in far too much delight, rarely getting the victorious hand over Donghyuck like this. But if the other boy refuses to talk about it, he’s not going to tell him shit. He’s proud of himself. 

_Lmaoo deserve_

_But it’s a surprise tbh_

_The party’s obv on the 31st_

_So I’ll send pics when we take em, kay??_

_I know ur missing out on celebrating this year_

_U can live vicariously through me!_

_Haha sounds good Mark_

_I’ll look forward to it then_

_Also a college party huh_ 😏

_I’ve never been to any of those_

_No, u’ve just been to parties with famous singers such as urself_

_Yeah Hyuck, ur REALLY missin out afdsfdf_

_Asdfasdf_

_Okay then_

_But pls tc of urself_

_Ive heard scary stories about high school parties from johnny hyung_

_So college parties_

_（⊙ｏ⊙）_

_Be careful_

_Ur my only friend_

_So by default ur my favorite_

_Shit can’t happen to u, kay?_

_Afasdf okay ik u said default but that’s cute :(((_

_But yes, I’ll be careful!!_

_I have to go now :(_

_Text u later?_

_Or u text me if ur free actually_

_Okayyy_

_Bye Mark!!_

_Bye Hyuck~_

He locks his phone, tossing it to the side, and stares blankly at the screen. He doesn’t know what to think, what to feel. Donghyuck is painfully adorable, but he also gives him a whiplash every time he pendulums between pseudo-friendly-flirting with Mark and then bantering. It’s so hard to understand what’s going through his mind, and the time they spend not talking to each other doesn’t help that dilemma. It should be ridiculous that he’s getting attached to a person he talks to days apart, but Donghyuck’s - like he said before - the type to sink his teeth in and settle there. It makes it even harder for Mark to analyze his own feelings, being left confused in the wake of every conversation with him.

* * *

The days seem to blur together after that. 

On one hand, Mina has clearly finished all the shopping she intends to do (making sure to take money from them to pay for their parts of the costumes, of course), but she’s hiding their outfits for absolutely no reason other than to be dramatic. 

During the time she spends running away from them and shopping, Serim and him spend playing basketball at the courts nearby. It’s fun, mostly because Mark now plays maybe once in a month unlike when he was younger and more active. He doesn’t play many other sports (although he does love badminton - he’s actually _really_ good at it - but he rarely gets to play that). Serim is usually the one to drag him out and he always has to spend the first fifteen minutes recalling all those memory traces that know how to dribble a ball, until his skills reemerge. 

In other news, Mark finally manages to narrow down to a specific field of interest: a little digging into the semiconductor research field told him that there were plenty of opportunities to check out different substances and their conducting properties, if he could find a good internship location that wouldn’t be too far away too, hopefully. Serim also finalizes his research field, leaving them to hunt for internship locations as the month draws to an end.

On the 29th, WayV drops their Take Over the Moon comeback and Mark loses his mind over them and the EP. 

(When the teasers had dropped, Mark had been in the middle of writing a scene for his book, Tchaikovsky’s _Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy_ playing over his speakers because he’d been in a particularly sparkly mood that day, when the YouTube notification popped up on his laptop. He had proceeded to watch the teaser, dying when he heard the little bit of the song and saw beautiful young men on his laptop screen. He doesn’t have a favorite voice in the subunit - and they are a part of NCT, no matter what SM says - but Ten is one hundred percent his bias. He adores him.)

Mark buys the EP with his own money from the book, and it’s altogether a different experience to buy something with money he’s earned. There’s the striking independence he feels from his father and the pride for his own achievement. 

He streams the gorgeous music video, rants at Donghyuck about how much he loves it in a series of eight messages to which Donghyuck only sends laughing emojis in return (with a reminder that he’s the bias, the asshole). 

He has the entire album on repeat for the next two days, even when Mina storms into their apartment after classes on Thursday, catching them off guard and clearly on a mission. She sets what looks like seven bags on the couch, shoves one bag in Serim’s arms, the other in Mark’s and then grabs her own. 

She stares at the two of them for a brief minute before smirking. 

“I was right, the hair colours suit you two,” Then she tilts her head. “Well, maybe Serim’s we can make more burgundy afterwards, cause the ginger is a bit much even if it looks good, but Mark, blonde is _stunning_ on you.”

(Earlier in the day, Mina had shoved two boxes of hair dye at them, with a pointed, “Help each other out and get it done before I come over later. I’m giving you two like three hours before I come over, which will give us about an hour to change and go.”)

“Thanks Mina,” Mark runs a shy hand through his freshly dyed hair. He’s never dyed his hair before, much less gone blonde, and he was worried it wouldn’t turn out well.

“No, you look the part already, big eyes and pretty smile and whatnot,” She shrugs with a wink. Then she waves them off, “You guys go change into your outfits. I’ll change in the bathroom.”

Prepared for something like this, Mark just follows the instructions. The bag he’s been handed is sealed and when he empties the contents on his bed, a mess of different shades of blues comes tumbling onto the bedspread. He wonders how to begin and then to be safe, settles on wearing the pants first. 

They’re almost identical to the picture, lighter vertical lines running down the darker vintage blue fade of the fabric. When Mark slips into them, they’re extremely comfortable, if a little snug around his thighs. The waistline rises pretty damn high, while his hairless calves are being revealed to the world - “You better shave those damn legs, Mark Lee,” Mina had warned him - and he finds that he doesn’t quite hate the pants. In fact, based on how they look pretty dang good on him in the mirror, he might just snatch them later. One glance at the label tells him they’re unisex, which explains everything. 

Then he grabs the dark blue crop top and nearly passes out. He doesn’t even realise it’s a shirt at first - he’s still not sure it is one. It’s basically just a cylinder-looking thing (a quick search online tells him they’re called tube tops - which makes so much fucking sense). When he slips it over his head and pulls it down over his torso, it stretches but the material’s so thick that it doesn’t show any of his skin under it. The hem runs right under his armpits and he’s lowkey terrified the top will slip if he lifts his arms. Just to be sure, he tries it, but nothing happens, much to his relief. The bottom hem, however, is altogether a different story. The tube top is short, but even with the pants hiding his belly button, there’s a sliver of skin between the top and pants. That gap only widens when he lifts his arms, so he decides he’s going to play it safe and just not lift. 

As per the art, the jacket has to remain off his shoulders the whole time, so when he picks up the baby blue velvet jacket (he’s sort of mind blown at the softness of the material, he could _sleep_ in it), he slips his arms in and leaves it hanging at his elbows. 

The last item on his bag are blue and white converses, which are by far the easiest thing to slip into. Once the ensemble is complete, Mark swallows down a nervous giggle, coming to stand in front of his full length mirror in the walk-in closet.

...He’s not going to lie. It’s a pretty good look on him already, and he’s not even completely ready. He’s always known he’s had a fairly narrow waist, but damn.

“Mark?” Mina’s voice filters through the doorway. “You ready?” 

Without replying, he nervously steps out of the room. Mina and Serim are both waiting for him outside. 

Mina takes one look at him and gasps, eyes starry, “Mark Lee, I knew you’d make a fantastic Bubbles, I could just kiss you!”

“Please don’t,” He coughs, cheeks pinkening. “You really think it looks good?”

Both Mina and Serim look great too. Mina’s dressed in tight black jeans, a loose olive t-shirt knotted at the waist as well as a black choker around her neck accompanying combat boots. Now Mark understands why she’d gotten her hair cut all the way up to her chin last week. She looks pretty badass.

Serim, on the other hand, is dressed in the clothing Mark had seen on Blossom in the picture. There’s the loose pink-red plaid pants with the dark red ribbon acting as a belt. He’s also gotten a puff-sleeved shirt to match the colour of the ribbon, a cut out in the fabric close to the base of his throat. Naturally his shoulders look more buff than Blossom’s did, but it’s not like Mark isn’t also sporting a sharper shoulder structure than Bubbles' more rounded one. 

“You guys look fantastic! Oh, I’m so proud!” She cheers again. “Now for the coloured lenses.”

She passes Mark these bright blue contacts and Serim deep red ones. “Once you put them on, come join me in the bathroom. We’ll do our makeup, and then we should be good to go!”

Mark doesn’t struggle to put on the lenses, but he does spend an unnatural amount of time staring in the mirror at the new colour of his eyes. He’s sort of loving this indulgence of blue he’s got going on. 

When he finally makes it to the bathroom, Mina’s got some natural green contacts whilst Serim looks a hint vampiric with the red ones. They spend the next twenty minutes on putting on wigs and makeup, Mina working as fast as she can. Thankfully, she doesn’t layer their faces into too much. She tells him about every step, but he’s not really listening. By the time she’s done, his eyelashes are light glittery blue, lined in dark eyeliner and lips a pretty pink. He loves it. 

As far as he can tell, Serim gets a similar procedure, blues swapped in for reds and pinks. It’s only Mina’s own makeup that takes a little longer. While they’re waiting, Mark and Serim spend the time taking pictures for each other and together. There’s one particular one of Mark pouting at the camera, a little shy because he’d been in the middle of saying something when Serim had taken it, as well as a picture of him posing against the wall, that he really likes. He’s quick to take a couple of selfies too, even though he’s never been very confident with his selfie skill. 

As promised, he sends across his pictures to Donghyuck. The other boy isn’t online, probably won’t even see them for a while, so he exits the chat after leaving him a message explaining who he is dressed as and that he’ll send a group shot soon.

Finally Mina leaves the bathroom last with dark green on her eyelids and a dark lipstick Mark’s never seen her in before, a little devil in green. She catches both their eyes and smirks. 

“Let’s take some pictures and go, shall we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Party time~~~ and much more in the next chapter!! 
> 
> In case you skipped the end bit, nothing much happened: they all got dressed in their Halloween costumes, took pics (Mark sent some to Donghyuck, but he hasn't seen them yet) and then they left.
> 
> If anyone is curious, remember that poll I did on twt? Yeah, so the choice was between the superhero (powerpuff girls) and the wizard (Harry Potter). Obviously, you know which one won ;)  
> FURTHERMORE, IF ANYONE WANTS TO CHECK OUT THE ART WHICH INSPIRED THE ENTIRE HALLOWEEN LOOK, [HERE'S THE LINK.](https://twitter.com/leecheedoodles/status/1174045851766939650) PLS GO SUPPORT [HER](https://twitter.com/leecheedoodles), I LOVE HER ART SO MUCH!!! SHE'S INCREDIBLE!!
> 
> If you liked this, please leave me a kudos and a comment, it makes me happy <3  
> If you want updates on this fic or if you just wanna come chat with me, hit me up on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/CelestialMiche)
> 
> Love,  
> Miche xx


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello ;)
> 
> Not much to say this time around. Thank you to everyone who loved the last chapter which was a whole mess. I appreciate each and every single comment! I know all of you are anticipating Hyuck's reaction, but this is a story in Mark's view, so... *shrugs*
> 
> Thanks to my beta aka my sister for helping me and also for screaming in the comments section of my google docs as she read this chapter. It was very encouraging lmao (and a lil scary sksks)
> 
> I hope you all like this one too! The whole chapter feels like it's... kinda on crack tbh *sighs in self-disappointment*
> 
> Also Happy 127 day~!! <3
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Miche xx

Mark wakes up to a pounding headache and a distinct urge to throw up building in his stomach. He wants to, simply put, _die._

The smell of alcohol permeates the air and his skin feels sticky in an entirely disgusting way, sweat and god knows what else making the sheets to dampen under him and peel away when he sits up with a groan. He pushes at the quilt, eyes squinting.

The lights are off, thankfully, and the curtains are closed too, blocking off any direct sunlight. He can hardly see anything, but can see that there’s the blonde pony-tailed wig lying on the carpet, and the bomber jacket from last night is on the ground near the doorway, clearly taken off in haste. And the converses carelessly leading to the bed, followed by the tube top and his pants. 

_‘Oh god, am I naked?!’_ He panics, immediately reaching to touch his stomach and finds that yes, he is. Then he panics more when a worrying thought passes through him. _‘Fuck, did I sleep with someone?!’_

He immediately spins to look behind him, which only causes his headache to go haywire and ache with the force of a thousand burning suns. He has to hold his head for a minute but he runs a wild hand along the bedspread. Intense relief flooding him when he doesn’t find another body lying on the bed next to him. "Thank god.”

His gut twists, the urge to hurl making a savage reappearance, and he stumbles out of bed. He almost trips with the bed sheets tangling in his feet but he eventually makes it to the bathroom, bending over the toilet. 

He only manages to leave that bathroom over an hour later, brushing his teeth and taking a warm shower that washes away all the perspiration and makeup that he hadn’t bothered removing last night. By the time he’s out, his limbs are jelly and his back is red from the heat of the shower. But at least he feels more alive and more importantly, his headache has somewhat receded. 

He returns to his bed, scrunching his nose at the smell in the room, and immediately draws the curtains open to let fresh air in. He sets about changing the bedsheets, not wanting to spend another night in that mess. He finds his phone trapped in the folds somewhere and he sets it on charge after seeing it at a depressing 12% battery level. 

Changing the bedsheets takes another ten minutes, mostly because it’s a huge bed and Mark’s kind of a mess at it. But once he gets it right, he collapses on top of it because he’s never been able to resist laying eagle-spread on a fresh bed sheet and roll around since he was four. Eventually he picks up the pillows off the floor and changes the covers too, replacing them on the bed. 

He falls back onto the clean bed, groaning in exhaustion. It’s a Friday, and Mark’s all but skipped all his classes for today. He can’t hear any movement around the house either, so that has to mean that Serim has gone for classes...or something more likely such as him sleeping over at his girlfriend’s house.

Mark, now that he thinks about it, has no memories of last night after having inhaled his third drink. Speaking of, he’s a little bitter his friends didn’t stop him, because they all know he’s a fucking lightweight. 

He remembers meeting Sihyeon, who pulled him into a hug and then introduced the two boys to her and Mina’s common friend circle. He remembers dancing to Bruno Mars on the dance floor, then sitting on one of the couches and waiting for Donghyuck’s response to his photos, which remained unseen. He remembers stuttering in embarrassment when that one girl from the Mass Communication department asked him to dance, only to be rejected on his behalf by Mina. 

There was also that one boy from the Arts department, he recalls, who talked to him whilst he was marginally tipsy. He doesn’t remember his name, but he remembers practically everything else. The boy had genuinely complimented Mark until Mark’s cheeks weren’t red from the alcohol but for a different reason altogether. The boy had managed to convince Mark to dance with him, respectful the entire time as his hands never left Mark’s waist, and when the song had ended, he had asked Mark out on a date. But at the time, Mark remembers the way the buzz of alcohol had faded away, a strange uncertainty churning in his stomach that had led him to settle on saying that he wasn’t interested in a relationship of any sort but that he had a fun time dancing with the boy. Thankfully, the boy had taken it rather graciously, pressing a light fleeting kiss on Mark’s cheek, much to his surprise, and then disappeared into the crowd saying, ‘I’m glad you gave me a chance to dance with you.’

After that, all he remembers is hanging out with Mina as Serim and Sihyeon danced. He had drunk another cup of shitty beer, before getting dragged into some drinking game on extension of Mina, which entirely explains why he got so hammered. She was drunk as high hell too. Serim must have been the one to drive them back, given that he was designated driver last night. 

His stomach rumbles pointedly and he drags himself to the kitchen. It’s practically empty, however, and he decides that takeout is the way to go so he returns to his bedroom to grab his phone. Quickly opening his contacts, he dials the number to the chicken place and orders wings.

Once he’s done, he sinks back into the sheets. This is exactly why he hates partying and drinking: he’s exhausted in the aftermath, and it’s enough to make it not worth it. It’s fun while it lasts, and dressing up is fun, but this part is the worst. 

Sighing, he grabs his phone again to text Serim, wondering where the boy is, because it’s past two P.M. on a Friday and they shouldn’t have class at this hour. But just as he opens his KakaoTalk app to text him, he notices that the most recent chat is Donghyuck’s, the last message sent a little after three A.M. from Mark.

His stomach drops, a distinctly terrifying feeling embodying him. He taps on the chat, eyes widening when he sees a flood of messages after he sent those pictures last night close to eight, from 1:22 A.M. all the way up till 3:18 A.M. 

_Hyuckkkkkkkkk - 1:22 A.M._

_Do u think I look good!!!!! - 1:22 A.M._

_I think I look good!!!!! - 1:22 A.M._

_The jacke iS cuTE!!!!!!! - 1:22 A.M._

_I just had a lot to drink hehehehehe - 1:23 A.M._

_I won the game!!!! - 1:23 A.M._

_Bt Im’ drunk nw hehehehe - 1:23 A.M._

_U said be care full - 1:24 A.M._

_But my friends gave too many drunks - 1:24 A.M._

_Im sorrie :(((((((( - 1:24 A.M._

_R u busyyyyyy - 1:38 A.M_

_U stilll havnt rred my textts - 1:38 A.M_

_OH - 1:54 A.M._

_!!!! - 1:54 A.M._

_DID I TELLL U - 1:54 A.M._

_COFFIE - 1:54 A.M._

_I MEAN - 1:55 A.M._

_TEA - 1:55 A.M._

_A girl akd me to dancE - 1:57 A.M._

_But Mina said - 1:57 A.M._

_NOOOOO - 1:58 A.M._

_She’s so bossy :( - 1:59 A.M._

_I didnt wanttodancewithher any way - 2:00 A.M._

_Ohhh i also danced with a boy!!! - 2:11 A.M._

_He was nice :(((( - 2:12 A.M._

_He said a lot of cute things about me :((((( - 2:13 A.M._

_He aksed me to drink coffieee with him - 2:13 A.M._

_But I saidd - 2:14 A.M._

_Noooooo - 2:14 A.M._

_So he said okay and kissed me cheek!! :(((( - 2:14 A.M._

_Serim disappeared i think hes sleeping with sihyeon - 2:22 A.M._

_Nvmhe’s back he just went to the bthrom - 2:26 A.M._

_He says its time to go because im very drink - 2:27 A.M._

_OH - 2:28 A.M._

_HAPPY HALLVEEN HYUCKIE - 2:29 A.M._

_PHOOK SM U WOODA MADE A CUTE RED QUEEEEEE - 2:35 A.M._

_-NNNN - 2:41 A.M._

_I forgot the N, im sorry that was prob confusing!!!! - 2:41 A.M._

_Serim is driving me home!!!!!!! YAY - 2:44 A.M._

_Mina and Sihyeon r here too sksks - 2:46 A.M._

_Mina left the car - 2:54 A.M._

_We going home!!! - 2:54 A.M._

_R u stiLL wrking :((( - 2:55 A.M._

_IM HOME! - 3:08 A.M._

_Serim left to sleepat his gf’s house hehehehehe - 3:10 A.M._

_Hyuckie wru ur making me sad - 3:18 A.M._

_Im sorryy ik ur busy :(( - 3:18 A.M._

_‘Oh god, oh god, oh god,’_ Mark thinks very accurately, followed immediately by, _‘FUCK ME.’_

He feels the way the embarrassment sets into his skin, scalding across it. He wants to yeet himself into the void and never return. What the fuck was drunk Mark thinking?

 _‘OBVIOUSLY HE WASN’T!’_ Mark reminds himself unnecessarily.

What’s worse is that Donghyuck has clearly read all of the messages. 

How was Mark supposed to face Donghyuck ever again? Should he just block Donghyuck and delete himself off the face of the planet?

 _‘Wait, is he the only person I texted?’_ Mark panics, but when he checks, it seems drunk Mark was only interested in messaging and ruining his relationship with Donghyuck. _‘Why couldn’t I have texted Kevin or something?’_

While Mark is contemplating what to do next, his phone vibrates with an incoming video call from Donghyuck, making Mark nearly drop the phone in shock. 

A video call? They’ve never made video calls before. And more importantly, why is Donghyuck calling him in the first place? This goes against everything Mark is planning. So naturally, Mark cuts the call out of reflex, and then immediately regrets it. 

_Canadaaaaaaaa_

_Markkkkkkk_

_I know you’re there_

_I can SEE u online_

_Pls pick up?_

_No :(_

_Come on pls_

_I promise I won’t make fun of u_

_Too much_

He doesn’t even wait for Mark to respond, another incoming call lighting the screen. Mark buries his face in his pillows and screams. He doesn’t think he’s at all mentally prepared for this, and he’s one hundred percent sure he doesn’t _look_ even a little bit ready for this, but eventually pulls himself together enough to pick up the call. 

Donghyuck appears on the android screen, a casual black polo shirt and aviator-style reading glasses on. He has no right looking that good at 2:30 P.M. on a Friday, much less when Mark is this embarrassed and never wants to talk to Donghyuck again, if only to hide his own shame. God, Mark isn’t even dressed half as well for this conversation - before he remembers he’s just talking to a friend and maybe he shouldn’t care quite as much about his appearance. And yet...

“Mark,” Donghyuck greets cheerily from the other side of the screen, eyeing him closely. “Glad to see you don’t look all that hungover.”

“God,” Mark groans, giving up and planting his face in the pillows again. He peeks up at Donghyuck again, “I’m so sorry for last night, Donghyuck. I can’t believe I drunk texted you all that shit.”

“It was very cute,” Donghyuck clicks his tongue, unimpressed with Mark’s apology. Mark tries to ignore the way his words make Mark’s heart thump in his chest irregularly because it needs to shut the fuck up. “You were even cuter on the video call last night.”

At that, Mark sits up sharply, horrified. “There was a video call?!”

Donghyuck chuckles, lips curling into a small smirk, “I called after your last text. I got off work and came home around that time and plugged my phone in to charge since it died at the schedule site last night. When it turned back on I saw all your texts and you were so cute, how could I not call? Besides, you said me not replying was making you sad.”

“You shouldn’t have called, oh my god,” Mark whispers, mortified. “Donghyuck, you should have let me perish.”

“No need to be so dramatic, Canada,” Donghyuck snorts. “You overreact too much.”

“I don’t think you understand just how much I want to die right now,” Mark voices, feeling dead on the inside. 

Donghyuck’s grin turns wicked, “When I called, you were about to go to sleep, in bed under your covers. You even informed me you were naked, just boxers, you emphasized, and all that - ”

“I did _what?!”_

“ - so obviously I asked you to show me - ”

“Donghyuck!” Mark hisses, scandalized.

“ - and you know what you said?” 

Mark hesitates, unsure if he even wanted to hear it, “...What?”

“You pulled the covers all the way up to your chin and said that you were a good Christian boy and wouldn’t let me corrupt you like that,” Donghyuck reveals, a terrible smile on his face. 

Mark cuts the call, curling in on himself in embarrassment. 

The phone rings again, and Mark is so tempted to just keep letting it ring, but he needs to hear what else he did last night to permanently tarnish his name. 

“Hyung,” Donghyuck says the instant the call connects, a little stern but somewhat fond and enough for goosebumps to run down Mark’s arms. But Mark can barely meet his eyes. _“Hyung._ Look at me.”

“...What?” Mark sighs, reluctantly meeting his gaze. 

“Hyung, you were the cutest human being I’ve seen last night,” Donghyuck admits freely, and Mark doesn’t know how he does it. “The absolute cutest, I nearly died.”

“Shut up,” Mark grumbles. “God, I’m so stupid.”

“No, you were just drunk,” Donghyuck giggles. “God, I kinda want to get you drunk around me sometime just so I could see you be that cute again. I really wanted to give you a hug last night. Maybe cuddle you to death.”

“Oh my god, Hyuck,” Mark hates the way the statement makes his stomach swoop. Donghyuck hardly means anything beyond platonic, Jesus. 

“You told me about the party, you were rambling, it was super fucking adorable,” Donghyuck purses his lips, a natural pout that Mark’s seen appear when he talks sometimes. He gives Mark a mischievous look, “There was some guy who asked you out, huh?”

“I do not want to talk about this,” Mark whines, going red at the memory. Then it dawns on him that Donghyuck now knows Mark is gay, or at least, into guys and almost slams his head into the headrest. 

“You said he was sweet,” Donghyuck adds casually, picking at his nails in interest and voice neutral. “A good dancer. Some pretty boy that asked you out.”

“Yes, he was?” Mark returns slowly, unsure why he feels like he should tread lightly. Why does Donghyuck even care so much? Mark refuses to think of the reasons. “I mean, I guess?”

“You guess?” Donghyuck blinks at him, teasing. “Ouch. You don’t even remember the poor guy? I almost feel bad for him. What a heartbreaker, Canada.”

Mark would argue that he looks anything but like he feels bad for the boy, more amused or delighted that Mark doesn’t care about the boy who asked him out, but he decides not to bring it up because that’s not a conversation he thinks he can handle.

“Hardly! I wasn’t interested in him, Hyuck, and I told him that, even if he gave me some nice compliments,” Mark rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. It’s a safer response anyway. 

Donghyuck hums, a twinkle in his eyes, “And you did deserve to be complimented last night. Well, you always deserve compliments, but last night especially.”

Mark’s cheeks flood red, feeling very strange, “I - um - well.”

“Blonde is a very… _good_ look on you,” Donghyuck adds, eyeing his hair again in a way that makes Mark feel oddly exposed. When his eyes return to Mark’s face, he licks his lips subconsciously, Mark’s skin prickling under the collar. “And the jacket was a very nice touch. I was very surprised yesterday when I saw the photos.”

“It was all Mina’s doing,” He says quietly, not even sure how to get the words out when Donghyuck’s gaze is pinned on him so intensely. Donghyuck really needs to stop the compliments if he’s not into Mark like that because it’s sending a lot of mixed signals. Signals that are ruining Mark’s life because, as much as Mark would like to deny it, Mark’s heart has started wanting to read more into it than it should. And that’s a gigantic fucking problem.

Surely if Donghyuck knows now that Mark’s interested in guys, he would have reciprocated relevant information by now. But he hasn’t and that should be a sign in itself that says, ‘NOT INTERESTED.’ So, by deduction, they’re just _friends._

For a few moments, there’s a charged sort of silence that hangs between them, in which they just stare at each other. Mark has no idea how to interpret what’s happening or why, or if they both just have nothing to say. Ultimately Mark is the one to break it by looking away and asking, “Did I - did I do anything else? Embarrassing, I mean.”

“Huh?” Donghyuck blinks, a strange look crossing his face before it clears with another bright smile, “No, not really. You fell asleep talking to me.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Mark sighs. “I was - it was ridiculous. I was a mess last night.”

“It’s fine, Canada,” Donghyuck laughs. “I’m glad you were able to share a vulnerable side of yourself with me. What are friends for, after all?”

“Of course,” Mark swallows, picking at the edge of his cuticles, uncertainty washing over him before he squashes it down. It’s just another reminder of what they aren’t. “Right.”

“So don’t worry about it,” He completes, not noticing. “Actually, there was another reason I called you. Other than to see how you were doing after last night, that is.”

“Oh?” Mark straightens curiously. “I - well, you look like you aren’t in a hurry anywhere today. Do you have a break?”

“No, I just came back from lunch with Dream,” Donghyuck reveals with a small wave of his hands. “I don’t have practice for a couple of hours.”

“Ah, I see,” Mark nods, clearing his throat. “So, um, why did you call?”

“Well, you know how our concert - the Dream Show one - is between the fifteenth and seventeenth, right?” Donghyuck raises his eyebrows. 

“The Seoul concerts right?” Mark recalls only all too well. “Yeah, I do. But they were all sold out before I could blink.”

“Yeah, well, the members usually get at least two tickets per show for family when we have domestic shows, especially in Seoul,” Donghyuck informs him slowly, like he’s unsure of how Mark will react to what he’s about to say. “And I was wondering if you wanted to come to watch on the seventeenth? With a friend, maybe, since I don’t have anyone else to give my tickets.”

Mark is floored by the offer, unable to remember any words to form sentences, until Donghyuck prompts, “Mark?”

“Hyuck, I - what about your family?” Mark’s eyebrows furrow. 

“Ah, Renjun’s family can’t fly in on the sixteenth, so he gave me his extra seats for that day. My family’s using those so all of them can attend.”

Mark frowns, “Then doesn’t he want to use yours for the seventeenth?” 

“It’s just his parents, so it’ll be fine,” Donghyuck waves off. “Besides I gave him my tickets for the fifteenth.”

“Are you sure?” Mark swallows. He knows this is a big deal. “I mean, are you _sure?”_

“Canada, I usually give the other NCT members my extra tickets,” Donghyuck tilts his head with a quirky grin. “For once I have a chance to give them to a friend. Let me take advantage of it.”

“Hyuck, I don’t know, I feel like this is cheating, is this even ethically correct?” Mark runs a hand down his face in distress. He’s tempted to take it, but for one, he doesn’t want to leech off Donghyuck at all and secondly…is it even a good idea? 

Why shouldn’t it be, though? Donghyuck is his friend - and no matter what Mark’s feeling right now, it’s a by-product of his own misinterpretations. 

Plus, he’s definitely overthinking it. He doesn’t even really have _feelings_ for Donghyuck, it’s just that he finds him...attractive. And funny. And sweet. That shouldn’t be a problem, right? Thousands of other people also find Donghyuck attractive, funny and sweet, big deal. It’s natural. 

Donghyuck is just a friend. And normal friends would agree to something like this without worrying so much. He should go to show Hyuck his support - and it’s not even like he’s going to see Donghyuck up close and personal. It’s just a concert like back in Vancouver. 

It’s _not_ a big deal.

“Mark,” Donghyuck drags his name out, overdramatic. “What the fuck are you even talking about? Ethically correct, my ass, it’s not like you’re using me. I want you to be there! And you’ll get to meet me backstage with a VIP pass and all. We haven’t hung out in a while and now you’ll get to see Dream again. They’ve been whining to meet you - hell, they were the ones to suggest it. So you have to come!”

“They invited me?” Mark thinks it feels very much like his soul has left his body. Meet them backstage? And Donghyuck _wants_ him to be there?

“No, _I_ invited you,” Donghyuck rolls his eyes. “But they very much want to meet you, so please just take the tickets and come.”

And how is Mark supposed to say no to that? Donghyuck is looking at him with such hopeful wide eyes, Mark doesn’t stand a chance. This probably isn’t going to be a good idea, but maybe if he sees Donghyuck interacting with the other boys, his heart and brain will stop trying to attack and manipulate him with stupid fantasies he doesn’t even really want. 

Besides, at the end of the day he treasures Donghyuck’s friendship above all else and if this will make him happy, maybe Mark is willing to make some sacrifices.

“Okay, I - fine,” Mark surrenders. Donghyuck cheers with a clap. “And I can bring one friend?”

“Absolutely!” Donghyuck nods rapidly, unbearably happy. “I’ll text you all the details soon, okay? This is gonna be great!”

“Thank you Donghyuck,” Mark says softly and sees Donghyuck duck his head adorably. “Really. It’s sweet of you.”

“It’s my pleasure, Mark,” Donghyuck shrugs then, looking somewhat bashful. 

The rims of his glasses and the pixelation of the screen aren’t enough to hide the flush climbing his face despite his tan skin, and for one long moment, Mark betrays himself by wishing he could make Donghyuck flush like this more often, by finding that he really likes seeing Donghyuck like this, before the reality of the situation kicks right back in. 

God, he hates...attractive, cute, funny friends. This is why he sticks to people like Kevin.

Mark clears his throat again, trying to rid himself of insidious thoughts, “So, uh, how was your day? You had some schedules yesterday?”

“Yeah, there was a photoshoot with Dream, plus also some other stuff I can’t tell you, at least not yet,” Donghyuck winces apologetically. “You know how it goes, Mark.”

“That I do,” Mark admits with a helpless grin. It’s not often that Donghyuck reveals what he’s been up to, either due to his contract or because he’s supposed to keep it a secret, so most of the time, the boy just ends up sharing more about the other members and their antics. Especially Dream’s. 

Over the last two months, Mark has quickly learned that Renjun isn’t just his best friend for the cameras. Donghyuck talks about him a lot, almost to the point that occasionally, Mark can’t help but wonder if Donghyuck does feel something for the other boy - but at the same time, Donghyuck has never said a word about his own sexuality, so he has no clue what to expect. It wouldn’t be surprising though, given how much they trust each other despite their friendship often masquerading as an enmity. There’s a reason why the fans ship the two of them to hell and back.

There’s also Jaemin and Jeno, who are something of an unspoken support system to Donghyuck. They’re both two of Donghyuck’s longest friends, practically since they all started as trainees, and even though Donghyuck complains a lot about their habits - like about Jaemin’s incessant coffee addiction and Jeno’s shaky confidence as a leader - fondness bleeds into his texts and tones every time. 

And then there’s the two maknaes, who he rarely has anything bad to say about. He talks a big deal about beating them up if the time came, about needing to teach the ‘brats a lesson, since they’ve been playing too many pranks’, but then he’ll praise Chenle to no end about how much he’s improved and how he brings so much light to the group, even when Donghyuck can’t. He’ll talk about how much Jisung has grown, so much that he’s taller than all of them, and that he hopes that Jisung thinks of him as a good brother and someone to look up to. 

They all clearly matter so much to Donghyuck, who gets so vulnerable when it comes to all of them, regardless of the half-hearted grouchy mask he likes to put on when asked about them. They’re his family - so how could Mark ever say no to meeting them if Donghyuck really wants him to? If they want to?

Mark knows they’re probably wary of who Donghyuck has been talking to, especially if Donghyuck has talked about Mark enough that they want to meet him. Rightly so even, because Mark is certain that they consider Donghyuck as family too. 

But it’s still a nerve wracking idea. Suddenly, he feels like he needs to earn their respect so that he can keep Donghyuck’s friendship. Oh god.

“Mark?” Donghyuck calls in concern. “You okay there? You spaced out.”

“Sorry,” Mark exhales. No need to panic just yet. He can enjoy the Dream Show first and then pass away. “I just got lost in thought for a second. I think I need some food in my system. I haven’t eaten yet, but the food’s on it’s way.”

“Alright,” Donghyuck nods. “I’ll get out of your way then. I’ll try and text tonight with all the details, yeah? You can decide whenever, but let me know who you’re gonna be bringing. It’s not important to the tickets or whatever, but I’m curious who you’ll ask.”

“Oh shit,” Mark voices, horrified. “I have to pick someone now. Who am I gonna pick? _How_ the hell am I gonna pick?”

“Good luck, Canada,” Donghyuck sounds far too cheerful at Mark’s misery. “I’ll see you later!”

All Mark manages to get out before Donghyuck cuts the call with a wink is a quick, “Bye Hyuck!” 

* * *

The first person he asks is, obviously, Kevin.

He’s the entire reason why Mark’s even friends with Donghyuck right now, plus out of Mark’s three friends, he’s the biggest NCTzen. It only makes sense. 

Unfortunately, the second he asks Kevin, the boy cries. Mark’s not even kidding, Kevin actually cries for a whole five minutes and then proceeds to curse out his entire university and his degree. 

“All I asked was for a chance to meet them,” Kevin rants on the phone. “But my life just keeps saying, oh here I’ll dangle an opportunity in front of your face exactly when you have exams or deadlines or some other stupid shit I wish I didn’t have!”

In other words, Kevin (who would have been Mark’s ideal choice) backs out. Mark makes a mental note to get something signed by all the boys for Kevin once he meets them to make up for it.

That leaves him with either Mina or Serim, both of whom love NCT’s music but aren’t necessarily NCTzens. Really, Mark has no clue who to choose, so he does the only thing he can. He invites them to hang out on the Saturday a week before the show. 

“So,” He leans forward in his seat, peering a bit manically between them because he’s been overthinking this for about a week and some now. “Which one of you clowns want to join this clown to an NCT Dream concert and meet them backstage?”

The two of them stare at him. Mark raises an eyebrow. The two keep staring. 

Mark blinks, “Any day now, guys.”

“Firstly,” Mina levels him an unimpressed stare. “Who are you calling a clown, fool?”

Mark shrugs. 

“And second, obviously, I’m going,” Mina shrugs in self-satisfaction. Serim immediately argues, “Wait, what? Why do you get to go?”

“I call dibs,” Mina answers smugly. 

“But I’m the roommate!”

“You reacted slower.”

“But I - I’m the roommate!”

“Can you even name all of the members of NCT Dream?” Mina challenges, to which Serim rolls his eyes, “Yes, I can actually!”

“Guys,” Mark interrupts, an eyebrow raised. “Chill out, please. Let’s do this the civilized way.”

“Rap battle to the death?” They both narrow their eyes at each other, in sync for the complete wrong reasons, especially considering it’s the last thing Mark wants to hear. 

“No,” Mark stops it before things escalate and one of them is playing Nicki Minaj’s _Barbie Tingz_ on the speakers and rapping incomprehensible verses. There’s only one good English rapper in this house, and it’s him. “I was thinking along the lines of a classic rock-paper-scissors game - ”

“Who cares what you think?” Mina blows a raspberry before turning back to Serim with fire in her eyes, “How about even better than a rap battle, a dance battle?”

“Best of three, theme is NCT Dream songs,” Serim scoffs. “Mark can judge.”

“Are you serious?” Mark snickers at their antics. At least it’s a dance competition. 

“Let’s go, move the fucking coffee table,” Mina gets to her feet. Mark doesn’t know what it is about the two of them, usually so damn non-competitive, but the second they’re up against each other, all they want is to take the other down. It’s like watching two overly competitive siblings. 

Mark’s phone rings at that moment, and the boy excuses himself to his bedroom whilst the two are busy setting up in the living room. 

“Mom?” Mark answers. “What’s up?”

“Minhyung-ah,” She sounds happy, so Mark’s hoping this call won’t ruin his good mood. “I was wondering if you’re coming home during the break.”

“Ah…” Mark bites his lips, a wave of frustration passing over him. “Well actually...”

The thing is, Mark absolutely does not want to go home. He’s been avoiding it this entire time, making as many excuses as he could, took advantage of as many circumstances as he could because as much as he loves his parents, it’s difficult to be around them when they refuse to his side of the story, refuse to see how much he hates what he’s doing. 

But now, even as he tries to come up with some excuse, he can’t think of anything to say. Maybe it’s because deep down he knows that it’s been really long and his parents are unlikely to let it pass this time. As if on cue, his mother speaks up.

“Please come home during the break, honey,” She says softly. “It’s been a while since we last saw you back in May. I know you have your internship in February, so you won’t be able to come back after the semester ends, and you weren’t even home for the summer. Your father and brother would like to see you for Christmas too. We missed last year, remember?”

Oh and Mark only remembers all too well what had happened last Christmas break. Sure, he made an extremely unlikely friend because of it, but he’d rather stay away from any other impulses like that - not that he thinks anything like that will happen again. 

Ideally, he’d stay right here in Seoul. But Serim will leave for home too and Mina’s bound to go home for her family too so he’ll be left to his own devices again. Christmas especially tends to suck without people we love.

“Fine,” Mark sighs. It’s clear he can’t really fight her on this, and avoiding spending time with his family or trying not to talk to them is clearly not the answer. It won’t solve their issues by far, and he doesn’t really have a choice in the matter regardless. So he has to give in this time. “Okay, yeah you’re right. I’ll come home.”

Something inside him sinks at the admission though, and he can only hope that the holiday season won’t suck. He can already imagine it: his brother giving him the most attention he does in the year, his father pretending to care about his wishes whilst ignoring his most genuine one, and his mother trying to make everyone happy by making things they like in an attempt to diffuse underlying tensions. His consolation is that he’ll get to celebrate Christmas the way he wants to, however, so at least there’s that. And he’ll get to see Kevin and Sangmi noona, whom he hasn’t had a chance to speak to in a while. 

“Really?” She obviously perks up at his agreement. “Shall I ask your father to book your tickets for next month?”

“Yes, but I’ll send you the dates for when my break starts. I can’t leave earlier than that,” Mark adds in hastily. 

“Yes, of course, honey,” She agrees. 

She lets him go after that, and Mark returns to the living room to sink into a seat at the couch. 

“Uh oh, what’s that expression on your face?” Mina notices immediately, pausing in watching an NCT Dream music video on her phone. “Who was that on the phone?”

“My mom,” Mark picks at a rogue thread on the couch pillows. “I’m going home for Christmas.”

“Delightful,” Mina comments. She’s not particularly fond of Mark’s parents, given the way they’ve acted with Mark recently and that they remind her somewhat of her own. 

“It’ll be okay Mark,” Serim pats him on the shoulder reassuringly meanwhile. “There’s plenty of time till then anyway. And this way you won’t have to feel bad about not going back during Feb because of our internships.”

“Speaking of, did the two of you figure out what you’re doing for yours?” Mina raises an eyebrow at them. “Didn’t you say the deadline for the list is next week?”

“Serim’s already submitted his,” Mark spares Serim a scrunched nose of despair. “I just need to add one more research location on my list, and I’ll hand it in on Monday.”

Mark had spent the last eight-nine days looking up all possible under-grad project locations for semiconductor research. It had been gruelling, researching until the early hours of the night and having migraines the next day in classes. (He’s still feeling phantom pains in his head from his ruined sleep schedule.) Eventually though, he’d been lucky enough to find many in Seoul - two within an half an hour to an hour from the university, one an hour away from his own home and then one just outside of an hour. He needed one more to complete the list - which he’d hunt for within today and tomorrow. 

“Well done guys,” Mina smiles genuinely at them. “I know you were having a hard time with it all.”

“Tell me about it,” Serim groans. 

Mina chuckles before holding up her phone. “Well, are we doing this or what?”

“What songs did you guys pick?” Mark tries to glance at the screen. 

“Uh, _Go, My First and Last,_ and _Boom,_ obviously,” Serim states. “Are you ready to get blown away? I’m so gonna win.”

Twenty minutes, four ties, and a mini fight that Mark has to intervene in later, Mina wins. Serim grumbles the entire time. 

Then Mina turns to him with a shit eating grin and twinkle in her eyes that he can’t trust at all, and Mark thinks he should have just asked Serim without all the fanfare.

Suddenly, he’s even more worried about the concert next week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... ig Mark's gonna get another chance to see Dream. I'm not even gonna talk about Hyuck, he needs to make his move clearly, Mark's way too oblivious to notice. 
> 
> If you liked this chapter, please leave me a kudos and a comment, it keeps me happy!! <3
> 
> Come talk to me on my [Twitter!](https://twitter.com/CelestialMiche)
> 
> Love,  
> Miche xx


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hello, 
> 
> This chapter is a Grade A mess, pls forgive me. I have done my best, I wrote 5/6ths of this whole thing today, and I don't know if it makes any sense. Only have it has been edited, and I'll go back to do the rest tomorrow, so beware any changes that might appear later. I wanted to get this out because I have no time to do so later and I just really wanted to get it out there since it's been a while since the last upload and I'm kinda excited about this one. 
> 
> Anyway. This got rambly. Also, I know I haven't replied to the comments on the prev chap. I'm sorry, I was super busy with classes. I'll get to them tomorrow, after I wake up. <3
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Miche!

“What exactly did I do in my life to deserve this?” Mark questions, facing a minor existential crisis in the middle of a concert hall. 

Although not the first row, the two of them are sitting close enough to the stage that if they squinted, they would probably be able to see the sweat on the members’ faces. Back in Vancouver, he hadn’t been anywhere near the stage - but now, with the special tickets courtesy of Donghyuck himself, he’s going to get everything in HD view without even having to look up at the screen. 

He knows it’s also a matter of convenience that the seats are closer to the stage, since Donghyuck mentioned they would send someone to bring them backstage at the end of the concert. 

He hears Mina snort next to him, “You got an idol to fall in love with you - ”

“Mina!” Mark sharply nudges her in the side, scandalized, because if anyone heard the words leaving her mouth, it would be the end of his life. Not that anyone would, since the concert hall is noisy enough to cover the sound of an earthquake. “Also not true!”

“Whatever you say,” She mocks annoyingly, voice low so that only he can hear. “But we both know there’s something fishy going on.”

“Shut the fuck up,” He whines. But he can’t deny that she has a point. Since he video-called Donghyuck that day, the boy has been sending increasingly flirty messages before he backpedals right into safer territory again, teasing to the point where Mark wants to reach through the screen during their suddenly frequent video calls to choke him and demand what he’s up to. 

“When will you open your eyes and see that he likes you?” She shakes her head, a smile of amusement pulls across her face. 

“When he tells me,” Mark presses his lips into a thin line, unimpressed. “Until then, he can keep his flirting in the corner of the classroom and stop acting like a three year old in the playground. If his teasing intends to tell me that he likes me, his flirting techniques need to improve because it’s not working.”

“Yes it is, you just don’t wanna admit it,” She singsongs, and he just pushes her away with a groan. “I don’t know why you’re in denial about liking him either. You’re whipped, Mark Lee. Everyone on planet Earth can see it. If there was a song to represent you, it would be that song from Hercules. It’s totally your theme song! What was it? _I won’t say I’m in love - ?”_

“Mina, you literally are the _most_ annoying person on this planet,” Mark grabs her by the shoulders, shaking her back and forth. “Why did I bring you with me?”

“Obviously because you love me too,” She smiles all adorable, her true weapon against him. 

“I don’t,” He huffs, letting her go. “And I don’t love him either, what the fuck, this is slander!”

He does _not_ love Donghyuck. At most, his attraction has bloomed into a small, tiny, can-be-looked-at-with-a-microscope kind of crush on the boy - one that _will_ pass, if he has anything to say about it, because Donghyuck doesn’t like him and friendships will _not_ be ruined in this household - and nothing more. Mina’s insane. 

“We’ll see,” Mina says wickedly, altogether too suspicious for Mark’s tastes. He’s about to ask what that means when Dear Dream suddenly plays across the venue, signaling that the show will start soon. The crowd was screaming around him, singing along as neon green - sorry, neo pearl champagne, was it? - blinded him.

Resigned, he just sends her a side-eyed glance and grumbles, “Just wave that damn lightstick.”

* * *

It’s breathtaking, watching them from so close. _Go_ is the first song to be performed, one of his favorites, and he sings along with them as they dance across the stage. Their stylists have gone above and beyond in dressing them, makeup perfect, and it’s all a little overwhelming. Not for the first time, he thinks he’s incredibly lucky to be here. 

Mark tries to be fair in watching all of them as he also tries to shoot videos, but his eyes keep travelling back to Donghyuck and keeps making the boy the centre of his video screen. He’s going to end up with a Haechan fancam at this rate. 

Truly, Mark didn’t get to appreciate Donghyuck enough at the previous concert. Back then, barely recognizing the songs and hardly knowing the faces of the members, he couldn’t enjoy everything to the max. But now, months later? 

It’s a _completely_ different experience. 

They were all born to be on stage, don’t get him wrong. He’s speechless watching all of them - but Mark doesn’t think he’s ever seen anyone who embodies it as much as Donghyuck does. The warm spotlight envelopes Donghyuck in a halo, skin glistening with a faint sheen of sweat and voice imprinting goosebumps along Mark’s. He sees the subtle shifts in Donghyuck’s expressions, from a smirk to a half-lidded smolder to a cheesy wink. Then he’ll do something completely disorienting, like hip thrust in the middle of a song (he glares accusatory at the _Drippin’_ and _119_ performances). He’s charismatic, more than he has any right to be, and it constantly feels like a blow to the stomach, leaving Mark breathless as he watches him. His fingers itch a little to write a poem about golden light and dulcet tones, and he can’t look away. 

By now, Mark has gotten familiar with Donghyuck, familiar with the teasing smiles, the sweater paws, the carefully masked exhausted sighs at three in the morning, the quiet complaints of an aching ankle. 

The one up there on stage though?

That's Haechan, a part of the whole that makes up Donghyuck. One that Mark doesn’t know, not personally. It’s a part of him that he displays to the world, far too bright to be contained and hidden away behind locked doors. There’s practice in this persona, tempered grace from grueling after hours, a product of unbridled passion and pride, all of it mounting to get Donghyuck where he wants to be today: on that very stage. 

It’s when Mark sees Haechan that he feels like the other boy is unreachable, like he could never measure up, like he can’t and shouldn’t dare to hope that maybe Donghyuck could feel something akin to what he does. He can’t see a reason for why Donghyuck would ever want to, when he has the world at his feet. 

He’s always thought that Copernicus’ heliocentric model made more sense over the geocentric one. The Sun was far too glorious, too powerful, too giving to waste time revolving around something as insignificantly small as the Earth. It just wasn’t the natural order of things. He feels a lot like that, when he thinks of Haechan - wanting to be close, but knowing all too well that he would never be able to. 

But then he thinks of Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck, who saved his life on the beach. Donghyuck, who chose to give him his number against all the odds and expectations. Donghyuck, who calls him when Mark feels like he can’t breathe anymore, just to calm Mark down even though he doesn’t have to. And Donghyuck, who goes out of his way to make time for Mark, despite being worked down to the bone. 

So maybe he’ll never have Haechan, maybe he’ll always be unreachable...but he has Donghyuck, and that feels like gaining the universe instead. 

Perhaps there is some merit to Mina’s words then, that Donghyuck likes him. It’s difficult to believe, too good to be true… and maybe that’s why he’s gone out of his way to blind himself from a possible truth. 

Is Donghyuck’s affection something he truly wants, though? When he thinks of the possibility, unrestricted by any kind of concerns he may have, he confesses that it feels like warm honey settling in his chest, makes him happier than any right he has to be - which naturally brings up the question of why it all matters so much to him in the first place.

So much of his time and energy has been invested into thinking about the way Donghyuck’s little self-satisfied chuckles echo in his head, his pouty whines in his own brand of aegyo when he wants to convince Mark of something, the relentless strength in his voice when he tells Mark that he’ll get through another difficult schedule even if it’ll break him. It’s in the way Mark reaches immediately for his phone when there’s a new notification in hope that it’s Donghyuck, answers his calls at the first ring without hesitation because he _wants_ to talk to him and looks forward to it. 

And that’s all in his _unintentional_ actions. 

He hates to admit it, but he knows Serim, Mina, Kevin… they all have a point when they say he sounds absolutely gone for the boy when he talks about Donghyuck. It’s because they’re right.

He can’t deny it anymore. 

_‘It’s time you acknowledged you feel something more than just friends for him, Mark Lee,’_ He thinks wryly, as Donghyuck sings to _Candle Light,_ looking like a dream _. ‘Enough with the denial. You like him and you know it.’_

He does. He does like him, more than he’s ever liked someone before (a total of two other people, but that’s hardly the point), so much that it’s a little terrifying. 

He’s been hesitating this entire time out of fear, denying it in a selfish attempt to protect his own heart from unrequited feelings, to prevent himself from ruining a friendship that should have had clear boundaries from the start. 

And Mark has never been able to read love stories that have no happy ending without crying. He’ll read gore and murder, he’ll read stories of valiant action and broken promises, but he can’t read ones that guarantee devastation at the end, leaving him with an empty cavity where his heart should have been and not enough tears to shed to fill it. He’s terrified that he and Donghyuck might have that kind of ending. 

Of course he’s not naïve enough to think that he and Donghyuck will be together forever when everything is so uncertain… but at the same time, if there is hope, _returned_ affection, maybe Mark is willing to take the dive for him and try. 

Because Donghyuck would be worth it.

A flash resounds from the side, blinding Mark. When he blinks the light spots of his vision, he makes a disgruntled face at Mina, “What was that for?”

“Evidence of how much love you look at Haechan with,” She deadpans, tilting the phone screen his way. He’s embarrassed when he realises she’s right, eyes painfully obvious with the way they’re curved in endearment. “Now do you believe me?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m whipped, can you please let me watch the concert?” He begs, ignoring the way she comes to a standstill. 

She stares at him wide-eyed, shocked, “Did you just admit it? Did you just admit to it?!”

“Yes,” He determinedly looks away from her, focusing on the stage. “Okay, so maybe I do like him. So what?”

“Huh,” She lets out an amazed chuckle, humming in contemplation. “If I knew all I had to do was take a picture to prove it, I would have done it ages ago.”

“Maybe,” He doesn’t bother telling her his admittance was a by-product of self realization, letting her think what she wants. “Keep up Mina, I expected so much better. What happened to being my number one wingwoman?”

“Oh, you want me to be your number one wingwoman?” She rubs her hands together evilly and Mark regrets talking. He’s always the one to get himself in these messes, especially around people he can’t trust like Mina. 

“Nevermind, forget I said anything - ”

“Just remember that you asked for it.”

He regrets his entire life. 

* * *

By the time the encore songs end _(La La Love_ and _Beautiful Time_ are gorgeous tracks and he always finds himself swaying softly to them), Mark is overwhelmed by how much he loves the group. Off the bat, Mark had grown fond of Dream - whilst he stanned the whole group, Dream was undoubtedly his favorite subunit - and it feels right that his first concert as an NCTzen is Dream’s. The setlist had been great, the performances seamless, and all of Donghyuck’s (and everyone else’s) hard work for the past two months had clearly paid off. 

Dream walks off the stage, waving one last time at the crowd in goodbye, and once they’re gone, the fans are all scrambling for the doors, loud chattering and satisfied cheers. Then, as the lights turn back on, he finds that a bodyguard is watching them at the top of a side staircase. Discreetly, he gestures for them to follow him and Mina grabs Mark by the wrist to tug him along to where the bodyguard is waiting, carefully avoiding too many eyes. The man then leads them down the side staircase and through a corridor closed off to the public. 

“I was expecting the bodyguard, but I was still surprised,” Mark rubs the back of his neck when they make it to the corridor and Mina levels him with a confused look. “Do you think people noticed us?”

“Not really,” She spares a look behind her, unbothered as they keep walking behind the bodyguard. The corridor they are in is fairly deserted, but the sound of people gets louder as they reach a set of double doors at the end of the corridor. “I mean, I guess someone might have seen, but most people were heading in the other direction, so probably not. And the lights weren’t that bright, to be honest.”

“I guess,” Mark sighs. “It still felt really risky.”

“Don’t worry about it, sir,” The bodyguard calls behind him, from where he’s holding the door open for the two of them. “The row you were in is usually reserved for special guests and crew, so even if people around you saw, they were probably just crew people.” 

“That’s a little relieving, I suppose,” Mark exchanges a shrug with Mina. 

Once they get through the door, it’s like stepping into another world. There are people rushing around, but arguably not as much as they would have been before the show started probably. This is more of the haste of wanting to pack up and roll out sort of rush, and Mark can understand. Racks of clothing are being pushed down the corridor, along with translucent boxes which Mark doesn’t get to look at closely. There’s a few crew members with headsets directly people here and there, and the bodyguard leads them to a woman with a clipboard in hand, pencil tucked behind her ear. 

“The V.I.P. guests,” The bodyguard gestures without greeting. Mark and Mina share a wide-eyed glance, taken aback at the term. 

The woman blinks, recognition flooding over her as she nods, “Ah, yes. Thank you.”

The bodyguard bows once in her direction and then theirs, disappearing round the corridor immediately. 

“It’s nice to meet you, I’m one of the heads of the crew. You have to be taken to meet the members, right?” She smiles welcomingly. “Please follow me. The boys are waiting.”

She takes them through the rush of people until they reach what seems to be a dressing room, labelled with ‘NCT Dream’ on a piece of paper. She pushes the door open, stepping through first and then holding it for them. 

The nerves choose that moment to attack him - he’s meeting NCT Dream again, for god’s sake - but Mina has no mercy. She pushes him forward and he almost stumbles into the room, if it weren’t for her grip on his shoulders. Then he actually spots the boys, half dressed-half changed, sitting on the couches, and sends a mental prayer upstairs.

Chenle is the first to spot him, in direct eye contact with the door. The boy’s hair is messy in a good way, sweat hastily wiped from his forehead, smile turning blinding when he spots Mark in the doorway. He gets to his feet in excitement, rushing forward and shaking Mark’s hand before Mark has any idea what’s going on. 

“Mark hyung!” He arrives with the force of a tiny hailstorm, welcoming like it’s normal and they do this every day. “You said I could call you Mark hyung at the fansign so I’m calling you hyung! How are you! It’s so great to see you again! I was so surprised to find out that you were the Canada that Haechan hyung mentioned but I had my suspicions at the fansign. I told Haechan hyung to introduce us again sooner but he wanted to keep you to himself - ”

“Okay, Chenle, let’s calm down first.” Jisung winces sheepishly, hands on the boy’s shoulders as he lightly pulls him away from Mark. The maknae turns to Mark with a wary, apologetic smile, “Sorry about him, he was more excited about this than Haechan hyung too, I think.”

“No, it’s totally okay, Jisung,” Mark waves away, taking it in good spirit. Chenle’s enthusiastic, which is mildly terrifying but also incredibly sweet. “Hi, Chenle, it’s nice to meet - see you both again?”

“You too, Mark hyung,” Jisung gives a tiny laugh, awkward as ever, but he’s so adorable Mark wants to squish his cheeks. 

Mina clears her throat, reminding Mark that yes, indeed, he has brought someone with him, and he gestures to her, “This is Mina, my best friend.”

“Lovely to meet you,” Jeno greets next, voice low, and _wow,_ he’s also very tall now that he’s standing next to Mark in a tank top. He has very nice biceps, Mark notes. Also, Jeno’s facial structure is _incredible -_

He’s getting _very_ sidetracked.

“Canada!” Donghyuck pushes through the group, Renjun and Jaemin at his side. Donghyuck has changed out of the Dream Show sweatshirts they had on at the end of the show, in favour of a white t-shirt and a loose blue flannel, the hint of a collarbone on display enough for Mark to have to look away. His hair is still somehow in it’s styled form, albeit sweaty. He’s so pretty, but also handsome and Mark just wants to sink into the ground a little bit. “You’re here!”

“Hi, Hyuck,” Mark greets softly, suddenly feeling bashful as the full force of Donghyuck’s gaze lands on him. It only then registers in his mind that they haven’t actually met face to face since September, having called and talked through a screen. This is a completely different case and he’s now that he’s actually accepted that he likes Donghyuck, the butterflies in his stomach refuse to settle, especially when Donghyuck’s gaze travels across his form in carefully masked interest. That small action cements itself in Mark’s brain, prints itself behind Mark’s eyelids, and adds itself to Mark’s subconscious ‘Times Donghyuck has made it seem like he likes me’ list. 

Unfortunately for Mark, however, having such a list doesn’t equate to having confidence to flirt. Instead, he looks around the group, losing the nerve to maintain eye contact with the boy, “You guys were great out there!”

“Haechan!” Mina is polite in a way that tells Mark she's immediately narrowing in for the kill. He can only pray she doesn’t wreck havoc. “Lovely to meet you, Mark’s told us so much about you.”

“Mina,” Mark hisses in complaint under his breath towards her, resisting the urge to pull her into a chokehold. He’s a good person, he just needs to remember that. Mina, on the other hand, is a snake.

Before Donghyuck can even reply, Renjun speaks up, “Oh, that’s great! We’ve heard so much about Mark too, Donghyuck can never stop talking - ”

Donghyuck scoffs, offended, and hits Renjun on the shoulder, “What are you talking about? You’re the one that keeps digging for information!”

“All good things, I hope,” Mark puts in softly, looking hesitant towards Renjun. Much to his surprise, Renjun gives a quiet sort of laugh, nodding quickly, “It’s only compliments from Donghyuck - ”

“Shut your mouth,” Donghyuck tells him, smiling gorgeously even as he pinches the boy in the side rather obviously. 

“Oh, don’t worry, Haechan,” Mina grins and it’s so sweet, Mark knows better than to trust it. He’s proven right when she adds, “Mark only gives compliments to you too. It’s always, ‘Donghyuck texted me - ’”

“Mina,” Mark clears his throat noisily, prompting everyone to look at him with all too knowing grins (save Donghyuck, whose cheeks are mildly and adorably pink), which is plain mortifying. “Why don’t you tell them what you liked about the show?”

Mina snorts at his terrible attempt at changing the topic. He mentally curses her; so much for being the wingwoman of the century. She just wants to embarrass him. 

Thankfully, she picks up from there, “I loved the _Walk You Home_ performance, it’s one of my favorite songs.” 

The group choruses out a thank you, giving Mark a second to glance at Renjun and Jaemin at Donghyuck’s side. Jaemin seems to be the only one who hasn’t changed out of the stage outfit yet, whilst Renjun, oddly enough, has no shoes on, pink polka-dotted socks covering his feet. 

“Thank you for coming to watch the show, Mark hyung,” Renjun says, after Jeno has somehow managed to pull Mina into a polite conversation with Jisung. Really, Jeno is a godsend, perhaps even an angel. Meanwhile, the other four surround Mark, who suddenly feels like he’s been caged in by predators. “You know, Haechan was very, very, excited - ”

Donghyuck not so subtly elbows him in the gut, presenting Mark with his trademark grin, eyes crescenting, “I’m glad you came, Mark.”

“I - ” Mark never gets to finish his thought, or his sentence that would have been along the lines of ‘I was excited too, don’t worry.’ or ‘Me too.’ because Jaemin leans closer into Mark’s space with a glittery smile.

“You’re even cuter than I remember, Mark hyung,” The boy’s lips curl further, a certain intensity in his unwavering gaze. Mark thinks it’s a little unfair how they all wield attractive faces and choose to give out compliments like it won’t result in the receiver being rushed to the nearest hospital. Mark’s cheeks betray him by flushing. “It’s unfair that Haechan has been hiding you from us. You should give the rest of us your number too, hyung.”

“Yes, hyung, you should,” Chenle adds in, grinning. 

“Jaemin-ah,” He hears Donghyuck call, pleasant with an undercurrent of a warning. Mark wonders for a brief moment whether Donghyuck is jealous, when clearly Jaemin is just messing with Mark to mess with him. “Stop making him uncomfortable.” 

Well. Mark isn’t uncomfortable, exactly. It’s just a compliment. And it seems Donghyuck isn’t jealous either, then. Just concerned.

“Has he told you blonde is a very pretty hair color on you?” He ignores Donghyuck like it’s no big deal, gaze fixed on Mark. Mark hears Chenle hum in agreement to his question. “It brings out the innocence in your eyes.”

“Oh, I - um,” Mark finds himself more flustered than he would like to be, all things considering. “Thank you, Jaemin.”

“It’s my pleasure, hyung,” He winks and this time, Donghyuck clears his throat, pointedly enough for Jaemin to roll his eyes and raise an eyebrow in his direction, “What? It’s a compliment, something I’m allowed to give. And he _is_ cute.” 

Donghyuck looks very akin to a grumpy chipmunk, cheeks rising in frustration, like he knows he can’t argue with Jaemin but wants to anyway. It’s kind of adorable. Maybe he _is_ jealous.

“And single...?” Jaemin adds in, looking back at Mark for confirmation. At that, Mark can’t help the way he feels put on the spot, eyes flashing towards Donghyuck for a second. Donghyuck just shakes his head at his bandmate but his eyes meet Mark’s for the briefest moment, unreadable. 

“Yes?” Mark answers carefully. 

Jaemin’s gaze sharpens towards Donghyuck again, still beaming, “See, then it’s no problem. No harm done. He doesn’t have a boyfriend, so I can compliment him, can’t I?”

“No, give him his privacy, I didn’t invite him here to be harassed,” Donghyuck says flatly, earning a cackle from Chenle. But Mark’s not focused on that, blinking in mild embarrassment as he recalls spilling unnecessary information at the fansign, “You remember...?” 

“Of course, I pay attention to all my fans,” Jaemin answers smoothly. “Especially the cute ones.”

“You’re so annoying,” Donghyuck is the one to roll his eyes now, straightening and turning back to Mark with a semi-apologetic smile.

Renjun laughs at Donghyuck’s obvious misery, taking Jaemin and then Chenle by the hand, “Come here, let’s give the two of them some space okay?”

“I’m sorry about him,” Donghyuck says immediately to Mark, wincing as soon as the three of them are out of earshot and talking to Mina. “He’s… well. That’s Jaemin for you. I hope you weren’t uncomfortable.”

“No, not at all,” Mark shakes his head, feeling a sudden spike of mischief when he sees Donghyuck give one final mini-glare in Jaemin’s direction. “Why should I be? I mean, a pretty boy complimented me. I’m pretty happy, actually.”

At that, Donghyuck drags his eyes back over to Mark, dark as a smirk climbs on his face, “And here I thought I gave you enough compliments, hyung.”

Mark’s breath stutters audibly, goosebumps travelling down his skin. He should’ve expected this from Donghyuck, given his tendency to fight fire with fire, but he didn’t and…cue all thoughts leaving Mark’s brain. God, is there anyway to interpret that as anything other than flirting? 

The boy clearly notices the way Mark literally malfunctions, the flush on his cheeks so damn obvious because of his skin tone, but thankfully Donghyuck doesn’t comment on it. 

“For what it’s worth,” Donghyuck tilts his head back to the group for a moment, casual as he fixes his collar. “He’s right. You look gorgeous with blonde hair.”

Flirting. This is definitely flirting. Right?

God, he hopes.

“Thank you,” Mark manages to say. Swallowing, he tacks on genuinely, “You were amazing up there tonight. I was speechless. You have a beautiful voice, Hyuck, I mean it. Thanks for giving me the tickets.”

“Don’t mention it Mark,” He waves away but he bites his bottom lip in an attempt to stop the happy little smile trying to climb onto his face. He fails, beaming instead, and Mark's heart stutters. “I’m just glad you came.”

“Of course I did, you wanted me to be here,” Mark states, maybe a little too honestly, but it’s worth it to see the twinkle it brings to Donghyuck’s eyes. “And I did want to meet the others too.”

“Right,” Donghyuck blinks, before grimacing, “Um, well, don’t take anything they say too seriously. They can be very overwhelming - ”

“Mark hyung, you talk to Haechan hyung all the time, come hang out with me,” Chenle appears out of nowhere, grabbing Mark by the arm and dragging him over to the couch. Donghyuck just lets out a grudging laugh as Mark leaves, sparing him a thumbs up. 

Chenle talks to him about his interests: particularly singing (which, Mark is still shocked at how he’s released music long before he was even part of Dream. Mark also remembers to take a moment to applaud his piano solo earlier in the concert, remembering how he had been entranced) and his passion for basketball. Mark tells him cheerfully how he had played on the school basketball team when he was in high school, how he actually played badminton too, and it prompts Chenle to suggest the two of them hanging out something to play basketball since he’s ‘tired of the other hyungs, and Jaehyun hyung is never free anyway’. Mark makes a vow to play and Chenle succeeds in getting his number. Within minutes, he has a new meme as a greeting in his messages, courtesy of the younger boy who saves himself as ‘Mark’s Real Bias’ in Mark’s phone. It’s enough to tell him that Donghyuck has complained about Chenle being the bias to the Dream members before too. 

Their ten minute conversation is enough to make Mark want to baby Chenle to the Moon and back. His tiny Korean syllables, as messy as Mark’s own, boom around them loudly and unabashed. He’s precious, something Mark had already known, but it’s nice to know that he’s like that in real life too. He’s unafraid to love, and love wholeheartedly at that, based on how easily he’s taken to Mark for whatever reason. Mark’s just glad Chenle likes him. 

Jisung joins them on the couch a few minutes later, and then the maknaes are spilling information about Donghyuck with matching mischievous smiles. Of course, Jisung is clearly more hesitant, largely trying to rein in the force that is Chenle until he eventually gives up and just joins the boy. The stories they tell him - like the one about Donghyuck’s kimchi-jjigae obsession, the fact that Donghyuck watches his own fancams on repeat, that he’s a lousy loser, he won’t hesitate to make Mark’s life hell if he upsets him but he’ll be the first to climb on the next flight to come find you if he’s worried and needs to be sure you’ll be safe - sound vaguely like things both marketing and defaming Donghyuck. He’s sure if the boy in question overheard them, they would get into some amount of trouble. Nevertheless, Mark is grateful to hear about Donghyuck from his friends, from people he considers family. 

Eventually, the three of them join the rest of the group again. Mark is outraged when he realises Mina is narrating a story of his drunk shenanigans to Donghyuck (plus the other 00 liners) but before he can interrupt the story, Donghyuck just sends him a fond, knowing smile which is enough for him to shut up and endure the pain as the others coo at him. He can only imagine what other horrifying stories Mina has shared with them. He’s never going to take her anywhere again.

Jeno’s quick to offer up a drunk Donghyuck story, about how he challenged Johnny to a drinking competition and then got practically wasted because he’s the world’s biggest lightweight (which Mina argues Mark is), meanwhile Johnny could bathe in alcohol and still wake up without a hangover. Donghyuck sufficiently cringes at the memories that clearly flood his mind. 

Jeno and Renjun take a moment to pull him aside then, whilst everyone else is laughing. Mark feels the weight of Donghyuck’s stare on his back, watching over him carefully before Mina takes up his attention again. 

Frankly, he’s a little nervous to talk to these two one on one, Renjun more so than Jeno. They keep their faces blank until they’re far enough from the rest of the group, but then simultaneously, they break out into tiny giggles. 

“Don’t look so worried, hyung,” Renjun chuckles. “We won’t eat you.”

“Right,” He says. _‘Tell that to the sweat dripping down my back.’_

“And I’m sure Haechan already said this earlier,” Renjun adds on. “But sorry about Nana. He jumps at the chance to meddle, and none of us can miss an opportunity to mess with Haechan if it presents itself.”

“It’s fine,” Mark repeats with a small laugh. “I understand.”

“You like him, don’t you?” Jeno peers at him, straightforward. 

“What…” Mark drags out like an idiot, feigning confusion and failing. “No…”

“Don’t worry, we won’t tell,” Renjun snickers. “You’re very obvious, hyung.”

“Great,” Mark droops. “Does he know?”

“Haechan is very perceptive,” Jeno starts, apologetic, but then consoles quickly, “But he’s bad at...uh, well, he takes longer to recognize when someone likes him back. So maybe… he doesn’t know?”

Mark applauds Jeno’s effort to make him feel better. 

“But you’re super transparent, hyung, so he probably already knows,” Renjun shrugs, confirming Mark’s thoughts. He wilts further. “Like glass.”

“Then why doesn’t he say anything?” Mark sighs. ‘If he’s gonna reject me, could he please do it a.s.a.p.?”

The two boys across him exchange amused glances, “Sorry, sworn to a blood pact and all that.”

“Lovely,” Mark deadpans. “That’s not reassuring at all.”

“Mark hyung,” Renjun pats him on the shoulder once. “Even friendship is tough and a little complicated for him with us being idols. I’m sure it’ll all work out though.”

“Have faith!” Jeno nods wisely.

“You know, I thought you would be scarier,” Mark says contemplatively to Renjun, earning an eye-smile from Jeno. “Since you’re his best friend and all that?”

“Oh, I can be scary,” Renjun grins sharply, very similar to back at the fansign, which only serves to send a shiver down Mark’s spine. “It’s just that I’ve heard a lot from Donghyuck and I’ve met you too. Add Mina’s stories to that and I’m convinced there’s nothing mildly suspicious or dangerous about you. Threatening you would be like threatening an overgrown baby lion. You’re a good person, and in good people we trust.”

 _‘Huh,’_ Mark thinks a little ridiculously. He finds himself mildly disappointed he’s not getting the third degree from the younger boy. 

“If anything,” Jeno inserts with a snort. He’s eyeing where Mina has her gaze narrowed at Donghyuck. “Haechan will be getting the interrogation. He’s the one none of us trust.”

“Oh god,” Mark cringes. “I should probably go stop Mina before she grills him unnecessarily.”

Even then, he feels a rush of affection for his best friend. Despite all her teasing, all her bullying, he knows she has his best interests at heart. He knows that a part of her had been so insistent on being the one to come because she wanted to see if Donghyuck really was worth Mark’s affections, or even to be his friend (not that he actually needs her permission, but she likes to take care of him and Serim. It’s a part of her mother bear tendencies). Now that they’re here, sure she’s been her chaotic self and revealed almost all of Mark’s embarrassing stories from the past two years they’ve been friends, but he knows she’s done her best to give the boys an honest idea of what Mark’s like. He doesn’t know what he would do without her. She deserves the title of the best wingwoman ever. 

“Please,” Renjun’s grin turns a little more shark-like. “Let him suffer.”

It’s ten minutes later that the group’s manager arrives to tell them that it’s time to leave, since the boys have to get back to their respective dorms. The ones who are half-dressed rapidly finish changing, while Mark and Mina talk to the members that are ready and take a bunch of pictures. Soon after, the maknaes pile out of the door first, Chenle going as far as to give Mark a quick and unexpected hug. Jisung gives them both a bow and wave before he’s dragged out the door by his best friend. 

Jeno sends him a reassuring smile once he says goodbye to Mina, with Renjun saluting casually them as he follows Jeno out the door, glancing back briefly at Donghyuck with a pointedly raised eyebrow. Jaemin is the next to go, sending Mark one last wink and a sweet, ‘It was lovely to meet you, noona.’ to Mina. 

Then Donghyuck is the only one left in the room, tucking his phone into his jeans. Mina says goodbye first, turning to Mark, “I’ll wait for you in the corridor, yeah? I’ll go find someone to lead us out of here.”

Mark hums in agreement, facing Donghyuck again. He’s already looking at Mark, nose scrunched in an emotion Mark doesn’t understand, “Canada.”

“What?” Mark questions, confused.

“Nothing,” He sighs, eyes darting away in disappointment. “I just don’t know when we’re gonna meet again.”

“Ah, schedules for the rest of the month, huh?” Mark understands, sympathetic.

“Yeah,” He bites his lip. He looks unsure and conflicted about something, eyebrows furrowed, before his jaw sets in determination. He raises his arms wordlessly, clearly asking for a hug. 

Mark blinks, a little surprised but that feeling mostly settles into a warmth in his chest, threatening to swallow him. He’s the type of person who’s reserved in his touches, doles it out depending on his mood, but he steps into Donghyuck’s arms before he can even think about it.

The younger boy’s arms settle around his waist immediately as Mark comes closer, breath warm and tingly against Mark’s neck where he leans his head. Mark wraps his arms around Donghyuck’s shoulders, smelling the strong scent of a clean deodorant, some sweat and something so entirely Donghyuck, that it makes his toes curl. He’s cozy, achingly so, and Mark can feel the way Donghyuck snuggles into the embrace, like he’s trying to build a home. Mark himself never wants to leave, feeling more comfortable than he has ever felt hugging someone. 

“You okay?” Mark mumbles quietly. 

Donghyuck nods against his shoulder, “Yeah. Just... tired.”

“You’re gonna be okay,” Mark rubs his back gently, and feels Donghyuck shudder softly. “You did well, Hyuck.”

“Yeah?” The boy whispers, pulling back slightly enough to look Mark in the eyes. Mark’s breath catches in his throat, lips drying, and Donghyuck’s eyes dart downwards once. “You think so?” 

God, he’s so pretty. So incredibly pretty, it’s paralyzing. Mark’s brain feels numb, even as his grip on Donghyuck’s shoulders tightens the barest hint. Mark just nods, entranced by the intensity of Donghyuck’s eyes. He sees Donghyuck swallow and open his mouth to say something, just as Mark’s heart frenzies in his chest. 

A tap on the door startles both of them, springing apart when the manager’s voice drifts in, “Haechan? Are you coming? The van leaves soon.” 

Mark and Donghyuck stare at each other for a solid second, surprised and cheeks equally scarlet as they clear their throats. It’s not like they were caught doing anything, they were just hugging. But the air feels electric between them anyway, words unsaid hanging between them. Mark can't help but wonder. A few more moments, and... would something have happened?

“Haechan?” Another call.

“Yeah, but there in a second!” Donghyuck answers finally, pitched. There’s no response, but it hardly matters. 

“Mark,” Donghyuck’s eyes dart to the door, like he’s worried it’ll open suddenly. “You - you know I have to go.”

“Uh, yeah,” Mark runs a hand through his hair, flustered. He doesn’t know what’s going on anymore, whether what just happened was supposed to mean something. Did anything happen? If nothing happened, does it mean anything? He’s only confusing himself now. “Shit, okay, uh, go ahead.”

“Yeah?” Donghyuck’s eyes search his face, but Mark nods again, and then blinks in remembrance, “Wait, Hyuck, your sweatshirt! I have it right now, take it with you - ”

“Keep it, I’ll come get it later,” Donghyuck cuts in, the quickest smile crossing his face before he steps forward, pressing a fleeting kiss against Mark’s forehead. Mark barely gets time to register it, skin burning where Donghyuck’s lips had pressed against it. “Bye, hyung. Ask one of the crew members to show you the way out of the hall, okay?”

And then he’s gone, slipping out the door like he’d never been in the room at all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANYWAY THAT HAPPENED!!!!! SDDSFDFSDFDFDSF I don't have much to say now hehehehehe 
> 
> Please leave a kudos and comment if you liked it, it keeps me motivated. 
> 
> [Twitter!](https://twitter.com/CelestialMiche)
> 
> Until next time!  
> Miche~


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!!
> 
> As promised, here it is! Chapter 13 right in time for Valentine's Day hehe
> 
> Happy Valentine's Day and Jaehyun Day, guys~!
> 
> Now without further ado!
> 
> Love,  
> Miche xx

That night, hours after the concert, Mark finds himself inexplicably jittery. He tosses and turns as he lies on his bed, restless as the moment from earlier plays on the back of his eyelids every time he shuts his eyes. 

Donghyuck had been right there, warm and real and tangible in his hands, close enough to feel the steady drumming of his pulse along his necklines and to count the infinite shades of brown in his eyes. Even now, Mark finds himself breathless by the urge that had risen under his skin to pull him even closer, drown in his scent, press his chapped lips against pretty pink ones. The worst part is that he still wants to. 

God, and Donghyuck had looked at his lips earlier too. Mark may be an idiot, but even he can’t deny seeing that earlier. Whether or not the boy meant any of his flirting before or not, in that moment, Mark is sure Donghyuck had been thinking of kissing him too. 

He feels overwhelmed - within the span of four hours, he’d come to accept his own feelings, had Donghyuck potentially give him a reason to genuinely believe that said feelings are reciprocated, hug the boy, then nearly (maybe) _kiss_ said boy, and then also receive a forehead kiss from him. 

He lets out a minor screech into his pillow. 

He can’t let himself get carried away. Donghyuck hasn’t said anything to him about it yet. There’s a ridiculous amount of uncertainty now, even though nothing happened (but at the same time, so much has happened), and Mark is sure Donghyuck might be feeling the same way. 

Since he’s gotten home Mark has opened their chat about eighteen times, only to exit within seconds because he has no clue what he wants to say. ‘Hey, so about earlier…’ sounds like the worst opener ever, not to mention, it hardly ever goes well. In all the reading experience he’s had, it’s almost always followed up by a devastating ‘We nearly made a mistake’ and Mark’s not sure his heart could take that.

Mark jumps out of his skin when his phone rings, the screen showing an incoming call from Donghyuck himself, as though Mark’s thoughts finally managed to summon him. 

Mark swallows, hesitantly reaching for the phone and answers, “Hyuck?”

“Mark, hi,” Donghyuck starts hesitantly, quieter than maybe Mark’s ever heard him before. It makes Mark’s heart thunder nervously. “...Did you get home okay?”

“Huh - yeah,” Mark clears his throat. Normal conversation. Mark can handle that. “Uh, yeah, a while ago. What about you?”

“Yeah, yeah,” He answers, sounding a bit distracted and then stops talking altogether. For a few moments, all Mark can hear is him breathing over the phone softly. It makes Mark wonder if he’s just as nervous as Mark feels right now.

“Donghyuck-ah,” Mark scrambles to sit up, leaning back against the headboard and covers pulled to his chin. Donghyuck has taken the first step by calling, the least Mark can do is ease his worries. “Everything’s okay, you know that right?”

“...Yeah,” There’s a shaky exhale and Mark chews his bottom lip. “I just - ”

“You just?” Mark prompts, anticipating and hopeful. 

“I want to do this in person, hyung,” Donghyuck admits, even quieter than before. It’s like he’s spilling a secret and placing it in Mark’s hands to protect. “I don’t want to - not over the phone, not over video-call or anything like that, you know? You deserve better than that.”

Mark’s chest tightens in fondness. God, he likes this boy _so_ much, he can’t believe he wasted so much time trying to deny it. When had he fallen for him this hard? 

But he suddenly understands why Donghyuck might be so nervous. He knows that Donghyuck has no time to meet, not for a while. He’s scared that Mark might say it’s not worth the wait. 

He’s silly for thinking that though. Donghyuck will always be worth it, no matter how long the wait.

It’s the easiest decision Mark’s ever made when he says, a small smile pulling on his lips as he plays with the edge of his bed covers, “Okay.” 

“Okay?” Donghyuck echoes, surprised. Mark can picture the look on his face: the slightly tilted head, the furrowed eyebrows, a tiny ‘o’ for a mouth. 

Mark hums softly in confirmation.

“Mark,” Donghyuck presses insistently, more firm now like he’s trying to make Mark realise just what he’s trying to agree to. “I can’t for a while though. Much longer than you’re probably thinking.”

“Are you going to give me good news?” Mark can’t hold back his grin anymore, just a hint teasing even though he knows Donghyuck is probably stressed on the other end of the phone. Donghyuck needs to know that Mark truly doesn’t mind, that he understands, and he’ll always be here when the time comes. He needs to relax, because even though Donghyuck hasn’t said the words, he might as well have and that’s enough to already make Mark so incredibly happy. 

“If you will,” He retorts immediately, a bright laugh escaping him. It makes Mark want to hold his hand and fly. 

“Then I’m willing to wait to have this conversation in person,” Mark affirms, warmth encasing him like another one of Donghyuck’s hugs. “It’ll be worth it.”

The ‘you’re worth it’ goes unsaid, but it weighs punctuated in the silence between them before Donghyuck gives another heart-stopping chuckle, “Okay, hyung. In person it is then.”

* * *

After that conversation, there’s a very strange energy lingering in any conversation that happens between them. Primarily, Donghyuck isn’t free enough to have conversations regularly with, much less calls, since he’s awake at the most absurd hours of the day to practice for all the lined up concerts with both subunits. Despite all that, he ensures to send Mark _regularly_ scheduled good morning and good nights texts with hearts, something he didn’t do before, and it leaves a fluttery feeling in his stomach. 

Mark finds his attention wandering to what Donghyuck might be doing, if he’s had lunch and dinner, if he’s getting enough sleep in the middle of class, itching to leave him longer messages but a little afraid to overwhelm him or bother him. He limits himself to texting ‘have a good day and eat all your meals and get enough sleep or I’m going to get mad :(((’ messages and hopes it’s enough, because otherwise he’ll get carried away.

This atmosphere however has put Mark in a particular good writing mood. He finds himself channeling all his emotions into his story, dialing up the romance by a few notches as the feather boa lady (who’s actually a prop design specialist working on a movie set) meets newspaper man (a retired race car driver) begin interacting more. It’s so easy to write a budding crush and shy glances when he knows what it feels like. 

Meanwhile, Mark also frequently ends up chatting with Chenle, who actually texts less and communicates through memes. Mark’s not sure where he gets the time, but given that his memes even arrive at four in the morning, he’s sure that Chenle has a lot of willpower. Mark thinks he’s _this_ close to adopting the boy. He makes sure to send Chenle a birthday wish when it arrives on the twenty-second. 

As November comes closer to an end, Mark’s parents demand for a date to buy him a plane ticket. The twentieth of December is his last official working day and his parents pressure him into taking the flight out on the next day, a Saturday, so that they’ll be able to come pick him up on Sunday at the airport. It gives him barely any time to spend with his friends, much less Donghyuck, but he knows Serim will also leave on Saturday, and Mina will probably return home before Christmas too, so he caves and lets them book the tickets.

On the last day of November, Serim knocks on his bedroom door once and pops his head without waiting for Mark to respond, “I’m going Christmas shopping and I still need to get Mina’s birthday present...”

Mark, who’s in the middle of trying to recall Schrodinger’s time independent equation, blinks out of his dazed headspace at the interruption, “What?”

“Christmas shopping,” Serim repeats. “You haven’t gone yet, right? Wanna tag along? You could get it done too.”

“Anything to get away from this,” Mark scrambles up, grabbing his coat from his closet.

The days are getting progressively shorter, the sun setting before Mark has dipped his feet into warm water after a day of classes and it takes it’s time rising from slumber, painting the sky in faded gold long after he’s already stepped out of the house in the mornings with Serim. The chill is slowly seeping in too, Mark’s trader zip-up jackets for thick sweatshirts and coats. 

Even now, at two in the afternoon, the sky is clouded and grey, walking the borderline of autumn and winter. Fall might be his favorite season and winter may be the most beautiful one, but this time of year, a capsule of time that belongs neither here nor there, always feels effervescent to Mark, like a moment he wants to capture but can never figure out the right way to describe, slipping through the gaps of his fingers before he can really hold it. 

He’s had many people tell him he reminds them of winter, red cheeked and wrapped in soft layers, and he’s had even more people tell him he’s the summer child he was born, giggly and starry-eyed. But Mark thinks he’s most this: a mercurial moment in between fall and winter, trying to find where he lies, a little complicated, and reinvention. 

“You okay?” Serim throws an arm over his shoulders, bumping heads gently. “You got really quiet there for a few minutes.”

“Ah, it’s nothing,” Mark waves away sheepishly. “Just got lost in thought.”

“Penny for your thoughts?” Serim tilts his head, no judgement in his expression. 

“Just taking in the city really,” Mark sighs, taking another glance outside. “I’ll be going home for the first time in almost seven months. There’s only twenty days left...it’ll be winter by then.”

 _‘And I’ll have to be redefined again,’_ He thinks. _‘Pretend to be someone I’m not.’_

“Do you have a return date fixed?” Serim asks sympathetically. 

“Fifth,” Mark nods. “Well, but I’ll land back in Korea on the sixth.”

“That’s a pretty long time then, a little over two weeks, huh?” Serim sighs. “Is your brother going to be there?”

“He always is,” Mark shrugs. 

The bus arrives at their stop, and they get down quickly, heading into the mall. Serim leads him to a beauty store first, claiming to have in mind exactly what Mina would like for her birthday on the fourth. Mark had been lucky enough to find Mina’s birthday present a few days ago: a Harry Potter cloak (Slytherin, specifically) on Amazon, and hadn’t even thought about it twice before buying it. Out of the three of them, she was obsessed with the series the most - hence the costumes last year - so it only made sense. 

Just as he’s about to walk in after Serim, his phone vibrates in his pocket. It’s a rare, daytime call from Donghyuck and he gestures for Serim to head inside without him. 

He walks to the stand at the railing, leaning against it as he answers, “Hyuck-ah, hey.”

“Canada,” Donghyuck drags out, sounding excited. It’s been about two days since they’ve spoken or texted, and it’s just a relief to hear his voice. “What are you up to?”

“Christmas shopping,” Mark reveals with a chuckle. “And Mina’s birthday shopping. It’s in four days.”

“Oh? Tell her I said happy birthday then,” Donghyuck hums. “Are you buying me a present?”

“Should I?” Mark teases. “I thought we weren’t close enough to buy each other presents. We just give each other things.”

“Of course we have to exchange presents, Mark Lee,” He complains. “And what do you mean we just give each other things?”

“Do you intend on ever taking your sweatshirt back, Hyuck? I’ve had it for almost a year now,” Mark asks knowingly. He’s half sure the boy’s been ditching it on purpose at this point. 

“Of course I do,” He emphasizes in an attempt to be mocking. “It’s my favourite sweatshirt.”

“Seems like you’ve abandoned it, though?” 

“I haven’t, don’t you dare steal it!”

“I’m not your closet Hyuck, if you’re going to leave your stuff at my place, start paying rent,” Mark snorts. 

“Careful hyung,” He can practically hear Donghyuck’s smirk. “Don’t tempt me into moving in with you.”

That sobers Mark up pretty quick, cheeks reddening even as an incredulous laugh escapes him, “You’re an idiot, Donghyuck.”

“I’m the idiot?” The other gasps, mock offended. “You’re the one who suggested we shouldn’t exchange Christmas presents! It’s our first Christmas together and we’re - ” 

Mark perks in interest, a little challenging, “Yeah? What are we?”

“We’re going to celebrate it properly,” He completes, all too proud of himself, and then scolds, “Don’t try to have a conversation we’re going to have later, Canada.”

 _‘What a cutie,’_ Mark thinks, unashamed of his own whippedness. _‘Also, that reminds me…’_

“Ah, Donghyuck, I’ve been meaning to tell you,” Mark sighs. “We won’t be able to celebrate together. I mean, we can exchange presents before but...well, my parents booked my flight tickets yesterday morning.” 

“Oh,” All of the excitement drains out of his voice and Mark feels terrible immediately, even though it’s not really his fault. Donghyuck has known that he was supposed to go home during this break. “What date?”

“My flight’s at nine P.M. on the twenty first,” Mark winces. “Sorry, I know, we wanted to meet up but you’re not free and my parents - ”

“You don’t have to apologize, Mark, I understand,” Donghyuck interrupts, clicking his tongue quietly. Then he hums in consideration, “I’ll come visit you on the twentieth then. After practice, I’ll shower and come over. We can maybe have dinner?”

“I - uh, yeah,” Mark’s taken aback, but he agrees instantly. It’s not like he has any plans for the day either. “Are you sure you’re free?”

“Well, no,” Donghyuck admits sheepishly. “You know we’re working on our End-of Year performances, so I can’t guarantee, but I should be able to. Hopefully.”

“Let me know then,” Mark tells him warmly, feeling miles better instantly. 

“I’ll bring your Christmas present,” Donghyuck says, and Mark can picture his grin. “So you better have mine ready too, Mark!”

“Do you even have time to go shopping, Hyuck?” Mark laughs. 

“Online shopping is a thing, you know,” He sasses back. “Our century gap is showing, _hyung.”_

Mark scoffs, “The fuck do you mean by century, I’m literally just a year older - ”

“A whole _century_ \- ”

“You’re such a brat,” Mark whines. Donghyuck’s laugh booms into his ear, pulling a subconscious smile to Mark’s lips, hopelessly endeared by the other’s antics. “Seriously, you’re the worst.”

“ - I’ll make time to get you a present, okay, hyung? Trust me,” He says sweetly then, Mark’s heart swelling in his chest. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Mark taps a finger along the metal railing, hardly paying attention to the people walking on the ground floor. Shyly, he adds, “Yeah, I know you will. I’ll get you one too.”

“Good,” He sounds satisfied by Mark’s response. “I have to go now, Mark.”

“Do you?” Mark pouts, not wanting to end the call so soon. 

“Unfortunately,” The boy’s voice confirms. “I’ll try and call again soon. Find me a nice present, okay?”

“I’ll do my best, Hyuck.”

“I know,” Donghyuck breathes out, and even Mark can hear the fondness slipping into his tone. “Bye Mark.”

The call ends. Mark takes a momentum to himself, smiling to the point where he has to bite the insides of his cheeks. 

_‘Twenty days isn’t too far away,’_ Mark supposes, the tips of his fingers tingly. Twenty days until he might see Donghyuck.

He can’t wait.

* * *

Serim walks out of the store, a bag in hand by the time he’s done with the call. He holds it up proudly, “I got her that highlighter and eyeshadow palette she talked about when she was doing my makeup on Halloween. I know she hasn’t bought it yet, so…”

“Mina’ll really like it,” Mark agrees. Mina’s not big on makeup per say, but he’s all too familiar with the way her eyes gleam on seeing it in stores, tempted to buy it. She’s something of a _collector_ more than a regular user. She even has this box of over at least a fifty lipsticks - gloss, matte, nudes, red, everything and anything. Mark can’t even distinguish between some of them but she wants them all. Mark likes to think Mina’s secretly a dragon in disguise, she’s that much of a hoarder. 

“Now for her Christmas present,” Serim glances around the mall, like all the answers will come to him. Plenty of stores have started Christmas deals already, and shopping this soon means getting a better deal and more likelihood of actually finding what they want. “Do you know what you want to get her?”

“Actually, I was thinking of getting her tickets to see ‘Wicked’,” Mark reveals. “You know a few months back, she mentioned that she always wanted to see it but the last time it was performed in Korea was like, in 2016. But a few days ago, on Instagram, I saw that a popular theatre company in Seoul is performing the play in February after our exams end - so I’ll get a ticket for her and Sejeong when they start selling from the first of - oh, wait, that’s tomorrow -”

“Okay but Mark, that’s actually such a good idea,” Serim sends him an impressed look. “I can’t believe you even remember her mentioning something like that.”

“Yeah, well,” Mark shrugs, a hint embarrassed. “Plus I should actually be able to get her tickets, or else I’ll be doomed.”

“What about my present?” Serim leans forward, mischievous, and Mark pushes him away with a laugh, “Nice try! Like I’m actually gonna tell you that.”

Serim shrugs, before peering at him curiously, “Have you figured out what to get Haechan? That was him earlier, right?”

Mark groans aloud, “I don’t know what to get him. He can buy everything he wants, what would I give him that he can’t get on his own?”

“Why not make him something handmade?”

“Have you not seen my craft-skills?” Mark reminds him. The first year they met, Mark had attempted to make his best friends Christmas cards and they had not turned out well, a huge disaster after he got a little too dramatic with the glitter. “You know I’m gonna pick up the sparkles again and ruin everything.”

“Point taken,” Serim sweats. “And you can’t cook him something either - ”

“Because I’m also a disaster in the kitchen, yes, we know this,” He taps his foot. “Any other ideas?”

“None,” Serim bows his head, apologetic. He pats Mark on the shoulder, “But you know, I’m really happy for you, Mark. That things are finally working out between you guys. It was about time.”

“Thanks, Serim,” Mark eyes him for a moment carefully, “What are you getting Sihyeon? Actually, what did you get her when you first started dating?”

“Well,” Serim doesn’t really meet his eyes but then he rubs the back of his head, “I was actually thinking of getting a ring - ”

“A ring?!” Mark near yells in shock. “Serim, we’re just twenty - ”

“Not to get married, genius,” Serim interrupts frantically, face red. He bows apologetically to a few people walking around them that had jumped when Mark shouted. “It’s like, a promise ring?”

“You’ve been dating for a little over a year, Serim,” Mark calms down then. He doesn’t want to sound negative, but… “Are you sure about this?”

“It went really well at home, Mark,” Serim admits bashfully. “And she was just there, by my side the whole time. I - I don’t think I’ve ever been this relaxed and relieved when I’ve been there. She’s so good to me. And I’m not going to be asking for her hand in marriage anytime soon, but - I just want her to know that I’m serious about her. And I think she is too - we’ve been talking about plans after graduation too, you know? Vaguely cause there’s still a whole year, but yeah.”

“Look at you,” Mark quirks his lips, impressed. It’s a huge step that Serim’s taking, but… if there’s anyone who knows what he’s doing, it’s Serim. Mark is always going to wish for Serim’s infinite happiness. And in the rare event that things don’t work out, Mark and Mina will always be there to be his safety net. “If you think it’s the right move, then you should go for it, Serim. You know both Mina and I have your back, dude.”

“Thank you,” Serim smiles a small precious thing. 

“You should head over to the jewellery place then, I’ll go look for something for Donghyuck,” Mark pushes him lightly in the other direction. It’s an excuse, mostly because he still doesn’t know what to get Donghyuck, but at least now he’ll be able to pick something up for Serim whilst the boy is distracted. He’s sure Serim will take a chance to get Mark’s present too. “Give me a call when you’re done, we can meet up back here.”

“Okay, sure,” Serim nods eagerly and then rushes away. 

Mark walks over to the floorplan, eyeing over the various stores. He’s not sure what to get Serim yet. Kevin’s present had been secured days ago, when Mark had asked the Dream members to record a happy birthday message addressed to Kevin, along with a signed ‘We Boom’ album. They had only been too willing to comply, making an adorable three minute long video stored safely in Mark’s phone.

He also has to get his parents, his brother, and Sangmi noona their gifts, he remembers, and audibly exhales. What does he even get them?

He heads over to the home departmental store, hoping to find something that his parents would like there. Something traditional would be ideal, he thinks as he browses aimlessly through the aisles, but after walking through the entire store and coming out empty handed, he settles on buying his mother a jasmine-scented perfume that he likes and his father a silver watch since his old one hardly works anymore.

It’s when he’s passing by a children’s toy store that he spots the perfect gift for Serim. He quickly picks out the monopoly board off the shelf, grinning when he sees it’s a version with credit cards. About a year ago, Serim had mentioned in passing that he never got to play monopoly as a kid because his family never really had time to sit and play board games, and he never played the game with friends either because they all thought board games were boring. He had said that it was a shame, but he’d moved past it and never brought it up again.

Now, Mark thinks it’s a perfect opportunity. 

As he walks through the rest of the toy shop, he finds himself chuckling at the cars and coloring books he finds. There’s rows of Barbie dolls, as well as costumes ranging from pirates to princesses hanging along the walls. 

As he stops by the stuffed toys, admiring the squishy ones, he finds himself wishing he was a kid again. When he was much younger, maybe six, he used to own a tiny cheetah soft toy (it’s still in his bedroom in Vancouver), given to him by a seven-year old Kevin that said it reminded him of Mark. 

He spots another baby cheetah plushie at the end of the shelf, eyes big and sparkly, spots running along its face and it’s tiny body. It’s got the match blonde fur to Mark’s currently blonde hair, and he strokes the nose of the toy, tempted to buy it. It’s adorable. 

An idea strikes him. He wants to get Donghyuck a first Christmas present that’s both meaningful and not burdensome. Sure he could buy this if he wanted to, but… Mark could always give him this tiny cheetah so Donghyuck would always have Mark at his side spiritually. 

_‘Or is that too cheesy?’_ Mark pauses in his movements to put the cheetah in his cart. _‘You know what, fuck it. It’s cute. Who cares if it’s a little cheesy?’_

Donghyuck is probably going to laugh at him, but he’ll still like it, right? Especially since Mark’s going away for a few days.

He ambles over to the counter, quickly buying the two items. As he’s paying the bill, Serim texts him that he’s bought the ring and is waiting by the food court. Mark stashes his smaller bags into the larger toy store bag. 

“Did you get what you wanted?” Mark questions as joins him. They begin walking together to the bookstore. Serim casts a suspicious glance at the bag in Mark’s hand but doesn’t ask any questions. 

“Yeah,” Serim nods. “I’ll show you the ring when we get home. I hope she’ll like it.”

“She will,” Mark reassures him. “When are you going to give it to her?”

“Before I leave for home probably?” Serim shrugs. “I’m taking her on a date the day exams end. Maybe after that.”

“Fair enough,” Mark shrugs. 

They spend the rest of the afternoon buying the remaining presents. He gets an interesting book on some branch of medicine he doesn’t recognize for his brother, and then a novel on true crime and recent forensic developments for Sangmi because she’s a forensic scientist. Serim drags him practically through almost every store, hunting for presents for his own family members and Mina too. He buys his mother a new utensils set, his father a new diary to fill in (when Mark asks, Serim tells him that it’s not about writing in it, it’s about giving him the belief of more days, especially since he’s gotten better), and then Mina a pair of sneakers because she’s been using the same worn pair for over a year, suffered from shoe bites, and despite them telling her to change them, she has yet to out of laziness. Their final stop is to a departmental store to grab wrapping paper, and then they’re done. 

All in all, it’s a pretty successful day, and even if his pocket is significantly lighter, he actually feels good about it. 

* * *

“I know you’re bummed about coming home, Mark, but I’m pretty excited that you’re coming back,” Kevin tells him over the phone. 

Mark was in the middle of booking tickets for Mina’s Christmas present when Kevin had video-called. Now as he’s waiting for the billing options to load, he replies, “Dude, you’re the one thing I’m excited about coming back for. And Christmas. I’d rather spend it over there if I can spend it with people, you know. It’s better than being lonely.”

“I know that’s the real reason you even said yes to coming back,” Kevin rolls his eyes. He’s got an obnoxious strip of blue paint running across his left cheek and he doesn’t even know it. Mark hasn’t bothered telling him about it, instead he just took a screenshot of him looking silly. He’ll upload it to Instagram later.

“See if you knew it, then why would you try to hurt yourself like this?” Mark jokes. 

“You’re supposed to say you miss me, asshole,” Kevin laughs. 

“But I don’t though?” Mark chuckles, grinning when Kevin sends him a disbelieving look. 

“Of course you don’t,” Kevin snorts. “Why would you, we both know you would rather spend it with Haechan - ”

Mark shushes him, “Kev, please, don’t be overdramatic.”

“Am I wrong?” Kevin challenges him, paint brush pointed at the camera. “I can’t believe you guys aren’t official yet! Waiting is for losers, Mark Lee.”

“I think it’s sweet,” Mark corrects softly. “He wants to have the conversation in person, which is incredibly sweet of him.”

“Stuff it,” Kevin shakes his head in amusement. “At this rate you aren’t going to actually kiss until ten years down the line, despite you guys wanting to kiss each other so bad. Can’t you just say it and get together?”

Mark doesn’t want to admit he’s right, because they do want to kiss each other, probably, but there’s a time and place for everything and they’re both totally okay with the pace at the moment. 

“Can you let us be romantic without interfering?” Mark complains. “God, it’s like you have no romantic bone in your body.”

“Romantic?” Kevin raises an eyebrow skeptically. “Are you sure you both just aren’t into edging?”

“I hate you,” Mark says flatly. “I hate you so much. I hate you with the force of a thousand burning Suns.”

Kevin snickers, “You’re so fucking whipped, Mark Lee.”

“...Fuck off.”

“Whatever, dude, it’s cute,” Kevin pauses. “Well, kinda.”

Mark just sighs dramatically, “What did you actually call for Kev?”

“Just wanted to ask what you wanted to get up to when you get back,” Kevin goes back to focusing on his painting as he talks. “There’s this new basketball court that’s opened, you might wanna check it out. And there’s an ice rink too, maybe finally learn how to skate, you tragedy of a Canadian - ”

“Just cause I can’t ice skate doesn’t make me a tragedy,” Mark face-palms. 

“ - and they’ve added better seats in the VIP section at the movie theatres so regardless of which movies are playing, we should go there. We can nap if the movies are boring,” Kevin completes with a cheerful grin. 

“Whatever you want,” Mark agrees with a grin. “I won’t say no to being dragged around the city if it means getting out of the house and spending time with you.”

“That’s hoping your parents let you out of their sight since you’re only there for a few days,” Kevin sighs. “But I’ll do my best to convince them.”

“I’m sure you will,” Mark shakes his head. The bill receipt finally loads on his laptop screen, showing his confirmation for the tickets, and he mentally cheers in relief. That’s Mina’s present confirmed, which completes the list. 

“How’s it going with you otherwise?” Mark pushes away from his laptop, refocusing his attention to the older boy. “Anything I should know?”

“I’m the same old, went on a Tinder date and regretted it instantly after the guy sent me a dick pick,” Kevin shrugs like it’s no big deal. 

“I thought you were done with that app after that girl who turned up to your date wasted and then threw up all over you,” Mark makes a face. 

“It’s hard to flirt when you have to stare at canvas all day, Mark,” Kevin deadpans. “I got desperate and bored.”

“Then you should go out and drink with your friends,” Mark scolds. “You’re only interested in the conversation anyway. It’s not like you’re looking for anyone to spend the night.”

“True,” He puts his paintbrush in the nearby water cup, wiping his hands off on a cloth. “God, just get your ass here already. I miss you and your stupid face.”

“I miss you too,” Mark answers firmly. “And your stupid face.”

Kevin’s phone makes a noise, and the boy picks it up, bringing it way closer to his face than necessary and giving Mark a high definition view of his nose pimples. He lets out an irritated hiss at whatever he reads and then pulls his phone away again. 

“I have to go because my bitch professor has given us another assignment due soon,” Kevin purses his lips at the camera, looking ready to end someone’s life. Mark thinks he might just be grateful he’s not in Kevin’s course because being an art student sounds like life close to hell. Then he remembers his own course and thinks that he’s just as unlucky for different reasons. 

“Be careful and good luck with the assignment,” Mark says sympathetically.

Kevin only nods tiredly, “See you in a few weeks?”

Mark waves goodbye, “Yeah, I’ll see you in a few weeks!”

But there’s still plenty of time for that. First, Mark’s got to figure out how to wrap these Christmas presents - because if failing at gift wrapping was a sport, he would be the World Champion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyway, hope this chapter was good, it was basically just Mark and Donghyuck being cute for each other. Things will pick up again next chapter!
> 
> [Twitter!](https://twitter.com/CelestialMiche)
> 
> Until then!!  
> Miche xx


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi.
> 
> I know I said I wouldn't update anytime soon, but I couldn't quite hold back my bloodlust for writing, so here we are. 
> 
> I'm gonna warn you guys right now that this chapter is a mess. Most of this chapter was written with me feeling like shit about myself because of uni, exhausted, mentally drained and pretty much wanting to disappear into the void. I wrote this chapter purely as an escape from reality, almost over 4k out of the 6k overnight, so please accept it as is, flaws and all. I'll probably come back and fix any errors after my exams end in another two weeks or so. 
> 
> That being said, I hope you all still like it a lot. Writing is the only thing that has kept me somewhat sane these past few days, and I would trade my soul for it.
> 
> Lots of Love,  
> Miche xx

Mark can’t quite put his finger on it, but there’s definitely something strange going on with Mina. 

He had arrived at the Korean barbeque place with Serim almost twenty minutes ago, when Mina’s long party table had been empty. The birthday girl had been waiting for them at the centre of it in a pretty blue sweater dress, having requested the two of them to arrive early. 

Since then, they had sat down across from her and handed over her presents, much to her delight. In the midst of unwrapping her gifts (the cloak from Mark and the makeup from Serim), he had noted the way she had avoided the question of where Sejeong was, waving it away with a poor ‘Not sure, she’s on her way, I think.’ But the way she had casted a look at the door read more along the lines of ‘Not sure she’s even coming’ and Mark couldn’t help but be concerned. 

Of all days, why would Sejeong be missing today’s party?

After that people had started streaming in, all of her classmates piling through the door, some faces familiar from the party and some not. Sihyeon had appeared among them, settling into the seat next to Serim with a friendly smile towards Mark and birthday greetings addressed to Mina. 

Whilst Mina’s distracted by the others, Sihyeon is quick to occupy Mark and Serim in a conversation about her recent discovery about baby pandas. Mark, although friends with her, isn’t very close to Sihyeon - similar to how he is with Sejeong. It’s largely because they only really meet when there’s big events like this, or when she comes to hang out with Serim - and Serim’s not the type to bring her over too often out of consideration of Mark, even though Mark’s told him not to worry about stuff like that. 

Nevertheless, from the amount of times they have hung out, Mark’s long found out that she’s an extremely sweet girl. She’s perfect for the other boy, an enthusiastic environmentalist and Mark knows she wants to work in something like animal-related reporting (or whatever that’s called, Mark’s not very sure). Most importantly, she has her head on straight, logical to almost a fault, and reliable to the point that it could give Serim’s reliability an inferiority complex.

She manages to wrap him in a conversation about panda eyes circles, comparing them with raccoon eyes circles (an enlightening conversation, considering the only thing Mark has to contribute to the conversation initially is that he finds it adorable). All the while, however, he ensures to keep an eye on Mina, whose eye smile, while masked extremely well with practiced skill, isn’t as quite as crescented as he knows it to be when she's truly happy. Mark, of all people, can definitely tell there is something wrong - and he largely suspects Sejeong to be the culprit (and answer) to the problem.

It’s about ten minutes after everyone’s settled that Sejeong finally appears, a thick overcoat on her shoulders that she drapes over the back of her chair next to Mina. Much to Mark’s surprise, the birthday girl has a rather subdued reaction to her girlfriend’s appearance, even if she has to dial down her reaction in public anyhow. 

Mina spares her a tight smile as Sejeong sits down across Sihyeon, a mumbled thanks on her lips as she hesitantly takes the present her girlfriend offers her. She barely meets the older girl’s gaze, ringing alarm bells in Mark’s mind, but there’s also an inherent self of relief in the way Mina’s shoulders loosen.

Mina tends to act diplomatic at the best of times, but when she’s hurt, she wears her feelings on her shoulders. To anyone who might not know the truth, or might not be close enough to them to be aware of it, it might look like a normal exchange. But Mark, who’s come to recognize all of Mina’s mannerisms over nearly three years now, whether painful or gentle, sweet or ferocious, can tell with a glance that something’s wrong between them. 

There’s a wariness in Sejeong’s entire frame as she sighs imperceptibly and uncharacteristically orders a bottle of soju. Mark’s never seen her order soju before, didn’t even think she liked it. She’s the type to drink red wine over anything else and the occasional beer. So this in itself is probably more of an indication than anything else. 

Mark turns to Serim with a minute downturn of his lips, eyebrow discreetly arched in their direction. Serim, to his credit, has already picked up on the odd behavior too but the only comfort he can offer Mark is an uncertain shrug, eyeing Mina critically for a second. 

Well there isn’t much Mark can do at the moment, so he does his best to distract Mina from whatever’s bothering her. Serim catches on, as does Sihyeon, and then the three of them are keeping conversation alive when they have to. Even with their accumulated efforts, it doesn’t escape him just how much Mina’s drinking considering it’s a Wednesday evening. She’s drowning her emotions in alcohol, clutching the glass like a lifeline, liquid amber disappearing from it at an alarming rate. Mark wants to reach over and cut her off, but he has a distinct feeling she’ll slice the fingers of anyone who’d dare take her glass away with the butter knife on the table. 

Mark’s not paying much attention to the seat in front of him, which had initially been occupied by one of Mina’s classmates that he’s met once. She gets up at one point, struggling to talk to someone at the end of the table, and when Mark looks back across the table to where the girl was supposed to have been sat, he jumps in surprise at who he finds instead. 

It’s the boy Mark had danced with over a month ago at the Halloween party, although no longer in his cheesy vampire aesthetic and instead a dark turtle neck and rolled up sleeves, shoulders framed strongly. 

“Mark,” He practically lights up when their eyes meet. “It’s lovely to see you again.”

“Hi,” Mark returns awkwardly, more than a little scrambled and taken aback because well - he doesn’t remember the boy’s name. It’s even more embarrassing that the boy clearly remembers his. “How have you been?”

“I’m good, I’m good,” He grins, leaning his chin on the heel of his palm. There’s a knowing twinkle in his eyes when says, “You don’t remember me, do you?”

“I do!” Mark defends quickly, but there’s flush on his cheeks giving him away. “I - um, I just - kinda don’t remember your name?”

“It’s Jihoon,” He laughs, before waving it off with a sweet smile that shows the dimples in his cheeks, “It’s okay, you were pretty drunk the night we met.”

“I remember meeting you and well, dancing,” Mark repeats. “Actually, the next day, the only thing I didn’t remember was your name. I...didn’t expect us to meet again.”

“I’m glad we did then. It’s an honour that you remembered me,” Jihoon’s eyes widen slightly, earnest and enthusiastic. In this lighting, without any of the makeup and bad lighting, Mark can see that he’s cute. Cuter than a lot of people in their university, and here’s the thing. Maybe a year ago, Mark would have been inclined to accept an advance from him, maybe even would have hit on him. From what Mark can remember, he was a perfect gentleman.

Honestly, there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with him, it’s just that Mark really,  _ really _ likes someone else. 

“Jihoon,” Mina croons suddenly from next to the boy, turning to him with a sly look and saving Mark from having to respond. “When did you get here and why didn’t you say hi?”

“I did,” He returns in barely masked amusement. “Right when I arrived ten minutes ago. You even said thanks.”

“Did I?” Mina blinks, an embarrassed chuckle escaping her as she quietens and tries to cover it up, “Ah, I must have drunk more than I realized…”

Mark can see the signs of her drunkenness now, the red flashes across her cheekbones, the slightly watery eyes, and then twitching of her bottom lip and chin when she’s trying to hold back tears. Mina’s not the type to cry when drunk, she’s always cheerful, so the fact that she’s teary just adds to Mark’s concerned best friend meter, and maybe she needs more saving right now than he initially realized. 

“Anyway, did I introduce you guys?” Mina tilts her head, silently picking at a piece of meat Sejeong had placed into her plate. “Mark, Serim, this is Jihoon, he and I share a few classes this semester, so that’s how we became friends. Jihoon, obviously you’ve heard of them from me before - they’re both engineering majors.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet another one of Mina’s friends, she has so few of them,” Serim greets him and manages to diss Mina all in one breath. Luckily, it pulls a startled laugh from her lips, which is just as well because she’d begun to rapidly blink her eyes. 

“Hey, there’s an entire table of people I consider friends from my classes, and you’re saying I have few friends?” She complains. “You’re such a hypocrite, Serim-ah.”

Mark takes the chance to glance in Sejeong’s direction, who’s texting on her phone like she has been for a while now, a grimace on her face. He finds himself somewhat irritated at her, unusual given that he’s not the type to get angry in the first place, but Mina’s like the sister he’s never had and he finds himself frustrated that Sejeong isn’t even attempting to do anything when she can see that Mina’s trying to drink her bodyweight in beer. 

When his gaze returns to Mina, she’s already staring back at him. He must look rather like a deer in headlights, because a weak snicker leaves her lips instantly. But she doesn’t say anything, instead choosing to run her finger along the rim of her glass with a sigh. 

Mark’s never seen her so defeated, inexplicably tired and like a wilted flower, and almost wishes she’d be an honest, spiteful drunk for once. He wishes she would speak her mind and sort out whatever the problem between her and Sejeong is, instead of letting it fester like this - and he wonders what could be so serious that it has her choosing not to fight and be like this instead. 

She’s going to give herself away to the rest of the people at the table if she drinks anymore than she already has, and maybe it’s time Mark intervened. 

What can he do though?

His phone buzzes in his pocket then, and when he pulls it out, he finds a notification from Donghyuck flashing on the screen. He taps open the conversation immediately. 

_ Mark, got a minute? _

_ I have five minutes to spare. _

_ I wanted to call to wish Mina noona! _

Mark doesn’t even hesitate, seeing an opening.

_ Call me pls. _

“So, Mark,” Jihoon starts again. “Mina tells me you’re a writer?”

“Oh, yeah, I am, actually, although Mina likes to boast more than I deserve, probably,” Mark rubs the side of his neck. “Actually - oh, hold on, I have to take this.”

Sheepishly, he gets up and backs away from the table, which gains Mina and Serim’s attention, “Where are you going?”

“I have a call,” Mark forces his cheeks to not turn red. Mina’s lips curl teasingly anyway, “Sure, go ahead. Don’t let us keep you.”

“Shut up,” Mark rolls his eyes fondly, sending Jihoon one last apologetic look as he walks away from the table and out of the restaurant. 

He answers the call immediately, stepping out of the room that smells overwhelmingly grilled meat and onions, “Hyuck, hey.”

“Mark,” Donghyuck hums in greeting, bright, “How’s the party going?”

“Dreadful?” Mark bites on his bottom lip, shivering in the winter breeze that blows down the street. He should have remembered to grab his damn jacket off the back of his chair before rushing out. 

Donghyuck makes an immediate noise of confusion, a tiny puppy noise, and Mark would coo at it if Donghyuck didn’t follow it up with a question, “What? Why? What happened?”

“I’m not sure?” He gets out, lightly kicking the ground. “Mina’s upset about something, and it’s obviously got something to do with Sejeong? I think they might have fought, and now Mina’s just drinking glass after glass and I don’t know what to do.” 

He knows he’s rambling probably beyond Donghyuck’s ability to keep up with how much he’s trying to say in one breath, but now that’s gotten a chance to vent his frustration at the situation, it’s all spilling out. “She’s clearly pretending to be fine, but to me, it looks like she’s five seconds away from crying and I’m just worried. I know I probably shouldn’t intervene, but she’s my best friend, Hyuck. She’s hurting, I can’t just ignore it, especially when it’s her birthday. What do I do, Hyuck? God, and Sejeong hasn’t even looked away from her phone to pay enough attention to her and I just - ”

“Baby,” Donghyuck interrupts softly, effectively cutting Mark off. The word doesn’t even register for a second, but when it finally does, Mark wonders if he imagined it, feeling the way his cheeks explode in color and cheekbones rise. All thoughts escape him for a second as a warmth floods him, hot under the collar as the chill disappears. All he can manage is to dig the toe of his shoes into the ground bashfully, the word repeating in his head in Donghyuck’s sweet voice. “...Mark? You there?”

“Yeah,” He coughs out, answering quietly, “Yeah, I’m here.” 

“I don’t know what’s going on exactly,” Donghyuck says carefully but firm. “But it’s going to be okay. Do you need to get Mina noona out of that situation right now?”

Mark glances backwards through the window and sees her smiling at Serim and Sihyeon across the table halfheartedly, nodding along but clearly distracted even though she’s pretending to be listening, eyes glazed over as she continues drinking. Sejeong next to her isn’t texting anymore, but there’s still a frigidity between them, lack of conversation, and - fuck it, Mark’s getting Mina out of that room if it’s the last thing he does.

“I think so,” Mark turns back to the street. “I’m not sure if it’s really that serious of a situation, and I might be overreacting, but maybe I should get Mina out of there anyway. She’s just not mentally present anymore.”

“Okay,” Donghyuck confirms, still calm. “So here’s what we’ll do. Forward her number to me, and I’ll give her a call. I’ll make some excuse for her to get out of there, and you can leave with her, if you need to.”

Not for the first time, Mark is hit by just how reliable Donghyuck is, reassuring and comforting down to his bones. For a second, Mark feels a little guilty for always needing Donghyuck to help him out of difficult situations. But at the same time, he can’t help but want to lean into his support, gratitude swelling in his chest. 

“Thank you,” Mark swallows, clutching his phone just a bit tighter. “You’re amazing, you know that? I’m sorry you keep having to help me like this.”

Donghyuck laughs lightly, the sound resonating through Mark’s ears until it settles in his heart, “I know I’m amazing, hyung, keep up with the program.” 

When Mark doesn’t respond, overwhelmed with fondness, Donghyuck continues in mild exasperation, “Don’t worry so much. You know I’ve got your back, dumbass. Text me when you get back home. And send me noona’s number!”

The line goes dead. For a moment, Mark shakes his head. Only Donghyuck would go from calling him baby to dumbass in a span of two minutes. 

_ ‘Maybe he was embarrassed by the nickname, which is why he covered it up with an insult later…’ _ Mark thinks, mildly amused.  _ ‘I should’ve taken the chance to call him something too…’ _

He quickly forwards Mina’s number to Donghyuck hoping he’s not about to do something crazy, and then pockets it, heading back inside. 

Serim takes one look at him but other than his knowing smile (and whilst that speaks volumes), he says nothing. Mina, on the other hand, jumps at the opportunity, reaching across diagonally to grip his hand, “Mark, what’s got you blushing that red?”

“The winter breeze,” Mark deadpans, chuckling when Mina pouts. For a moment, there’s genuine joy in her expression, until she leans back in her chair with another tired sigh. Sejeong, finally, has put her phone aside, quietly grilling more meat as she talks to a few more of her juniors at the table.

Jihoon looks up at him through his eyelashes as he settles into his seat, “Welcome back.”

“Sorry for the interruption,” Mark scrunches his nose in a good-natured smile. “What were you saying earlier?”

“So Mina mentioned you’re a writer,” Jihoon leans forward in interest. “So why engineering?”

“Ah, the difficult questions right out of the park,” Mark rubs the back of his head. “To be honest, it’s more like writing was a hobby until it became more serious for me.”

“I see,” Jihoon nods. “I’d love to read some of your work someday, if you’d be okay with that.”

Mark...really doesn’t want to lead him on. He’d made it clear that he wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship back on Halloween, even if things with Donghyuck had been nonexistent at the time, but now especially as things are moving forward.

“You’re really transparent, you know that?” The boy suddenly laughs, peering at him with warm-hearted sincerity. “I can tell what you’re thinking, but no, I’m not hitting on you. I just want to be friends.”

The tension leaves his frame before he can really tell himself to stop making it so damn obvious, “God, I’m so sorry, I know you weren’t - ”

“Don’t worry about it,” He shakes his head, but he doesn’t seem offended, which is good enough as it is. “I get it.”

At that moment, Mina’s phone rings on the table, the surface vibrating with the motion. She doesn’t make a move to pick it up however, doesn’t even look like she’s aware of it, until Mark clears his throat pointedly, “Mina? Your phone?”

“Oh,” She blinks, breaking out of her stupor. She picks it up, eyebrows furrowing, “It’s an unknown number…?”

“It’s probably a junk caller or something,” Serim says at the same time, Mark bites the inside of his cheek saying, “Pick it up, it might be important.”

They exchange a surprised glance, even as Mina shakes her head at their antics and then decides on answering. 

“Hello?” She speaks, not bothering to get up to leave, but clearly Donghyuck talks then, since her eyes flash to Mark’s in unrestrained shock before looking back down at the table. “What - ”

Her face grows more serious as Donghyuck probably continues to speak into the phone, and even Sejeong turns to her in concern. A minute later, she coughs, “Okay, thank you.”

After that, it’s all motion as she rises to her feet, shrugging her jacket on. “I just got a call from the hospital, I have to go.”

“Wait, is everything okay?” Serim springs up, and Sejeong reaches for her jacket sleeve. 

“Mark, Serim, could you guys come with me?” She gently pulls her wrist out of Sejeong’s grip, grabbing her purse as the people at the table notice the commotion of the birthday girl leaving. “It’s my mom, and I can’t drive like this. Serim, could you drive?”

“Yeah, shit, sure,” Serim scrambles, pressing a quick kiss on Sihyeon’s forehead as she ushers him to leave. 

Mark rises to his feet, faking concern as grabs his coat too, “Yeah, of course, let’s go.”

She turns to address the others at the table, “Sorry about this, but I have to go, it’s an emergency! I’ll cover the bill, so eat as much as you want, yeah, guys?”

A bunch of her classmates give her concerned comments as well as offers to come along, but she waves them all away. Sejeong pulls her to the side again, “Wait, let me tag along.”

“It’s fine, you haven’t met my parents anyway,” Mina brushes off, not meeting her eyes. 

Sejeong frowns, but relents, “At least let me pay the bill. Consider it my treat - ”

“I’ve got it covered,” She rejects lowly, glacial as she glares finally at the older girl. “It’s fine, but I should get going. I’ll see you later.”

“I guess I’ll see you around, Mark,” Jihoon tilts his head. Mark, in his natural state of awkwardness, throws him two peace signs, “It was nice meeting you again!”

And then he’s rushing to help Serim with the gifts in mortification, stashing them into the back of Mina’s second-hand car as the girl is busy at desk with the bill. 

Serim gravitates to the driver’s seat and Mark slips into the back, waiting for Mina to join him. 

Serim casts another glance at the entrance of the restaurant as they wait, “I hope her mother’s okay, Mina didn’t even say if it was anything serious.”

“Donghyuck called her,” Mark reveals with a grudging grin.

Serim literally turns around in the driver’s seat to fix him with a disbelieving stare, “What?”

“Look,” Mark says hushed even though no one else can hear them. “You saw the way Mina was in the restaurant earlier. Whatever might it have been, she was upset - ”

“ - and something was definitely up between her and Sejeong noona,” Serim details in. 

“Precisely,” Mark nods, sombre. “She was one drink away from crying, Serim. I had to get her out of there but not make it look staged.”

“Makes sense,” Serim exhales, leaning back against the headrest. “I was worried too. Maybe the other people at the table couldn’t tell, since she was doing her best to act cheerful and excited, but...you know.”

“I do,” Mark agrees. He takes a moment to text Donghyuck that they're on the way home, and that he’ll probably be out of reach for the next few hours while he focuses on his best friend. 

The car door opens, Mina slipping into the seat next to Mark, and shuts behind. Serim doesn’t even wait, immediately driving out of the parking area. Mark’s long stopped feeling jealous of the fact that the two of them can drive - Mina’s lucky enough to have her own car, whilst Serim just has a license. Mark, on the other hand, has neither.

“So Mark,” She leans her head against her window, eyes shutting. “Wanna tell me why Haechan called me?”

“Haha, so funny story,” Mark starts sheepishly. “I thought the three of us could escape that stuffy room and get drunk back at my apartment?”

She peeks one eye open, suspicious, “...Alright then. So we’re just going to pretend that you two didn’t lowkey kidnap me then.”

“You asked us to tag along,” Serim reminds from the front. 

“Eh, technicalities.”

The drive passes quietly, Mina falling asleep on Mark’s shoulder, and fifteen minutes later, whilst the two of them are debating on whether to carry her up or wake her, the girl ambles out of the car with a yawn, heels in hand. She walks past them and right into the building (she knows the password, with how often she comes over), leaving the presents in the trunk. Serim and Mark exchange a deadpan, then follow after her. 

In the apartment, once everyone’s settled on the couch, Mark’s the first to ask, “So, anyone want anything to drink?”

Mark and Serim had both decided to pass anyway, so the question is directed at Mina, really. The girl collapses onto the couch and groans, “No thanks, I can already feel the headache. Also,  _ fuck _ my spinal cord.” Then a second later adds as an afterthought, “Oh, I’ll have some tea though.” 

“Serim that’s your cue,” Mark beams shamelessly, and Serim only laughs, smacking him on the ass as they walk past each other. 

Mark sits down next to Mina, helping her sit with her back facing him, and then gently kneads her shoulders, “Come on, tell me what’s wrong.”

“Not you trying to extort my secrets by giving me a heavenly massage,” Mina comments accurately, but she’s not really complaining. Mark’s massages are 100% complaint free. 

“I can stop,” Mark threatens to pull his hands away. Instantly, she grabs his hand over her shoulder, “Don’t you dare!”

“Then tell me,” He singsongs. “Do I need to tickle it out of you?”

“You’re the one that’s deathly ticklish, bitch,” She snorts, but she sighs in relief quietly as he presses his fingers into the junction of her neck and shoulder. “Ah,  _ fuck.” _

“Don’t mind me, keep up the porn-esque sounds, it’s not like you’re a sister to me,” Mark purses his lips, sarcastic. 

“Fuck off, you’re also literally gay,” She mumbles airily. Then purposely, she groans even louder, “Hmm, just like that.”

“I hate you,” Mark states blankly. 

“Love you too,” She pulls away with a half-smile to turn around, and then without missing a beat, breaches his personal space again to hug him. She reeks of the bitter tang of beer, the sizzle of chili along grilled pork, all accented by her favorite camellia perfume as he squeezes her sides. “Mark Lee and his magic hands, Haechan is going to love you, both in  _ and _ out of the bedroom - ”

“Yah,” Mark pushes her away immediately, cheeks hot but largely unimpressed. “Stop acting like a little gremlin for once, I know you’re trying to deflect right now.”

“What did I miss...” Serim trails off as he ventures back into the living room and then takes in the scene in front of him. “Do I want to know?”

“Not really, it’s nothing important,” Mark answers, narrowing his eyes at Mina. “So? You gonna spill?”

At his words, all the humour drains out of her, and the girl deflates onto the back of the couch, knees pulled up until she’s curled into a tight ball. 

“She and I are...” Mark sees the way her fingers press harder into her arms where they’re rested over her knees, turning the skin red and white. “...Having a disagreement, I guess?”

“A disagreement?” Serim vocalizes first. 

“It’s more serious than that, I guess, we had a fight,” Mina shakes her head in disappointment. 

“Is this your first fight as a couple?” Mark rubs her back gently, attempting to be comforting. 

“First and last probably,” She scoffs even as she leans into the gesture, and Mark exchanges a wide-eyed stare with Serim.

“You broke up?” Serim questions hesitantly. 

“No,” Mina replies rapidly before sighing, “Well. Not yet, anyway.”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s gotten a job opportunity in the States,” She swallows visibly, clearly struggling to even get the words out like she doesn’t want to admit it. “It’s like, her dream job, okay? And she’s been aiming to get it for months, even before she started dating me...and she didn’t expect to get it and she found out that she did yesterday.”

“So she’s taking the job?” Mark asks carefully. 

“I can’t ask her not to, can I?” Mina returns bitterly. “Not for my sake - I wouldn’t want anyone to stop me like that either.”

“But you don’t want her to take it either,” Serim concludes. “You can do long distance, you know? You guys clearly like each other a lot - ”

“Maybe not,” She buries her head in her knees, and Mark can feel the way her frame shakes against his hand. “I asked her that, you know? If we could do long distance, because I really like her, but she said it wouldn’t be fair to me. To make me wait when she can’t make any promises to me.”

“So she wants to break up?” Mark frowns, jaw clenching. “Why was she at the party today then?”

“She... we haven’t broken up yet. I’m still trying to convince her to try a long distance relationship with me when she goes abroad, but… She doesn’t know when she’ll come back to Korea, the job has an indefinite length - she might even get other contracts while there, so she thinks we won’t be able to be together since we won’t have time for each other,” Mina sniffles. “And it’ll be too much pain apparently, if our relationship turns bitter later. She doesn’t want it to taint any good memories we have together. She’s scared enough not to want to take the risk. I guess… our relationship isn’t worth it to her. I’m not worth sticking around for, even worth  _ trying _ for.”

“You know that’s not true,” Serim joins them on the couch, settling on Mina’s other side. “Mina, you’re such a good, loving person. You’re genuine, and you do your best to be good to the other person, so don’t ever think you’re not worth it.  _ Anyone _ would be lucky to have you.”

For a moment, Mina only stares at Serim with red rimmed eyes, tears dripping down her face and bottom lip trembling until, in a quiet choked voice, she admits, “I want _her_ though, Serim.”

Mark feels the way his heart breaks in his chest, aching for his best friend, and drags her sideways into his chest, tucking her under his chin. Her tears soak into the collar of his shirt, and he runs a hand over her head softly, “Mina, it’s going to be okay, I promise. I’m so sorry this is happening to you, but there’s going to be better days. You’re going to be okay, and this will pass too.”

“Why doesn’t she want to try?” Mina’s voice breaks, muffled by cotton and sobs. “Why is it that the one time I find someone good enough, someone who I think I might be in love with, someone who might even be in love with me - this happens to me? I can’t help but think there’s something wrong with me - ”

Mark squeezes her tighter, eyes watering. He’s never been an easy crier - he doesn’t cry when watching sad movies, he doesn’t cry when he listens to depressing music (he’s the type that just feels numb, really) but when it comes to his friends, the tears rise to the surface before he can even register them. 

“Mina, that’s  _ not _ true,” Serim shuffles closer, arms coming to wrap around both of them and effectively trapping Mina in a hug between them. 

Mark nods, cheek against her hair, “If not Sejeong, someday you will find someone who’s going to love you as you deserve, who’s going to see all the worth in you.”

“And if Sejeong can’t see that,” Serim adds in, cutthroat logicality softened by the concern in his expression. “If she doesn’t even want to try, then she’s not worth your effort or tears. It’s better to let her go.”

“It’s not that easy,” Mina cries, shaking in Mark’s arms. “I wish it was but - these last four months have been some of the  _ happiest _ in my life. She never treated me wrong, she cherished me. How can I just let that go? She made -  _ makes _ me so happy - but now she’s breaking my heart, Serim, because it feels like none of it mattered to her at all. And there’s nothing I can do. I  can’t force her to stay in a relationship with me, no matter how much I want to.”

Mark  _ detests _ this. He hates it so much he feels it in the depths of his stomach, churning until it rises into his throat, choking him as he holds Mina’s fragile form. It’s times like this that he feels useless, unable to do more than hold Mina as she breaks down, which is why he does his best to avoid any of his friends landing in the situation. Even now, he wishes he could go and talk to Sejeong, but he knows from past experience that Mina wouldn’t like him interfering on her behalf. 

All he can do is rock her back and forth, tell her he’s here for her, pick up her pieces and put them back together, and pray for better days. 

* * *

In the end, it’s Mina that breaks off the relationship three days later, and then seeks refuge in Mark’s and Serim’s apartment after. It’s a dreary Sunday, grey clouds expanding across the sky, and Mark feels just like the weather, tired and redundant. 

(He wants classes to end, just a few weeks left to get through, if only because it means he’ll get to see Donghyuck again.)

Sejeong’s decision to leave the country had been solidified after Mina’s birthday with confirmation from her company; she’d be moving during the winter break, so she’d have time to settle in the foreign country before she started work. Mina had wished her luck impassively then, voice even and steady, until she finally got home to the boys, crying even before she’d stepped into the building. 

It had been her decision, one she had reached after hours of solitary deliberation, knowing it was the only one she really had. She didn’t want to hold Sejeong back, no matter how many times Serim and Mark explained that wasn’t the case, but she insisted on wanting to finish it cleanly, which is why she met with her one last time and told her she was grateful for everything and even though she’s upset that Sejeong didn’t want to try, she understands. There’s clearly more that happened but Mina doesn’t elaborate beyond that, and the two of them don’t push for more painful details, content to let her cope in the way she wants. 

Since then, Mina’s become quieter than usual, looping in an absent headspace even as she leeches onto the familiarity and warmth of her best friends’ apartment. He’s glad she has this safe space, in the very least, because her dorm is lonely and her parents aren’t an option. It’s not how she usually is post-breakup, never this spaced out or lost in her thoughts with a certain emptiness in her eyes. He doesn’t know what’s worse: her crying her eyes out, or this distanced silence. She takes to studying almost obsessively, possibly more than Mark has ever seen her, and he can only watch her in silence and make sure she eats and sleeps on time. Mark makes her endless playlists, plays the guitar for her, accompanies her to the library when he can because he doesn't want her to feel alone. Serim flutters around her, nurturing as he fixes soups of her favorite flavors, sits with her for the ridiculous dramas that only Mark usually watches with her. 

As the Christmas break draws even closer, Mark manages to bring her spirits up by convincing her to help him bake Christmas cookies - or rather, let him help her make them. She’s extremely reluctant, given Mark’s propensity for causing chaos in the kitchen, but eventually he convinces her into making gingerbread cookies with wide puppy eyes that he knows she’s weak to. They spend the rest of the evening making a mess of the kitchen, as expected, but the outcome is gorgeous - and delicious, if he says so himself. Plus Mark can’t bring himself to feel bad about the disaster when it’s the first genuine smile he’s seen on Mina’s face in a while. 

With three days left to the start of the break, Mina starts looking a little lively again. She’s even excited to go back home for a change (“A change of scenery might help me, actually.”) and the promise of Christmas presents is a natural joy inducer for her. 

Meanwhile, Christmas also serves as a pleasant and depressing reminder for Mark, who is suddenly hit by how few days he has left in Seoul before he goes back to Vancouver for a few weeks. More than ever, he doesn’t want to go back, but… he has little choice. Especially when his mother has been calling him every other day to ask him how he is and whether he’s packed yet. 

On the evening of the nineteenth, Mark is mostly a ball of jitters, more excited about getting to meet Donghyuck the next day. To distract himself, he flurries around his room packing (because of course he left it until the last minute) and also making sure that his presents for his family are safely in the bag that’s meant to be checked-in. He ensures to pack a few sweatshirts as well as his two favorite coats, knowing that Vancouver’s colder than it is here, already having snowed there. As he’s packing, he comes across Donghyuck’s infamous sweatshirt, and he’s tempted to take it with him to Vancouver again... but there was a chance Donghyuck would take it back with him tomorrow, so he neatly folds it and puts it back in the wardrobe. 

His phone pings on his desk and he rushes to see the notifications before he can even stop himself, smiling when he sees it’s from Donghyuck. 

_ Markkkkkkkkkkk _

_ We’re gonna meet tomorrow  _

😏😏😏

_ Hyuckkkkkkkk _

_ Yes we areeee _

_ But pls stop being sleazy  _ ✋

_ You’re so mean, I’m just excited to see you _

o(TヘTo)

God, Mark likes him so much, it’s unfair. Donghyuck doesn’t know just how whipped Mark is for him. 

It still feels unreal that Donghyuck actually likes him back, even if it’s unconfirmed. Mark actually thinks about it sometimes and squeals. (It’s a fairly mortifying ordeal, he’s just glad no one has ever witnessed it.)

_ Aww, you’re excited?? _

_ Donghyuck, you’re so cute :( _

_ Ofc I’m cute hyung, I’m the cutest _

😏

_ Pls _ ✋

_ Isn’t that Chenle?  _ 🤔🤨

_ Don’t make me block you Canada _

😑😑😑

A laugh escapes Mark’s mouth, hopelessly endeared. He doesn’t know why Donghyuck keeps insisting on being Mark’s favorite when it should be implied that he is. It’s always been him.

_ Okay, okay _

_ *I_surrender_spongebob.gif* _

_ You’re right, you’re the cutest <3 _

_ o(≧∀≦)o _

_ So what r u doing rn? _

_ I thought you had practice? _

_ I doooo _

_ Award ceremony practice season = hell month _

_ Ten min water breaks for the win! _

_ Just thought I’d check on u for a sec _

_ Take care of urself too  _ 😠

_ And I’m gooooddddd _

_ Just packing! _

_ Can’t believe ur leaving day after tomorrow T-T _

_ When’s your flight back again? _

_ Jan Fifth :(( _

_ I’ll be counting down the days then!  _

_ (╯▔皿▔)╯ _

_ Hyuck T-T _

_ Tbh same _

_ But ur not gonna be in the country either tho lmao _

_ Ur in Japan at that time with 127 right? _

_ Yeahh >.< _

_ I come back on the 6th or 7th I think? _

_ Not sure, I’ll have to check my schedule _

_ Hmm _

_ How’s everyone else? _

_ Is Jaemin’s back okay?  _

_ Chenle mentioned that it was hurting last night _

_ I still can’t believe that he gets to talk to you more than I do _

_ The pain of being in two active subunits  _ 💀

_ But yeah, Nana’s doing better _

_ He borrowed my heat bag last night and Dream’s practice started later _

_ So he’s better _

_ We’re all just kinda tired tbh, but it’s a given _

_ We can’t wait until we all get those few break days _

_ You’re close, just a bit more to go :( _

_ And you finally get to go home after so long, so that's great too! _

_ Trueee _

_ I’m glad Jaemin’s okay tho _

_ Try and get some rest guys _

_ Hmm ik, dw hyung <3 _

_ Oh how’s noona doing btw? _

It’s not really an unexpected question, since Donghyuck has asked him this every time they’ve talked since everything happened. He thinks it’s sweet that Donghyuck cares enough to ask because it’s important to Mark. 

_ Better but...you know how it is _

_ Heartbreak :( _

_ :( _

_ Idk, I feel so bad for her :( _

_ It just sucks that she’s going through that _

_ Since she’s such a cool person _

_ I hope she cheers up soon~ _

_ Me too :( _

_ Heartbreak is a bitch, hyung _

_ Yeah _

_ So don’t break my heart okay? _

_ SDDFSDF  _

_ I -  _

_ PLS _

_ WHY WOULD U - _

_ UR THE WORST?! _

🤣🤣🤣

_ Oof gtg now _

_ I’ll come over tomorrow yeah? _

_ 7 pm like I said!!! _

_ I’ll try and text before bed, but don’t stay up _

_ Might not get back on time _

_ Dw Hyuck, ik _

_ And _

_ I cant wait for tomorrow xx _

😉😏

_!!!!! _

_ You’re being sleazy again!!! _

😏

_ See you tomorrow xx _

_ Bye Hyuck  _ 😊

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have much to say other than I'm sorry to Mina for breaking her heart. Not all romances are meant to be, no matter how intensely they burn, or how long they seem to want to last. All sparks need tending to, and if the embers aren't cared for, they're bound to die out. Still, all relationships have a meaning, they all provide some fire to the glass that will be shaped in the future, and Mina can only grow from here, no matter how painful the journey may feel.
> 
> Come talk to me on [Twitter!](https://twitter.com/CelestialMiche)
> 
> Of course, I have no clue when I'll upload again. Keep track of my twt account, and you might get some info! Finally, I hope everyone is taking care of themselves. Be happy, and do what makes you happy <3
> 
> Love,   
> Miche xx


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